Twist This Wish

A ROB devises a little game to amuse him in which SBers will be the players. The ROB grants the first player a wish, then the next player has the power to grant the wish, but must cleverly twist the wish in a way that the wisher didn't expect. The one who granted the wish then gets to make a wish of their own which in turn will be twisted by the next player. You can take as many turns as you want, but aren't allowed to grant/twist your own wish.

Here is an example:

Player A: "I wish I lived in a huge castle."
Player B: "Wish granted, you live in a castle, as a prisoner in the dungeon. I wish for a billion dollars."
Player C: "Granted. You did mean Zimbabwean dollars right? I wish for eternal life."

And so on.

I'll start out.

I wish to become the smartest man in the world.

You are transported to mars.

I wish I could heal with a touch.

Player D: "Done. You are now immortal. Have fun till you turn into a huge tumor blob. I wish for my intelligence to be increased by 10^7 with all secondary effects this would cause which I would not like as the person I am now to not appear."

Edit:

You healing is skin deep of the area you touch.

My wish: *Points up*

You do so, only now you've alienated pretty much everyone else on the planet as you are to them what they are to flies. Also, you're no different physically so have fun until someone decides you're too big for your booties.

I wish for a sandwitch.

Congratulations. You've got a very friendly, sentient, talking sandwitch.


I wish I knew every language on used Earth.

You brains malfunction from information overload.

I wish non-eldritch FTL is possible

The new physics has caused the universe to dissolve.

I wish I had magical powers.

It's possible but only one mile per hour faster than light speed.

Edit: You're magical powers steal time off your life at a massive rate.

I wish to be slightly more charismatic.

You become a Christian with a belief in miracles, faith healing, and speaking in tongues. You are filled with the holy spirit.

I wish that the girl I have a crush on falls madly in love with me.

Every trait that caused you to have a crush on her are rewritten together with other changes making her biological and emotional dependent on you.

I wish for a slight increase in good luck for every sapient being.

Wish granted, but karma has to be balanced somehow, and you have become the most unluckiest guy in existance to pay for that wish.

I wish for Unlimited Blade Works.

You receive a job in a knife making factory, where you will work constantly and for all of eternity.

I wish that any candidate I vote for in an election will win that election.

He wins, only to be promptly tossed out once evidence of his corruption hits the public.

I wish for a new car.

Granted. The candidate you vote for is elected and soon after investigated for suspicion of rigging the election.

Honk, honk! A brand new clown car appears in front of your house.

I wish you won't grant this wish.

You get a new car, a boxed toy car.

I wish to be an expert swordsman.

Granted. You get nothing.

I wish to be an expert swordsman.

Wish granted. You are now an expert swordsman only in the use of plastic, soft toy swords.

I wish that I will win the national lottery.

But I wished for you to not grant that wish!

Done. Your game characters are not expert swordsmen.

I want my 15 year old cat to not die and live a happy life until I die as well.

You still get nothing though....nothing but emptiness.

Wish granted, you now have your very own Cat Girl who will always follow you, and is currently in heat.

I wish I'm know how to 'Ninja Jump' (As in, jump in Mid Air)

Congrats, you just got drafted!

I wish for a Klondike bar.

Wish granted, but since you've forgot to twist my own wish (due to time shenanigans,) I'll just ninja that Klondike Bar with my Ninja Jumping skills.

I wish to be a supervisor of a Holy Grail War

You are now the owner of an alcohol serving establishment in a remote region of north western Canada.

You are sent back to watch the crusades.

I wish I was twice as strong.

Granted, your muscles are now twice as strong, however your bones, ligaments, etc, are not.

I wish for every person in the Middle East to be transformed into Sand Cats.

I know I'm breaking the pattern, but this is so obvious...

Okay. Done.

It is possible.

You didn't ask for an FTL engine or for the knowledge to build one. So nothing whatsoever has visibly changed. You can simply rest secure in the knowledge that FTL is theoretically possible. Somehow.

You are now a mouse in the middle east.