Thanatos reads "A Desert Called Peace", god have mercy on his soul.

Thanatos · May 2, 2011

So someone handed me a preview copy of The Amazon Legion by Tom Kratman the other day and in stark, raving horror I began to read its utterly misogynist bullshit. But it turns out its the latest book in a series and it really takes no effort to explain itself so I had to sadly head to the beginning with Tom Kratman's A Desert Called Peace.

Halfway through the book (which is nearly a thousand pages long!), I realized that if I was going to have to start at the beginning and inflict share it on the rest of you....

So lets take this turkey from the top! I am pasting these directly out of an E-Book copy, so any of the many, many errors\mistakes\etc are the authors, not mine.

Dear Reader:
You can take this book as a commentary on the somewhat cyclic nature of history, if you want.
("History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme.")

So we hit the first actual bit of content after the copyright and dedications. If you don't get what he's talking about here, don't worry, you'll see how brazen he is in his laziness of transferring the real world into his fake one: We'll have Space Al Qaeda performing a Space 9/11 on the Space USA who invades Space Afghanistan and Space Iraq with the help of a Space Coalition of the Willing including Space Britain!

And that's just the tip of the iceberg off how blatant it is, it does indeed get worse!

You can take it as a commentary on the endless war
between the Christian or secular West and Islam, if you want.

If you're of a legalistic mindset, you can think of it as a lengthy commentary on the law of war. If you loath transnational progressivism, surely there is something here for you.

Here are some definite warning signs about the unbridled suck you are about to receive.

The one thing you must never do, though, it to think of it as a commentary on the current war or the leadership thereof.
Unless, that is, you want to.
Tom Kratman

*sighs heavily*

Skipping the prologue, which for the sake of brevity I will sum up as "We meet Tom Kratman's future Nemesis and only one capable of matching him: Arab Tom Kratman", we dive right into Part One, Chapter One of this turd. We get a scene establishing that we are in fact in space, which you can be forgiven for forgetting later since it only minimally effects the plot. On board a Space UN, we get to meet our future antagonist.

Robinson's looks belied his age. Despite being two centuries old, his face remained unlined, his back unstooped, his blue-gray eyes clear and bright. His heart and lungs and all the other organs worked as if they inhabited a twenty-one year old body and were no older than that themselves. Even his hair was blond, without a trace of silver or gray, and his hairline unreceded.
Anti-Decay Accelerating Factor, or ADAF, drugs had been available, at least to Earth's elite, for centuries. As a Class One, the highest of Earth's six castes, the High Admiral was very elite indeed.

So we get to see that the Space UN has a caste system.

The captain of the ship, Marguerite Wallenstein, accompanied by two of the voiceless proles that handled janitorial services for the largely middle to upper-caste crew, hurried to kneel at the admiral's
side and help him regain his chair.

Complete with proles and everything! I'm sure this won't be in any way groan inducing in the future!

Kratman lays a bit of pipe next, stating that only one nation on the planet of Terra Nova can challenge the Space UN and that's The Federated States of Columbia Space America! The Space UN controls space but Space US has nukes capable of striking back against the ships and destroying the Space UN's base on the planet after they were randomly nuked by the Space UN at the end of the "great war".

Watching the scene on the wall-mounted view screen that hung in his sleeping cabin, High Admiral Robsinson shook his head in something between dismay and disgust. So many people, twelve times or more what we have on Old Earth. And so uncivilized. Before left home I was briefed that they were a potential threat, but only when you see the size of their cities, so much brighter than our own now, do you realize just how many of the barbarians there are, just how much potential for violence they have.

Here we see that Terra Nova has the exact same population as Earth in 2001. That's an odd coincidence isn't it?

It had been a long braking before Spirit of Peace assumed orbit over the new world. Give Wallenstein her due, she's as competent a skipper as she is a bedmate.

Oh right, this admiral hits god damn everything.

The Spirits – Spirit of Peace, Spirit of Unity, Spirit of Harmony and Spirit of Brotherhood – were the newest ships in the fleet, the most recent having been launched just over one hundred and twenty Earth years ago. The others were much older. One of the others, the UEPF Kofi Annan, was nearly four centuries old. Earth could not build another. Even the ancient Annan was beyond her ability to recreate.

First off, you aren't reading that wrong: He did in fact have them name a warship after Kofi Annan. Secondly though, this is where we start finding out that the Space UNs tech base is decaying rapidly because of... uh ....Progressive?

And that was the problem. The new world, Terra Nova, could not build them or their like either, yet. Yet was the operative word. The day was soon coming when the natives could build starships. The day was coming when the natives could come up looking. Worse, the day was probably coming when they would.
And Earth couldn't resist them now, thought the still youthful High-Admiral of the fleet, watching the screen and lying in his extra wide bunk next to the peacefully snoring Wallenstein, not if they manage to get off-planet and out of the system. Barbarians.

So yes, because of the evil mind numbing power of Progressive, the Space UN is worried about the Terra Novans coming and destroying them because of how far they've regressed. How far?

There were only four worthwhile and practical things to trade to the Novans to keep the fleet running. Technology was one, but it was under ban by the Council and had been for centuries. Besides, what Earth had wasn't all that far ahead of what the Novans were capable of making for themselves now.

They've regressed so far that the Terra Novans (who had basically no tech to start) supply the parts for their ships! See, being a Progressive makes you naturally stupid and slothful in the Kratmanverse!

Gold? Half the gold of Earth was already on Terra Nova; same for the silver, platinum, palladium and rhodium.

CURSE YOU GOLDLINE!

There were plenty of proles to trade as slaves, but the Novans, most of them, had little use for slaves. And the Moslems, and especially the Salafis, who did have use for slaves, only wanted pretty young girls and boys. Since there was a strong market for those on Earth as well, saleable slaves were a tight commodity.

And Kratman plays the "People I don't like are Pedos" card!

We get more pipe about how shitty the Space UN Earth is since Progressive took over. Their ships are all falling apart and they need to sell their art to pay for supplies. People on Earth are freezing to death and glaciers are roaming as far south as Atlanta because they stopped Global Warming. Most of the population are Serfs to the UN Aristocracy, etc. The admiral goes down to pawn Earth's art (Donated by the Caliphate of Rome from the Vaticans stores.)

"The FSC has become a rogue state," insisted the slender, well coiffed blonde. This was the intense– and, so Robinson thought, even more intensely vapid – Commissioner for Culture from the Tauran Union, one of the new supra-nationals coming to prominence on the planet.

Here we get briefly introduced to the Tauran Union Space EU. If you're wondering why they're called the Tauran Union, don't worry, he explains it in about 350 pages and its about as immature as you can get: The continent looks like a bull with a raging hard on. Yes, I am serious.

Robinson spends the next several pages scheming about what to do about the Space US and is approached by the head of Space Al Qaeda asking for a deal. Then it cuts to probably the most confusing thing that Kratman does in this series: Interstitial flashbacks. Each chapter has a bit explaining a tiny sliver of backstory. Most authors have the sense to do that in one lump sum or even say, at the beginning of the book. Not Kratman! We don't even get an explanation for the retarded state of the world till about 350 pages into this "masterpiece". For the next couple chapters, its just boring fluff about the probe they sent that disappeared so its of no consequence yet.

Now, this seems pretty bad but not epically bad so far. But just wait, we're about to meet the protaganist: Tom Kratman. Oh his name is Patrick Hennessy in the book, this is the Tom Kratmaniest Tom Kratman insert of Tom Kratman ever. This book is about to become an ode to how much this man loves himself and even Kim Jong Ill would tell him to back the fuck off the egotism. This self insert could only be more obvious if he just named the Character "Tom Kratman".

Don't believe me?

A man approaching middle age, just beginning to go gray at the temples and with a face weathered beyond its years with the wear of sun and rain, sat at the desk, eyes fixed on a book.

Hennessey's aquiline face frowned in concentration. Pale blue eyes, normally slightly too large for the size of that face, narrowed. A viewer would not have been able to see the darker circles around the irises that typically gave those eyes their frighteningly penetrating quality. "The eyes of a madman," said some, not always jokingly.

Oh hey, look at that. Lets look at his wife who will be introduced briefly.

She also had a classic 90-60-90 centimeter figure and though for modesty's sake she wore a bra, she didn't need one. Her breasts stood out and up on their own, as if she'd won the war with gravity and dictated her own terms. She had perfect teeth, even, straight and white like newly polished ivory. Her midnight black, wavy hair gathered light and cast it about her face like an angel's halo

Now here's Tom's wife:

Tom describes her as:

This woman has been known to stop traffic on the streets of downtown Boston just by walking along the sidewalk. She grabbed Tom's heart and mind...he asked her to marry him 71 hours after he first laid eyes on her. Is this the face that launched a thousand...

Now where have I heard that blurb before? Oh right, in this god damn book.

For some women the word "breathtaking" was only bare justice. Linda Hennessey was one of them. Though she would never have claimed to be so, she was beautiful; simply beautiful, the kind of woman who can stop traffic on a busy downtown street just by being there.

Its Tom Kratman and his wife in the story without any kind of reasonable doubt. Which will make things weird as we progress.... But hey, lets see what Hennessey is up to!

The library was large, with bookcases covering three of the substantial room's four walls. Against the fourth, under the certificate and the letter of reprimand, stood a desk and chair, each made in the main of dark-finished Lempiran mahogany, hand crafted and richly carved. A man approaching middle age, just beginning to go gray at the temples and with a face weathered beyond its years with the wear of sun and rain, sat at the desk, eyes fixed on a book.
The book was one of many. Reaching floor to ceiling, the volume-packed shelves of the library held the essence of a lifetime's interest and study, more than seven thousand volumes in all. Even over the broad, deep desk more bookshelf space was stacked and – like the others – filled to overflowing. Still more reference material resided on computer micro-discs inside cases stuffed to the brim.

Alright, he loves to read, nothing wrong with that I guess.

Despite appearances, there was an order and a theme to the volumes. The library was, in the main, about war. If there was a book on the plastic arts – and there were several – the owner had studied them
because he knew that art had propaganda value in war. If there was a book on music – and there were dozens – that was because music, too, was both a weapon of war and a remarkably subtle yet powerful tool for training for war.

Or Tom Kratman LIVES ONLY FOR WAR!

If there were books on the Marxism that had made its reappearance under the Volgan Czar during the Great Global War – and there were some few – it was because the reader believed in knowing one's enemy.
There was even a copy of the Koran.

The better to kill those commies and Muslims with!

However, most of the library was more obviously military. The collection covered, as nearly and completely as possible on Terra Nova, every human age and culture as it pertained to armed conflict. An English translation of Vegetius rested next to another copy in the original Latin. Apparently not as confident in his Greek as in his Latin, the reader kept most of Xenophon in bilingual texts – Greek and English alternating pages. Plato, Rousseau, Machiavelli, Aristotle, Hitler, Lenin, Mao, Annan, Nussbaum, Harris, Steyn, Fallacci, Yen, Peng and Rostov . . . war was about philosophy and politics, too, and so the reader studied those as well.
Eyes fixing upon the Nussbaum work, a gift from his parents many years prior, the reader thought, Amazing that that line of thought should have succeeded in contaminating not one but two worlds. What utter nonsense!

Tom Kratman is an artist of war!

We find out though that Hennessey has some demons:

To Hennessey the music was a drug, a way of purging the unwelcome feelings and emotions, most of them dark, that otherwise might have taken possession of him. Between that, his calming scotch, cigars and cigarettes, and – most especially – his wife, he kept the surge of feelings under control or, at least, at bay.

So the only thing from becoming a full blown psychopath is his wife? Where is she right now?

Headquarters, Terra Nova Trade Organization, First Landing, Hudson, Federated States of Columbia 0829 hrs, 11/7/459 AC

Uh oh....

Columbian Airlines LTA Flight 39, Federated States of Columbia

You're not....

As helium was relatively expensive, and since the weather was so much less of a threat, Terra Novan airships had stuck with using hydrogen for lift.

Instead, LTAs kept a niche in local light freight drayage, regional and infracontinental passenger service, and – naturally – sightseeing. There was nothing quite so good as a mid-size LTA for touring the ice fields of southern Secordia, the Great Ravine that roughly bisected the Federated States of Columbia, the Balboa Transitway, or the First Landing skyline.

Please tell me you're not...

The five men sat up in First Class, Yusef playing on his guitar and singing in Arabic . . . much to the annoyance of the other passengers and the flight crew. He played his new song, happily unconcerned that the song referenced airplanes and they were actually on an airship.

You are...
Our Folk Singer terrorist begins singing a take off of Leaving On A Jet Plane

I've been dreamin' fait'f'ly
Dreamin' about the jihad to come
I know deep inside me
The holy war has begun"

And then....this happens:

The other four men of the team unbuckled themselves and stood in the aisle, clapping their hands, dancing, and singing along:

Gayest. Terrorists. Ever.

One of the other, business class, passengers rang for a stewardess. "Miss, can't you get those bearded heathens to please shut up and sit down?"

You know, they may be terrorists but that was just unneeded bigotry there, random extra character!

"I'll try, sir," she answered, smiling. She walked up to one of the dancers and asked, politely, "Sir, could you please . . . "
And then the ceramic knives came out.

This brings us to a random drinking game I've come up with: Take a drink every time a female character dies horribly. Tom Kratman loves himself some women dying horrible deaths.

Legs splayed, the stewardess lay face up with her open eyes staring blankly at the ceiling of the first class cabin. Her throat was raggedly slashed and a great pool of her blood stained the carpet around her. The blood likewise stained the back of a now abandoned guitar

Woman with her throat horribly ripped open and possibly beaten to death with a guitar?
Take a Drink (Drinks: 1)

Forward of the stew's corpse, halfway up the flight of steps that led to the bridge of the airship, was another, smaller, pool of blood. It dripped from the steps down onto its donor, the airship's purser. His throat had been cut at leisure, after he'd been beaten senseless. It was a much neater slash.

Well of course, he's a man after all.

At the head of the stairs, there was a bolted door that now sealed off the bridge from the rest of the ship. Inside were eight men, three of them dead and on the deck. Of the five living, all were covered in the blood sprayed from the throats of the crew as they were sliced open. Two of those living sat the pilot's and copilot's seats. Another two guarded the bolted door against some desperate bid on the part
of the passengers to regain control.

I really think this is a failure on the part of the Space TSA.

Samadi, at the pilot's controls, pointed and exclaimed, "Brothers, look! There beats the heart of the beast."
Looking out the bridge's forward window, Yusef nodded with anticipatory satisfaction at the immense skyscraper that was their ultimate target.

Yes folks, he really, really is.

"If you hanker after Paradise, Brother, then fly us into the base."

Hanker? Oh my god, Yusef is a converted Time for Timer!

THIS IS WHAT SOUTH DAKOTA BOY WARNED US ABOUT!

Samadi smiled nervously and nodded. He was not nervous over his impending death; that was nothing. But he was only the best pilot among them, not necessarily a good one. Pushing forward on the yoke with one hand, the other pushed the throttle all the way forward. The speed of the ship began to climb up to maximum.

Oh yeah, they're getting that sucker up to what? 100 KPH?

The story cuts to Linda Hennessey arriving at the Space WTC with her children to talk to her step uncle who has disowned Tom Kratman Patrick Hennessey.

As with all poisons, Linda thought, toxicity is in the dose.
The ground floor of the TNTO was also the floor of the Terra Novan Trade Appeals Board, the planet's sole effective international court. Thus, that floor simply swarmed with lawyers. The density made Linda's skin crawl.

Yes, Lawyers are in fact toxic. Be sure to remember to wear all applicable safety gear when near Lord Squishy or you may be exposed to dangerous levels of Lawyer Toxicity.

He looked up to say something to Linda. She was looking out of his office window, wide eyed, speechless, an expression of shock written on every curve of her unlined face. Bob's eyes followed and saw. Mouth gaping wide, he exclaimed, "Oh, my God!"

Oh, don't dare think that she's getting away that easy! (get your glasses ready)

The airship hit near the base of the skyscraper. Its structure, even while coming apart, was just strong enough to force its nose through the thin walls and into the main lobby with its toxic dose of international lawyers.

Yes, the airship easily penetrates a building despite having probably only double digit MPH airspeed. They don't make Space WTCs like they used to.

As the ship lost speed to the collision, its engines in the rear broke loose and drove forward, smearing passengers and crew alike, before tearing out of the remains of the front and smashing into the shocked barristers

Lawyer bowling! Also, its not wise to secure your engines with bailing wire and scotch tape.

With the engines came a great invisible cloud of hydrogen gas, pouring into the open lobby before igniting from a spark created by the one of the engines tearing through a steel support.
The hydrogen began burning in front, incinerating several score shrieking attorneys.

SQUISHY? NOOOOOO!

Then the flames
raced through the rich oxygen-hydrogen mix present in the tunnels carved through the ship by the flying engines. Flame then burst out of the rear, tearing open the hydrogen cells there. The contents of these, once mixed with oxygen, effectively exploded, driving the remains of the ship, and much of its hydrogen, further into the lobby of the TNTO. There it burned hot enough to incinerate several thousand more international jurists, as well as to set aflame anything therein remotely flammable.

Lawyers are dying by the truck load!

As Bob spoke, the fire sprinklers came on overhead, sprayed for a few seconds, and then died as pressure from below fell to nothing. The pipes had been cut. Unchecked by the sprinklers, smoke and the hint of flame began rising past the exterior windows.

I prefer the hint of lime, but whatever you prefer.

Milagro began coughing as faint smoke filtered into the office complex.

Watch out, that smoke is coming from burning lawyers, so its got to be toxic!

Just as the last tears were wiped and the last sniffles snuffed, Julio looked up and pointed out the window and across the city to where another airship closed on a building only just less grand than the TNTO. That was the headquarters for the Global News Network, based in First Landing.
Julio said, "Mom, there's another one . . . "

Blatant enough for you yet? Don't worry, everyone is watching these happen repeatedly on news coverage.

It was pandemonium. Office workers ran to and fro frantically, looking for some escape. Cute little secretaries in short skirts wept.

Because September 11th didn't have enough Misogyny for Tom.

Some people, those a bit calmer or braver, punched numbers into their cell phones for a last goodbye to their loved ones.

Nope, still not blatant enough yet: People are starting to jump out to avoid burning to death.

Tom has a last conversation with his wife and kids while his uncle changes his will at the last minute. Tom Kratman decided that real life was just too subtle so he inserted this:

A swarthy man laughed. "Infidels," he cried, "see the judgment of Allah. See the wages of your iniquities. You will all die here and burn in Hellfire forevermore for your crimes against the will of the Almighty."

Yes folks, there is a "swarthy" Muslim pointing and laughing inside the Space WTC at people and telling them how they're infidels who are going to burn to death. You did not have a micro seizure and imagine that, like I was afraid happened to me.

Uncle Bob answered back, with more force than reason, "God will send you and all your kind to Hell, Samir, you miserable, treacherous bastard."

AND THIS AFTER WE HAD SO MUCH FUN AT THE COMPANY PICNIC!

Julio looked calmly at his mother. Ten years old or not, he was her son, and his father's.

Well good news Julio, you're apparently not adopted!

"Mom, will Daddy make them pay, the men who did this?"

Tom Kratman, faced with a situation that is supposed to be somber, cannot help but fluff his prowess and by extension, his ego:

"That will be as it will, my baby," Linda answered. "But . . . knowing your father, I can't imagine that he will not. He is . . . he can be . . . a very harsh man."

Stay classy.

Linda looked at the flames rising behind her. "Almost time, children. Pray, now."

Get your glasses ready folks!

She resumed singing and began to walk forward, others following. At the very edge she hesitated, but only for the tiniest fraction of a second. She and Bob took the last step forward, the hymn echoing in
their ears: "Help of the helpless, O abide with me . . . "

It was a long way down. Linda felt her speed build. Her stomach seemed to want to come out of her mouth. She heard the babies she clutched so tightly scream as if from a great distance. She reached terminal velocity and the falling sensation in her stomach disappeared.

*pours out a shot*

There was a brief sense of shock and then . . . .nothing.

Wife and two daughters getting splattered on the pavement?

Take a Drink (Drinks: 2)

"Don't look, Patricio," implored Jimenez, voice strained with despair for his friend.
"No . . . don't," whispered Parilla, shaking his head slowly. Hennessey ignored them, his eyes fixed on the television image. Down went the Center Tower, slowly, majestically. With it went his wife, his three children, possibly a fourth, too. Linda had hinted before she left for the Federated States that she might be expecting. He gave off a soft, wordless cry.

She was pregnant too? In the revenge flick business, they call that a combo!

Eyes of the Prophet, Zion-occupied Filistia, Terra Nova, 11/7/459 AC

Wait.... Space Israel is occupying Space Palestine? This is starting to feel like a Sub\Dom relationship here.

As Hennessey wept, even as thousands and millions in the Federated States and some few other places wept their grief and shrieked their anger, a series of rather differently spirited and impromptu – but, one cannot doubt, wholehearted and completely sincere – demonstrations erupted around the globe. From one end of the Salafi and Moslem quarter to the other cheering people took to the streets, automobile horns blasting, people dancing, women warbling the Arabic call to battle and victory.

Hey guys, remember this from September 11th? TOM KRATMAN DOES.

Hennessey, thousands of miles from Nablus watched one such woman, her face transformed with radiant joy.
Parilla whispered, "Bastards. Fucking bastards! They should be destroyed."
Jimenez watched the image carefully, engraving every line of the harridan's face onto his mind.
"'What though the field be lost?'" he quoted, whispering. "'All is not lost; Unconquerable will and study of revenge, immortal hate and courage never to submit or yield.'"

Uh oh, this doesn't bode well for the future chapters...

Well, we're through the first five chapters. Yet to come is Tom Kratman murdering innocent people to death with sadistic glee, forming paramilitary organizations who's purpose is to kill Muslims and showing us how he thinks the War on Terror would have gone if he had been in charge the whole time. Plus don't worry, this "cyclic" timeline gets even more bullshit!

Lord Squishy · May 2, 2011

You know, I have to say this for Kratman, at last his SPACE-ALLEGORIES have been named rather cleverly as referring to their original nations, for the most part. Space Zion was just lazy, though.

FBH · May 2, 2011

Thanatos said: ↑

So someone handed me a preview copy of The Amazon Legion by Tom Kratman the other day and in stark, raving horror I began to read its utterly misogynist bullshit.

I fucking read the first chapter of that on Baen.

Did someone come up with a checklist of all the ways you can be mysogenistic in a book about women in combat arms? Cause I think Girl-girls-do-girly-things-and-then-die Amazon Legion obeys it.

Oh and the whole series is just real life fanfiction. The equivalent of highschool AU in fact.

MJ12 Commando · May 2, 2011

So, this is basically 9/11 fanfiction? The author of Real Life should sue him for attempting to publish such bad real life fanfiction.

Exposure · May 2, 2011

What the hell did I just read? Who the hell is Tom Kratman? Why would he write this? How did this get a publisher?

Sabertooth · May 2, 2011

And people read this shit? :wtf:

Lord Squishy · May 2, 2011

We know that TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE monitors himself on Google. Shall we take bets on how long before he show up in this thread?

A Jurai Knight · May 2, 2011

I really think this is a failure on the part of the Space TSA.

Even in space we don't get a break.

This wouldn't have happened if there was a Space Marshal on board, but no, you wanted to cut TSA's funding.

MJ12 Commando · May 2, 2011

Lord Squishy said: ↑

We know that TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE monitors himself on Google. Shall we take bets on how long before he show up in this thread?

He probably won't, given he ran with his tail between his legs the first time he found us.

Lord Squishy · May 2, 2011

MJ12 Commando said: ↑

He probably won't, given he ran with his tail between his legs the first time he found us.

I really want to google-bomb TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE now.

X on · May 2, 2011

MJ12 Commando said: ↑

He probably won't, given he ran with his tail between his legs the first time he found us.

Link?

Exposure · May 2, 2011

MJ12 Commando said: ↑

He probably won't, given he ran with his tail between his legs the first time he found us.

Ok, I have to read that. Mind posting the thread link to that?

Zelinko · May 2, 2011

Why haven't they taken away the keyboard of TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE? Its not like TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE is making a great work of fiction.

I mean TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE is making Thanatos upset. I wonder if TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE makes Thanatos upset because if Thanatos and Thanatos agree that TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE it means that Thanatos and Thanatos are one step closer to settling their differences because of their hatred of TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE

I think so far I'm #1 in the use TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE in a standard conversation.

TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE Count: 8

Aratech · May 2, 2011

X on said: ↑

Link?

The Evil Liberal Conspiracy provides.

http://forums.spacebattles.com/showthread.php?t=174121&page=9

1812 · May 2, 2011

:rage:Thank you for sharing:rage:

Seriously, that... wasn't very good. Admittedly, I've only read those snippets posted here, and perhaps they give an unfairly poor impression of the book as a whole but... there is some really poor writing on show there - poor choice of words, questionable grammar, dodgy editing. It reads rather like a piece of (bad) fanfiction.

As for the plot... well, from those snippets it certainly gives the impression of being unimaginative, bigoted, strawman nonsense but... it's probably unfair to pass judgement on it without actually reading it myself. Which isn't going to happen.

Also - Tom Kratman, Tom Kratman, Tom Kratman, Tom Kratman.

EDIT: Sorry, I mean't TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE

Raskolnikov · May 2, 2011

Thanatos said: ↑

AND THIS AFTER WE HAD SO MUCH FUN AT THE COMPANY PICNIC!

For some reason this was the line that really made me laugh.

Nice analysis, Thanatos, look forward to seeing more. Amazing how deep the abyss of this type of writing can go. I suppose in a mindset that sees the blatant nationalistporn of the writing as a positive, there's going to be very little in the way of basic standards. Enter Kratman, who has never written anything that doesn't make himself look both stupid and crazy.

Thanatos · May 2, 2011

As for the plot... well, from those snippets it certainly gives the impression of being unimaginative, bigoted, strawman nonsense but... it's probably unfair to pass judgement on it without actually reading it myself.

Well, let me just grab a random bit for you then!

Certainly the tranzitrees had been artificially created, as had bolshiberry bushes and progressivines. The latter two were, likewise, poisonous to intelligent life but harmless to lower forms.

Oh look, Communism and Progressiveness are poisonous to intelligent life. This is about as subtle as it gets when it comes to his "political commentary", so enjoy it while it lasts.

(Also, Bolshiberry is a key ingredient in Comrade Crunch Cereal, which along with Mao Milk and Trotsky Toast, form a balanced, party approved breakfast!)

Jupiter · May 2, 2011

A Jurai Knight said: ↑

Even in space we don't get a break.

This wouldn't have happened if there was a Space Marshal on board, but no, you wanted to cut TSA's funding.

I think space Jurai Knight was playing to much space Touhou and doesn't want to admit he let space Arabs threw the space metal detector To get onto the space plane to do horrible space things to space people

I wonder can I work the word space into this anymore than I already have?

Zelinko · May 2, 2011

Well I'm not sure about SPACE but TOM KRATMAN could have been up in there a few times. Also you're sorely lacking MARINES in your post.

TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE Count: 2

1812 · May 2, 2011

Thanatos said: ↑

Well, let me just grab a random bit for you then!
Oh look, Communism and Progressiveness are poisonous to intelligent life. This is about as subtle as it gets when it comes to his "political commentary", so enjoy it while it lasts.

(Also, Bolshiberry is a key ingredient in Comrade Crunch Cereal, which along with Mao Milk and Trotsky Toast, form a balanced, party approved breakfast!)

Are you sure TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE isn't actually the most brilliant satirist since Jonathan Swift?

Thanatos · May 2, 2011

1812 said: ↑

Are you sure TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE isn't actually the most brilliant satirist since Jonathan Swift?

I think that would be giving him too much credit.

A Jurai Knight · May 2, 2011

Jupiter said: ↑

I think space Jurai Knight was playing to much space Touhou and doesn't want to admit he let space Arabs threw the space metal detector To get onto the space plane to do horrible space things to space people

I wonder can I work the word space into this anymore than I already have?

But I work in space checked baggage operations...

Exposure · May 2, 2011

Had to stop reading the link because I was dying of laughter from TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE's posts.

Well I survived Planet X, surely this can't be worse.

Right?

1812 · May 2, 2011

Damnit, its late and I need to go to bed but... I'm enjoying this thread waaaaay too much!

Zelinko · May 2, 2011

Exposure said: ↑

Had to stop reading the link because I was dying of laughter from TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE's posts.

Well I survived Planet X, surely this can't be worse.

Right?

Did Planet X have TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE doing things that only TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE could do?

I mean TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE doing stuff like that is important for a book about TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE.

Also yes this is fun. TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE might show up and that will be the best thread since TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE showed up last time.

I wonder if I might get in trouble if I put TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE in my signature.

TOM KRATMAN, SPACE MARINE Count: 8

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Thanatos reads "A Desert Called Peace", god have mercy on his soul.

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Thanatos reads "A Desert Called Peace", god have mercy on his soul.

Thanatos Super Fitness Moderator

Lord Squishy Shadow Cabal Member

FBH What is Project Zohar?

MJ12 Commando Al-Foamy Subversive

Exposure Shadow Cabal Groupie

Sabertooth Little Red Wolf Hunter

Lord Squishy Shadow Cabal Member

A Jurai Knight TSA gave me the wrong kind of stripes.

MJ12 Commando Al-Foamy Subversive

Lord Squishy Shadow Cabal Member

X on Nameless Rank and File

Exposure Shadow Cabal Groupie

Zelinko Indexing The Index

Aratech Expendable Clone Assassin

1812 Catpain Blackudder

Raskolnikov

Thanatos Super Fitness Moderator

Jupiter Haruka's ancestor

Zelinko Indexing The Index

1812 Catpain Blackudder

Thanatos Super Fitness Moderator

A Jurai Knight TSA gave me the wrong kind of stripes.

Exposure Shadow Cabal Groupie

1812 Catpain Blackudder

Zelinko Indexing The Index

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