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The Dark Knight Rises: The Scarred Man (one-shot)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by u63r, Jul 25, 2012.

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  1. u63r

    u63r Trivia and references.

    Close the city and tell the people​
    That something's coming to call​
    Death and darkness are rushing forward​
    To take a bite from the wall, oh​
    -Black Sabbath, "The Mob Rules"
    #####​
    "Who piled up all those desks?" asked the Joker.​
    Crane blinked. "The verdict has already been decided. This is merely a -"​
    "I plead guilty."​
    Crane blinked again. "Of what?"​
    The Joker tilted his head. "You don't know? You're the judge."​
    His brow creased under his facepaint.​
    "Hey, I know you, aren't you...insane? I move for a mistrial on the grounds the judge is a nutjob."​
    "You would know."​
    Joker stared at Crane, and made a mental note to do something horrible to his tie later.​
    "I like the feng shui in here, by the way."​
    "I'll ask again; death or exile?"​
    "What kinda court lets the prisoner choose his sentence? You people are crazy!"​
    "Choose!"​
    "Revolution."​
    "We had one already," Crane retorted, a dull ache gathering between his eyebrows.​
    "A counter-revolution. I don't like this one, send it back. This guy" - he pointed at Bane, who looked up from the notes he was making - "he's no fun. I mean, I get his end goal - and I do have to complement you on your showmanship - but he's doing it wrong. If you have to keep forcing people to be free, it's not really freedom now, is it?"​
    The room went quiet.​
    "All you really need to do is just get them to the top of the hill, and give them a little push, and they'll roll down on their own."​
    "Death," Crane said.​
    "Well, yeah, eventually, but first-"​
    "The sentence is death."​
    "Well, if you say so." The Joker stood, thrust out his wrists. "I'm ready for my closeup."​
    #####​
    "Dah dah get real high dauh duh in this institution - can I have a word with the warden here for a moment? I promise I won't take up too much of his...valuable time."​
    The mercenary looked to the masked man, who nodded.​
    The clown's breath reeked, and his teeth were yellow. How had this man nearly bested Him?​
    "Good job with the whole Dent thing. I tried to tell 'em, and no one believed me! No idea why."​
    "We are nothing alike," Bane said, in a voice that was like thunder on the horizon.​
    "Well, you're taller, and you clearly work out more. But you never gave them a choice, not really. You lock up the cops, you spring thousands of these bad guys and then, and then, you-you-you give them AKs. That's cheating."​
    Bane's eyes crinkled. "That assumes," he whispered, "my goal is chaos. Gotham must burn. And I will make Him watch"​
    The Joker tried to figure that one out. It was the first time Bane had ever seen him actually silent. "...Huh. That's...that's actually -" he smiled - "pretty funny."​
    He grabbed Bane's hand and shook it vigorously.​
    "I don't actually want to kill him, though. Kill his family, his friends, everyone he cares about, the guy who keeps selling him useless cough drops, sure, but I don't...I don't want to kill him. When he's done with you, I'm next on his dance card."​
    He let go of Bane's hand, straightened the fuzzy lapels of the larger man's coat. "Want to know how I got these scars?"​
    No," said Bane, and leaned forward. "Do you want to know how I got mine?"

    The Joker blinked. "Um, okay."

    Bane gestured at his guard, and the mercenary laid a hand on Joker's shoulder.

    "Just so I'm clear, you're not going to tell me?"
    #####​
    Towards the lower section of the building, there was a small room with no one else in it, filled with furniture the rebels didn't have time to throw out. Joker was in the lead, and halfway through the room he shuffled a little to the left, out of the line of fire of the nearest merc. Funny thing; it also put that guy in the way of the guy behind him.​
    "Hey?" said Joker, "Wanna see a magic trick?"​
    "Okay," said the first guy, "sure." He cradled his rifle in his arms in the standard weapon-retention position; one hand on the grip, the other covering the barrel.​
    "Great. Like I always say, if you gotta go, try to make someone smile on the way out." He stopped and faced his captor. "Look at this."​
    "Hey! You're not supposed to have that penc -"​
    THE END
     
  2. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction is approaching. FIGHT IT.

    How many variations of the word AWESOME do you need to describe this? I would guess all of them.
     
  3. ObssesedNuker

    ObssesedNuker Resident Nuke Launcher

    Found it a bit hard to tell whether its the Joker or Bane talking at certain points in that second scene at first, but otherwise this left me with a smile on my face... a pity he couldn't have been in the movie.
     
  4. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction is approaching. FIGHT IT.

    For you maybe. To me it feels... Vivid. Bane uses short, clipped sentences like an Evil!Vorlon, where Joker babbles insightfully.
     
    Jormungandr likes this.
  5. ZeldaFan

    ZeldaFan Thinker of Ideas

    This was fun.
     
  6. ObssesedNuker

    ObssesedNuker Resident Nuke Launcher

    Yeah, that was how I managed to differentiate them on the second read. My comprehension can suck like that...

    But like I said: it was excellent.
     
  7. ShadowPhoenix

    ShadowPhoenix Dark Lord of Shadows

    That's the Joker.

    The rest really isn't. And Bane seemed more like Bane, but not.
     
  8. I liked this. I saw the movie the other night, and when I saw who was acting as judge I imediately thought, 'did they originally envision the Joker up there? Did they choose Scarecrow as a second choice? But this is better: I can imagine this as being a scene cut from the movie.

    This was wonderful: I'm recomending it to my friends.
     
  9. Interesting. Not sure I understand what happened here though.
     
  10. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction is approaching. FIGHT IT.

    It's mostly just Heath Ledger somehow trolling TDKR from beyond the graaaaave, but this part?

    "Well, you're taller, and you clearly work out more. But you never gave them a choice, not really. You lock up the cops, you spring thousands of these bad guys and then, and then, you-you-you give them AKs. That's cheating."

    That's gold.
     
    Voltron64, Pulsor93 and Reece like this.
  11. Its the last part that threw me off. Gives Bane the Scar question. And then cut to a magic trick.
     
  12. u63r

    u63r Trivia and references.

    Bane basically says he doesn't give two craps about Joker's scars, since he has plenty of his own. Heck, he's probably familiar with the trick. I also considered having him use Joker's real name.

    Also, it's not obvious, but Joker stole the pencil from Bane when he straightened his lapels. There was an excellent Adrian Tullberg story where he does something similar.
     
  13. "Yes," said Bane, "speak to me of scars." < This line sounded like Bane told Joker to go ahead.

    And the cut to the last scene was sudden that I was disoriented and wondering what was happening for a while.
     
  14. u63r

    u63r Trivia and references.

    The People's Court puts Joker on trial. He trolls Crane, makes a few insightful points to the court, and is sentenced to death. On the way out, he has a chat with Bane, steals his pencil, and tries to ask him the scar question, to which Bane retorts "don't talk to me about scars". Then as Joker finds an isolated room, he offers to show a "magic trick" to his two guards, kills them both, and escapes.

    Better?
     

  15. Read my other reply.
     
  16. thagguy

    thagguy ᕤ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕤ PUNCH HIM

    He's being sarcastic.
     
  17. If he is, then it kinda fails as he went back a post.
     
  18. u63r

    u63r Trivia and references.

    I wasn't sarcastic. I even went back and put emphasis on Bane's "me" in "speak to me" both here and on FF.net, in an attempt to make the point clearer. I thought it was pretty clear when Bane gestured for his merc to take Joker away, but I guess not.
     
  19. I think the problem with the line is there no reference of Bane's scars within the piece.

    And you had "Bane gestured". I thought he was making an empty gesture.
    It took a 2nd reading after your first reply to realize a henchmen had grabbed the Joker.
     
  20. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction is approaching. FIGHT IT.

    The more I think of it, the more Joker's whining about "cheating" makes sense. Joker was able to reduce Gotham to a screaming mob with a dozen barrels of gasoline and a couple of bullets; total cost, under two grand. Bane needed Wayne's entire arsenal and sheer dumb luck in the form of Gordon's speech in order to pull it off... Oh. And don't forget the
    that he kidnapped Dr. Pavel to complete.
     
  21. thagguy

    thagguy ᕤ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕤ PUNCH HIM

    I meant Bane is being sarcastic.
     
  22. u63r

    u63r Trivia and references.

    Alright, rewrote that bit.
     
  23. scriviner

    scriviner Bueno Excellente

    Okay, the result is much better. The flow between scenes is clearer. I personally did like the original sarcastic line from Bane, but this version is simpler.
     
  24. SolipsistSerpen

    SolipsistSerpen Solipsist Serpent

    Ah, I do love that story.

    Your scene transition was a lot smoother in rewrite. Originally, I'd honestly thought the Joker had told Bane another made up scar story and then got led away by the guards during the time-skip between scenes.
     
  25. Forum Viking

    Forum Viking have axe will raid

    This is well done man.
     
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