Breaking In Louise (ZnT Discussion) Pt 3

I'd just like to say I also liked the Dumbledore snippets, and would definitely like to see more

Hmm... has anyone mentioned Tavi from Codex Alera?

I think he was mentioned a few times in Thread 1, not sure about the Breaking of, pretty sure someone did a fic about Kitai, but beyond that I don't know.

Hookay then. Hmm... a Persona user?

Machina Cava Part 4

Fourth Kikaider snippet. Keeping my fingers crossed that I timed this post better.

Jiro was somewhat difficult to slip into. I hope I succeeded in conveying his 'voice' in this piece. Also decided to title this piece. It's bad latin, but it should mean "The Hollow Machine".

Snippet 1
Snippet 2
Snippet 3

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The doors parted to reveal a grand, ceremonial room, illuminated by tinted glass windows that overlooked the academy's gardens. Three long, carved wooden tables, each filled with students wearing coats matching their year, stretched the length of the room, running parallel with one another. Overlooking them was an elevated table that ran along the wall, where the staff dined and talked among themselves. Servants busied themselves between the tables, pushing along carts filled with food to deliver to the ravenous students.

The din of the hall was amazing after the comparable quiet of the previous day, and Jiro's ears whined as his audio receptors adjusted their filters. Still, it was a welcomed distraction. Louise smiled, gesturing grandly at the hall and all its inhabitants.

"I hope you understand what an honor this is. Not many commoners are allowed to dine in Alviss Dining Hall," she proclaimed proudly. Jiro absently nodded, taking in the scene, though that was a feint to prevent the girl from seeing his frown.

-Mistress Vallière is so kind.- The voice whispered at the edge of his consciousness. -We don't deserve her favor after our disloyalty.-

Jiro's arms tensed momentarily, and he was glad he had put some distance away from the others. He barely restrained himself from lashing out, and forced himself to school his features. His eyes flickered, expanding his receptors to scan the EM spectrum of the room.

While he had managed to trace the source of the new whisper, he couldn't understand how those etched carvings on his right hand could have altered his circuitry to act as a receiver. Nor could he understand where and how it was being broadcasted to him. Once again, his scans proved futile. Whatever the signal was continued to elude him.

Was this magic outside his range of detection? Even when these humans were levitating the previous day, he could see no distortion to signify how they were performing that feat.

It was like Gil's damnable flute again, he mused distastefully.

"Familiar?" Louise prodded his side. Or attempted to, pulling her hand back to rub at it thoughtfully after her nudging failed to budge his pseudo flesh. She muttered softly to herself, though his sensitive ears still heard every word. "It feels like mother's old armor..." She shook the thought off, noticing he was paying attention to her, and frowned back at him. "Pay attention when I'm speaking to you. Don't make me regret this favor by embarrassing me."

Jiro blinked, mentally playing back the last few moments of memory. "You were telling me about the history of the hall, and the symbol of your status as nobles," he told her blankly. Louise started, caught flatfooted when her attempt at calling him out backfired.

"Err, yes, right. In any case, we're blocking the door. Come now. We don't have much time before classes start." Nodding imperiously, she motioned him to follow, and headed towards the center of the three tables.

-Mistress Vallière commands us to follow.- The voice whispered again. He felt Gil's Submission Chip stir in response to the command, echoing the whisper's suggestion.

[Obey, Kikaider. Obey, Kikaider.]

He trembled, tempted to leave the room to spite the twin commands. But Louise was earnestly trying to reach out, even if her offered kindness was useless to him. Being a machine, he didn't need sustenance like she did.

Still, that look she had when he had revealed a bit of his past...

Jiro sighed, and followed before Louise noticed him lagging behind. He would leave at the earliest convenience, before anyone questioned why he wasn't eating.

As he moved passed, he logged the conversations of the students watching him. Most barely glanced at him before resuming their conversations. Others however, whispered among themselves in speculation.

"Who do you suppose that is?"

"Maybe the Headmaster hired him for the Familiar Evaluation Fair?"

"No, that's the commoner that The Zero summoned."

"What? Oh Founder, is it possible to fail that badly?"

The Zero? Jiro noted curiously that Louise seemed to be struggling to keep her posture upright. Her petite shoulders tense as she took a seat far from the others. He stood an arms length from her, gazing curiously at the girl's back as she tried to maintain a strong appearance. She signaled to the servants, and a flustered maid hurried to obey, pushing a dining cart filled with steaming plates.

Louise eyed the cart, gesturing to the plate she desired. The maid set the dish onto the table for the girl, and poured a fresh cup of tea for the noble. "Will that be all, Mistress?" The maid asked demurely, keeping her gaze respectfully bowed.

"Oh, yes. A bowl of soup and some bread for my Familiar," Louise ordered, eyes flickering to Jiro who remained behind her. The maid glanced at him, her blue eyes blinking in confusion.

"Familiar?" she parroted, looking at him in an expression of mixed fear and sympathy. Louise cleared her throat meaningfully, and the maid stuttered an apology and quickly obeyed. She handed a thoroughly befuddled Jiro a cooling bowl of soup and a loaf of bread, then after quickly bowing to the pair, she scurried away.

Jiro watched her leave, then looked at the plate of food he had been given. Now how was he supposed to cover this up...? He sighed inaudibly, while Louise clasped her hands in prayer, her head bowed before her plate.

"Oh, Great Founder Brimir, and our lady, the Queen, we thank you for this humble meal that you have graciously provided us this morning." A few students reflexively murmured a quiet 'amen' before resuming their own meals. Louise eagerly tucked in, and from the sounds of it, was enjoying her breakfast greatly.

Jiro smiled lightly at the girl's antics, gazing around the room again. He stopped momentarily, his eyes meeting a bald professor-the same man he met the day before-who was observing him curiously. The man flushed at being caught, and quickly returned to his meal.

"Excuse me." A soft voice called his attention. Jiro turned and spotted the blue haired girl he had encountered on the roof last night. She stood beside a taller, mature looking red head with tanned skin. In her arms was his denim jacket. Wordlessly, the smaller girl held out his garment to return it. Louise seemed indecisive on whether to question the bluenette on why she had his jacket, or glare hostilely at the red head.

Jiro however, saw an excuse. "Thank you," he remarked, setting his food down on the table to accept his jacket. The girl nodded, stepping back. Though her gaze lingered on his guitar, and she bit her lip lightly in hesitation.

"Listen again?" she asked quietly, barely audible with the ambient noise. Her friend gave him a thoughtful look, which wasn't missed by Louise, who was looking at him sharply as well.

"Maybe later," Jiro said, making no promises. The girl nodded acceptingly, and went to find a seat. Her friend smiled saucily to him, raising a finger to her lips as she hummed.

"That must be some song you played, Minstrel, to get Tabitha to open up like that," she praised lightly. Louise's venomous glare only caused her to giggle, and she traced her fingers on his cheek. Her expression flickered momentarily in confusion, but she recovered as she pulled away. "I'll have to listen in to your concert next time as well," she said huskily, then followed after Tabitha.

"...care to explain yourself, Familiar?" Louise asked hotly once the pair were out of earshot. Jiro rolled his eyes, setting his guitar down as he put his jacket back on.

"Maybe later," he repeated, much to the girl's ire. Back to square one, it seems...

Nice stuff Shuken, can you update quicker, perhaps?
I really want to read more of this.

Sorry about that. I was kind of worried about my post getting overshadowed again by someone else's awesomeness. I took a chance when things started slowing down, so I'm glad you enjoyed this piece.

I already have the next bit in mind, and I'm working out how to get it to flow. It should be up in a few days... sometime tomorrow at the earliest.

Since it seems that all the awesome snippets form the previous threads are getting a revival here: any chance of an update for the Shadow of the Colossus crossover? Those were really great and last I can remember had several authors working on it.

Is it......dead? Please say it isn't!

Noxturna seems to have abandoned it, which means I'm the only one left at it. I might work on it, but with so many open stories, I decided to focus currently on Summoning the Sun for my ZnT fix. I may do various snippets, but no full chapters until I've cleared up my schedule a bit.

Okay, sad to hear that you are left alone with SotC since you have...ähm...okay, to many things to count running in the various threads but at least the idea is not completely dead.

And is it not said that good things come to those who wait? I can wait quite some time for something as awesome as that. Especially since all your works are high quality and thus worth waiting for.


Now for a familiar: how about Yoshi? You know, that nice helpfull dino-ish thing from the Mario games? Looks cute, likes to help, has some usefull and some fun abilities and, depending on how you view his arms, may even be able to wield weapons.

It has also been shown (at least in some of the games) to be able to communicate via simple verbal cues so you could give it rudimentary speech.

And having it eat Fouqets golem limb after limb is a hilarious image....

Would it be out of line to request you stick SotS into it's own thread just as a placeholder or something?

StS chapter 1 is complete, just undergoing beta work at the moment. Should be up in its own thread in a couple of hours.

Yay, was the part that was already online the prologue or was that already a part of ch1?

The stuff already online was a part of it.

Dumbledore pursed his lips as he exited the Hall of Alviss, Louise nowhere to be seen. Withdrawing his wand he laid it across his palm and sub-vocalised a Point Me spell, which obligingly spun around and pointed down the nearest corridor. He followed, repeated the spell at every intersection. It was a slightly more advanced and difficult version of the Point Me spell he was using, since it pointed to the quickest route rather than in the direction of the target. Both had their place, but the version he used needed to be recast at every point the path broke off.

It quickly led him to a familiar floor and he pocketed his wand before gently knocking on Louise’s door. There was no reply, and he opened it carefully. Sitting on the edge of her bed, Louise was crying. It wasn’t the heaving sobs of the distraught, but her lips and the way her palms and curled up fingers were hiding her eyes and nose said it all. Sighing softly, Dumbledore closed the door behind him and strode over to the bed, sitting down next to her.

“Go away,” Louise cried. “Go away, you stupid familiar!” Dumbledore sighed and looked at the wall, waiting patiently. Five minutes passed before Louise began to calm down. “They’re right!” she wailed, just when Dumbledore had thought it was getting better. “I’m the ‘Zero’! I’m useless! I can’t even control my own familiar! My parents are going to be so angry-“ She trailed off and hunched down even more, hiding her face, but no longer crying.

“Here,” Dumbledore said after a moment, reaching into his robes. “Let me show you something. This is Fawkes.” The bird in question looked nothing like the magnificent phoenix he usually was, but some of his orange-gold plumage was beginning to appear amidst the ugly brown. Fawkes stirred in his cupped hand and seemed to remove his head from underneath his wing only with some reluctance.

“It’s an ugly bird,” Louise grumbled dismissively, looking at it for only a moment out of the corner of her eye and sounding like she was still deep in her sulk. “Put it back where you found it, stupid familiar.” The indignant sounding chirp of Fawkes waylaid Dumbledore’s developing expression from a frown to an unwilling little smile.

“Fawkes has been my friend for years,” he said gently. “He is a phoenix. They are vastly intelligent creatures.”

“’ve never heard of them,” Louise mumbled, a loud and suspiciously wet sniff breaking the silence.

“The phoenix lives forever – when it dies it immolates itself and begins again as a chick.” There was a little twitch from Louise as she finally looked up from her lap. “They are intensely loyal and magical creatures.”

“So…it’s like a Familiar?” Louise asked, eying Fawkes with an oddly intense expression. “And you had him in your pocket?”

“Only because he recently had his Burning Day,” Dumbledore explained. “They do well to be near heat and I didn’t have a flame.”

“That’s why I summoned you!” Louise yelled, springing up from her bed and moving to grab Fawkes, who objected by giving her a firm nip on a finger. Yelping, Louise half-dropped him back into Dumbledore’s hand. The elderly wizard looked more amused than anything else. “Don’t you see!” Louise cried, waving her arms excitedly. “I didn’t summon you, I summoned that bird! You only came along because he was in your pocket! That’s my familiar!”

Dumbledore opened his mouth to object to her line of thinking by telling her how Fawkes hadn’t been there when he had been summoned, but she continued on in an excited and ever-so slightly hysteric babble. “I must be fire, then. Hah, I have an immortal bird and she has a stupid lizard! Take that, Kirche!”

“I’m afraid Fawkes isn’t your familiar,” Dumbledore said gently, trying to let her down with the least amount of fuss. “You see-“

“I’m going to be late!” Louise cried, her hands twisting up her long strawberry-blond hair. “You, hold my familiar! I have to get to class, then I’ll talk to Professor Colbert-“ she rushed out the door and Dumbledore sighed in something approaching exasperation.

“It’s alright, Fawkes,” he said to the curious bird. “You cheered her up far more than expected.”



After spending a little time getting Fawkes comfortable in his pocket again, Dumbledore left in search of Louise, thinking it best to head off an unfortunate confrontations with the teachers at the Academy as a result of Louise’s misconceptions. His Point Me spell guided him reliably to a classroom, and he obligingly waited for the voice of the professor (there was a certain cadence and projection to the words that made her vocation unmistakeable) to finish before entering as quietly as possible.

“You really don’t want to do that…” one of the students was venturing.

“This is not a difficult exercise, even for a student, Miss Zerbst. It should be more than within her capabilities. Come up here, Miss Valliere.”

Louise looked nervous – and oddly confident as she stepped up and lifted her wand. Dumbledore could only watch with trepidation as practically every student in the class took shelter behind desks when Louise began to chant. The air grew thick with magical energy that made his beard prickle, and he stepped forward in alarm as the magic manifested itself around the stone.

As the magical energy crackled over the stone that Louise was transmutating with a purplish black hue, even Dumbledore who was completely unfamiliar with the content could sense the instability of the spell. As students huddled behind desks and chairs and Louise forced more magic into the spell, his hand descended into the pocket of his plain robes. There was a momentary flicker in Louise’s magical output, and it was enough for the spell to break free of her control. With an menacing ‘whump’ the matrix of the spell collapsed and the stone cracked down the centre as the magic suddenly exploded in a bright flash of light and a colossal boom which shook the tower.

Arc clockwise with a continuous twist – the tip of Dumbledore’s wand emerged from his pocket already glowing a luminous blue, the shield materialising even as the explosion battered into the barrier with surprising force. The wizard was forced to take a half-step backwards and double the strength of the spell as the explosion disrupted his aegis shield on contact, almost overwhelming it entirely. As the magic of Louise’s spell dissipated Dumbledore lowered the tip of his wand a fraction and the shield dropped, only the slightest ripple of air betraying that it had been there in the first place.

When the dust settled the damage was clear – the wall near where Louise had been standing had the dust knocked straight out of the mortared stone, the blackboard had split in twain and both Louise and the teacher were prone a good two meters away from the epicentre of the explosion. Only a slightest tightening of his jaw betraying his alarm, Dumbledore hurried over and dropped to one knee by Louise, his wand flicking back and forth across her body once then twice, four diagnostic spells whispered under his breath. The knowledge generated by the combination of spells sank into his mind, and his eyebrows shot up. Aside from a slight hairline fracture in her floating rib and surprisingly minor bruising she was completely unharmed. Her unconsciousness was not due to a concussion but some sort of disruptive effect of the explosion. He tapped his wand against her side with a murmured ‘episkey’ and a golden light bloomed from his wand and sank into her flesh, mending the rib instantaneously.

Just the slightest glance at Professor Chevreuse revealed she was already stirring, and another diagnostic spell revealed she had no injuries of note, having been standing further away from the spell than Louise had. Dumbledore straightened up and turned side-on to the class, making sure that they were unharmed more out of instinct after serving so long as Headmaster than any real worry. The reactions were mixed. Kirche was staring at him in obvious surprise, Tabitha was eying him with intense interest, and Guiche had gone completely pale, trembling like a leaf and gripping the edges of his desk so hard that his knuckles turned white.

Ohoho, Guiche, you sort of begin to get a clue. :drevil:

You are a cruel one, leaving us with such a cliffhanger.

That said, I really like how you had Louise thinking Hawkes was to be her familiar. Dumbledore was also pretty well written, a mix of curiosity, and old codgerish attitude with a large dose of common decency. The punchline with Guiche had me laughing, he seems to be the buttmonkey of every ZnT fic, even if he deserves it.

Hoping to see more soon.

Louise is going to be in for a shock.

Can't wait for more.

Her emotional state will be going up and down like a squirrel in a fight.

There's also the fact that he shielded from one of Louise's infamous explosion spells. Not an easy feat.

Well, her next leap of logic (after the "oh no, I mistreated a noble!" moment) would be to conclude that she summoned him because he is the only one who could teach her magic.
Great snippet. I can say only one thing: more, please.

It's more than that. Human Mages don't have those types of shield spells. That sort of magic is something you'd expect out of an Elf in the ZnT setting, not a Human.

True. All of them are elemental.
Just wait until they discovered she summoned him from the afterlife.

Also Loise is a bitch, with how she is treating an old man. Interestingly Catella is the Latin word "little bitch" or "lapdog". Has anyone ever looked up the meaning of Loise's Sister's name?

Cattleya's obviously named after the orchid variety. Unless you're talking about the language of flowers meaning?

There was a snippet somewhere in the first thread I think. They took a very, very different version though. Changed the entire plotline of the first book on.

Drat. Well, there is the obvious solution; To the Cloning Booth!