MLP Time Loops thread 3

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Saphroneth, Nov 4, 2013.

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  1. 38.5

    Fluttershy lay back in bed and sighed, an all-too-familiar melancholia stealing over her.

    A Fused Loop was over, and now it was back to Equestria.

    Nice, safe Equestria. Same old Equestria.

    Twilight had mentioned this to them, back after the first couple of fused loops. It was sometimes hard to maintain perspective after seeing the multiverse like that.

    They'd gotten used to it, after a while. Friends helped – though Twilight often had loops alone, being an Anchor was awful sometimes – and so did the perspective that came with age.

    But sometimes... it was worse than normal.

    Angel Bunny cut into her mild mope by kicking her bed hard enough to leave a dent.

    “Naughty rabbit!” Fluttershy scolded, rolling off the mattress and giving him a tolerant look. “Keep that up and I'll make you dust the bookshelf!”

    The threat bounced off Angel's armour like a rubber ball. He shrugged and bounced off to... well, probably threaten a songbird or something.

    A moment's check on her Loop memories reassured Fluttershy that this Loop had begun at the normal time. That meant that the Summer Sun celebration was just around the corner.

    Now, was there a song she hadn't taught her bird friends?

    The doorbell tinkled.

    “Come in,” Fluttershy called softly. “It's unlocked.”

    Cheerilee pushed the door open, smiling. “Hello, Fluttershy. Sorry to intrude – I know you must be busy with the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration...”

    “Oh, it's no problem,” Fluttershy replied. “I was just making some tea. Would you like some?”

    The teacher frowned, considering it. “Maybe later.”

    “All right.” Nodding, Fluttershy put the kettle back on the stove, just to one side to keep it at the right temperature. “What brings you out here?”

    Now that was the real question. Cheerilee certainly never came out here in a normal loop, so...

    “Well, it's quite a puzzle, actually,” Cheerilee admitted. “You see, there's a child who Nurse Redheart and I found wandering around Ponyville this morning. He seemed quite confused, but was insistent that he meet you.”

    She stepped fully into the cottage, and turned to the door. “Come on in, Lemon.”

    A bright yellow earth pony colt walked in, a little unsteady on his legs, and his eyes locked onto Fluttershy.

    Fluttershy blinked, then gasped.


    “So you do know him?” Cheerilee asked, satisfied. “I'll want to hear all the details – but later. Can I leave you to take care of him for today? I'm afraid I've got work to do for the festival as well.”

    “That's fine,” Fluttershy said absently.

    The moment Cheerilee was out of the house, she let her happiness off the leash. “Leman! I thought I'd lost you.”

    She knelt down, spreading her forelegs, and the colt stumbled forward into her embrace.

    “I still don't know what's going on...” Lemon Rush said, looking around the cottage. “The last I remember, we were on Fenris.” Preparing for a delegation from the Light Eldar Empire to arrive, actually.

    “Well...” Fluttershy thought for a moment as she poured the tea. “Okay. There are things called time loops, and people from one sometimes end up in another. This is my home one.”

    “It certainly looks more peaceful than mine,” the colt said, glancing out the window. “And warmer.”

    He paused. “Didn't you used to have a horn, little mother?”

    “Oh, of course.” Fluttershy closed her eyes, let the Element of Kindness flash into being, and Ascended. “I forgot, you've only seen me like this.”

    “Neat trick. Can we all do that?”

    “No, sorry.” Fluttershy shrugged, reverting the transformation. “It's... complicated. Come on, I'll introduce you to Twilight, and she can tell you what you need to know about the Loops.”

    “That works for me.” Rush stood up, and nearly fell over.

    Fluttershy's hoof swept out to steady him, and he gratefully used it to stand back upright. “This is humiliating...” he muttered, face burning beneath his coat.

    “I had just as much trouble with walking on two legs,” Fluttershy smiled. “And with flying, actually. I still have a preference for walking where possible.”

    She nuzzled him affectionately. “It's good to see you, Leman.”

    “And you.” The normally-a-primarch laughed. “At least I didn't make too much of a mess when I arrived! If I'd acted more like the Emperor would have then I'd have thought this was some sorcerous trick!”

    Fluttershy winced internally as she bumped into Gilda. Normally she was able to adroitly avoid the belligerent griffin, but she'd just... forgotten. Too much else to think about.

    “Hey!” Gilda said, scowling, and then roared.

    The roar was cut off within about a second, as two bright yellow hooves thudded into Gilda's torso. Air wooshed out in a strangled squawk, and the impact sent her beak over tail onto the road some distance away.

    “Let me make one thing clear,” Lemon said, sounding more predatory than the griffin he was standing on top of – in spite of his high-pitched colt's voice. “You can challenge anyone you like to a fight. I don't mind that. But you force a fight with someone who can't protect themselves, and you answer to me.”

    “Lemon!” Fluttershy said, sternly. “I know she's a bully, but that doesn't mean you can bully her back.”

    “Sorry, little mother,” he said, shaking his head and stepping off Gilda. “I don't like seeing you hurt.”

    “I know you don't,” Fluttershy replied. “But still.”

    He nodded.

    Fluttershy bent down to talk more privately. “When did you learn to fight like that?”

    The colt smiled. “I'm a primarch. We're made good at fighting.”

    (So, yes. This one.)
    Also, I have this bizarre urge to introduce the Anchor of a set of Twilight Loops.

    In case anyone thinks I'm mad, I do have reasons.
    First, I've been reading an excellent Sporking of the series - the one by Mervin and Hyde.
    Second, my prospective Anchor-designate?
    Leah Clearwater.
    Because she deserves a fisking break. And for someone used to Sparklepires and Pedowolves, the sanctuary loop sounds like the best break you could give.
  2. Zap Rowsdower

    Zap Rowsdower Ex-Cultist Vagrant

    I imagine that a human Twilight anchor would need Hellsing and/or Castlevania loops before needing a Sanctuary loop. Something to train her in hunting godlike abominations masquerading as vampires; either series' Catholic Church would be more than willing to help teach her how to help the Cullens rest in peace.
  3. Filraen

    Filraen Bastion of the Fourth Wall

    Even for Fluttershy, it felt too muted emotion-wise.
  4. thewatcher

    thewatcher Queen of Broken Glass

    I would think that they would have the early stages of Sakura syndrome from having to watch the same horrible romance continuously...
  5. Leah is one of the almost-as-overpowered werewolves. I'm fairly sure that it would take only a few loops, at most, of combat training before she could more than hold her own.
    (Leah is probably the single best character Meyer has ever come up with... and she came up with Leah as a straw-man Bella hater who every other character bitches about. Yeah.)
  6. Stainless Steel Fox

    Stainless Steel Fox Problem Adult

    I figured it would be well within her capabilities, after all she's pinch hit for Celestia enough loops. My head cannon is that both Equestria's sun and moon are around the same size as ours, so moving a few thousand tons shouldn't even raise a sweat. Organising it and managing it so it didn't wreck any live spacecraft was more problematic, until we remember that Twilight has had literally aeons to perfect her organisational skills. She may have been using the comnputer to assist her, or she might have been doing it bare horned, decide for yourself.

    As for the tag line, it fought it out with:

    Sky High Service - Rocket Bottom Prices.
    Reconditioned Rockets - One careful owner.
    Second-hand Satellites - All original parts.
    Comes with free delivery anywhere inside Geostationary orbit.
    In space, no-pony can hear you scream... with pleasure at our fantastic deals!

    And of course the Star Trek ones
    Our Mission - To provide spare parts for any Enterprising space captain
    Khaaaaan... you believe our amazing selection?

    Of course, Star Wars...
    Witness the power of our fully interest free and negotiable finance deals.
    This is no moon - It's a bargain station!
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  7. I'll give it another look over - though I did kind of skip the first "eeeeee" bit...
  8. Zap Rowsdower

    Zap Rowsdower Ex-Cultist Vagrant

    Wouldn't that mean she has that disturbing imprinting issue, which, as its physiological rather than emotional or mental, probably be reset each loop?

    At least that'd lead to her hating it as much as we do...
  9. I'll admit, while I haven't read Twilight (I tried, I think I got to chapter 8 or so before it got too stupid for me to continue) I have liked numerous riffings. But I have an idea for a previous loops of hers if you'll have it. Your most recent snip gave it to me.

    She could perhaps bond with Fluttershy over her first fused loop: a 40K loop. Specifically a genderflip!40K loop with her as Leah Russ, Primarch of the Space Wolves. One of the Emperess' twenty daughters alongside Sanguina, Morticia, Roberta Guiliman, etc.

    Use or not as you prefer.
  10. Theoretically, Leah could suffer from it. However, the series itself tells us that Imprinting is rare and almost never happens (the three times it happens in the series notwithstanding, her own worldbuilding tells us that it should be rare). Hence, it is entirely likely that Leah would not imprint-ever. (Especially if it's about continuation of the species. Leah isn't fertile, at least not while she's maintaining a regimen of shifting, and hence shouldn't be eligible to Imprint anyway.)
    Though, yeah, she would HATE her home loop's main line plot. I expect her average loop would involve either vigilante anti-vampirism or college.
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  11. Filraen

    Filraen Bastion of the Fourth Wall

    If it's Bella I think one loop with Rose Potter might be enough.
  12. The very IDEA of Looping Bella gives me the creeps. She's already GOT Sakura Syndrome, and she's not even Looping.
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  13. Zap Rowsdower

    Zap Rowsdower Ex-Cultist Vagrant

    What Twilight needs is a Looping Mustache Dad, ideally as Anchor. I'd give him two or three loops, tops, without any Castlevania or Hellsing crossover loops, before he's right up there with the Belmonts and Hellsing Organization humans. No force more powerful than a father trying to protect his daughter and all the time in the world to get ready to do so.
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  14. True. But Leah's got (even) more of a character arc - and is, I believe, immune to Edward mind-read-hax which prevents Reality Ensues on Charlie for trying to keep a secret from a mind reader.
  15. Zap Rowsdower

    Zap Rowsdower Ex-Cultist Vagrant

    Oh, completely true. The greatest tragedy of a Twilight loop is that, unless he was Anchor, Mustache Dad is sufficiently removed from things that he wouldn't start looping until AFTER Bella, meaning she'd probably have already had enough time that it'd be far too late for him to save her from her own youthful naiveté and selfishness. And he's too obscure and undetailed to BE anchor in anything but a one-shot.
  16. I disagree, actually.
    Charlie is removed from MOST of the characters.
    But he's Leah Clearwater's stepfather. Now there's a connection we can believe in!
  17. Here's what I've got so far.



    The horse deity turned from his keyboards. (Yes, keyboards. Eight legs is helpful if you can multi-task.) “Yeah, mom?”

    Loki winced. “Stop-”

    “-calling you that,” Sleipnir finished. “Did you expect that any of your children would lack a sense of humour? It's hilarious how you react.”

    Shaking his head, the trickster held up a hand. “A very good point. Though, speaking of my children, I've got a... request, from Fenris.”

    It was Sleipnir's turn to wince. “I haven't forgotten when he chased me all around the room at his party.”

    “You're a horse, he's a wolf, it's natural.” Loki's grin was back on his face. “Anyway. One of the Loopers he keeps an eye on needs a break. Badly. Is there a slot in one of your worlds you can drop her into?”

    “Well...” Sleipnir turned back to his computer, and started typing away. “There is one relatively controllable fused loop opportunity coming up for Equestria, so I can drop her into that when her next out-loop slot comes in.”

    “As soon as possible.” Loki paused. “Fenris is going to spend a lot of power on giving her this.”

    “Well, if it's that urgent...” Sleipnir tapped a few more controls. “There, done.”

    “Thank you.”

    “Twilight...” Spike said, slowly reaching for his 'saber. “You might want to see this.”

    His tone of voice was warning enough. Twilight stepped quickly up to the window. “What?”

    All she could see was a fairly normal market day in Ponyville – the first following the Summer Sun celebration, true, so a little more nervous than normal, but nothing major.

    Spike pointed, indicating a pale blue earth pony mare. “Her.”

    Twilight squinted. “I still don't see it... is she a Looper?”

    “Must be. And not a local.” Spike shot a glance at Twilight, then his eyes widened. “Oh! Sorry, I keep forgetting you're not an empath.”

    “Just experience, that's all I have,” Twilight said with a shrug. “So, what is it?”

    “That mare is about a hoof-length short of snapping. The Force feels like... like lightning's about to strike.” Spike's expression clouded. “The last time it felt this bad was... well, suffice to say force psychosis was involved.”

    Twilight winced, wondering if he had been the one involved. She knew Spike had had the occasional issue with control – every Looper had – but she hadn't pried. Courtesy.

    “So...” she mused. “What do we do?”

    “Well...” Spike cracked his knuckles. “I'm the one with battle precognition, so I'll go talk to her. You send for the others and then hang around in case I need support.”

    “Excuse me?” Spike said, as calmly as he could with his reflexes on high alert.

    It was strange, feeling the fury and despair roiling from the mare's mind as she turned to him with a polite “yes?”

    Whatever else, she had impressive emotional control.

    “Well, I was wondering...” Spike considered, then went for broke. “Are you new to this loop?”

    Her eyes widened. “Loop? Do you mean-” The question went unfinished.

    “Time Loops, yes.”

    “Are there such things as vampires here?” she asked, the words almost tumbling over one another.

    “No,” Spike replied firmly.

    “Are there such things as werewolves here?”

    That one took a moment more thought. “No true werewolves, one hobbyist.” Fluttershy was Awake, after all.

    The mare exhaled. “Right. Right. Thank you for the help.”

    “Hold on,” Spike added, before she turned to go. “What's your name?”

    “Clear Water,” she answered, and left at what looked like a cross between a canter and a lope.

    “, any ideas?” Spike said, having finished reporting the conversation to the rest of the local Loopers.

    “I think I know.” Twilight winced. “And if she's who I think she is, then she is in serious need of help.”

    “Well, don't keep us in suspense, dear,” Rarity admonished.

    Twilight reached into thin air, rummaged for a moment, and plonked a set of books down on the table.

    “Oh, me,” Dash muttered, as they all looked at the front covers of the Twilight books.

    So, is this approach working?
    (This is projected to be when Leah's pretty much at the end of her tether. Also, I like the idea of the sons and daughters of Loki interacting relatively peacefully. It's a fun idea.)
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  18. In addition, I've tweaked the Rush loop slightly.
  19. Masterweaver

    Masterweaver Teller of Tales Bard Of Awesomeness

    "Macintosh?!" Twilight cried in astonishment. "What are you doing here?!"

    "Ah don't rightly know," the red pony replied with a shrug. "Most loops Ah just Awaken on tha... farm..."

    Another shrug.

    "Twilight, why do Ah have wings?"

    The princess of magic sighed, tapping Macintosh's horn. "Because you're an alicorn. This is a sister loop--did you ascend without me knowing about it? Like, in a fused loop or anything?"

    "Eeeenope." The red pony watched as an umbrella lashed a licorice whip and rode by on end table made of felt. "So... this is tha Discordian era?"

    "Yeah, it is, we're Celestia and Luna--I'm sorry, I just... usually this only happens AFTER a pony becomes an alicorn on their own." Twilight narrowed her eyes. "Are you absolutely one hundred percent sure--?"

    "Twilight, Ah've been nothing but an ordinary earth pony afore this... cept when Ah was a human. Ah'm as clueless as ya'll."

    The lavender mare let out a growling sigh. "We'll figure it out later, then. So, since this is your first sister loop--well, I guess it's a sibling loop, cause--"

    "Er..." Macintosh blushed, fidgeting a bit. "No, no, it's... it's a sister loop."

    Twilight blinked. "Oh. Huh."

    She blinked again. "OH! Oh this is the first time you've been genderbent while Awake! Oh, yeah, okay, that could be awkward."

    "...'while Awake?'"

    "Yeeeeeeah, genderbending happens pretty often. There's around a two percent chance you'll wake up and, POOF!" Twilight chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Nothing to worry about, we've all been through it. And hey, you're still pretty big!" She shook her head. "Anyway, we need to distribute the Elements between us now--"

    "Wait, AJ's been a stallion?"

    "Mac." Twilight spread the necklaces, although she put the tiara on her own head. "Elements."

    The red pony shook her head. "Right, right. Sorry. Has Apple Bloom--?"

    "El. Eh. Mints."

    Macintosh nodded. "Um.... Ah think, since Ah'm AJ's brother, ah should have--"

    Instantly Twilight's hoof lashed out, pulling the orange necklace away. "Nuh-uh, not after hiding for who knows how many loops. Here, take Kindness instead."

    The former stallion eyed the pink butterfly warily for a moment. Then, with a shrug, she put it around her neck; might as well go full scale with this. "Ah think Ah'll take Loyalty too."

    Twilight stared as she wrapped the red lightning bolt around her thick ankle. "....I am so jealous of you right now."


    "Nothing." Twilight coughed. "So, um... Generosity for you, then? And I'll take Laughter... I'm going to need to teach you how to use these, aren't I?"
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  20. Madfish

    Madfish For Integrity

    I'll try and post this again, basically the first part with some suggested changes

    Fluttershy lay back in bed and sighed, an all-too-familiar melancholia stealing over her.

    A Fused Loop was over, and now it was back to Equestria.

    Nice, safe Equestria. Same old Equestria.

    Twilight had mentioned this to them, back after the first couple of fused loops. It was sometimes hard to maintain perspective after seeing the multiverse like that.

    They'd gotten used to it, after a while. Friends helped – though Twilight often had loops alone, being an Anchor was awful sometimes – and so did the perspective that came with age.

    But sometimes... it was worse than normal.

    Angel Bunny cut into her mild mope, she wasn't grieving- nobody had died after all and if anything uncounted trillions would get a chance to live- by kicking her bed hard enough to leave a dent.

    “Naughty rabbit!” Fluttershy scolded with more heat and command than she would have normally, rolling off the mattress and giving him a tolerant but severe look. “Keep that up and I'll make you dust the bookshelf!”

    The threat bounced off Angel's armour like a rubber ball. He shrugged but at Fluttershy's continuing stern look he bounced off to... well, probably threaten a songbird or something.

    A moment's check on her Loop memories reassured Fluttershy that this Loop had begun at the normal time and she was her normal self. She was glad of that. No matter how many loops and changed she was the Loops would always remind her of her first self. A far more innocent self. A self like her non-looping self that hadn't lost to time that never was the friends, comrades and- sons. One she was bitterly jealous of right now.

    Now, was there a song she hadn't taught her bird friends? Of course there was. No-one else would have to know they were her- Leman's favourite drinking songs. He would have found it uproariously funny as well.

    She continued her plans for the Celebration while gathering up her pillow cases and duvet which had somehow become rather wet. She was glad the too warm air would have them dry soon.
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  21. Filraen

    Filraen Bastion of the Fourth Wall

    The part you edited when Fluttershy meet Lemon Rush is way better, however that one part in need of a tweak: I'm missing some reaction of Fluttershy's at the start of the loop. From what I see this was the next loop to her raising Lemon Rush ad he didn't know about the Time Loops previously: Fluttershy could have contained her emotions because, say, they had to deal with Nightmare Moon, but that doesn't mean she doesn't feel the same Twilight felt after the Past Sins loop, when she thought she lost Nyx.
  22. Firefinder12

    Firefinder12 I have ideas. Some good some bad.

    I so want to add a Stargate one to these but I can't think of any. :(
  23. Um... *thinks for a moment* How about a large round gate into wherever she does buying and selling, and mark it as "Shopping Gate 1"?
  24. Stavaros_Arcane

    Stavaros_Arcane All Arguments invalidated.

    Funny you should mention that...

    Also you can NEVER listen to too many musicals.
  25. elmagnifico

    elmagnifico The Great Western Way

    Err, ah, hm. Well, I, gr, fm. I'm conflicted about this snip. It amuses me, but at the same time I'm not sure if it's appropriate for Mac's arc, and the amusement is not to the degree that the problems I have with it are entirely mitigated.

    Thus far, Sister loops have been with ponies Twi is particularly strongly bonded with. The Elements are obvious, along with Shining and Cadence and Celestia and Luna. Trixie had just spent several loops being Twilight's student. Macintosh, on the other hand, starts off as a secondary looper more on the level of Applebloom or Gilda. Are you trying to say that last snip, contemplating morality over cider, is on that same friend-level as Trixie?

    Obviously Saph would have final say but I'm not so sure about it myself.

    On a slightly less serious concern note, I wonder why Mac gets bent while Shining gets to keep his default loadout? Is it because Twilight is starting to see Mac as "one of the girls"? Dangit, don't poke the spiders in my brain like that, I might have to write a snip about that...

    I like this a lot. I hate to sound like a one-trick pony, but this appears to be an appropriate situation for opening the bar post-haste.
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