Warhammer Man-up Program

[Brian Boru]

We all know what warhammer can do to Weenies like Shinji Ikari, (If you don't, EXTERMINATUS!!)

But what other characters from fiction could use a proverbial boot in the ass and steel in the spine.
I.E.: Tsukune Aono from Rosario + Vampire, meet the Von Carnsteins.

[blackseven]

Tsukune isn't nearly as gutless as Shinji. And I'm not sure the Von Carsteins would take kindly to him anyways.

[dylanredefined]

Ensign Barclay from TNG.
Fred and weasley from buffy the vampire slayer
Harry potter obviously
The cast of twilight for lols

[Brian Boru]

Originally Posted by dylanredefined

The cast of twilight for lols

Fantasy: Die embarrassments to our race!
40k: Ka-Boom!

Millions of straight men start praising whatever power sent them there.

[dylanredefined]

I was thinking more turning them into sparkly dealers of death to countless
hordes of xenos .Their eyes meeting over the piles of corpses as the world burns
and only their love of the emperor is brighter than the love they share.

Please put the pitchfork down I am only joking

[blackseven]

Originally Posted by dylanredefined

I was thinking more turning them into sparkly dealers of death to countless
hordes of xenos .Their eyes meeting over the piles of corpses as the world burns
and only their love of the emperor is brighter than the love they share.

Please put the pitchfork down I am only joking

Too late... May the Emperor have Mercy on your Soul.

[DigiCom]

Rincewind.

Think about it.

[Hiver]

A Culture GSV.


Think about that one for a moment

[Utah jak]

Originally Posted by DigiCom

Rincewind.

Think about it.

So in other words, the Imperium gets the Sanctioned Psyker version of Caiphus Cain?

[OrkKaptin]

Originally Posted by Utah jak

So in other words, the Imperium gets the Sanctioned Psyker version of Caiphus Cain?

"I think we sanctioned him too hard."

[Dessolution]

Originally Posted by dylanredefined

Ensign Barclay from TNG.
Fred and weasley from buffy the vampire slayer
Harry potter obviously
The cast of twilight for lols

Harry Potter? Are you kidding me?? The kid jumps down a dark cave to face a giant ass snake that could kill people with a look and all he had was his giant ballz of steel.

If that isn't epic, I don't know what is.

[CnB]

Originally Posted by dylanredefined

I was thinking more turning them into sparkly dealers of death to countless
hordes of xenos .Their eyes meeting over the piles of corpses as the world burns
and only their love of the emperor is brighter than the love they share.

Please put the pitchfork down I am only joking

The Pretty Marines already have that base covered.

Originally Posted by Brian Boru

I.E.: Tsukune Aono from Rosario + Vampire, meet the Von Carnsteins.

He'd recieve a bolter round to the head for his collaboration with Chaos.

[Brian Boru]

that's 40k the Von Carnsteins are warlord vampires from the Fantasy setting, able to summons hordes of skeletons and zombies at a thought.

[Magni]

Originally Posted by dylanredefined

Please put the pitchfork down I am only joking

Oh, and I nominate Shinji from Fate/Stay Night, mostly because he'd most likely meet a horrible, horrible end.

[Brian Boru]

well the idea is that a character is exposed to warhammer, either through the game or through it directly and then take a level in badass. But this can work as well, I still want some of these weenies with the ungodly harems, actually have the 'nads to deserve them AND take advantage of it.

[CnB]

Originally Posted by Brian Boru

well the idea is that a character is exposed to warhammer, either through the game or through it directly and then take a level in badass. But this can work as well, I still want some of these weenies with the ungodly harems, actually have the 'nads to deserve them AND take advantage of it.

Or in Tsukune's case, kill them with sword and FIRE!

[Brian Boru]

Another example

Love Hina(Keitaro grew up in a Fantasy Or(c!!!!!) Tribe.)

Makoto: And why should we have a MALE be the manager.

Keeltaro Gobsmasha': Koz I'z biggur, meana, an tougha den anyone else 'ere. So Sh'urrup an du wot I'z say.

Got that off the Ork translator too bad he had to take it down.

[CommanderRazor]

Just for the lulz... Jim Hawking from Outlaw Star. By weird twist of plot he spends time with some AdMech and then does a stint as a part of an Inquisitor's retinue.

[CnB]

Originally Posted by CommanderRazor

Just for the lulz... Jim Hawking from Outlaw Star. By weird twist of plot he spends time with some AdMech and then does a stint as a part of an Inquisitor's retinue.

Jim didn't lack masculinity or initiative with girls. Heck, he was probably better with women than Jean. He's one of the few examples of a young boy genius in anime that isn't annoying.

[Richardson]

I'm interested/horrified to find out what would happen if Dexter from Dexter's Lab got an admantium ad-mech spine installed.

[CommanderRazor]

Originally Posted by CnB

Jim didn't lack masculinity or initiative with girls. Heck, he was probably better with women than Jean. He's one of the few examples of a young boy genius in anime that isn't annoying.

I'm fully aware of this, hence why I said 'for the lulz'. If he's that competent a whiz kid already, just imagine the result with AdMech tech skillz and Inquistion agent training + OJT badass training.

Besides...Shinji and Keitaro were already taken.

[Unhappy Anchovy]

Originally Posted by Brian Boru

that's 40k the Von Carnsteins are warlord vampires from the Fantasy setting, able to summons hordes of skeletons and zombies at a thought.

Indeed. Here's a revelation. 'Warhammer' does not automatically mean 'Warhammer 40,000'. There are two Warhammer settings.

So I kind of like Twilight plus Warhammer Fantasy. I don't think the von Carsteins are really the best choice. Vlad von Carstein is... well...

Originally Posted by Inheritance, chapter four

Vlad von Carstein fascinated Alten Ganz.
The two of them watched ravens bickering over scraps in the courtyard below. Their dance was filled with savage beauty. The count watched the ravens, mesmerised by their wings and beaks as they fought over the crumbs put out by the cook.
“Fascinating, aren’t they?” the count observed. “So like us, and yet so different. This is basic nature, Ganz. This dance of wings and feathers is nothing more than the survival of the most desperate. It is a fight, every day. Feeding comes down to snatching the bread from the mouth of another bird. It is that or starvation. There is no sharing in their world. The bird willing to blind its brother for the sake of a piece of bread will feed like a king. The one that isn’t, the one that won’t fight for its life, will starve.”
At times there was an intense darkness to the way the Sylvanian count saw the world. He obsessed over the play of life and death. The dance of mortality, he called it. “It is all about movement, Ganz. They dance toward the end of the song.”
“And life is the song,” the cadaverous young man finished, sensing where his master’s thoughts were going.
“Ah, no, life is merely a prelude to the greatest of all songs.” Down below, the hungriest raven took flight, sleek black wings beating, its prize gripped firmly in its beak. The others were left to fight amongst themselves over the last few morsels. “Death is the full rapturous movement. Never forget that, Ganz. Life is but fleeting, death is eternal.”
There were times when the count’s predilection for darkness verged on the nihilistic. Like today, Ganz had found the man standing lonely vigil on the battlements of Drakenhof Castle. His quest for solitude was not uncommon. At sundown he would often come to the highest point of the castle and survey his domain as it unfurled beneath him. The wind pulled at his cloak, whipping it around his legs as he turned away from the squabbling birds.
“Have the cook put out double the amount of scraps tomorrow. I like the birds. They should have a home at Drakenhof.”
“As you wish, my lord.”
On some days the darkness seemed to radiate from Vlad von Carstein’s heart and pulse outwards, consuming not only the man but many of those closest to him. The man was a complex composite of contradictions. Where on the one hand he was ruthless in dealing with those that stood against him, he had it in him to make sure the birds did not go hungry. It was a tenderness he didn’t convey to his fellow man.
In that the Count of Sylvania was an enigma, even to his chancellor.
It wasn’t arrogance. It wasn’t even a symptom of power. It was a genuine indifference to his fellow man.
He walked slowly along the narrow battlements, pausing every few steps to look at some peculiarity he saw in the landscape below. Ganz mirrored his pace step for step as the count moved away from the courtyard to brace himself against a parapet towering over a razor of jagged rocks far, far below. He stayed a hesitant step behind von Carstein. The count was talking, in part to himself, in part to the wind, and of course, to Ganz. He listened to the count’s musing. He never knew what he might hear next: a fragment of long forgotten poetry; an element of philosophy; history so wrapped up in story that it sounded like a cherished memory; or on a day like today, a death sentence.
“Rothermeyer is a thorn in my side, Ganz. He has a greatly inflated opinion of his importance in this life and the next. I want him taken care of. Make him the same offer you made Sturm and Drang. Be persuasive. He has two choices, I do not particularly care which of the two he takes. After Heinz Rothermeyer, pay a visit to Pieter Kaplin. Kaplin is doing his best to make a mockery of my generosity, Ganz. He is playing me for a simpleton, and that cannot be allowed to happen. There will be no choices for Pieter. You will make an example of him. Others will quickly tow the line. If not, they can always be replaced. Just make certain they are in no doubt as to what will happen to them if they continue to defy me.”
“My lord,” Ganz nodded, shuffling back a step. The drop from the battlements was a long one to the rocks below and while von Carstein obviously enjoyed flirting with death, Ganz much preferred the safety of solid ground. His balance was not as unerringly good as the count’s. The man ghosted around the battlements with the preternatural grace and precision of one of those black-winged birds he was so fond of. “It will be as you wish. Pieter Kaplin will rue the day he incurred your wrath.”
“You make me sound like an animal, Ganz. Remember, there is beauty in all things. Is the wolf driven by wrath when it stalks its tender prey? Were those birds down in the courtyard driven by blood fury?” He shook his head to reinforce the point he was making. “No, they kill through necessity, through nature, they are killers through need. The gods made them and placed that basic need within their spirit. They need to kill. So they make a beautiful dance of the savagery, they don’t seek to tame the wild beast within them. In that they are so unlike humans. Humans seek to subvert nature, to tame the savage beast that lurks within their soul. They build monuments and temples to gods who knew the darkness of their own souls and used it to their advantage. They revere Sigmar and his mighty warhammer, conveniently forgetting that that very warhammer was a tool of death. They wall themselves in. Build houses of sticks and stones and call themselves civilised. Humans are weak, they fear what might happen if their bestial nature is unleashed. They forget that there is beauty in all things—even the darkness—when they should be embracing it.” Von Carstein lapsed into silence, lost in thoughts of death and beauty.
This was another aspect of the count’s personality: his mood could swing abruptly from merely thoughtful to this deeply melancholic brooding as he lost himself inside his own labyrinthine thoughts. It afforded him an air of introspection. The man was quite obviously brilliant, blessed with an intellect verging on sheer genius, he was well read and versed in every subject he cared to talk about and quick enough of wit to read people as well as he read those books.

Introducing Vlad to the Cullens is not going to make them any more awesome. Vlad kind of likes to brood and write poetry about the melancholy of life and the beauty of darkness and the exquisite horror of death...

And none of the other von Carsteins will do. Konrad von Carstein would just try to kill them, because he's a raging psychopath. And Mannfred will engage in some terribly convoluted mess of a plan and end up sabotaging it himself and wondering why his own incompetence has brought him low again.

I'm not sure there are really other vampires appropriate. The Strigoi will just kill everyone. Lahmians will turn them to their will, but do nothing to help. The Blood Dragons will enjoy killing them all. And the Necrarchs will ignore them. I would say 'Genevieve Dieudonné meets Twilight', but Genevieve would just realise that it's stupid and go somewhere else.

Originally Posted by Brian Boru

well the idea is that a character is exposed to warhammer, either through the game or through it directly and then take a level in badass.

Here's a secret. Playing either Warhammer game doesn't make a person more 'bad ass'. All the ITGs on SB? They're not really like that.

I mean, you can say 'what if Keitaro Urashima played Warhammer 40,000', and the answer is... he would have a fun hobby. That's all. Maybe instead of collecting stickers, he would collect and paint miniatures. It is not going to change his personality.

I mean, at most he introduces the game to the other residents, and they play it a bit as a hobby, and it continues until Kaolla Su gets too into it and builds a model Titan that connects itself to a nearby outlet, drains electricity, and grows into an unstoppable war machine the size of a house. Then Motoko kills it with a single blow and they agree to not get so caught up in it. You know, basically the mecha-Tama episode combined with the video game RPG episode.

But this can work as well, I still want some of these weenies with the ungodly harems, actually have the 'nads to deserve them AND take advantage of it.

Yeah, because polygyny is so awesome!



Harem anime series are not actually going to be improved by making the heroes Mary Sue ITGs, you know.

Love Hina(Keitaro grew up in a Fantasy Or(c!!!!!) Tribe.)

Makoto: And why should we have a MALE be the manager.

Keeltaro Gobsmasha': Koz I'z biggur, meana, an tougha den anyone else 'ere. So Sh'urrup an du wot I'z say.

Got that off the Ork translator too bad he had to take it down

Do you mean Motoko? Um... I think we saw her sister cut a car in two with a single strike once, and we also saw Motoko kill a titanic apartment-block sized war machine with one strike once. She's tougher than any orc.

Besides, that's not actually funny. That would just be stupid. The premise of the show is a nice guy who's a bit of a loser helping out half a dozen girls with their various problems and learning to be more confident himself as a result. An alteration to a show ought to keep to the spirit of the show.

[Brian Boru]

wow what a kill joy

To be honest Keitaro is not a nice guy, he's a coward, who's been brow-beaten and demolished by women who ought to be in a mental institute that has three meters thick concrete walls and is buried half a mile under the bedrock.
Seriously the guy could be eating a sandwhich and somehow he'll get the tar beaten out of him. He's not forgiving, he's a damn masochist, I just felt the guy ought to have some way to fight back, o.k. my rant is over.

I think with Konrad that's the idea.

[Unhappy Anchovy]

No, Keitaro's fine. The problem is that the universe hates him. It is practically a law of physics in Love Hina-verse that anything that happens, will always happen in the way most incriminating to Keitaro. But it's never genuinely his fault, and to be fair, I would have self-esteem issues too if whatever god of fate hates Keitaro so much had it in for me. It's not masochism, since it's always an accident.

I'm not sure why you say he's a coward. What has he done that's particularly cowardly? I can remember him standing in front of a rock and getting Motoko to practice the ni-no-tachi on him, and it seems to me that sort of thing does take a fair bit of courage. He has a bad self-image, but he's not actually lacking in courage. That's kind of the point. Keitaro is only a loser because he thinks he's a loser.

Most of the women are okay. The only really problematic one is Naru, due to casual domestic abuse and all that. The rest of them have their issues, but they're all more or less understandable.

Should he fight back?

Originally Posted by Daodejing, trans. D. C. Lau

Highest good is like water.
Because water excels in benefiting the myriad creatures
without contending with them and settles where none
would like to be, it comes close to the way.

All right, so I'm being pretentious.

Should he fight back? It depends on what you mean by 'fight back'. Should he sit down and try to talk to Naru rationally and calmly? Yes, of course. But that's pretty much it. The only problem is the violence, and that's done pretty much only by Naru and occasionally Motoko. If he talked to them about that properly, and got them to hang a sign on the door to the springs or something, everything would be fine. That he doesn't do it is a mistake, but a small one.

But he shouldn't try to assert dominance or anything. He should be more confident, but he's generally pretty good at listening to the other tenants and their problems, when fate isn't contriving embarrassing situations between them.

[Imperator Pax]

geez he's right though killjoy anchovy... mind you we're kind of used to it so no biggie.

On to the point instead of Shinji from FSN how about Shiro