Skippy's List-AEWAB version

[al103]

Originally Posted by Barricade

298f. Except Athena/Minerva. A level-headed, mostly, goddess of war and wisdom/knowledge would be nice to have on our side. We'd politely ask if she'd like to run Lockheed Martin and or Boeing's defense division.

298g. Forget it. She have *moods*. And if her pantheon follows her...

[ZEROGOKI1983]

322 No pimping and painting my mech so it looks like it's been looted by Orks
322a Or posessed by Chaos

323 This list is not to be shown to any BT personal not in our service

[PossiblyEnos]

324. Not letting the Japanese design any more uniforms for the GDI.
324a. Nor the Germans.

[Typhonis 1]

Originally Posted by EdBecerra

321a. However, those gadgets that make annoying, cricket-like sounds at random intervals and are nearly impossible to find can be found on sale at the post exchange. No using them on your commanding officers, though.

321b. Oops too late. Poor Densel

[Kerrus]

Originally Posted by PossiblyEnos

324. Not letting the Japanese design any more uniforms for the GDI.
324a. Nor the Germans.

324b. Actually, both design remarkably sensible uniforms when you get down to it. The problems arise from their designing of pilot interface equipment, and even that's usually sensible in a serious setting.
324c. GDI is only concerned with functional equipment at this point in time- if they want to work on the aesthetics on their spare time after the functionality is achieved, more power to them.
324d. That doesn't mean we have to like it.
324e. No, but you try piloting a heat-heavy design without a cooling suit and then see how much you dislike the aesthetics.
324f. For that matter, just think- we could be starting an entire wave of spheroid fashion. Just imagine all those female pilots wearing TEST pattern cooling suits!
324g. Man's got a point!

[Jonen C]

325. The MARINES went looking for Dragons. This does not mean you get to go looking for Dragons.
325a. Scribbling 'Here be Dragons' over the Draconis Combine on the IS Atlas in the Mess was an act of vandalism and not a particularly original one at that.

[taalismn]

326: Do NOT walk up to, poke, or stand around any suspicious egg-like objects found on an extraterrestrial planet or other body
326b: That's what Wheelbarrow drones with flamers are meant for...
326c: Anybody found planting giant painted styrofoam eggs for the newbie teams to find, or found possessing a 'facegripper ' applique/mask, will be treated to the attentions of a Wheelbarrow drone with a flamer
326d: If you think we're kidding, ask the last guy who pulled this stunt on the GDI Marines...once he's released from the Burn ICU...

[ObssesedNuker]

327: Yes, your mech has an incendiary weapon. No, there is no Redline and we do not "burn our own" too hold it.
328: The next mech co-pilot to tell his pilot to "drive forward" because "I want too hit them with my sword" will be dishonourably discharged.
328b: Even if they have an actual sword with them or on the mech.

[antagonist]

329: Not allowed to call Elementals Space Marines.
330: The IlKhan is not a 'God-Emperor'.
331: Nor are there Traitor Legions.

[Nikas]

Originally Posted by antagonist

329: Not allowed to call Elementals Space Marines.

329a. Nor am I allowed to hold "Elemental Tossing" contests, competitively or recreationally.
329b. No wrapping them in foil and muzzle loading them into captial scale rail guns either.

[Jonen C]

Originally Posted by Nikas

329a. Nor am I allowed to hold "Elemental Tossing" contests, competitively or recreationally.
329b. No wrapping them in foil and muzzle loading them into captial scale rail guns either.

329bA: Even if they asked for it. Boarding actions are to be done with assault shuttles and sanctioned EVA gear.

[serack]

1. May not attempt to play 'Rock-em, Sock-em Robots' using Battlemechs.

2. Dansel is not my idol.
2a. Really.

3. Stop asking about the weather on Strana Mechty.

4. We all know who the hell you are. Stop asking.

5. THIS! IS! NOT! SPARTA!

6. Never challenge Sally Ryan in a 'Mech Sim. That path leads to tears.

7. It is not and will never be Morphin' Time.
7a. Except maybe on Solaris 7.
7b. Presuming we ever get a combiner to actually work, or can bullshit it some other way.

8. Its a REAL BAD Idea to tell Dansel to "relax" "calm" or anything for the style. This goes double when Sally Ryan its on the area.
8a. Seriously. Just ask President Ryan.
8b. No, you can't tell Dansel that Sally its coming to visit as a joke. We're still dealing with the mess from the last time.

9. BT people are not stupid. There's just an artificial selection process imposed by Comstar that limits the BT population of scientists and engineers.
9a. Ditto for the Clans, although theirs is less lethal (!) and their scientists and engineers can honestly complain about limited resources and funding.

10. Always assume that the Mercs know what they do when they make requests.

11. Telling the new guy not to worry about the cockpit temperature is decidedly unsporting.

12. It is unacceptable to use severed limbs in a practical joke.
12a. Even if it's your own.
12b. Yes this means you Sergeant Griffen.

13. A-pods are not full of yummy treats, and it is wrong to tell new recruits that they are(shamelessly lifted from original list).

14. Despite the similarity of names, Immortal Warrior and My Immortal are not to be combined.

15. The following items do not exist, and I am not allowed to send new recruits searching for them: XL ICE engines, Hardened Ferro-lammellor armor, the entry codes to the jump point, Pulse PPCs, or Quadruple Strength Myomer.
15a. Being unlisted, I assume triple heat sinks, personal KF drives, and Star League memory cores are fair game.

16. You may not request Salvage to build a mech-scale hammer.

17. No, it can't have rocket boosters.

18. "And I'll form the Head" is not to be said by the technician running the crane that is repairing a mech.

19. Dansel and Monster, Red Bull, or Rockstar energy drinks are never to be combined.

20. Never make fun of Brox with mime jokes.
20a. Unless you have good life insurance and a high pain tolerance.

21. Saying Kamehameha slowly and loudly while your PPC charges up will get you pulled off the firing range and pulled into the CO's office.
21a. The same applies with "Imma Chargin mah lazer" and Shouting "SHOOP DA WHOOP" while firing...

22. Never offend the Kiwi SAS contingent.
22a. Never call them Kiwis either.

23. Overheating your mech is not an excuse to start doing a hot & steamy striptease or lapdance in your Mech's cockpit for the 'viewing pleasure' of your co-pilot (or pilot as maybe) or anyone else watching.

24. If you're holding something in your mech's hand that is in desperate need of getting squished like a grape, you will not stay motionless for 57 seconds, while Mozart or Beethoven plays over your mech's loudspeakers. You will squish it immediately.
24a. Neither you will use your Battlemaster's PPC to pierce an enemy mech on the chest on melee combat, then fire it and say "This hand of mine is burning red! It's loud roar tells me to grasp victory! Here I go! Erupting Burning FINGER!"
or ANYTHING on the style.
24b. Yeah, that means you too, Dansel.

25. We dig giant robots, you dig giant robots, chicks dig giant robots, your female commanding officer doesn't like that theme song played. Repetitively. Live with it.

26. Calling Nicholas Kerensky 'Lil Nicky' around any Clanner will always end badly.

27. Isn't allowed to order any new recruits to "search the barracks for jump points."

28. Isn't allowed to open a mech-sized fitness studio.

29. No, the neurohelmet is not a means to read my thoughts. And stop telling the recruits that it is.

30. I am not allowed to use my mech's fusion reactor to power a jury rigged hot-tub.
30a. I am not allowed to turn my mech cockpit into said hot tub.
30b. I am not allowed to turn my enemy's mech cockpit into a hot tub, complete with oil, vegetables and tofu added to the water for flavor.

31. I am allowed to use my mech's fusion reactor to power a jury-rigged field shower, as long as I share.

32. Do not assign Dansel to an Atlas. He might use an enemy light mech as melee weapon.
32a. Or a friendly one for that matter.
32b. He can't have an Atlas II either!(Former 32a)

33. Is not allowed to stud my Atlas's head with mohawk spikes.
33a. Even if they're for the express purpose of staking fallen enemies.
33b. Especially if they're for the express purpose of staking fallen enemies.

34. The Antallos Mech Wrestling Association does not and will never exist. So stop trying to set up that ring.

35. I am not allowed to use a mech's manipulator hands to flip off people.

36: You don't have a drill, nor is it going to pierce the heavens.

37. You may not throw reason to the curb and go beyond the impossible.
37a. No matter how often Dansel does this and still wins.

38. Don't yell "CODE SIERRA ROMEO" just to see Dansel scream like a little girl.

39. Will all those who took part in the "Mech Thriller" video please report to your officers.

40. Don't do something for the express purpose of getting onto this list.

41: you may not under any circumstances consider combining mech's

42: you may not call out your attacks
42a: Nor can you name them

43. Giant shades are not legitimate add ons to your mech
43a. They are if they provide an armor bonus.(Former Rule 44)

44. Tanks are NOT skateboards

45. Isn't allowed to adorn the WoB crest with swastikas.

46. Isn't allowed to sell Kalashnikovs to the IS by the gross meter.
46a. Isn't allowed to sell Kalashnikovs to the IS period.
46b. Do find a sell something better than a Kalashnikov because AK derivatives are already mass produced by the Inner Sphere as a cheap weapon given to all militias.(Former Rule 50, and an obvious sub-rule.)

47. Isn't allowed to get stomped on by any mechs. (Questionable)

48. There will be no more inquiries about "when the Babylon Project begins."It was funny the first time, people. After the tenth repetition, it's just tedious.

49. There is a fine line between heroic and stupid. Which side of that line Dansel is standing on is still the subject of hot debate.
49a. You may not shove him over the line.
49b. He jumps over it himself from long ago.
49c. It doesn't matter from which side you look at it.

50. We will NOT be saving your ass if you call Natasha Kerensky a MILF and she hears about it. I don't care if she is. We WILL be posting the camcorder/Battle ROM footage to YouTube ASAP however.
50a. Never mind. Call her a MILF all you like. She seems to get a kick out of it, if the autographed cheesecake photograph she had sent to Regimental Command was any indicator.

51. Despite our research into neurohemet technology, we have not developed Psycommu technology.

52. You are not a newtype.

53. Minovsky interference is not an acceptable excuse for anything.

54. We are NOT raising the battleship Yamato to turn it into a Space-going warship. Do not bait the news media by telling them we are.
54a. We don't CARE what Emperor Akihito said at the news conference, it's not going to be raised.
54b. Yes, we know about the salvage ship stationed over her last reported position, and the photos CNN took. Who are you going to believe, your commanding officer, or your lying eyes?
54c. Don't answer that last question. Really. Just - don't.
54d. Ok, I admit it would be cool if it happened but it isn't going to happen, So STOP telling people it is.
54e This conversation is over and it never happened, Do I Make Myself CLEAR!?.

55. You are not authorized to start a Fraternity at NAIS.
55a. or a Sorority.

56. Despite its previous popularity among the Mongol hordes, decorating the exterior of your mech with the severed heads of your enemies is tacky, and will not be tolerated. (Unless your name is Deb H'Chu and you have a pay stub proving you work for Cranston Snord. Fake birth certificates will not be accepted as evidence.)

57. Battlemechs are not to be used in "initiation rituals" of any kind.
57b. Nor "religious rituals"
57c. You can, however, use Industrial Mechs instead.

58. May not create cosplay outfit for battlemechs on government time.
58a. May not put 'mech-sized cosplay outfits made on own time on Government-owned Battlemechs.

59. May not make any further requests to the supply officer for Mega Particle Cannon.
59a. May not make requests for Mega Particle Cannon to anyone.

60. Plans for creating a "philotic entity" by networking millions of HPGs should not be filed as "Battle Plan #64a"

61. GDI-issue Neurohelmets are not to be hooked up to any sort of gaming console.

62. The Kusari-Gama is not an acceptable melee weapon design for battle-mechs.

63. Stop trying to hook Dansel up with Natasha Kerensky.....poor sod has enough on his plate with Sally Ryan as it is.
63a. Add Rhonda Snord to the list as well.

64. "Big O Showtime" is NOT a proper activation code.
64a. Neither is the challenge/response "What is best in Life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you... and to hear the lamentation of their women!"
64b. The proposed alternative "What is best in Life? Hot water, good dentrifric paste and soft Higienic paper." is not suitable either. Even though it is true.
64c. No Thulsa Doom quotes either!

65. They will not use wreckage from the Yamato to build GDIs first space going warship. The ships bell however....

66. Dansel is in no way related to Terry "Hulk" Hogan....and no he cannot get his autograph for you.

67. No passing around pics of the Metal Gear Rex and claiming it is a secret new battlemech prototype.
67a. The same holds true for anything from Maschinen Krieger or Heavy Gear.
67b. Neither may you claim that Gear Krieg depicts the actual mechs used during WWII.
67c. Or that designs from The Jovian Chronicles will replace ASFs.

68. Do not spread the Comstar Excommunication joke around. Its not funny...even if the Primus on Antallos did laugh at it.

69. My Mech doesn't have the rocket punch ability, nor i am to scream it during battle.
69a. Neither it has Magma Beams.
69b. It is not a Super Robot, period.

70. I Shall not refer about a Mech using Jump jets as "Breaking Wind", nor make any comments about the smell.
70a. Specially if it is the CO's Mech.
70b. Hey, how could I have known he had beans for lunch that day?

71. Don't put popping corn under a mech's seat. Even if it was kinda funny when they started popping. Specially if it was funny

when started popping. The tech teams are still scrapping the interior of the gunk.
71a. Stay clear of the tech teams, they are nasty when angered.

72 . It isn't a funny gag when you put dinner plates in the middle of the road fliped over. The same goes for garden gnomes.

73. Yes there is a White Base. Yes, its a Pegasus class aerodyne dropship. No, you may NOT stick your battlemech on the catapult, say "'your name' Hasshin!" or "'your name' Idekimasu!" and launch from it.
73a. Unless its a LAM?
73b. Unless its a LAM.

74. No, painting it red doesn't make it go three times faster.
74a. Adding rocket boosters to a mech to make it go three times faster is not allowed either.
74b. Even if its Dansel trying to get away from Ms. Ryan.

75. Rebuilding a damaged Atlas' head does not involve reshaping it to look like a muscle car.
75a. Neither does rebuilding a damaged Highlander's head.

76. Letting Ms. Sally Ryan know where Dansel is, without warning the base CO ahead of time, will result in the infractor cooling in the brig. And paying for any and all damages occurred.

77. No, you will not paint that Urbanmech white and blue.
77a. Now will you paint that Atlas golden.

78. Death from above attacks are NOT standard operating procedure.
78a. Neither are Highlander Burials.

79. Don't ask Brox what he uses for the voice activated security codes in his mech. He just might show you.

80. Mech-size folding chairs will not be issued.
80a. Neither will be teacups.

81. Prospecting for lostech does not require any of the following items: gold-pan, bullwhip, donkey named Clementine, hard liquor, banjo, ten-foot pole.

82. I'm not allowed to change name to "Amaris" for any reason.

83. We are NOT the "Tau'ri"
83a. Nor are we the 13th colony of Kobol

84. Yelling 'LEEROY JENKINS' at the top of your lungs, with the loudspeakers to max, while charging at the enemy is considered highly tacky.
84a. If you're charging at the enemy, you're been doing it wrong anyways.

85. Do not change the General's mech's voice to sound like Shodan.
85a. Or Max Headroom.

86. Your mech doesn't know Kung-Fu. And neither do you after putting on a neuro-helmet for the first time.

87. I will NOT ask anyone who outranks me "What they've been smoking?".
87a. Neither I'll ask them to share.

88. I can not have flashbacks to a battle that has not yet taken place. (And if Tukkayid happens I will have bigger problems than Charlie to worry about.)
88a. There is no such thing as a flashforward.
88b. Flashsides exists only in the works of Terry Pratchett.

89. The officially sanctioned term for the Clans in the presence of unbreifed IS personnel is "Charlie".
89a. It is above my paygrade to decide whether or not Charlie is dancing the Foxtrot.
89b. Charlie does not listen to the name Charlie Brown.

90: Isn't allowed to tell anyone that “the Giant Space Ants” are at the top of my chain of command.

91: Even if unofficial, I am to read "Skippy's List" and acknowledge that the content on it most likely applies to me as well.

92: May not call my unit the "Knight Sabers".
92a: May not use "Knight Sabers, sanjo!" as a command to move out.
92b: No, that APC's nickname is not "Silky Wagon".
92c. No, there is not going to be a "Hurricane Tonight", and humming the song while in your suit is forbidden. In fact, the entire OST (original sound track) is forbidden.
(Case by case exceptions to this rule may be possible if you are indeed a: female and b: Japanese and c: cute.)
92d: Isn't also allowed to play Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries over the suit radio.

93. Playing the OST to Braveheart, Last of the Mohicans, or the March of Cambreath, while facing the Northwind Highlanders will only motivate THEM better.

94. Pilots who even attempt to play any of the songs from the Robotech OSTs will be silenced by any and all means necessary ASAP.
94a. Exceptions are allowed if its the original Macross version.
94b. Only if its the Macross Frontier Version.

95. Watchman pilots are not to be called Robocop Wannabes.

96. Spectors are not The Goddamn Batman no matter how good they are at constantly scaring the crap out of the field exercise officials.

97. 'If it bleeds, we can kill it' is not the proper response after lightly damaging a Harjel equipped mech.

98. Never call an Awesome mechwarrior an Awesome mechwarrior unless you want to inflate their ego even more.

99. You are not allowed to ask 'Who watches the Watchmen' when encountering Watchman mechs.
99a. If the Watchman is painted Blue (any shade), you are not to ask them 'How's it hanging?' or make any remarks about bananas, salami, weiners, frankenfurters, etc.

100: Isn't allowed to hunt Wolf Clanners for their fur.

101. You are not allowed to do the Time Warp in a battlemech.
101a. Even if you were in a jumpship that had a mis-jump.

102. I don't care how thick your armor is, your first defense should always be to NOT GET HIT!. This is especially true if you're a crunchy. ie light mech, Savannah Master, power armor, etc...

103. Isn't allowed to use any form of FTL comm system for Porn.
103a. Unless its really good porn and used as part of a distraction.

104. The commonly accepted currency in the Inner Sphere is not 'beer'.
104a. Even if it's German beer.
104b. SPECIALLY, if it's American beer.

105. Rear-ending a 'Mech with a tank that has its barrel elevated is not a situation to be making jokes about, crude or not.
105a. Even if it is hilarious looking.
105b. Even if isn't hilarious looking.

106. I am not He-Man and I do not 'Have the power!'
106a. Not even if I somehow get ahold of a mech sized sword
106b. Neither am I part of Clan MacLeod, and there can be more than one.

107. I can not attempt to steal the Gundam.
107a. Or commandeer it.
107b. even if my name is Amuro Ray.

108. I am not to go "BRAAAAAAAAINS..." if my GM is decapitated and still combat worthy.

109. Led Zeppelin lyrics are not a valid battle challenge for the purposes of Zellbringen.
109a. Neither is the JemHadar 'Victory is Life' speech.
109b. This rule also applies to Kuritan style duels.

110. Tony Dansel does not have a theme song.
110a. If he did, it would not be to the tune of 'What Would Brian Boitano Do?"
110b. The line 'when Tony Dansel traveled through time to the year 3010, he fought the evil Comstar king to save us all again' is in especially bad taste given the nature of the ISOT event.

111. The Northwind Highlanders are not 'after me lucky charms'.
111a. But they are after our Scotch.

112. Isn't allowed to make "Critter Tek" references to Inner Sphere natives.
112a. Ever.

113. NO! Redjack Ryan isn't our president's evil twin.
113a. Mr. Clark said so.
113b. Mr. Clark knows your name now. do you REALLY want to meet him?
113c. No, it won't be for coffee and donuts.

114. Freedom is the Right of All Sentient Beings, but that doesn't mean you're Optimus Prime.

115. Your Mech can't transform. Stop trying.
115a. Unless you're in a LAM.
115b. But that doesn't mean you're Starscream.

116. The Secret Service is there to protect you and their principals. Stay out of their way.
116a. Unless you're Dansel, in which case any female SS personnel are trying to either get in his pants, or get Sally Ryan in his pants. You are better off running away at this point.
116b. The SS categorically denies any attempts to get into Dansel's pants have occurred, will occur, or are planned to occur, and 'requests' that you forget this ever happened.

(Former rule 118 AKA "You are never to speak to Misumaru Yurika again ever" removed on the grounds of not making ANY sense. former Rule 119 edited to fit. former Rules 120-121 added as sub-rules 113b and 113c in order to make them fit to the situation)

117. I will NOT say "I saw this in an anime" in any discussion of tactics. Period.

118. RAINBOW is not the militant arm of the International Lesbian and Gay Association.
118a. GENERAL Clark wishes to have a little word with you.

119. Isn't allowed to develop a mech-sized needler.

120. Storing one's supply of beer in the autocannon barrels might cause things to backfire.
120a. Even if the bottles fit the caliber?
120b. Especially if they fit the caliber.

121. Isn't allowed to install a phallic-like mockup on my mech.
121a. Unless it's a gunmount.
121b. Similarly do not refer to a Mackie with the torso lasers removed as 'neutered'
121c. No, you're not allowed to use brain bleach under any circumstances.

122. Isn't allowed to install any form of revolving door on the office of Dansel's assigned co-pilot.

123. 'Justice has been served' isn't a tolerable or acceptable way of reporting your CO KIA, and its grounds for cooling on the brig, if not getting demoted.(Edited on the grounds that i CAN'T believe that a superior would accept such comment without kicking your ass six ways to Sunday, and report it.)

124. Not allowed to regale IS recruits to the GDI Foreign Legion with tales about the exploits of the Legion Etrangere, Ghurkas, SAS, RAINBOW, Ghosts, Deltas, Spetznas or GSUSA ANY military or paramilitary unit or organization on Earth with the intent to end the story with the words any variation of the phrase "... and Dansel was there."
124a. This applies to claiming Dansel did any deeds associated with notable historical or fictional figures such as, but in no way limited to Simo Häyhä, Alexander, John McClane, Amuro Ray, Luke or Anakin Skywalker, or Audie Murphy.
124c. It is especially poor taste to claim he is a reincarnated second coming of any of these figures.
124d. I am not allowed to encourage the formation of any cults or religions dedicated to the worship of Dansel.
124e. While I must inform my superiors about any such cults I am aware of, I should not allow Dansel to know - his ego is bad enough as is.
124f. Cult of Personality does not mean what I think it means and I should stop using it so often.

125. I am not a missionary and must stop trying to convert Spheroids to any of the following: Pastafarianism, Haruhiism, Scientology, Zoroastrianism, Discordianism or the Imperial Cult ANY religion, real or fictional.
125a. In retrospect, the idea of telling a C* adept about the Cult Mechanicus was a BAD IDEA all around.

126. Isn't allowed to index my superior officer as a 'Compact Gyro', no matter how dense he is.
126a. Isn't allowed to index him as an 'XL Gyro' either, no matter how much of an airhead he is.

127. Answering any Comstar inquires with "The Spice must flow," is discouraged. Please stick to "No Comment."
127a. I repeat, please stick to "No Comment." That means Vorlon-speaking AKA Kosh-isms are out too, soldier!

128. Isn't allowed to claim to be from 'Stars End' or 'Terminus'.
128b. Isn't allowed to ask C* adepts how things are going with the Foundation.
128c. Isn't allowed to requisition books on the subject of Psychohistory from a C* library.
128d. In fact, I am no longer allowed to speak to Spheroids without supervision.
128e. Point 128d is retracted, but I should consider it a warning.

129. All GDI personnel are reminded that they are not to quote any part of 'The Adventures of Ford Fairlane' on an open channel.
129a. Or a secure channel.
129b. And under no conditions is any part of a Battlemech to be named 'Stanley'.

130. Initializing a campaign of memetic warfare against any Spheroids is ABOVE MY PAYGRADE.

131. All GDI personnel are reminded that they do not have to yell 'Avada Kedavra' every time they fire their PPC.

132. All requests for a holo-projector to display the Dark Mark above the battlefield will be rejected.
132a. Again, this means YOU, Dansel!

133 I'm not allowed to accept corporate sponsorships for my mech piloting career

134 I'm not allowed to accept money to display any sort of advertisement or message on my mech, unless authorized by my superior officer, in writing.

135 Sally Ryan is not my superior officer.
135a. And I should stop scaring off Dansel by claiming she is.

136 Songs with any of the following themes are banned from use while deployed with the GDI: genocide, communism, jihad, AI.

137 While I am encouraged to try to improve relations with Spheroid powers on a grassroots level, organizing a Karaoke night and inviting representatives from both the DCMS and the AFFS without informing them of the fact ahead of time was, in retrospect, not a good idea and the cost for damages is coming out of my pay.

138: I am not a card carrying member of the Association for the Preservation of the Urbanmech, and I should stop telling people I am.

139: I will never again attempt to engage any special forces type unit in prank war without written permission from my three most immediate superior officers.

140: Running away is a perfectly acceptable way to defend ones honor in a duel. Luring the inevitable pursuit into a minefield is just frosting on the cake.

141. I will not rip the heads off enemy mechs and appear to make the appearance of my mech 'drinking' the coolant oils blood fluids dripping from them.
141a. Even if it scares the hell out of the enemy, because it will also likely scare the hell out of my fellow soldiers.

142. Mt. Dew, Rockstar, Monster, Amp, Redbull, and Bawls are not to be given to Dansel under ANY circumstances.
142a. Failure to comply with this will result on being assigned as the temporal co-pilot of
Dansel for the occasion

143. I am not to reconfigure my PPC to fire a bolt that looks like a BFG blast due to particle
feedback damage to my mech, damage to the range, and my Lieutenant's jeep. No matter how
intimidating it looks.

144. Dealing with raiders in Wasps, Spiders, or Scorpions is not to be referred to as "Yet
another damn bug hunt".

145. The GDI does not have nukes, isn't willing to use nukes if they did, and aren't planning a
"scorched Earth" policy on Inner Sphere worlds in the event of invasion by overwhelming
forces.
145a. Please be sure to spread the word to everyone, especially House Lords, regional military
commanders, and anyone else with significant military forces.

146. MECH SOCCER IS FORBIDDEN.

147. Building sculpture with your mech's hands out of scrap metal is prohibited.

148. Despite certain persons having tried it, capes are NOT an authorized part of your
battlemech's ToE.

149. In pursuance with rule 134, painting the shield crest of the House of El on the front of your
battlemech is STRICTLY PROHIBITED!

149a. This also applies to any paintings or other representations of certain orders of Chiroptera.
We're not kidding. DC is threatning to sue us, people!

149b. Painting the Black Knight as 'The Punisher' is allowed however, Stan Lee apparently thinks
its 'Cool'.

149c. Painting any Battlemech as a Marvel character legally requires you to yell "Excelsior!" over
the external speakers at least once per battle.

149d. Not to mention having to pay royalties to Marvel comics.

149e. Yes, that's right. YOU are paying THEM to advertise THEIR product.

150. Painting Clan markings and colours on my 'Mech is neither funny nor original.

151. Neither is issuing a batchall over to base on the return leg of a patrol.(batchall!?)

152. Please refrain from playing "The Sacred War" or any other 'inspirational' soviet music on
the battlefield or over the PA system. It scares the locals.

153. Whoever hijacked the local radio station and traumatised the locals with SIX solid hours of
Rammstein please report to your commanding officer IMMEDIATELY!!!.
153a. Should've used Cannibal Corpse instead. Rammstein songs are lullabies.
153b. Actually, Iniquity.
153c. ("Bangs head against desk repeatedly")

154. The events conducing to a mech wearing a sailor fuku NEVER Happened, its that CLEAR!?

155. Dansel is only a Lt. Commenting on how Sally Ryan wants to be his 'Command Team 'is ?
discouraged at least until he is a major.

156. I may not play "Major Tom" during liftoff.

157. There is no Brotherhood of NOD, and it doesn't fight GDI, I'm not a member and I am to stop
telling the Spheroid intel people that I am.

158. I shall not reference Black Adder...EVER.

159. I shall not reference Schlock Mercenary ever. Yes this means you will not paint "Beware
the Ominous humm " on the side of your PPC.

160. There is NO Mercenary unit called Tagon's Toughs and I am not a member.

161. I may not confuse my superiors by deliberately fudging the numbers on the list.

162 - If I demand a recount, I had better damned well be prepared to do it myself.

163. May not carve my superiors' names into Gauss rifle rounds issued to my battlemech.
163a. Or any ordnance, for that matter.
163b. Even PPC particles?
163c. I'm intrigued. Explicitely allowed. If proven to be possible, immediate transfer to MIT.

164. The next mechwarrior who says, "Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry,"
over their external speakers will be thrown in the brig.
164a. After we make you build it.

165. "Was it something I said?" is not an advisable reply to a reprimand.

166. Saying "Trust me, I know what I'm doing" does not inspire faith in those around me.

167. Isn't allowed to paint my mech's torso grey and the arms and legs red.

168. Isn't allowed to install a neutron bomb self destruct device in my mech.

169. I will not reference to the'Seven Habits of highly effective Pirates'.
169a. Especially not on Antallos.
169b. Or while being close to Hanse Davion, he just might get ideas...
169c. Same goes for the Evil Overlords' list.

170. I cannot 'form Blazing Sword'
170a. Not allowed to quote Voltron any 'giant robot' anime.

171. All GDI personnel are reminded that they are no longer allowed to preform an exorcism on
DCMS 'Ghost' Regiments.
171a. Henceforth, screaming "The power of Christ compels you!" over your loudspeakers is ONLY
reserved for the Chaplain.

172. Blaming Lt. Scott Bernard is not an acceptable excuse for constantly running out of missiles.
172a. Similarly those making commends about "Lt. Bernard" blowing his load when a magnum launch
is performed get to fill out the company's requisition for new missiles. Including the
begging supply for them.
172b. Kneepads will not be issued for such duties.

173. Your mech is not an Evangelion.
173a. Nor are you permitted to let your kid brother pilot it.
173b. And please refrain from any further attempt of flooding the cockpit with that "LCL" stuff.
The controls are not watertight.

174. Note to Earth Engineers: Develop water proof controls.

175. Female 'mech pilots will refrain from using blue hair dye and/or blue wigs, nor will they
tell people that they were 'cloned' to be 'mech pilots. THIS GOES DOUBLE when in audible
range of ANYONE working for ComStar. (We don't need to be giving the Blakists more ideas,
people, they're dangerous enough as is...)

176. Taking advantage of captured hot female clones is against GDI regulations.
176a. Likewise with claiming that the hot female clones took advantage of you.
176b. Taking advantage of hot female clanswomen taking as bondswomen (just to deny the enemy of their abilities) is also against GDI regulations.
176c. Even if they're wanting some.

177. "Dynamic Entry' is not a valid combat move, no matter how practical it might be

178.You are not to paint your power armor red and gold
178a. Nor are you to hum 'Ironman' while in it

179. Humanoid Light mechs are not to be referred to as 'Nightmare Frames'

180. I an not to commission a mech-sized sword
180a. After all maces work much better.

181. Dansel is not the God Emperor. Period

182 Battle Cries must be approved at the Regimental level before use in the field.
182a "This is a good day to die!", "for the Greater Good", and 'Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh" have already been considered and denied.
182b: Just because Joe Kucan agreed to do a series of infomercials for GDI does not mean "KANE LIVES!!!" is approved.
182c: "Peace through power!" however, is.

183. Battlemechs do NOT have 'Limit Breaks', nor should you attempt to activate them.

184. We do not care how good looking a captured clan Vixen is wearing a mech scaled cosplay outfit of Nanoha Takamachi, or how fitting it is with that laser. You will remove it immediately and repaint it back to spec. Now.
184a. Same goes for the modified No-Dachi dressed as Fate Testarossa.

185. Light Power armor equipped with dual vibro-battle claws are not to be tossed 'Fastball Special' style at a Battlemech by a larger Power Armor, during a field exercise.
185a. Nor are you to refer to Battlemechs as 'Mutant-Hating Sentinels'.
185b: And only during a field exercise.

186. No you may not cook eggs in your 'Mech's overheated cockpit during battle. You will eat the rations supplied.

187. Clan Bondscords are NOT to be used in Japanese Rope Bondage!
187a. Nor are you to attempt to bribe your commanding officer with photos of said cords being used on comely females.

188. No one, and we mean NO ONE, mentions Clone troopers within earshot of anyone working for ComStar. This offense is punishable by firing squad. Seriously, people, we do NOT need to give the Wobbies any ideas here, they were bad enough the first time around.

189. That never happened and we will never speak of it again.
189b. May not ask for pieces of either the balloon, the harness or the gondola as souvenirs.
189c. Not even Dansel will top that level of Crazy Awesome in a thousand years.
189d. What part of never do you fail to comprehend?

190. In retrospect, 189c should not have been written down. Dansel felt up to a challenge, and tried to top it. Or was it Sally Ryan? Either way the two of them managed to pull it off via one running from the other.
190a. This is never to be referred to, even in jest or as an aside, to the Base CO, Base Security CO, Planetary Governor, or the SPAM Processing Plant CEO. Ever.
191. [REDACTED]
191b. Anything left as a result was BURNED with prejudice. No souvenirs for you.

192. Just because you can capture a 'mech by strapping explosives to yourself and jumping onto the mech's cockpit does not mean that it is a good or sane idea.
192a. Nor should you requistion jump packs or any form of extended jumping system in order to do so. Using power armor to do this however is encouraged and classes take place every 2nd Tuesday at your nearest training center.

193: Not allowed to pour extra-stregth icy hot in my CO's coffee.
193a: Not allowed to abandon my post.
193b: Not even for getting a glass of milk.

194. Not allowed to put capsaicin powder in anyone's cooling suit.
194a. Not even for an exercise. I shouldn't need to tell you this, people!

195. You are not to declare a Trial of Possession for the last can of beer in the fridge.
195a. If you do declare a Trial of Possession for the last can of beer in the fridge and someone else drinks it while you are engaged in battle it's your own damn fault.

195b: Not allowed to declare a Trial of Grievance against the person who took the last can of beer out of the fridge.

196: Not allowed to declare Trials of Annihilation against paperwork.
196a: Unless it's the enemy's paperwork.

197. I do not have a pet Shoggoth and I may not threaten to feed people to it.

198. I am not to use ideas gleamed from playing Homeworld nor FreespaceII as proper tactics for space operations.

199. Nor should I use the 10ft holotank to play a game of Homeworld or Freespace II during dog-watch.
199a. This goes for all games. People the Holo tanks are tools, wait till the commercial versions appear.
199b. Not to mention that playing while on duty? Not Kosher.
199c. Reprogramming the Holotanks to simulate an attack by GDI against the USS Enterprise or any other fictional vessel will result in a transfer to latrine duty.

200. Crowbars are not general issue with GDI PA(L) suits, so stop asking.
200a: Even if they should be.
200-B. The base PX however does have a wide selection to choose from.
200-C. No you may not charge it as a unit expense. You want one, you buy it.

201. Just because we painted your mech to match the enemies does not mean you join formation with them in preperation on an attack on GDI forces. The fact that you headcapped their commanding officer and pillaged their base does not get you off the hook.

202. Will not anonymously send design specifications to Inner Sphere 'mech producers that resemble Clan designs.
202a. Or Wobblie.
202b. Or anything from an anime.

203. No Earth cannot make gravity guns. Stop asking for one.
203a. Not even mech scale ones.
203b. Yet.
203c. Neither can we make Macross style heavy particle beams.
203d. Yet.
203e. 'Yet' in this case means not until we learn how to make NPPCs, and then fire link a half dozen or so together to discharge as one.
203f. Or do the same with a dropship with 10+ PPCs in the nose.

204. Am not allowed to convert the Statue of Liberty replica in Port Krin into a fully functional Battlemech.
204a. ... because the Army Corps of Engineers already did so.
204b. There's a Statue of Liberty replica in Port Krin?
204d. We will not spray it with green goo, nor will we we march through New York with it. And your name is NOT Venkmann.
204e. Neither is Spengler
204f. or Stantz, and honestly how do you sleep with the goo?
204g. Yeah, that kind of sleep...

205. We do not have an earth custom of hanging slavers by the neck until dead.
205a. We use a fair speedy trial, followed by human lethal injection, or firing squad if means for that is not available.

205c: Yes, we built it to keep moral up, and hide the mech
205b We have not signed the cherwell convention for the matter the Cherwell convention does not exist.
205c. We are not applying as of yet the Cherwell convention equipment clause to crew of suspected slavers.
205d. However we are seriously considering it. Don't tempt us.

206. Please do not use Japanese honorifics with officers from the Combine unless you actually know what they mean.
206a. "I heard it in an Anime once" does not qualify as knowing what it means.
206b. -Chan does not signify "honored guest"
206c. And don't tell FNG's it does.

207. No! Mallets!
207a. And no shouting "Pervert!" when seeing a 'naked' (i.e. with its armour blown off) mech.
207b. No, dressing up as a japanese schoolgirl and speaking in falsetto doesn't help.

208. We are not and will not be designing a warship that transforms into a mech(a).
208b. Even if it would scare the pants of everyone.

209. I am not allowed to serve my CO pineapple salad before a major engagement.
209b. I am not allowed to serve my CO pineapple salad before any engagement.
209c. Pineapple Salad is officially prohibited. You may, however, sell the recipe to the enemy.

210 In a similar vein, i will not propose marriage just before a mission. That never turns out well.

211. I am not a leaf on the wind.
211a. Nor do we aim to misbehave.
211b: Claiming that we are "Big Damned Heroes" though is acceptable as long as it is done in moderation.

212. I shall not attempt to recreate the Macross Punch.
212b. Even if my mech's 'fist' is made of SRMs.

213. No, we are not developing an automated assault mech that is controlled by music, and I shall not tell the recruits that.
213b. In a similar vein, I am not allowed to sell footage of Power Rangers or Sentai to the locals- aside from copyright issues, it would give them bad ideas, and we want to save our investiture in such things for Solaris.

214. Despite being able to defeat an enemy to steal their weapons, I am not Megaman, nor shall I repaint my mech to reflect changes in armament as though I were.

215. Convincing the DCMS to perform the Hare Hare Yukai with a combat lance is in extremely bad taste.
215b. If we find out who recorded it, and how they hell they got it onto Youtube, there will be much trouble.
215c. In other words- if you plan to do something like this ever again, don't ever get caught.
215d. This was in no way a suggestion to re-do this stunt by performing 'Yatta!' instead.

216. Battlemechs are not capable of Symmetrical Docking, and such things should not be tried.

217. No, I am not allowed to pilot my battlemech using a guitar.
217a. Even if I can actually do so.
217b. Similarly, attempting to pilot a mech via dance pad is prohibited.
217c. see 217a.

218. The enemy not only does not want to 'Listen to your song', but painting your battlemech bright red will only serve to get it shot down all the more faster.

219. I do not shop at S-Mart, and if my battlemech's hand gets cut off in battle, I may not requisition a mech scale chainsaw to replace it.
219a. Even if my other hand is holding an LBX-AC.
219b. Even if Mech-scale chainsaws do exist, I'm still not allowed to have one.

220. I am no longer allowed to tell the locals about the Gundam Fight, or how it's the solution to all war.
220b. Even if it is.
220c. Even if it isn't.

221. When people ask if I am a god, I am no longer permitted to tell them that I am.
221b. It's far too much paperwork for too little gain.

222. Attempting to 'cross the streams' using unfocused PPCs is strictly forbidden.

223: Not allowed to address Combine officials with 'bakemono-sama'.
223a: Even if they deserve it.
223b: Especially if they deserve it.

224. Am not allowed to play March of Cambreadth before, during, or after a battle, it's been far too overused.
224a. Nor am I allowed to shout 'How many of them can we make die' over an open channel.

225 The proper way to greet Major Staedale is 'Good morning/afternoon sir', not 'So, how many regiments are the 12th Star Guards down to this decade, and have you rethought the mercenary lifestyle yet?'

226. May not convince an AFFS marching band to play the theme of Blackadder.
226b. Correction - I am allowed to convince them to play it, but I am not to deceive them into thinking it is the GDI national anthem.
226c. I am not to convince the DCMS Marching Band to play the Gundam theme

227. The next person who suggests building a lion shaped mech will be tarred and feathered...
227a. The next person to mention the V-Word will get sewage tank clean out duty.
227b. And I will form the head is not to be uttered at all..

228 We will absolutely not convert the yard queen Leopard into an AT-AT.
228a. Converting a Flea Light Battlemech into a AT-ST has already happened, and it works. No you may not try to make a better one.

229. When in a large group of GM Battlemechs, you may not say 'KEKEKEKEKEKEKE' repeatedly as they manuever.

230. Sgt. Keroro might be the unit mascot, but you are NOT to rebuild any mech's head to look like him. Or any of the other Keroro Gunso frogs.

231. Even if you have a giant Deathscythe that has twin flamers on it, you are NOT the God of Death, nor should you announce yourself as one.

232. How did you get the Deathscythe anyways? Requisitions would like to know.
232a. The Laser Chainsaw was a one-off prototype, yes. But we still need it for data-analysis. That means give it back. This means you, Fuklaw.

233: May not sell sets of one X-box, one TV and a copy of Full Spectrum Warrior to Spheroid intelligence agencies by claiming it is the premier GDI infantry squad leader training simulator.

234. You may not convert your mechs manipulators into muppets...
234b Nor for the matter may you use them to manipulate marionettes.
234c Also the chucky doll will be used for target practice.
234d Will the engineer who came up with the marionette modification forward the specs to the factory reps...

235 You will not send Katrina Stiener a fruit basket and aged champagne for winning the "MILF of the Year " Contest. No we don't care that she sent a thank you card.

236. You will not teach your pet monkey how to pilot a mech.
236a. Nor your dog, cat, snake, parakeet or other pet.
236b. Nor any stray or farm animal. And please return the horse to its proper owner.
236c. Yes, gerbils, rats and goldfish fall under the "other pets" heading in 236a.
236d. if you do so, and the animal turns out to be a better pilot than you, we will give it your mech assignment.

237. I am officially restricted from asking Spheroids existential questions- their microcosm is extremely fragile, and attempting to break it is bad.

238. Just because Sally Ryan's cookies can be used as higher grade armour then current BT standards does not mean I am allowed to fish through Dansel's garbage with the intent to construct a suit of armour out of them.
238b. Similarly, I am to cease forwarding samples to our engineers in an attempt to jumpstart the production of better armour.

239. The battlemech scale electric guitar is a curiosity- nothing more. I shall not equip mechs with hand actuators with it, nor shall I use it as a weapon, sonic or otherwise.

240. My mech cannot 'rocket punch' and I am not allowed to modify it so that it can.

241. Just because I have rigged my fusion reactor to run in a state of barely controlled overload for a specific sequence of time on command does not mean I am allowed to scream 'FACE OPEN!' over open comms as I procede to overcharge my mech for the next thirty seconds.

241b. Though the engineers would like a closer look at the design, it really is a piece of work.

242. You are no longer allowed contact with the local HPG net. Don't ask. Just don't.

243. While showing childrens shows such as Barney the dinosaur is acceptable when used for the entertainment of the local children, it is not acceptable as an implement of torture or memetic warfare.

244. Showing off Zone of the Enders Anubis (2nd Runner) to known Spheroid Intelligence agents with the intent to make them believe we can use Zero Shift and other 'super' abilities is approved to stump the hell out of them.
244a. Actually attempting to alter a Battlemech to perform Zero Shift and/or other 'super' abilities, without an entire engineering design staff, by the original manufacturer, signing off on it, is however, not approved.

245. Anyone piloting a Falcon may NOT perform a Falcon Punch.

246. You may not cut orders to have the field training facility rebuilt to look like Blood Gulch, any Halo DM maps, any Team Fortress 2 maps, any FPS gaming DM maps.

247. Why the hell do people keep mentioning mech scale guitars?

248. Because this.
248a. Okay, yeah. That was cool.

249. GDI is not going to field Imperator Titans or Tyranid Hierophants nor any other unit inspired by the Warhammer 40k game. Please stop showing those pictures to suspected IS agents.

250. The next person to suggest building a Utahraptor shaped battlemech will be put to cleaning mech waste tanks with a toothbrush.
250a. But it would look cool isn't an excuse
250b Nor will we dress battlemechs as any dinosaur.
250c: This includes Kaiju.

251 You will not modify the helmet of your armored suit so it looks like a vikings horned helmet.
251a The same goes for adding a knight's crest.
251b That includes spikes.
251c Brightly colored feathers also.
251d That includes whatever decorative attachments of past military helmets as well.
251e Dansel don't even think of doing any of the above with a mech
251f That helmet shall not ever be mentioned or seen again.
251g. No! Giant! Shoulder! Pads!
251h. No spurs!!!!
251i. What about the Atlas? they do have big shoulder pads... sorta

252. GDI isn't going to field an All Atlas Battlemech Footbal team and there isn't a MechBall Game.
252a. Not yet, Solaris is still considering the idea.

253: To avoid weirding out any BT-born people any more then we already have GDI personal are henceforth banned from showing them any: action movies staring the Wolf's Dragoons, Republic-themed novels, fan fiction, Clanner/Spheroid romances, and/or children's books about a wolverine taking its vengeance on all the other woodland creatures.
253a: To be included in this is pornography (furry, bondage, animated, or *shudder* other).
253b: Even if they like it.
253c. And warn them away from Japanese hentai. In big red letters. Twenty feet tall. Seriously.

254. There will be no showing of the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy EVER on Antallos!!

255. Whoever altered Comstar's HPG to make all audio transmissions sound like Shodan will receive a commendation - as soon as they also reset the settings for our base's com-systems as well.

256. No you may not attempt to emulate a Jackie Chan stunt with a battlemech equipped with jumpjets. Or a Battlemech without jumpjets.

257. NO MECH SIZED CHAINSAW-NUNCHUCKS!
257a Same goes for the Mech Sized SwordChucks.

258. We know you're proud of your 'mech. We understand that you're impressed by its weapons. However, it's important to remember that you are NOT "Heavy Weapons Guy" and your 'mech is NOT "Sasha." So please refrain from introducing yourself under that alias. Thank you.

259. The Jury is still out on distributing copies of the Tiberium Sun univers games. Remeber that we do not wabnt them to think that Tiberium Earth is our own.
259a. What? C-Earth doesn't want to convince Comstar that they're a world dying of a Von Neuman replicator plague that will eventually take care of itself so that Comstar doesn't have to lift a finger?

260. Games Workshop is still bitchy about their intelectuaral property so no mentioning Astartes to the spheroids.

261.Looking for group is included in the list of things we aren't allowed to share with the spheroids.
261a. Specially Richard's Music number

262: Psych Ops may not be referred to as 'Minmei Attacks'

263. During a simulation, or reality, a so-called 'Daedalus Attack' maneuver will be your final desperation move. If it is done at any time prior to this in a simulation, I will fail you. If you try it in reality at any time prior to utter desperation, I will instruct the crew to shoot you.

264. Never refer to the captain as 'Fleet Command' or as 'Kiithsa S'jet'. Even if S'jet is her last name.

(Reality check: I know a Karen(!!) who's maiden last name is S'jet and was born a good 10 years prior to the game coming out)

265. Don't spook Comstar by showing them clips from the 'Future War' scenes in Terminator II and saying "We're working on those".
265-B: We also can't tell them it's a historical drama.
265c: No, we don't care how hilarious their reactions are!

267. I am not the Goddamn Batman. Neither are you.
267a. SpecOps personnel on the other hand...

268. There is no such thing as a Morphball Mode for Battlemechs, nor should you attempt it.

269. Painting of the SRMs to look like Budweiser cans is frowned upon. Pick an actual good tasting beer.
269a. Always remembering that there ARE no good tasting beers made in the USA. Go German brewed. Or Irish. Even, god forbid, English. Paint appropriately, therefore.
269b: Ignore the last moron, he full of shit. You just have to know where to look.
269c All the beer in the USA is imported.
269d: IDK, the Bud we have in Germany is definitely palatable.

269e: If you want to taste a really shitty beer, go buy Oettinger when you visit Germany. :X

270 I will not yell "BOOM HEADSHOT", over the open channel, every time I kill a mech with a hit in the cokpit.

271 I am not allowed to make fried chicken by PPCing Jade Falcon infantry.
271a: Everyone knows its Fried Turkey

272. GDI forces do not use the Superperforator and you may not advertise it.
272a. Nor may you use any other excuse to make your mech tapdance.

272: You are not to fabricate custom MLRS warheads yourself.
272a: Could the person who made the napalm warhead please report to his CO. The engineering team from the manufacturer wants the blueprints.
272b: There is however no call for an MRE payload warhead at this time.
272c: Only because bio-weapons are against both BT and C-Earth laws of warfare.
272d: You mean chemical weapons, right? No way those things can be classified as biological.

273: Please remember the limitations of your ship's KF drive when traveling in space, it's maximum range is thirty light-years and it can not be activated inside a gravity well. At least for now, says the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in a recent statement.
273a: Never let it be said that MIT people can't laugh maniacally with the best of them.

274: In BattleTech We Use The Metric System!
274a: The cost of reimbursing the local businesses for their losses is coming out of my pay.

275. We are not naming a battlemech after Chuck Norris.
275a. Too late.

276. Welding a mass of steel wool below the cockpit of your mech in an attempt to claim that you are Chuck Norris will result in this command sending a message about it to the real Chuck Norris. What happens to you after that is your own damn fault.

276a. Any medical expenses you incur after Mr. Norris "talks" to you are coming out of your own pocket. Remember that.
276b. Actually, what happens when you try to weld a mass of steel wool is your own damn fault.
276c. Messy?
276c Addendum: Steel wool BURNS! And it can actually self-ignite when wet. Have a look on youtube for people playing with it.
And then have a guess what happens when you bring a welding flame near it.
276d. No, Chuck Norris didn't cause the ISOT event by round house kicking the universe and making our old universe run away.
276e. He just glared at the BT book until it became reality so he could practice his evolution on Hunter's Paradise.
276F. I thought he wanted to develop an anti mech roundhorse

277. REAL MacGuyvers don't weld. They duct tape!

278 The GDI Foreign Legion is prohibeted from talking in bad French accents. Come on people yuou sound like the actors in Monty Pyhton and the Holy Grail.

279 The GDI Foreign Legion will have to talk to the French Foreign Legion about wether or not they may wear Le Kepi Blanc.

280 I will not expose Comstar to Warhammer 40,000 especially not the Adeptus Mechanicus.
280a. on pain of death. Come on folks we've been over this, DON'T give the toaster worshipers even more ideas.

281: No we are not giving your cat a spacesuit
281a: Or feline power armor
281b: Using THE POWER OF CUTENESS is NOT a valid strategy
281c: Even if it worked perfectly during the test on your own CO.

282. No Talkie Toasters.
282b That's what you think.
282c: Would anybody like any toast?

283: Defictionalization isn't just a trope, it's a way of life.
283a: Then where's my Holodeck?
283b: We're working on it. However, GDI HIGHCOM thought that (surprise, surprise) developing an ion cannon satellite was a higher priority, instead deciding just to send the G.D.S. Sandiego to steal one from an old SLDF training base somewhere, maybe the whole base as well.

284: I am not allowed to say any of the following after activating my mech: "I'm the Juggernaught!", "Avatar ready!", or "Redemption is at hand!"
284e What about "Kane Lives in Death"?
284b: Screaming "Behold the Technology of PEACE!" while in battle is likewise right out.
284b, Addendum, Actually Peace though Power was Okeyed a few rules ago
284c: So is playing Hellmarch 1 or 2 over the loudspeakers just after landing.
284d: Anyone who yells "Kane LIVES!" during a morale concert involving Joseph Kucan without his permission or request will be shot.

285. No Red Dawn references anywhere the Clans might hear.
285a. Not around C* either, just in case that theory about them absorbing the Wolverines happens to be true.
285b. not even if we omit the ' Name' ?
285c. In the same vein we ought to avoid Marvel pushing their junk in the IS.

286 I will not play the Space Marine anthem from DOW2 over the loudspeakers.

287 Clan Wolf and the Wolfs Dragoons are not Space wolves wannabeees.

*288: To preserve our pilots' sanity, the Blue Danube Waltz will be played only ONCE per trans-Lunar shuttle flight

288b: Likewise, to preserve pilot sanity, Gun's & Roses 'Cats in the Cradle' will NOT be played on trans-Lunar shuttle flights

288c: Monolith spottings, unless accompanied by hard physical evidence, will result in the offending pilots being turfed from the flight rotations...
288d. Same goes for playing Thus spoke Zarathustra each time you see a sunrise in space

288e. I am not allowed to build Onix Monoliths for other to find neither in the moon nor in the Jovian or Saturn orbits.
288f. I am not allowed to build Monoliths, period.
288g. Constructing steel copies of a Monolith in public parks in Seattle is also something that is officially discouraged. However, if you manage it a second time (and you know who you are), we'll buy you a twelve-pack - just tell us how the hell you managed it the first time.

289. Any and all copies of 'Hanse Davion Superstud' are banned from ever leaving Earth.
289a. That means 'The Golden Dong of Hanse Davion' and 'Hanse Davion vs Kurita Naked Ninja Superbabes' are also banned.
289b. Seriously people, just because there's a porn actor that looks like the man doesn't mean you have to deliberately try to gross out and piss off any IS power.
289c. Except the Capellans, because everybody does it. :P

290. You may not challenge a Kurtian Samurai to a duel 'to the pain'.
290a. No challenges to a 'battle of wits' either.
290b. No mentioning in melee mech combat "I am not left handed".

291. Stop claiming your weapons are designed by Reed Richards.
291a. Or our mechs designs are from Tony Stark or Morgenroete, Incorporated
291b. Our battle armor is not made by Sylvia Stingray.
291c. Anaheim Electronics did not design the GM.
291d. The PA(L) design from Japan does have Sylvia Stingray's signature on it although.
291e. The Japanese PA on the other hand has the signature of Masamune Shirow on it.
291f. However Bandai & Sunrise formed a mechanical division, paired with Mitsubishi, afterwards due to this oversight.

292. The GDI Foreign Legion will NOT be reffered to as "The Brotherhood of NOD"

293: The GDI uniform is not black suits with white shirts, black ties, black hats and shades..
293a: Unless your a spook
292b: Neither are you on a mission from god, thats for the CO and unit Chaplin to decide
293c: I don't care if the GDI anthem is 'battle hymn of the republic'
293d: Your mech does not have "cop shocks, cop legs, cop brakes, and a cop engine."

294: Once and for all - and this ruling is final - references to fiction are now strictly forbidden.
294a: Even Especially if said fiction is now reality.

295: May not antagonize the Lyrans by saying things like "I will now take my little mech and march up and down the muddy field" with an atrocious German accent.
295a: Referring to Lyrans as the "Goddamned Krauts" is strictly verboten.

296. No, we are not the Men in Black, we do not have memory blanking technology- although the cars that transform into limited jump capability rocket powered deathtraps are under testing. No, you may not request one. This means you, Isamu Dyson.

297. Operation Tomb Raider agents are no prohibited from playing the Lupin the Third theme on band three during retrieval ops.
297a. Carmen Sandiego is not your CO.
297b. Only because we DON'T want to get caught!

298. Operation Phantom Snowflake agents are to double the watch on the recovered feline test subjects- engineering has caught them sleeping on the jump housing five times this week, with no indication of how they got out.
298a. All cats can walk through walls. Robert Heinlein documents this. They enjoy messing with their human's heads this way. 'Nuff said. Get used to it.
298b. Stop trying to get them to transform into catgirls, they can't.
298c. Yet! We just need to find a mad scientist that likes to be called Little Washu.
298d. Seeking for Washuu is prohibited. Because if you'll succeed... IT'S BAD AS IT IS, PEOPLE!
298e. Seeking for any other gods and/or higher beings is also prohibited.
298f. Except Athena/Minerva. A level-headed, mostly, goddess of war and wisdom/knowledge would be nice to have on our side. We'd politely ask if she'd like to run Lockheed Martin and or Boeing's defense division.
298g. Forget it. She have *moods*. And if her pantheon follows her...

299. Operation Ghost Dagger agents are expressly prohibited from leaving sensor simulations running when they go off shift, especially when said simulations are between their own meager force and a full Clan Galaxy.

300. You are not Leonidas and THIS. IS. NOT. SPARTA.
300a. Partial exception from this rule exists for the GDI Hellenic Brigade, which has Molon Labe as it's offical moto. (IRL currently held by the Greek First Army Corps)
300b. Violators of this rule will be 'handled' by the Hellenistic Brigade.

301: Three-hundred and one rules added to this manual in less then a month. It's official, the Global Defense Initiative is the forth craziest military force in the entire multi-verse. I hate you all.
301a: But we love you.

302. No more references to the Cthulu Mythos, or any possible Star Gods that await sleeping, for anyone unfortunate enough to be on a ship that misjumps. Children are annoying enough onboard. Screaming in primal terror children as we perform a jump is even more of an annoyance.

302a. Mentioning of the meme Z͏̸̷͢͏A̵̛͜͜L̛͝҉Ģ̧͢͡͞O̸͘̕!̴̷̷ ̷͝H̴̢̛E̷̷͜͞͞ ̷̛͢C҉O̢̕͡M̴̶̢̕É̢̡͟͞S̢͞!̨͡҉̶ is NOT to be done on the GDI server. Or to flash on every display screen two seconds prior to a jump.

302b. And anyone caught reading aloud from any of Olaf Stapledon's novels before a jump, particularly Star Maker, WILL have to scrub the hull. By hand. DURING a jump. Without benefit of an environment suit. Are we clear on this, people? Just say NO to eldritch horrors.
302c. So no exposing the Spheroids to Chtulhutech and claiming it has already happened?
302d. Do you want them to try to invent Eldritch technologies?! Let sleeping terrors lie.

303. The JumpShip is not named Event Horizon.
303(a). Those video clips are not appropriate recruit Jump training materials.

304. Earth does not have a "Mechwarrior Breeding Program."
304(a). The Clans' program does not work that way.
304b. Nor are Jenna Jameson, Asia Carrera, or Traci Lords part of the "breeding pool for Mechwarriors." Nice try, boys. Wishful thinking, but still a nice try.
304c. Earth is not fielding 'New Types', 'Coordinators', or 'Innovators/Innovates' as genetically superior 'super pilots'.
304d. Please stop claiming that Sally and Jack Ryan Jr. are early examples, either naturally occurring or from a program.
304e. Seriously, Dansel is bad enough when Sally is mentioned, having any Sphere Intelligence Agents checking him out as 'prime breeding material for the next generation of GDI Mechwarriors' is driving the poor guy spare. Even more so than usual.

305: I will NOT claim my mech is powered by 'Protoculture', derived from the
'Invid Flower of Life'
305b: Nor will I import the Ghost Orchid off C-Earth and claim it is the aforementioned 'Flower of Life'
305c: I will not import the Ghost Orchid off C-Earth, PERIOD. Botanical societies would hunt me down for being an orchid thief.
305d: ...Not unless my claim is officially sanctioned to screw with Spheroid minds, and I have a writ of amnesty from at least three conservation groups

306: Urbanmechs are NOT RVs. I will obey the Park Rangers and take it back out of Yellowstone National Park
306b: ANY Battlemech is not an RV and are not allowed in National or State Parks outside combat situations...that applies to the rest of my Lance I brought along on my camping trip
306c: Bears raiding the campsite garbage does NOT count as a combat situation.
306d: The exception is anti-poaching patrol in the African Reserves
306e. Or HERDING elephants and rhinos in the African reserves. (What? It's a valid wildlife husbandry method... and for once, you don't have to worry about the big bastards getting uppity.)

307. I don't care if your commanding officer says its real GDI does not have a Nonconventional Operations Directorate and if anybody else suggests its formation is going to be handed over to the spooks for their own nonconventional operations with you.

308. No more painting up your mech after your favorite soccer/football/hockey team and parking it near the stadium. Nor is using said mech as your own personal booth to avoid paying entry.

309. Next person who borrows a heatsink to supercool his computer will be forced to clean out the next batch of heatsinks from Antallos by hand.

310. Yes painting your mechs as zombies is a great psychological deterrent. Yes it did scare those pirates long enough to surround them. But getting into hand to hand combat and tearing apart their mechs by hand is too much.

311. Mech-sized bagpipes have never been and will never be issued.
311a. Except to the scottish regiment.

312. GDI is not going to supply Evangelions to any unit.
312a. The one that the Japanese have built is only a PR gimmick.
312b. Please do stop using the "official Nerv letterhead" for communication with any IS faction.

313. Yes. They are a United States Marines. Yes. They are in Space. This does not make them "Spehss Mahrines!" and I must stop addressing them as such.
313a: If I say "Metal bawxes!" one more time, I end up in one.
313b: 'Stehl Rain' will result in me being fired admist the arty barrage. Out of a mech-a-pult. Without a mech.

314. I will not mention the most excellent and perfect game Paranoia , to Comstar. Nor will I talk about friend computer.

315. Nor am I allowed to disseminate freeware copies of Singularity.

316. Or Defcon.

317. Or the History Channel's "predictions" of future technology.

318: We will NOT be Zaboni'ing the surface of Europa for a 'World 'Mech Hockey League' rink...
318b: Quit bothering the Canadians; they're getting angry...
318c:...that they didn't think of the idea first...
318d: Or rather, that any more talk of this issue might get the auditors to look a little closer at where the money's going and discover the one they've already built.
318e: Actually we are angry that our request for a Mech Curling League got rejected. The hockey league was a fall back request.

319: I will not quote from the second Star Trek movie in the presence of a clanner
319a: Or the Star Trek episode Space Seed
319b: Nor will I mention Corinthian Leather
319c: We will NOT refer to them as Coordinators.

320: Remember, we're an international organization, and that means we have to answer to more then one tax agency. So please, keep any theoretical "mischief" to a metaphorical minimum at bases on planet. Off-world personnel are to remember that we are ambassadors of our planet, and that getting caught by the media in a compromising position is a bad idea.

321: Please remember that all pranking of Comstar personnel is to be non-lethal and semi-harmless.
321a. However, those gadgets that make annoying, cricket-like sounds at random intervals and are nearly impossible to find can be found on sale at the post exchange. No using them on your commanding officers, though.
321b. Oops too late. Poor Densel

322 No pimping and painting my mech so it looks like it's been looted by Orks
322a Or posessed by Chaos

323 This list is not to be shown to any BT personal not in our service

324. Not letting the Japanese design any more uniforms for the GDI.
324a. Nor the Germans.
324b. Actually, both design remarkably sensible uniforms when you get down to it. The problems arise from their designing of pilot interface equipment, and even that's usually sensible in a serious setting.
324c. GDI is only concerned with functional equipment at this point in time- if they want to work on the aesthetics on their spare time after the functionality is achieved, more power to them.
324d. That doesn't mean we have to like it.
324e. No, but you try piloting a heat-heavy design without a cooling suit and then see how much you dislike the aesthetics.
324f. For that matter, just think- we could be starting an entire wave of spheroid fashion. Just imagine all those female pilots wearing TEST pattern cooling suits!
324g. Man's got a point!

325. The MARINES went looking for Dragons. This does not mean you get to go looking for Dragons.
325a. Scribbling 'Here be Dragons' over the Draconis Combine on the IS Atlas in the Mess was an act of vandalism and not a particularly original one at that.

326: Do NOT walk up to, poke, or stand around any suspicious egg-like objects found on an extraterrestrial planet or other body
326b: That's what Wheelbarrow drones with flamers are meant for...
326c: Anybody found planting giant painted styrofoam eggs for the newbie teams to find, or found possessing a 'facegripper ' applique/mask, will be treated to the attentions of a Wheelbarrow drone with a flamer
326d: If you think we're kidding, ask the last guy who pulled this stunt on the GDI Marines...once he's released from the Burn ICU...

327: Yes, your mech has an incendiary weapon. No, there is no Redline and we do not "burn our own" too hold it.
328: The next mech co-pilot to tell his pilot to "drive forward" because "I want too hit them with my sword" will be dishonourably discharged.
328a: Even if they have an actual sword with them or on the mech.

329: Not allowed to call Elementals Space Marines.
329a. Nor am I allowed to hold "Elemental Tossing" contests, competitively or recreationally.
329b. No wrapping them in foil and muzzle loading them into captial scale rail guns either.
329bA: Even if they asked for it. Boarding actions are to be done with assault shuttles and sanctioned EVA gear.

330: The IlKhan is not a 'God-Emperor'.

331: Nor are there Traitor Legions.

332: While Kamikaze attacks are strictly forbidden, it is understood that occasionally one might find oneself in an unwinnable situation, and be forced to take drastic measures. HOWEVER, this does not preclude the declaration of 'Alright you alien bastards!' and 'HELLO BOYS, I'M BA-AAACK!' as you ram your way through the descending dropship's open bay firing all weapons.
Just because you share a name with a fictional character does not give you liscence to constantly act like them

333: Just because you share a name with a fictional character does not give you liscence to constantly

334:GO! AQUARION! is not the proper response when my ASF/LAM comes under heavy fire and we are suggested to retreat.

how this.......

[Chaos Blade]

Originally Posted by Barricade

298f. Except Athena/Minerva. A level-headed, mostly, goddess of war and wisdom/knowledge would be nice to have on our side. We'd politely ask if she'd like to run Lockheed Martin and or Boeing's defense division.

298g. While a titan, Prometheus is also okeyed. Remember folks he is the one who introduced us to fire

[al103]

Originally Posted by serack

81. Prospecting for lostech does not require any of the following items: gold-pan, bullwhip, donkey named Clementine, hard liquor, banjo, ten-foot pole.

81a. Correction - sometimes it DO require 10-foot pole.

@Chaos blade - 1. look at letters, there is already G. 2. Search for NOBODY Ok'd.

[Zelinko]

335. We are not the Extra-Terrestrial Combat Unit although we technically are doing extraterrestrial combat operations

[al103]

Originally Posted by serack

142. Mt. Dew, Rockstar, Monster, Amp, Redbull, and Bawls are not to be given to Dansel under ANY circumstances.
142a. Failure to comply with this will result on being assigned as the temporal co-pilot of
Dansel for the occasion

142b. 142a is revoked, where the hell we get all that suicidal fame-seekers?
142c. Don't answer that question.

[antagonist]

336: In the thirty-first century, there is only war.
336a: Not allowed to say that. Ever. Period.
336b: The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?'. (Ripped straight from the original)

337: Not allowed to nickname the HMG issued to me 'Chant of Victory'. (Any DoW2 players around here?)

EDIT: Fixed the numbers.

[Warringer]

337: When on guard duty you are not to plan pranks that involve high explosives.

[Prince Charon]

Originally Posted by Warringer

338: When on guard duty you are not to plan pranks that involve high explosives.

338a: In fact, don't plan pranks that involve high explosives, ever.
338b: ... or play 'unplanned' pranks that involve high explosives.

[EdBecerra]

Originally Posted by antagonist

329: Not allowed to call Elementals Space Marines.
330: The IlKhan is not a 'God-Emperor'.
331: Nor are there Traitor Legions.

331a. We will not mention the Wolverines, the Widowmakers, or Clan Mongoose. Despite the obvious comparison.

[Jonen C]

335 occurs twice. Add +1 to the second one and all following.

339. I will not create facebook profiles for any prominent political figures from the Inner Sphere.

[antagonist]

340: Not allowed to classify Yaoi Fangirls as WMD's.
340a: They are not radiation shielding.
340b: Nor are they free fall bombs.
340c: Even if we wish they were.

341: The first person to quote Chuck Norris Facts to Spheroids will clean all the toilets in the barracks with their own toothbrush.
341a: The first one to do this to Clanners will clean the toilets of all barracks on Antallos.
341b: YES. With their own toothbrush.
341c: Unless the Clanners were actually stupid enough to waste resources trying to breed a Chuck Norris lookalike.

[Warringer]

341d: Should they succeed, Chuck Norris will find you and round house kick you to Strata Mechty to tell him how the weather is.

[Nikas]

Originally Posted by antagonist

340: Not allowed to classify Yaoi Fangirls as WMD's.
340a: They are not radiation shielding.
340b: Nor are they free fall bombs.
340c: Even if we wish they were.

340d: To whoever classified them as 'target drone, human emulation', nice try.

[Norgarth]

342. I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts.
342a. Not even if I can prove I bought a franchise.