Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Hiver, Oct 1, 2013.
So... who wants to place bets how long it will take to for him to get re-involve with the Jedi again? My money's on before the first movie.
LETS READ THIS THING! MMMAAAAALLLLBUUUUTOOOORRRRRIIIIUUUUSSSS!!!!
Next part is ready for beta if anyone is free. There might not be a part tomorrow as I think I will be busy.
Send it over here if no one else has offered
The cargo ramp slowly lowered, revealing the royal landing pad. I blinked at the strong sunlight, taking in the sights and smells.
Tel'te did not mention the landing pad was close to the sea, but the air smelled of salt so it couldn’t be that far away.
Guards lined the sides of the platform, carrying weapons, their uniforms ornamental in blues and reds. I did not doubt their deadliness however.
The landing platform was on the end of a path, leading to a large white stone structure. A castle fortress. While it might not match any of the buildings on Coruscant in sheer size, it did match the size of the 'visible' part of the Jedi Temple.
I heard somebody come up behind me and I looked back to find the entire crew starting to gather.
Cronac gave me a nod, the last one to join the group “The ship is secure, Captain. The controls are locked.”
I nodded. “Very Well. Now, everyone on your best behavior. We are the guests of Royalty,” before I started to make my way down the cargo ramp, unable to stop myself from stretching my wings.
Stepping off the ramp onto the hard landing pad I looked around, burring up my feathers before I relaxed again.
I may be very comfortable on board of a ship...well, more than on a planet at the very least. But I had been stuck in a small cargo bay for the last couple of weeks.
Three women were walking down the path towards the landing pad to meet us. I adjusted my carrying harness slightly, smoothing out my feathers somewhat before they reached us.
The old woman wearing a kind of golden gown was leading the small group, before they stopped in front of us, and she looked up at me. “Captain Atreus. Welcome to the Hapes Consortium. I am Tesika, the senior coordinator of the royal palace.”
I nodded, raising my head fathers slightly. “It is a pleasure to meet you and to see this beautiful world.”
She bowed slightly. “The Queen requests your presence, Captain. Accommodations will be found for your crew.”
I nodded once more, looking back and down at my gathered crew. “I will rejoin you later. Remember what we discussed.” I said before I followed this Tesika down the path towards the castle.
What we discussed was to keep their communicators on their persons at all times and to keep an eye out, to treat this place like Nar Shaddaa. I have heard and remembered to many nasty things about the political climate of the Hapes cluster.
“This way if you please, Captain” the old human said, motioning through the door before walking inside.
I followed her in through the gate, looking around, my feathers slightly flattened in worry. It was not being assassinated that worried me, The Force would warn me of any attempt.
No, what worried me was how I should act. Acting like if I was in the galaxy with the rest of The Travelers would not work. I had very little experience actually interacting with dustling royalty.
Treating them like morrigi women might also cause insult.
I looked around as I followed the old human through the nicely decorated hall, the floor a nice marble with slightly darker, but still light stone walls. Paintings, drapes, carpets and beautiful statues all around. Any of them could likely have paid for a new Star Shuttle on its own.
But mainly I was glad that the corridor was large enough for me to move comfortably.
We finally reached an even larger corridor that lead to a second gate of engraved silver that was flanked by a pair of guards. They both tensed up slightly when they spotted me, but neither moved and I felt no danger from them, just nervousness.
Tesika strode forward as the guards pulled the doors open. The throne room was massive. If there wasn’t a roof, I could have landed my old ship in it with room to spare for a YT model or two.
There were several hundred people there, dressed in expensive looking clothing, most of them females but there were also some males among them. All of them human.
They were gathered to the sides of the room, a clear path from the massive doors up to a raised platform with an ornate white throne on top of it. Next to the throne a human female of medium age was standing in a brown robe. Jedi.
In the throne a familiar human female wearing a red silk dress was sitting, her red hair put up in a complicated hairstyle, a diadem with large jewels in it was sitting on her head.
Tesika strode forward. “Presenting Captain Atreus of the Morrigi” she said in a loud, clear voice, getting the attention of anyone that managed to miss a feather covered dragon the size of a large aircar entering the room.
I raised my wings, spreading them wide and high, my tail tip rising to the right and up, showing the plume of feathers at the end, as I spread my head feathers while I also raised my glamor to about medium strength, showing off all my purple and blue feathers to the best possible effect.
Screw all these dustlings.
I am Morrigi, one of the star-born. I will not demean myself to crawl in their dust.
I will act properly.
As the humans say...if they don’t like it, they can suck it.
AN// Big thanks to SakSak for betaing this part
Well, well, well. Fabulous Birddragon is fabulous. I wonder about the Jedi. I guess Ni'korish trusts them after beeing protected by them and the Temple decided to cultivate a good connection by assigning one of their Knights as her permanent bodyguard. I wonder if both of them have been informed of your recent... grievances with the Jedi.
Still, it would be a good idea to play nice for now.
Good so far... interesting too..
Hiver..CH_01a - Khan&Drone, YT-1200, ActOfJedi, Queen No'Korish, Swan
Hiver..CH_02a - Tel'te, Cronac, TheForce, Queen Ni'Korish
Hiver..CH_03a - AnaxaQueenNi'Korish, TwinLightSabre, Atreus, JediAnnoyed, Trouble
Hiver..CH_04a - CaptMart, Anaxa&Ni'Korish, JediBodyguard, CulturePillars
Hiver..CH_05a - HapanYacht, Ni'Korish, Yzhea, BlackPearl, Rebuilt, MyDragon
Hiver..CH_06a - ShipCorridor, KhanEngineer, Sarah, PadmeHonor, Icri, Tel'te
Hiver..CH_07a - Tesika, Atreus&Yzhea, Relationship, Hapes, Trust, Responsibilites
Hiver..CH_08a - Hyperspace, Quarters, Hapes, DustBath, CmdrSwan, Remembrance
Hiver..CH_09a - Corsucant&Cramp, CrewVacation, JediTemple, Yoda&Yzhea, DookuBah
Hiver..CH_10a - YodaInvitation, HyperspaceTravel, Icri&Captain, Jack, Tel'te
Hiver..CH_11a - PillarCoiled, MakingMoney, Mekak, NoNap, Swan&Atreus, CmdrLetes
Hiver..CH_12a - Atreus&Letes, Swan, Droids, Setup?, ThailCorp, Tel'te, DistressJedi
Hiver..CH_13a - Atreus&Qui-Gon, Rescue, SarahHonor, Dooku
Hiver..CH_14a - StarShuttle; Atreus&Cormac, GettingOld, Retirement
Hiver..CH_15a - NarShaddaa, Swan, AutumnFlower, Atreus&GalugaTheHutt, Location&Fee, CargoFTRs
Hiver..CH_16a - Atreus&Galuaga, PodRacing, Location, ThoseFolks, Jack&Swan, Hunting
Hiver..CH_17a - Tel'te&Atreus, AutumnFlower&Remembrance, CaptMart, Jack, Crows, Droids
Hiver..CH_18a - CapturedCrew, Atreus&Mart, Swan, Vaccine&Andris, TheGlassHand
Hiver..CH_19a - Atreus&Sandis, ReleasingCrew, Swan, Keltor, Force, DarkSide, Holocron
Hiver..CH_20a - Atreus&Yoda, DarkSide, GlassHand, SmallKids, MeditateYounglings
Hiver..CH_21a - Atreus&Mekak, Corusuant, RetirementCormac, NicoleMara, NonJedi, JobOffer
Hiver..CH_22a - Nicole&Atreus, ex-JediHired, Nemar, Greetings, Swan, Concerns, CargoRun
Hiver..CH_23a - BridgePillar; HoloMsg, Atreus, GlassHand, ExtortionDebt, YodaDebt
Hiver..CH_24a - Dooku&Atreus, Qui-Gon, Yoda, ChitChat, Lunch
Hiver..CH_25a - HyperspaceTatooine, Mara&Atreus, JediCode, MasterZebb, Tears
Hiver..CH_26a - Dooku&QuiGon, Atreus&Glasshand, MeetingPlace, Payment, JediAurodium
Hiver..CH_27a - FullScan, Qui-Gon&Dooku, Atreus&GlassHand, Tracer, Shields, Swan
Hiver..CH_28a - Jedi, PileDrivers, Krayt&Atreus, Crows, Freighters, Cruisers, Disabled
Hiver..CH_29a - CAPirates, Tel'te&Atreus, Jack&Swan, Jedi, Crows
Hiver..CH_30a - Tel'te&Swan, Aterus&Dooku, PlayingPossum
Hiver..CH_31a - BattleDamages, Assessments, Jack&Drones, Hailing, Atreus&Kiran, Dooku&Warnings
Hiver..CH_32a - Alderaan, Police&Pirates, Repairs, Padme, Report, Atreus
Hiver..CH_33a - Repairs&Replenishments, Alderaan, Nicole&Atreus, CargoHold, CyrstalCity
Hiver..CH_34a - TransmittedCargoPlans, CrevasseCity, Atreus, Show, JediNSith
Hiver..CH_35a - ToldanSystem; Thail, CargoLost, NoBug, OperationalSecurityLeak
Hiver..CH_36a - TrapSprung, Atreus&Mekak, DarkSideForce, YOUWILLPAY!, Nicole, Swan&Jack, JediTemple
Nice to see Atreus meeting up with old friends. And taking advantage of the immunity of the aforementioned in order to dazzle an entire courtroom. I'm curious whether the Jedi bodyguard will be effected.
Also, if Atreus is still looking for something to do, he could always put a hand at desigining a suit of space-capable armour for that Hutt lord Galuga. I seem to recall that suggestion coming up in the previous thread, before the question of what Atreus was going to do with his free time was raised.
Jedi are like cats. You can't leave them alone near expensive things. Keep an eye on them and you will never lose anything.
Then he should probably let his crew know that there are Jedi about, just so they aren't surprised when the excrement impacts the rotary impeller.
And talk louder than necessary so the others present can clearly hear him, rub it in a little that he still isn't happy with them.
I think he's more unhappy with Dooku, he really owed a lot to Yoda. That kind of conversation would be called for if he saw Dooku, those like him, not so much others.
On the other hand, make sure to mention that he stole and destroyed a home to use it as a cheap ballistic weapon if you do. Should be bonus points for hitting negative responses in a broader racial/cultural section with theft, vandalism, wastefulness, and being an ####.
I thought that the Hapes ruling cast hates Jedi because most of the men charged off to deal with a pirate problem and got them selves killed while the Jedi did nothing some time ago.
After a certain point, the grammar errors started to get to me, so I've pointed a few of them out below:
Queue. A cue is a reminder or prompt.
My crew and I; had; was.
Comma needed following the bolded word.
An "and" is needed before popping; appears.
Period needed following "hands".
Period needed following "shrugged"; seems.
The period after "that" should be a comma; period needed after "moment"; has.
Period needed following "nodded"; has; has; the period following "do" should be a comma; period needed following "bulkhead".
The period following "commander" should be a comma. If I were properly prereading this (I didn't bother with errors preceding the point where I started quoting; that's where they got grating enough for me to start pointing them out, and I'm not generally going for prose style anyway), I'd suggest you'd rework this paragraph as well -- it's incredibly awkward phrasing.
Star Wars. Can't live without them.
♪ It's back, It's back, IT'S BACK ♪ Rejoice as it is baaack ... Now watching how our favourite Space Dragonbird is going to be deal with nobility and royalty is going to be fun. Also £5 on the Jedi screwing things up.
Now Lord Hiver, Master of the SI and unit of measurement for output of delicious fiction, may I make a humble request. For those coming to watch the Dragonbird of space for the first time could we please have a link to the index for the first fic I made in the first post? ~ Here be Dragons Index
So I can have more likes* so that those first time readers can go through the first thread with more ease.
*For the Precious, yes for the Precious Gollum Gollum
Got to love that dragon mindset.
Good to see this going again.
Still think you should go see the blue giraffe people about cloning your race back into existence. I can’t imagine they would be stopped by a limited sample size.
...Eh. I'm still waiting for the reveal that someone chucked a Suul'Ka into the verse somewhere, even if trapped. Because, y'know.
And ROBs are jerks!
Joking, joking. I'm thrilled ta see the exploits of the Semi-Fabulous Space Dragonbird once more! (He's only semi-fabulous at the moment because his armor got exploded. If he'd had that bit of bling handy, he'd be Absolutely Fabulous.) Good to see your muse brought this back!
On the cloners: Ehhh, that could go either way. On the upside, hey, more Fabulous Space Dragonbirds. On the downside, from an outside point of view, since the Fabulous Space Dragonbirds are all inherently force sensitive, apparently, given that Mind Tricks are literally their mating dance, giving ol' Palpy and his cloners access to Clonable Force Users just seems like it'll end in tears, explosions, and Hyper Kinetic Weapon Strikes.
...So, hey, win-win either way for my amusement!
I thought the hapes cluster was descended from pirates, which is why not a big fan of jedi as they stomped them.
Does he have access to an alternative ftl, as it would potentially allow them access to more sytems in the cluster, potentially allowing them to map out more hyperspace routes to use.
Just re read the first story and the index is missing a few updates, there are a few more updates after part 50.
Close, the Hapes Cluster was originally settled by a band of Pirates called the Lorell Raiders. Said pirates then brought back the best looking women from every world they raided, which is why Hapan are all hot. The Jedi eventually wiped out the Lorell Raiders leaving the women in charge of the now Matriarchial society. As a result the Hapan were actually favorable inclined towards the Jedi. It was Queen mother Ta'chume who reigned during the Rebellion Era who was anti-Jedi
I just realised, when count dooku get all evil, wanna bet he will still not be happy with the guy who threw away his lighsaber and bashed him up?
HOLY SHIT YESSSSSSSSSSSS! im so so so happy to see this continued glory to the dragonbirds!!!!