1. The Rules of Spacebattles are now in a convenient location. Read them. Do it now.
  2. Isil`Zha has been promoted to full Administrator.

    [Oppression Intensifies]

  3. Are you good at managing/creating Xenforo styles? Do you want to work on making SB's custom style even betterer? If so, PM The Observer!

Magica Whatever Veneficsomethingsomething

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by TheOneMoiderah, Dec 30, 2012.

  1. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    Because the old thread is as good as dead...I don't even fuckin-

    Welp, I'ma back after a nice long hiatus, because I tried rewriting. And rewriting. And doing the chapter over. Only to figure out something. Something horrible. Something true:

    "This fucking sucks. No, seriously. This fanfiction is fucking terrible."

    To confirm this, I reread all the chapters. Needless to say, that was a bad idea.

    So now as I trek through the Valley of Defilement fucking whatever, I shall now open up some kind of thread or some shit. Because discussion. Also, people liked the story for reasons that I truly have failed to grasp. So here, I'll be putting things involving the rewrite of the full story that I am currently doing, such as world building. And hatred. And something.

    If you like terrible prose and writing-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, have a link.
    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6893660/1/Magica-Madoka-Veneficus-Puella

    Trope page. Because anybody can get a page up within seconds.
    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/MagicaMadokaVeneficusPuella

    The original two threads:
    http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/magica-madoka-veneficus-puella.192132/

    http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/mmvp-ze-second.202149/#post-6603025

    And yes, the final chapters are being written, but there are many corrections that I need to get through before I post either of them. I'll be using this thread for a few reasons. One, because Spacebattles has a nice fun community and I really like it here. Two, criticism. Three, hilarity. Four, criticism. Five, redundancy.

    Not asking for a complete tear-down (though that was a nice kick in the pants), but some guidance helps.

    But then again, if I need a tear-down, don't be fucking afraid to give it.

    Now, I'll be talking about the rewrite eventually (tentatively called MMVP:R because THAT'S SO ORIGINAL GUIZE), as I already have a world built, plans around it, and actually have a list of characters to kill. Because that was something I was way, way too skittish about before.
  2. The Gods have blessed us! This story is going to leave the clutch of the jaws of dead Fanfics
  3. Retsof Pocky?

    I too, express my joy at this (hopefully) leaving limbo. I don't know where you got the idea that it sucks, but if it leads to something even better who am I to argue. In regards of characters to kill, does this mean that Madoka's wish for her friends to survive will be changed? or will it be side-characters? (though you will doubtlessly make their deaths a gut-punch regardless).
  4. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    The wish will remain the same. Side-characters will be given more screen time and will also be expendable. I can't change the wish, as that is part of the point.

    And I got the idea from reading both prose from better authors and then looking at my own. Lots of orphaned lines looking for families[quotedirectlyfromdalekix] and plenty of really redundant language that was repetitive. Also, I felt that the story started to choke about halfway through.

    About damn time, too. Nobody likes the clutch of the jaws of dead fanfics.
  5. *arches eyebrow*

    Heh.
  6. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    HA HA HA HA-fuck.

    Well, the chapter was actually written in July, only to pass through several people. Bones actually disappeared, and Ix took forever to read it, only to wind up being really busy. Thankfully, he's done now, and I just have to finish correcting the chapter.
  7. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    Lines from the rewrite. Because rewrite.

    ---


    'The universe is destined to die. Particles act as they are meant to, reacting in predictable manners, repeatedly, over and over again. Logical thought is a way to counteract the flow of matter towards death, but only slightly. It still runs on a set path; using the most efficient method to accomplish a goal. Because of this, we, as Incubators, are trapped by linearity.

    'But humanity circumvents that. Logic gives way to emotion. Whatever isn't "ethical" is considered monstrous and sick by your people. Efficiency means nothing with you, because if the efficient method is "unethical," it is instantly discarded.

    'This is why humanity and, by extension its emotion, is the ultimate source of energy. This is why emotion is so powerful. It defies natural order. It eschews reality for something else. If it weren't for this power, none of us would have bothered with this planet, instead attempting to compress hydrogen clouds into stars in a desperate bid to prevent the heat death of our universe.

    'And that, Madoka, is why your species is necessary for this process. It's why we've been with you since the start of time.'

    "If that's the case...if we're so special, then why do you manipulate us? Why not just harvest us like cattle?"

    'We do not manipulate you. That is your own choice. We grant your wishes, but what happens next is completely up to chance. And to answer your second question...we already do.'
  8. Retsof Pocky?

    I have a question about the rewrite. If you still include Homura almost breaking the planet when she contracts, will there be more of an effect afterwards? You had that bit where pretty much everyone in the city had a front-row seat to the many deaths of Madoka, and it was just kind of brushed off, with a side mention about counselling being available. Especially Junko, who seemed to just bounce right back immediately. I know I'd be seriously screwed up of I was forced to watch a young girl die over and over again, not to mention a daughter.
  9. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    Yeah, if and when it happens again, expect more of an effect. That annoyed the hell out of me when I looked at it.
  10. Retsof Pocky?

    Oh, I forgot in my other post, but may I make a small request? I think it's be neat to see a recovered remnant of Elsa Maria:
    [IMG]

    I admit it is somewhat because of her appearance in a certain other fic, but I also noticed in the show that she is the most human-looking witch there.
  11. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    If she does come back as a remnant, I can guarantee that her existence would be far less forgiving than Yoshio's. Especially given the plans I have for her.

    Also, I call this as Sayaka's theme.

  12. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    And again, a big rule is that people can die this time. I just need to figure out when certain characters either outlive their usefulness or how much other characters will need them at that one critical point.

    Also, fight sequences. Descriptions are redone. Fight scenes and witches are redone. Mami breaks her arm in the first fight. Hitomi actually bloody does something and doesn't drop from the story for no fucking reason. Witches cause damage. Collateral is actually examined. Madoka regrets a whole lot of shit.

    And for the finale of the original, you get a choice! You can pick a red, a blue, or a green explosion.
  13. Green, red and blue all at once. Technicolor!
  14. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    Good enough. Technicolor explosion from hell!
  15. *raises eyebrow*

    Considering Witch deaths have previously, and consistently, been described as coloured explosions of fractals?

    Hmm...
  16. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    Ergo, technicolor explosions from hell.
  17. I thought that might somehow look like something related to witchs
  18. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    It was just a bad joke based on a certain infamous shitty ending. The actual ending involves Mitakihara being reduced to nothing.
  19. I played ME3, yes.

    I also have a tendency to look too deeply into what others say, and in conjunction with your comment that characters can die, well...

    The actual ending... Meh. That's perfectly fine.
  20. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    Hooray!

    But at this point, I just want to finish the fic. I mean, if I can end it without it turning to pure shit, that'll be a bonus.

    The rewrite currently has three chapters done and a fourth one halfway through. Everything else is planned, and all I need is a proofreader.

    Linkhyrule5 looks to be a nice candidate for that.
  21. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    ...Progress is slow. Even slower is gathering motivation to actually finish correcting the damn thing.
  22. TheOneMoiderah Healing-Type

    I killed it. With a knife. This fanfiction is no more. It is a stiff. Bereft of life. It rests in peace. If it weren't a fanfiction it would be pushing up the daisies. My writing processes for it are now history. It's off the twig. Shuffled off the mortal coil. Run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' CHOIR INVISIBLE.

    THIS. IS AN EX. FANFIC.

    The rewrite, on the other hand, now has five chapters done, with another eight to be completed before I post anything. Yaaaaaaaaay.
  23. Goddamn it QB. Why you have to force the near end of the world
    Awaiting the rewrite with complete fanaticism.
  24. Retsof Pocky?

    Allrightey then. I'll be watching...
  25. *points and laughs*

    Heh.

    Any chance of dropping a rough outline for what you had planned, or will you save it entirely for the rewrite?

Share This Page