Mobile Fighter Evangelion (AU/NOT a Gundam Crossover)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Ultra Sonic 007, Jul 11, 2010.

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  1. /September 15, 2015/

    /Test Chamber AGTT, NERV-1, Tokyo-3, Japan/

    “Initiate activation system, Phase Two!”

    “Pilot link-up initiated. Synapse inserted, nerve junctions connected!”

    “All circuits are online; all nerve links check out normal!”

    “Preparing for 3rd stage connection; nearing absolute borderline!”

    “Zero-point-seven…zero-point-five…zero-point-three…zero-point-one…”

    The calm, periodic beeping suddenly transformed into a roaring klaxon. The orderly build-up of lights and sound reversed in a chaotic fashion, inciting panic.

    “IMPULSES ARE FLOWING BACKWARDS!!!”

    The sound of wrenching metal.

    “WE HAVE REJECTION OF THE CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM!”

    “The emergency shut-down signal’s been ignored! UNIT-00’S MOVING ON ITS OWN!”

    Professor Gendo Ikari resisted the urge to call the tech an idiot. He could see the Evangelion moving just fine, thank you very much.

    A crash of male and female voices echoed through the monitoring station around him, the pale halogen lights contrasting with the flashing yellows, reds, and greens of the equipment. Through the reinforced safety glass, the same shade of orange as his glasses, he could see the equally-orange Unit-00 breaking free of its restraints.

    An animalistic roar echoed through the white test chamber, the Evangelion gripping its head as though it were gripped by a migraine.

    To be fair though, given the exact mechanical, biological, and metaphysical processes occurring, he couldn’t blame the titanic weapon of war.

    Hydraulics and timed explosives propelled the power plug from the Evangelion’s back, whereupon it crashed onto the floor.

    The beast still moved.

    “Thirty seconds of battery power remaining!”

    “It’s gone berserk! Get away from the windows!”

    As if in response to what little time it had left, the Evangelion smashed its fist into the reinforced glass. Simultaneously, a long white cylinder rocketed out of the back of the Evangelion’s neck, rockets slamming into the corner where it futilely tried to escape. Unmindful of this, the orange giant continued to attack.

    “The Entry Plug has been jettisoned!”

    “The Evangelion’s still moving!”

    The titan’s red eye seemed to focus on everyone in the room.

    The techs and scientists backed away; Gendo remained stalwart.

    Until he stepped aside, right as the metallic fist crashed into the monitoring station. Unit-00’s roars were painfully loud, Gendo noted casually. “Rather feisty, aren’t you?”

    Suddenly, the titan retreated, hands clutching its head before it began to ram the wall repeatedly. The cyclops’s eye began to fracture as it continued to headbutt the wall, over and over and over and OVER-

    “Ibuki! Start the bakelite suppression system!”

    “Yes senpai!”

    “Ibuki, get me a preliminary diagnostic of the First Child’s condition!”

    “Yes ma’am!”

    Red streams of synthetic polymer guzzled out of the walls, encasing the mad beast in a rapidly-solidifying plastic.

    Then, in a sudden fit of silence, Unit-00 stopped.

    “Power’s out.”

    Gendo Ikari quietly looked out the window at the cylinder sitting listlessly on the floor. “What’s the pilot’s condition?”

    “Shaken up, sir; we’ve got some simple fractures on the left side, but she seems to be conscious otherwise.”

    Without saying another word, Gendo reached into the folds of his cloak and pulled out what looked like a large pistol of sorts, save for the presence of a reel containing yards of a polymer-based tether and a metallic plate was attached to the barrel. With the pull of the trigger, it shot the plate out at high speed towards the ceiling, tether trailing behind. A loud clunk echoed through the air as it clung to the metal tile on the ceiling.

    Gendo calmly swung out the window, his weight causing the tether to lengthen. As he lowered himself to the floor, he took note of the sounds emanating from the Entry Plug. It sounded akin to…frustrated pounding.

    With a simple flip of a switch (where the safety lock would normally be, by the trigger), the plate demagnetized and fell, right as Gendo’s feet touched the ground. Holding the Mag-Gun above his head, the Professor calmly let the tether reel the plate in with an audible snap and click before advancing towards the cylinder.

    BANG. BANG. BANG.

    A white-clad foot kicked the door open. Sounds of muffled grunting could be heard as the pilot gingerly extracted herself from the Entry Plug, right leg first. Clothed in a skintight bodysuit of white, the girl ignored the streams of orange fluid in her blue hair before quietly standing up, heavily favoring her left leg. The girl’s red eyes, calm and cool – despite the growls of pain that rumbled through her throat – focused immediately on the Professor.

    Then she saluted. “Sir! Apologies for the failed activation, sir!”

    “…” Gendo sighed, his eyes hidden by his orange shades. “It’s not your fault. We didn’t anticipate Unit-00’s…visceral reaction.” He brought a hand up to his ear, pressing a switch on a hidden earpiece. “Dr. Akagi.”

    Sir?

    “Get medical attention for the Sergeant.”

    On it sir!

    Grunting (and sounding rather irritated), Gendo looked down at Rei. Still standing, despite the obvious pain. “At ease.”

    “Yes sir!” Rei calmly lied down, letting her broken limbs splay out along the white floor. The smell of bakelite mixed with LCL, giving the air a pungent, industrial odor. “…permission to speak freely, sir?”

    “Granted.”

    “Sir…the Third Angel is predicted to appear in less than two weeks.”

    “Reminding me of information I already know doesn’t tell me what you want to know, Sergeant.”

    “Acknowledged sir, but…what if my body does not heal in time?”

    “For now, you wait for the medics. The situation is under control, as always.” With that, Gendo spun around, his navy blue cloak fluttering behind him as he walked towards the personnel door at the bottom of the test chamber. Looking back one last time at Unit-00’s immobile form, he pressed his earpiece. “Fuyutsuki.”

    Yes Professor?

    “…we have a situation.”

    …have we lost control?

    “No. We have less than I’d like though.”

    Is something wrong with the First Child?

    “She won’t be able to pilot effectively in time for the Third Angel.” As he spoke, Gendo entered the personnel door, setting foot into the small elevator that would return him to the monitoring station.

    That’s…not good.

    “Fortunately, I have a back-up plan.”

    You’ve told me about your back-up plan. You’ve never wanted to use it.

    “You were simply allowing an old student to indulge in some fantasy. In reality, he and I both knew that this day would come, when he would return to Tokyo-3.”

    You just wish that the reunion would have been delayed.

    “Forgive a man for wanting his son to enjoy his last days of peace.”

    A hearty laugh. “It always pleases me to hear you getting parental. Reminds me that you’re still human.

    “Just send the message. It should already be programmed with what I have to say.”

    Yes sir, Professor.

    Having said that, Gendo remained silent as he stared the clear windows of the elevator. As it ascended, his piercing eyes took in Rei Ayanami being attended to by a pair of medics. Looming behind her was Unit-00, the hardened bakelite making it seem like a dreaded behemoth imprisoned against its will.

    How true that was. “Well Yui…it seems like we’ll be seeing our son sooner than I thought.”

    xxxx

    (Cue A Cruel Angel’s Thesis)

    Ultra Sonic 007 presents…

    (The image of three Evangelions – one blue, one violet, one red – appears in the background)

    A Dreaming Landsman-K9 Production...

    (In front of each Evangelion, respectfully, is a stern, frowning Rei Ayanami, a determined, stalwart Shinji Ikari, and a grinning, skipping Asuka Langley Sohryu)

    MOBILE FIGHTER EVANGELION

    Evangelion: The NORMAL Giant Robot Anime…


    (The Pilots and the Evangelions flash and vanished, replaced by the Giant of Light before everything dims to black…)

    xxxx

    Author's Note: So. How do I explain this?

    Well, I’m on a bit of an Evangelion kick thanks to Nobody Dies (by GreggHL; it's awesome and you should READ IT). It’s to the point where I’ve bought the box set of the entire original anime. Meanwhile, here on this forum, I’ve been following the dedicated update thread to Gregg’s story (writing various omakes, as readers of that thread have probably noticed). In the course of this, I made a note of how, long ago (as a young lad when Pokemon was first popular in America, during the era of Red/Blue), I caught notice of Dark Horse advertisements for the Evangelion manga on the back of a Pokemon comic. It featured the iconic image of Shinji Ikari, Rei Ayanami, and Asuka Langley Sohryu standing side-by-side, with Unit-01’s face looming in the background.

    The image codified my perception of their personalities, thinking of it as a standard, if popular, Giant Robot anime. Shinji as the Goku-esque Determinator, Rei as the snarky and icy-cold Drill Sergeant McNasty, and Asuka as the innocent, happy-go-lucky comic relief.

    Imagine my shock when I saw the anime years later. I was off. Waaaay off.

    But the idea intrigued various people. I posted a snippet. It caught attention.

    And now I can’t get the idea out of my head.

    It's called a 'Dreaming Landsman-K9 Production' due to the influences of Gregg Landsman and the assistance of AmIADream and K9TheFirst in terms of story ideas.

    Now...let's see how far we go with this.
    EVA-Saiyajin, stark40763 and Cyrus 21 like this.
  2. AmIADream A mere figment

    *Ahem*

    We're gonna rock this town. Rock it inside out.

    This is going to kick major ass.
  3. shanejayell Rebel without a Pause

    *claps*

    I LOVE the scene were Gendo calmly fires a cable gun and swings down to Unit-00. SO CRACKY. ^__^
  4. TheFourthman Stranger in a strangeland

    Heavy voice: You did well! You are credit to forum!

    Ahem..

    Dude I loved your Metal Gear stuff.. but this is something else.. I look forward to reading this..

    Oh.. And Gendo with a grappel gun is all kinds of fun..
  5. Just as a word of warning; don't expect me to be as prolific a writer as Gregg. I'm not that gifted.
  6. AmIADream A mere figment

    Don't underplay yourself. You're not Gregg, you have your own talents.
  7. Nonono, not in that manner. I'm just talking about in terms of sheer writing speed.

    Gregg's just...crazy when it comes to speed.

    Anyhow, this project actually gives me an excuse to rewatch the original Evangelion anime (just got the box set recently for cheap; less than 50 dollars!). I'm thinking about a chapter or two per episode.
  8. AmIADream A mere figment

    Ooooooooh! I understand now. Yeah, Gregg is a beast.

    Frack, I wish I had the series on DVD.
  9. Whiteagle The Guardian of Freedom

    Ah, I knew Grappel Gun Gendo would be a hit!
  10. Foe Tohn Void Where Prohibited

    Awesome start, I'm looking forward to reading more of this.

    And this makes Evangelion-related thread subscription #7, out of 7 total... man I'm just on this forum for the Eva, aren't I?

    And yes, much love for Grapple Gun Gendo. When can we expect the action figure?
  11. Winged Knight Crazy man with a wolf on his head.

    Fantastic! Happy to see you went through with it. This promises to be very interesting indeed.
  12. Ford Prefect What is Project Zohar?

    I see the expansive, deep and rich canon of Mobile Suit Gundam has been thoughtfully appropriated into giving Gendou Ikari a magnetic grappling hook.

    Anyway, seeing as the title has 'mobile suit' in it, I'll probably follow it for about as long as it takes university to totally destroy my motivation for anything other than arguing with internet people. Because of that, and because this is so short, I'll withhold judgement. I can't really say more than 'some of the phrasing seems trite' and 'it's obvious you're not inept'.

    That came out a lot harsher than it should be taken. You're actually writing something, which is more than can be said for myself. Anyway, the proliferation of Evangelion fanfiction and its popularity continues to astound me. Maybe I should hop on the bandwagon and get instant fame. :v
  13. Stormwind Yuusha Destron

    Seriously, from the part I read "Mobile Fighter" would be kinda more appropriate.

    Also, pic related?
    [IMG]
  14. GreggHL Does not like this hobby

    This is glorious. Grapple Gun Gendo deserves to be on the same memetic foothold as the Terrifying!Rei.
  15. After some thought, the title's been changed to 'Mobile Fighter Evangelion', given that the tone I'm going for is similar to G Gundam than the other Gundam series.

    Also, for those who are actual Gundam fans, don't expect anything in the way of an actual crossover with the Gundam universe; the title's just a way of emphasizing the 'Giant Robot' part of Evangelion that was so gleefully deconstructed by the original anime.

    EDIT: Also, it seems like I can't edit the thread title for the forum page. -_-
  16. Stormwind Yuusha Destron

    Ask a mod.

    Also, I hereby request this fic having a scene where Gendo goes out to fight an angel. Without a robot. And it is NOT Tabris or computer virus one.
  17. Ah, it's been changed. Thank you, anonymous moderator!

    Again, to re-emphasize: NOT a Gundam crossover.
  18. Cody Fett Transitional Phrase Nut

    Very impressive, Mr. Sonic. I don't think this will stop a lot of the trauma being inflicted upon the cast, but they'll surely be able to handle it much better then in canon . . . or maybe just differently. I''m not sure. Either way, I look forward to future updates with great anticipation.
  19. Amras Felagund Zwei 2.0: (not) ANGEL!

    I'm gonna be keeping an eye on this one.



    ...Wow, this must be my first post outside of Gregg's Nobody Dies.
  20. Definitely keeping an eye on this one. This looks nice and epic.
  21. Quasi-exposition!

    /September 20, 2015/

    /Shores of Sagami Bay, Japan/

    A sweltering day. To anyone who had lived in the 20th century, they would have complained, calling it a hot summer day.

    Now, practically EVERY day was a hot summer day, thanks to Second Impact.

    People had gotten used to it. Just as Japan had gotten used to the idea of the original Tokyo being a submerged ruin (thanks to a nuclear bomb on this date fifteen years ago; the wars following Impact had been considerably…widespread). They had, understandably, not gotten used to the idea of seeing a massive military mobilization on their homeland (such things had mostly been confined to the territorial waters of Japan, or otherwise abroad preventing possible destabilization in their neighbors).

    The Japanese Strategic Self-Defense Force. The largest branch of the Japanese military under the command of the Defense Ministry, the JSSDF was capable of engaging in high-risk combat scenarios. They ranked among the elite military units of the world, and almost all of its members had gone on tours of duty during the Impact Wars. Hardened, capable, and deadly.

    Right now, a contingent of tanks and Heavy Fighter Jet-VTOLs were facing the shimmering blue sea, awaiting the monstrosity that sonar indicated was on its way here. The 7th Air Wing, hosted out of the Edo Memorial Air Base (located at the new shoreline where the Ibaraki Airport used to be), hovered in position. Armed with a combination of air-to-ground and air-to-air missiles (because, really, why take chances?), well over one-hundred-and-fifty HFJ-VTOLs awaited the Angel. Stationed along the various road ways by the sea were lines of tanks, staggered in two rows so as to enable for evasive maneuvering. Stationary artillery cannons and mobile rocket platforms were all on standby.

    This didn’t even begin to cover the defenses of Tokyo-3; this was just the first line.

    Silently, patiently, they waited.

    The blue skies, mirrored by the glittering ocean water, belied the slaughter that was about to occur.

    Like a geyser, the titan emerged from the deep.

    xxxx

    /Operations Deck, NERV-1, Tokyo-3/

    Various holograms seemed to hover in the air, presenting a detailed and real-time (for the most part; satellites were scarcer than they were prior to the Impact Wars, so their usage was heavily regulated by the United Nations) look at the battlefield. Approximately five miles of fortified land sat between Tokyo-3 and the expected point of contact. It went without saying that much of the JSSDF brass was eager to stop it before it got to Tokyo-3.

    A fool’s dare.

    Gendo couldn’t help but wonder if the various generals and admirals sitting above him ever tired of cleaning their relatively superfluous medals. Their influence here was, frankly, a distraction; conventional weapons wouldn’t do a thing to an Angel.

    Yet they still tried. “I will offer you one last chance, gentlemen. Cede control of this operation to NERV, and you can leave us to our duty.”

    Slight widening of the nostrils, shifting of the shoulders, narrowed eyes…prideful men is what they were. Understandable; all of them has served with honor and conviction during the Impact Wars. Needless to say, they were quite galled by the perceived slight against the JSSDF. “And we will not cede control of this operation unless ordered so by either the Defense Minister or the Prime Minister. Only then; until that happens, this is a JSSDF operation.” An elderly man – eyes holding no small measure of contempt for the civilian that dared to bark so loudly – scowled, the angry look offsetting the pristine green of his uniform. “We’d rather trust that which has proven itself in battle instead of an experimental toy.”

    Yes, quite galled indeed.

    However, that they dared to think they could sit upon their pedestals and cast a condescending eye upon NERV (upon his work, HIS territory) was in itself rather galling. “Very well then. I was under the impression that veterans of the Impact Wars had misgivings about casually throwing away soldiers’ lives. I suppose even I can make mistakes.”

    The angry mutterings and scornful glares did little to appease Gendo. He simply turned around, facing the images being broadcast from the shores at the sea. The cool air of the Operations Deck was rife with tension, especially given the energy readings coming from the Angel that was now approaching the mainland.

    Alas, he already knew the ending to this story; if it were an actual book for sale, he would’ve parted with it for free. Perhaps a single Yen, at best. “Fuyutsuki, I’ll be seeing to more important things. Contact me when these ‘gentlemen’ acquiesce.”

    “Of course Professor,” remarked NERV’s Sub-Director.

    Having said that, Gendo calmly departed the Operations Deck, heading towards the chambers containing Evangelion Unit-01. Instead of acknowledging the shouts of indignation and disbelief by the JSSDF officials (apparently, their first line of tanks had already been vaporized), he had more important things to ponder.

    For one thing, what was he going to do when he saw his son? And how dramatic would he have to be?
  22. Winged Knight Crazy man with a wolf on his head.

    How dramatic? Gendo, you know full well there's no such thing as too dramatic! Let loose the air from the vents to make your cloak flap badassly inside the base!
  23. Ford Prefect What is Project Zohar?

    What is it with Evangelion fanfiction and parentheses? They're almost always unnecessary and, as I explained at length in the AEE thread, break up a paragraph. Apart from that, some of the phrasing seems awkward, but I get the impression you're still finding your feet with this story.
  24. That's the problem when writing an AU, especially when a fair chunk of the backstory is rewritten.

    Also, for the sake of constructive criticism, elaborate on what you mean by 'awkward phrasing'.
  25. shanejayell Rebel without a Pause

    I'm liking it, :)
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