Vampire Ships, Bunny Commandos, and Space Marines: Let's Read Strike Legion

MJ12 Commando

MJ12 Commando

Solidarity
What do these three pictures have in common:







If you answered "they all exist in an obscure recently-released indie RPG called Strike Legion", you're totally right. Released literally a week ago, Strike Legion, well, let's refer to the blurb.

Strike Legion is a science fiction roleplaying game set in the future where the mighty Imperium fights the Star Republic for domination of the universe. The Imperium is a xenophobic star empire that encompasses millions of worlds of uncountable subjugated humans. The Star Republic is a union of different sentient species that fight for their right to peace and progress. The Imperium swarms its enemies with endless hordes of ships while the Republic is defended by the Fleet with its small fleets of powerful and advanced battleships. The Imperium seems unstoppable as each new wave of Imperial ships depletes Fleet resources to the breaking point. In comes the Strike Legion. Each Legionnaire is equal to an army of regular soldiers and it is their job to enter Imperial space and destroy the Imperial war machine from within. They can do what an entire fleet of ships could never accomplish. To win the war, the Legion will have to prevail but the Imperium creates new ways to defeat them everyday.
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Hmm, this sounds completely original. There are no universes where a beleaguered faction of humans is losing a war against a foe that massively outnumbers them and puts all their hopes on a small group of highly experimental supersoldiers with cutting-edge technology, who are also named after soldiers which existed in antiquity...



(Picture is totally unrelated)

...and certainly, there has never been a xenophobic thought control based human faction called the "Imperium" in any fiction...



(picture also completely unrelated)

But that's just the start of things. So join me, in a journey through the most shameless so-bad-it's-good kitchen sink RPG of recent history, in a journey to what happens when you take everything a bunch of sci-fi fans like and put it into a blender, a journey into an absolutely amazing (in every way) Pen and Paper RPG...

Join me as I read through Strike Legion. And if you want to literally join me, it's $3.00 on DrivethruRPG. I guarantee you, it is worth every penny. But for now, I need to post this before I laugh myself to death, so I can get onto transcribing the best parts of the first chapter.
 
Buy this RPG.

Buy this fucking RPG or the Feeder World will devour your negative emotions.
 
The Immortal Empress and her Imperial Marine Legions are the only thing standing between us good citizens of the Imperium and the hordes of space furries, master chiefs, and other assorted stuff out there.
 
At the smallest sign of revolt, her fanatical imperial marines will be unleashed onto the rogue world!
 
Chapter 1: Through the Looking Glass

Strike Legion said:
In the future, a war rages between the sprawling expanses of the Imperium and the technologically advanced Star Republic. Imperial ships outnumber those of the Republic a thousand to one but the Republic's superior ship designs and highly trained crews have been able to hold back the Imperial hordes.
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We're one paragraph in and we've already found out that the enemy is your Standard Technothriller Bad Guy, who employs hordes of poorly trained but numerous soldiers. Not a bright start, but it gets better. Oh god trust me it gets better. Also, look at the amazing naming scheme. You have the freedom-loving STAR REPUBLIC and the theocratic IMPERIUM. It's like 80s comic book cheesiness, and that's why this game is amazing.

Because it is so incredibly shameless.

Strike Legion said:
Republic leaders realized early on that a direct military conflict would eventually end in defeat so they initiated the Legion Program. The Legion Process unleashes the ultimate potential of anyone who can survive the procedure turning that person into a perfect fighting machine.
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A Game Strike Legion Totally Doesn't Rip Off said:
They shall be my finest warriors,
these men who give of themselves to me.
Like clay I shall mould them,
and in the furnace of war forge them.
They will be of iron will and steely muscle.
In great armour shall I clad them
and with the mightiest guns will they be armed.
They will be untouched by plague or disease,
no sickness will blight them.
They will have tactics, strategies and machines
so that no foe can best them in battle.
They are my bulwark against the Terror Imperium.
They are the Defenders of Humanity THE STAR REPUBLIC.
They are my Space Marines Legionnaires
and they shall know no fear.
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Actually, that lies, because Legionnaires make Space Marines look bad. I'm not even kidding, you fight "Imperium Space Marines". But we'll talk about that later. Right now, more about the setting. Onto The Imperium!

Strike Legion said:
The Imperium
The Imperium is a mighty star empire that fights to conquer and purify the universe for the glory of humanity. Its expanse covers more than a million habital worlds whose people work in servitude for the glory of the Imperium. Imperial citizens are indoctrinated from birth and every aspect of their society is controlled and monitored. There is no freedom in the Imperium and any citizen can be executed for the slightest thought crime.
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Yeah, your enemy is the Imperium of Man. Literally the Imperium of Man with the serial numbers filed off.

SL said:
Each Imperial ship is weak but the sheer weight of their numbers and their total dedication to the Empress makes them a deadly fighting force. Each Imperial world is guarded by over ten million poorly equipped and trained but highly disciplined troopers.
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And the Imperium can't live without a God-Emperor... sorry, Empress, and the Imperial Guard. But maybe I'm being premature, maybe she's not the most powerful human Psyker... sorry, Master.

SL said:
The Imperium's leader is an ancient and powerful Master known as the Empress, who rules her million worlds with an iron fist. The Imperium tried to control its population with fear but the Empress learned from her mistakes so she indoctrinated her people in a central religion where they worship her as a goddess.
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Well then. This is not reminiscent of anything. Absolutely nothing at all.



Certainly not this bloke.

Every Imperial leader is watched closely for betrayal by the Imperial Assassin's Guild and the Sisterhood and Brotherhood of the Empress.
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Oh, we even have Imperial Assassins, Sisters of Battle, and the fuckin' Custodes. How wonderful. But hey, maybe the Star Republic is more original... first, though, they introduce the concept of "Gens", which are genetically engineered species, who brought the downfall of the old Star Imperium because it was racist and used them as slaves. So lesson learned, when you're making superhumanly intelligent, fast, agile, and everything else soldiers, give them the fucking vote.

SL said:
The Star Republic is an ancient government that survived the Eternal Night to become an alliance of humans and Gens. They fought the Imperium thousands of years ago, and now once again, they are all that stands in the way of the Imperium conquering the entire universe. Their democratic society encompasses many diverse cultures and species that fight together against the evil Imperium.
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Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen. It's the furry Space First World. Which makes militarized superheroes.

Diverse cultures and species include:



Theocratic xenomorphs!



Goddamn dragons!



Commando rabbits!



Fucking elves!



And highly trained gorilla guerillas.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a entirely valid makeup for a Legion strike team.

Past that, in the first chapter, there's a whole bunch of stuff on the history of the world, which basically talks about how a horrible virus that devoured nervous systems was released in the late 23rd century, but a rare benign version was found that gave people incredible psychic powers and made everyone superhumanly awesome. Keep the fact that 100% of the human race is better than 20th century humans in mind, it'll become fucking hilarious later.

Eventually, FTL was invented, the Imperium formed, they invented genetically engineered supersoldiers who conquered random worlds, but revolted because they wanted voting rights and veteran's benefits. The Imperium would have lost, so they got all their most powerful psychics, forted up their core worlds, and destabilized The Warp Nullspace so nobody could use FTL.

Eventually, this ended so the STAR REPUBLIC could form, but the Imperium had been expanding all the while the moment Nullspace restabilized, and now it's at war again, yadda yadda. If you want more than a summary and me poking fun at the blatant ripoffs, buy it for yourself, it is literally only 3 dollars and worth every cent.
 
They're not just bunny commandos.

They're Bunny commandos who can PREDICT THE FUTURE
 
Because Chapter 1 isn't really where the insanity starts, I'll cover a bit of Chapter 2, with the basic character generation and races.

Characters in STRIKE LEGION! have seven stats, which are Strength, Agility, Intelligence, Perception, Presence, Resolve, and Mastery (basically your psychic reality breaking powers).

The average transhuman, minimally augmented guy who joins up to do scouting duty has 1 in every attribute. You get 50 points to split between 7 stats, plus racial bonuses. So we're off to a great start in terms of how ridiculous a starting character is.

Put the minimum 1 point necessary in Presence? Better leader than anyone in the world. 1 point in Intelligence? You're as smart as Einstein. So on, so forth. Skills are capped by attribute scores, too, which means the "poorly trained, poorly equipped" Imperial Guard soldiers of the Imperium are all just as good, or better, trained (and definitely equipped) than whatever unit of real life troops you care to talk about.

You just get completely desensitized to the numbers after a while. As far as over the topness goes, only superhero RPGs get into this ridiculous level of scaling, which is why I'm referring to Strike Legion as "military superheroes". It is full of crazy bullshit.

Interestingly enough, your "not get hit" score (Defense) is based partially on Intelligence, which is a cute decision that gets abstracted as "smart people know how to utilize cover better". An actual good decision?! Shocking.

Let's Talk About... Races.

The STAR REPBULIC OF REPUBLICA, of course, is a cosmopolitan place where commando bunnies, religious fanatic xenomorphs, and space elves can live together in harmony. With that in mind, Strike Legion offers you about eleventy billion racial choices. I'll cover the first three and do some more when I have time.

Arayans


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(sorry I had to make the joke about "Super Aryans" somewhere)

Arayans (not Aryans) are a genetically engineered race intended for mining in high gravities, who look like... it's hard to describe. Arayans have the special powers of being fucking huge, have carbon fiber bones, hairless bodies, and thick gray skin. Their heads have no ears or noses, just nasal and auditory slits. So basically, they look like a cross between this:



and this:



Except they have their bones on the inside. They're also matriarchal, and have elite all-female commando battalions, and require women to put the men in their place otherwise they become inefficient. Swap the genders and you'd get hilarious insensitivity. Their biceps are so amazing, too, that the Imperium recommends orbital bombardment before engaging them on the ground.

Chedens
Okay, now we're getting to the good stuff. Chedens are small blue humanoids who were designed for working in cold environments, make massive floating cities, and have thick coats of fur. So, the first of many furry-appeal critters that exist in this game. Gunneysarge should be estatic. They live in nomadic cities run by councils of tribal elders, so if you take half of a Cheden and half of an Arayan, you'll get one Na'vi and one very ripped matriarchal grey midget. I'm fairly sure this is not accidental.

They also are masters of defensive shielding, which leads to the one of the many amazing quotes of this game.

Imperial Icon said:
The capital ships of Species 5 have incredibly powerful defensive screens that make them almost invulnerable to our attacks. We believe that the only way to defeat this enemy is to ram them with our ships until they are destroyed.
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Ladies and gentlemen, Spacebattles tactics.

Draken



They're dragons. But not just any dragons, they're dragon SPARTANS (and by allcaps I mean the 300 kind, not the real kind). They train from birth to become warriors! Every man, woman and child will give their lives for the Republic! Their code prevents them from retreating or surrendering ever! They have 100% conscription!

Yeah, they're boring as hell.

The next three races, though... well, let's give you picture previews.



MICE FURRIES.



Pacifist Orks (he's just handing out a pair of scrolls, and the chainsword was because he was on his way to his job as a lumberjack!)



Purple skinned midgets!

Join me next time (whenever that is) for more explorations into the (good kind of) insanity that is STRIKE LEGION.
 
The capital ships of Species 5 have incredibly powerful defensive screens that make them almost invulnerable to our attacks. We believe that the only way to defeat this enemy is to ram them with our ships until they are destroyed.
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The hell kind of Shielding does this thing use?
 
They hired Spacebattlers to design a defensive oriented ship.

The Imperium then hired the same guys to try to figure out a counter to it.
 
Damn and I was expecting bunnygirl commandos. Still go on.

Also I managed to rip a page on the preview page you linked to.

Does that mean I have to pay for the E-book?
 
To be fair I find this incredible amazing. If only because I am tempted to buy a copy and stable it to my front door. So no spacebattler can come in without being invited first. :D
 
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