[MLP:FiM/MGLN] Magical Pony Lyrical Twilight Megathread

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by PurpleProse, Feb 21, 2012.

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  1. PurpleProse

    PurpleProse Squishy Purple Unicorn

    Hello everyone. My name is Purple Prose. Having gotten a good response from the MLP rec thread, I've decided to create a thread for my fic (and soon to be series) Magical Pony Lyrical Twilight. You can find the first fic here on FiMFiction.net. Be warned; it's quite a doozy of a fic.

    This thread is mostly for discussion and critique. I'll be moving into the second season, A's, very soon and I would like to get the same level of criticism and response that the first fic recieved. I'll also be posting chapters both here and on FiMFiction. By all means, feel free to drop by the FiMFiction page if you want to show your appreciation with upvotes.

    In the coming week, I'll be posting the first chapter of Magical Pony Lyrical Twilight A's, so watch this space for more magical ponies shooting lasers.

    Edit: Follow this link to Magical Pony Lyrical Twilight on Fanfiction.net
    Edit: Follow this link to the Magical Pony Lyrical Twilight A's page on FiMFiction.net.
    EVA-Saiyajin and TrivetLurker like this.
  2. havocfett

    havocfett "Be, so it is." Moderator

    Nice to see that you've joined us. I'd review your work, but I believe I've already explained my unfamiliarity with Nanoha.
  3. Harry Leferts

    Harry Leferts Solidarity

    As I said before, I welcome a fellow FiMFiction author here.
  4. staplesdex2

    staplesdex2 Status: CLASSIFIED

    This could have at least be put in the Index if it's a discussion.
  5. PurpleProse

    PurpleProse Squishy Purple Unicorn

    Sorry. I intended this to be a thread fo discussion and me actually posting fic. I'll move it if needed.
  6. Harry Leferts

    Harry Leferts Solidarity

    If you're posting actual chapters on this thread it's okay. As for moving it, you need to ask one of the Creative Writing Mods to do it for you.
  7. PurpleProse

    PurpleProse Squishy Purple Unicorn

    As I said in the OP, I'll be posting chapters in the thread and on FimFiction, so the thread is still valid, I think. Sorry, it's been forever and a day since I've been on an MB. @_@
  8. One thing I can't remember how old was Alicia when the accident happened I keep thinking she was nine years old when the accident happened.
  9. Nice to meet you. Gotta say, loved the EoH blast against Precia near the end. Saw it coming as soon as I saw Luna's reaction to the sack Celestia gave her, and I had but one thought when the event finally happend:

    "Taste the rainbow, motherf**ker" (Pulled from the MLP anthology on Youtube.)

    Also loved the aria for Starlight Breaker.
  10. Harry Leferts

    Harry Leferts Solidarity

    Then yes, it's still valid. My first thread was mainly discussion for a few pages before I began posting chapters.
  11. Yes, but Twilight seems rather shocked at a highly depressed and suicidal Precia who remembers all her acts in the cold light of rationality.

    Fridge horror bit, think about it, going crazy, every act more obsessive, cruel, and hurtful to anyone in your immediate vicinity than the last. Then the veil lifts, you are sane, and remember everything you did.

    Speaking of Pony Nightmare fuel, watching Pony Precia's horn literally fall apart is surely High Octane Unicorn Nightmare Fuel. I kinda expected more a reaction to that from Twilight and Rarity.
  12. Yog


    Liked the story very much. So, Equestria is either
    or a gateway to
    ? I would guess that this would make princesses either
    Post-singularity/instrumentality entities
    Guardian programs
    . Interesting.

    So, the next episode would be about
    Eternal blaze
    ? Is it
    Celestia going over the bend

    What about the Book of Darkness? Luna being the queen princess of darkness, will she be able to just plain out control the book?

    I wonder, what will Twilight get up to with the RH is her disposal. Somehow I don't see her overworking herself to the point of injury - she is older, more powerful and more reasonable than Nanoha, and should know more about the possibilities of magical injuries. Also, we are likely to see more productive use of magic, as Ponies are less battle-minded, and so Twilight may use the magic system (and RH calculation abilities) to produce more than just different kinds of blasts. Construction magic, conjuration, transportation magic, things that are useful for everyday life.

    Presea... Couldn't it be argued, truthfully, that
    She was not in her right state of mind during her crimes and thus cannot be held accountable
    ? I understand, that the
    judge's verdict is just a pretense to get her into secret research facility and make her work on the HYDRA again
    holding Alicia hostage
    (and about this
    Wouldn't Lindy/Chrono object to just using an innocent girl like this?
    ). I also wonder why didn't Luna
    demand Presea to be released into her custody due to the fact that all crimes she committed were on Equestrian soil or in equestrian region of dimensional sea
    . She could have gotten away with it, likely easily.

    Overall, very interesting story, that is original and a good merger of both worlds. Interested in seeing more.
  13. Crazael

    Crazael Madness Incarnate

    Wait, what? Why didn't I get a tracking notice!? *runs off to read new content*

    Edit: Alicia was around 3 years old at the time of the accident. Fate was created about 20 years later and has 5 or so years of combat mage training.
  14. smthng

    smthng Moosecientist

    Eternal Blaze is the opening song of Nanoha A's.
    I hope it just refers to that.

    Also, given how large martial bent she has in the story, I'm hoping to see the epic magical sword duel to end all epic magical sword duels: Signum versus
    Princess Luna
  15. Yog


    Signum gets stomped into the ground. Possibly literally.
  16. I wrote that before learning of the epilogue. I hope Precia manages to recover.

    Definitely looking forward to As.
  17. Gore17

    Gore17 Lord of Insanity

    :wtf: Where did you get that information? Did I miss something?
  18. I'd assume that's what happens in MGLN canon. Isn't it?
  19. Gore17

    Gore17 Lord of Insanity

    Er, no, Presea(Precia, Precea), is quite dead in canon. Gone, vamoosed, bye-bye dead, without even a body to bury.
  20. And based on the epilog, Alicia was
    quite dead the entire time. All Precia was doing was keeping the in stasis. Her obsession was in not admitting it was already too late, and the lengths she went to in that denial. The epilog shows part of 'Rainbow Shock' treatment gets her to finally accept Alicia is not pining for the fiords, and Alicia's grave.
  21. The trial doesn't make sense to me, the court has probably recognized that Twilight *healed* her (that's probably somewhere in the report of the Arthras), it also recognizes that her mental state is fragile, it follows that Precia has been insane during the time the crimes were committed, thus she is not responsible of her acts, thus she can't be declared guilty of them.

    Alternatively, if the court declare that Precia was legally responsible of her acts, the court also recognizes that Precia was sane when Twilight mind raped her into her current state.

    Precia should have been looking for the Mass Effect dimension and Cerberus instead :p

    Funniest line ever!
  22. Gore17

    Gore17 Lord of Insanity

    From what I gathered, this was counting her insanity.
  23. smthng

    smthng Moosecientist

    And why would anyone want to do that, and wreck a perfectly good opportunity for awesome?
  24. Jim Starluck

    Jim Starluck CO, ICS Vanguard

    It could just be that the TSAB court system operates a little different than terrestrial (or equestrial) ones, and does not consider insanity a sufficient mitigating factor to escape sentencing.
  25. PurpleProse

    PurpleProse Squishy Purple Unicorn

    Yay for speculation! :D

    If I may, I'd like to answer a few concerns;

    1) In MPLT canon, Alicia is quite dead. Perminantly dead. And as mentioned, ressurection magic doesn't exist. Furthermore, she's in the ground and given a proper burial, so no holding the body hostage.

    2) Yes, 'Eternal Blaze' is just a reference to the opening theme of A's.

    3) I didn't show much reaction to Presea's horn shattering, mainly because that section was being seen through Presea's focus, for the most part. I may go back and add in a little later.

    4) The trial. We don't see a whole lot of the Bureau's judicial system, so I didn't have much to go on. I based the decision on the precedent from StrikerS, the case of one Jail Scagletti. Just because Presea has been cured of her insanity doesn't mean she's still not liable for her crimes; after all, a crazy mage is in many ways far more dangerous than a rational one. However, she's also being given mandatory psychiatric counseling in order to help her get over her suicidal depression.
    As to why Luna didn't fight for her... well, Luna's not like Celestia. I imagined her as the 'bad cop' to Celestia's 'good cop;' she sees a threat to the country, she takes it down. However, she's not foolish. She sympathises with Presea's plight (after all, she went crazy once) but the TSAB has a greater legal claim over Presea than Equestria does, and she recognizes this fact. Now afterward, once negotiations start up, there might be greater leeway, but for right now the TSAB have jurisdiction.
    However, we'll be seeing more of Presea later.
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