Mass Effect: Human Revolution

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by IgnusDei, Jul 6, 2012.

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  1. IgnusDei

    IgnusDei Laputan Machine

    Hey folks, IgnusDei here, writer of Mass Effect: Human Revolution. How ya doin?

    Someone put up my story up here on the Mass Effect Crossover Recommendations thread, and it seems I've written a story that is actually good! No one is more surprised about this than I am! :) Still, questions have been asked, and the comments system on doesn't make for a good public dialogues, so here I am, ready to respond to any question you may have, and listen to your feedback.

    And if you haven't read this story before, well, I hope you enjoy it!

    INDEX (courtesy of Kalaong)

    Chapter 10: Preparations.

    1: Protocol Catch And Return.
    2: Meet Agent Brea. She's not quite Miranda.

    Chapter 11: The Selection Process

    4: Adam Jensen: Augmented Chef.
    5: Dear...Donnal. R...U...2...Small...4...
    6: Selecting A (Bad) Spectre.

    Chapter 12: Duty Calls

    7: Adam Jensen Is Always On Duty.
    8: Politics Are Not Fun.
    9: Adam Jensen Does Not Like Agent Brea's Perfume.
    10: Adam Jensen Stops To Help. Also, Garrus Vakarian Hates Asari Children.
    11: Inter-Service Rivalry.
    12: Edgar Hein Prefers To Think Of Himself As More Of A Jerk.
    13: Agent Brea Taunts Murphy.

    Chapter 13: Too close to the sun

    14: Adam Jensen Is A Ghost.
    15: Adam Jensen HATES Crooked Cops.
    16: Goddamned Obsessive Compulsive Zyme Snorting Prick!
    17: Plot Rails? What Plot Rails?

    Chapter 14: Revelations

    19: Anderson Is A Hothead. Also, Hein Has A Cool Ship.
    20: Adam Jensen, This Will Be A Sneaking Mission.
    21: Adam Jensen Said, "Interesting!" It Must Be A Clue!
    22: Adam Jensen Is In Dexter's Hein's Lab.

    Chapter 15: Behind Those Masks

    23: Adam Jensen Gets Beacon'd.
    24: C-Sec Likes Big Guns, And They Cannot Lie.
    25: ...Okay, Someone Explain To Me What The Hell Happened Here?
    27: Adam Jensen Does Not Know How He Knows, But He Knows.
    28: Genuine Artificial Chinese Food!
    29: Snowblind Is Bad News.
    30: Huang Digs Himself Deeper.
    31: People WANT To Be Fooled!
    32: Adam Jensen Is Such A Softy.
    33: Jensen Is More Comfortable In The Dark Than I Am.
    34: yOu...aRe...aLL...AloNE.
    35: BOSS FIGHT

    Interlude 1: Memories of Neo Kobe

    37: Adam Jensen Is Used To This.
    38: Admiral Yan Lo, On assymetrical warfare, 2171
    39: Do Artificial Detectives Dream Of Electric Dames?

    Chapter 16: Settling old accounts

    41: No Rest For The Weary.
    42: The Council Taunts Murphy.
    43: Adam Jensen Has A Slayer Dream.
    44: Adam Jensen Says, "Fuck Off."
    45: Agent Lawson Is A Dick...
    46: And Adam Jensen Is A Detective.

    Chapter 17: Deal with the Devil

    47: Adam Jensen Is The One.
    48: Adam Jensen Is The One.(Take Two)
    49: Adam Jensen Hates Templars.
    50: Jensen! By All The Spirits Of Palaven What In The HELL Were You Thinking Sending An AIA Agent Into A COMA?!
    51: Blacklight... They're Coming!
    52: Ceiling Jensen Is Watching You Decimate. And He Is NOT HAPPY.
    53: There Would Be Many Witnesses.
    54: Adam Jensen Is Making This Up As He Goes Along.
    55: Edgar Hein Is A Magnificent Bastard.
    56: Leaving The Citadel.
    57: Leaving The Citadel.(Part Two)


    59: IgnusDei Is A Kickass Artist(1)
    60: IgnusDei Is A Kickass Artist(2)
    61: IgnusDei Is A Kickass Artist(3) - Picture may not load, if not then go to

    Chapter 18: The Durendal

    62: Tali'Zorah Has Her Doubts.
    63: Edgar Hein Is Looking For A Hero.
    64: Yes, Dr. Ross. Jensen Survived A Bullet To The Head.
    65: (If you're wondering what Hein meant by Oz.)
    66: Aki Ross On Love And Hate.
    67: Let's Meet The Deep Eyes!
    68: Let's Tour The Durendal!
    69: Hein To Jenseeeeen!
    70: Mmm... Power Armor. Mmm... Naptime...
    71: Tali'Zora Has A Slayer Dream
    72: A Jerk (Ap)Praises A Hero.

    Chapter 19: The Durendal part 2

    74: Adam Jensen Dreams Of Better Days.
    75: Adam Jensen Hates War Stories.
    76: Adam Jensen And The Leda Twins!
    77: Adam Jensen Gets An Upgrade.
    78: Adam Jensen Gets To Play.
    79: Adam Jensen Cooks Adorable Food.
    80: Edgar Hein Knows All About Artificial Intelligence.
    81: Edgar Hein Knows All About Artificial Intelligence.(Part Two)
    83: Tali'Zorah Hacks Adam Jensen's Brain.
    85: Chiktikka vas Paus Is Annoying.
    86: Edgar Hein Is An Asshole.

    Chapter 20: The Masque of the Black Queen part 1

    88: The Normandy Finds Edgar Hein's Leftovers.
    89: Pirates Is SO Stupid.
    90: ...The Shadow Of Elysium?
    91: A Slaver's Lament.
    92: Everyone Is Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional.
    93: Edgar Hein Has Connections.
    94: Caleston: Briefing.
    95: It's Raining Cyborgs!
  2. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction Is Approaching. FIGHT IT.

    I noted that Saren has even more toys than in canon, and in hindsight I realized that it's not that different from medi-gel - though the Council will stroke their fingers at the crazy humans for inventing insane technology, they'll still use that technology if it's useful... with enough regulations that the public gets the watered-down versions while the Spectres get the good stuff.
    Winged One and DesertChocolate like this.
  3. God and the Snake

    God and the Snake Semi-professional Killjoy

    I will admit to enjoying the story very much. I also enjoyed how you didn't spare the reader puanches. It made a refreshing change from the standard " Crossover character joins sheperds crew, adding dialogue but not changing much". Spoilers ahead: Though the thought that Cerberus might bring Jin back just occured to me. Unlikely has it may be. END of spoilers. Finally I want to express the improvements made in the shift in the crew aquiring quest. Like I mentioned, it's good to see change from the standard formula.

    One part I disliked though, was the Garrus torture scene. It kind of seemed out of place with the rest of the vibe of the story. Also I would very much enjoy deeper insight into Adams backstory. Merely a personnel prefrerance of course.

    Overall, a very good crossover and fic in general. It blends elements for both Deus Ex and Mass Effect quite well.
  4. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction Is Approaching. FIGHT IT.

    I love the whole "comedy of errors" vibe running throughout everything. Jensen has the experience and the augs to take on damned near anything and everything, but the universe(AKA you-the-author) just loves screwing with him, throwing him false leads and dropping him unprepared into ridiculous situations. It actually feels more like ME2 or 3 rather than ME1.
  5. God and the Snake

    God and the Snake Semi-professional Killjoy

    Gotta agree with that assesment. A lot of fanfiction just gives its characters what they need (i.e. overpowering the protaginast, making diffucult task simple, and generally changing the evirement to better suite the heros needs). In most books, though, you can visible see the universe throwing every obsticale it can at the protaganist. This makes all the sweeter when the pull off the biggest achievements of the centaury.
  6. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction Is Approaching. FIGHT IT.

    I recc'd ME:HR on TVTropes, and made an assumption; The Templars won the Invisible War. It seemed to fit, given SA politics and Ash and that cop's knee-jerk prejudice, but I'm wondering how close to the mark that was...
  7. God and the Snake

    God and the Snake Semi-professional Killjoy

    I beleive he already said the Templars won the Invsible War. I beleive it was in the author notes.
  8. IgnusDei

    IgnusDei Laputan Machine

    Damn fine synopsis you wrote there, Kaolong... But I'm sorry to say it, but that's not quite what happened. In fact, the canon events of Invisible War didn't happen because...well, because I didn't like the game quite as much as the original. It wasn't bad, but it didn't quite inspire me as much as the original and prequel. The divergence between canon DX and this crossover happens during Collapse, during which the Illuminati worked hard to bring back the world just as it was before Bob Page sent everything to hell in a hissy fit. Why did they manipulate almost everyone (or at least a very, VERY vocal minority) on Earth to hate and ban Augmentations? Mostly because they were fed up with the concept of people self-evolving beyond their ability to control.

    I'll write up a piece of exposition on the state of Earth later on, but I'll share with you this juicy little tidbit:

    The Order Church is around, ten million strong, and they've marked Jensen as the Devil.
    Kalaong likes this.
  9. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction Is Approaching. FIGHT IT.

    So JC Denton sold out? Illuminati ending?


    That's kind of odd. Denton spent the entire game cleaning up the mess left behind by all-powerful masterminds. I can understand blowing the Aquinas router to level the playing field or fusing with Helios to jump-start the Singularity, but joining the farkakte Illuminati and handing the power to the exact same megalomaniacs who ran the world in circles before handing it to Page?


    That's hard to understand.
  10. IgnusDei

    IgnusDei Laputan Machine

    ...I wouldn't quite say he sold out, but to say anything more on the matter would be spoiling :/

    By the way, I'd totally insert a Xanatos pic here, but Peptuck might take it the wrong way. :p
  11. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction Is Approaching. FIGHT IT.

    Illusive Man? Is that you, JC?
  12. WarpObscura

    WarpObscura Grumpy Big Stick

    Heh, physiopharma augs. Like the implementation of Quicksilver. How does a Dragon's Tooth (updated to modern spec or otherwise) compare to an Omniblade?

    Also, it's a pity some people gave up on it right at the start...
  13. IgnusDei

    IgnusDei Laputan Machine

    I'd say the nanoblade and omni blade are more or less equal, performance wise, but Jensen wouldn't like either of them: They glow in the dark, throwing stealth right out the window when deployed. As for people leaving, well, you can't please everyone. Still wish they'd understand why I wrote Shepard's death the way I did, though.

    Late chapter this week folks. Kinda struggling with Tali's Big Damn Rescue and how to make it dramatically satisfying.
    Kalaong likes this.
  14. Caboose

    Caboose Super Ethical Fun Time!

    I was rather confused on Shepards death, more on the end of, why is Nero-pus still needed? I'm pretty sure, they cured the need for Nero-pus, by when ever Deus Ex is based.
  15. Its rare to see a Mass Effect story where Shepard isn't a hero. Much less one done so well. Good job

    I cant wait to see how pissed Udina is going to be, a perfect case of what he was asking for in the worst way possible. The Turian councilor is going to love Jensen. Here's a human who other human hate and has a track record willing to go against human interest, but also has impeccable record for upholding Citadel laws and has glowing recommendations from the Turain C-Sec executor.

    From the Council's point of view Jensen is the perfect Specter period. His own race alienated him so doesn't have any biased toward a particular race. He can put the interest of the council first and be as close to impartial as possible.
    Winged One likes this.
  16. Welcome to SB! It's great to see another writer here for feedback.

    What I find amazing in the story is that the ME train has been derailed. No more god-awful rehashes of the story.

    Oh and that no one is the perfect hero.
  17. Nope. The Denton Line of Clones is derived from Jensen Tissue Samples. That's the reason they could take nano-augs. The only person who didn't need Nu-poz for mech-augs in Jenson, and the Illuminati/MJ-12 have a very good reason to keep that suppressed.

    On the other hand, I'm wondering how much of Deus Ex and Invisible war are cannon. We've seen the Omar, but nothing about Apostle-Corp or God-Emperor Denton.
  18. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction Is Approaching. FIGHT IT.

    You mean Neuropozyne? The Illuminati banned cybernetics a century before ME1, and once they realized they needed biotics in order to compete, Jensen was loooong gone. And besides, Nu-poz makes biotics dependent on the Illuminati.
    Winged One likes this.
  19. Caboose

    Caboose Super Ethical Fun Time!

    That makes sense.

    @Matsci: Thanks for correcting me on that.
  20. NHO

    NHO Misplaced Mechmind

    Bet the Illusive Man will push Jensen-based genemod that will remove any Neuropozyne dependencies?
  21. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction Is Approaching. FIGHT IT.

    The problem is that the only man with the resources and mindset to spread the Jensen gene around was Sarif - every other powermonger on Earth was part of the Illuminati, who wanted to control the masses with laws, drugs, plague treatments... It's a big problem, both in the DX universe and in real life - the easiest form of power is dependency. Sarif was a mensch, and there's nobody in the ME universe to replace him.
  22. Caboose

    Caboose Super Ethical Fun Time!

    Unless Sarif is TIM.
  23. Kalaong

    Kalaong Extinction Is Approaching. FIGHT IT.

    TIM believes in control - that the Reapers will advance humanity if humanity can "harness their power to control." That makes it impossible for him to be Sarif - Sarif not only refused to join the Illuminati, he planed on releasing the Jensen gene therapy for free.
    Winged One likes this.
  24. WarpObscura

    WarpObscura Grumpy Big Stick

    Little chance of seeing either here then? Even when open combat is joined?

    Oh, and since there are physiopharmaugs around, can you tell us anything about whether we'll see more mechaugs and nanoaugs?

    Looking forward to the new chapter!
  25. Or TIM is part of MJ-12 or the Illuminati.
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