What's Her Name in Hufflepuff [Harry Potter Self Insert]

[ashez2ashes]

This is my first post on Spacebattles. I hope I do this correctly... I haven't posted this anywhere else yet. I wanted to finish the entire year before I uploaded the story to fanfiction.net. I've got about 60,000 words written already so I should be able to post for awhile every few days. The story will primarily be a comedy story although the tone might get darker after the war starts. Hopefully, the main character isn't an unlikable Mary Sue people want to chuck off a bridge.

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WHAT’S HER NAME IN HUFFLEPUFF

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PROLOGUE:
THROUGH A GLASS DARKLY

Trade Days smelled like body odor and sadness.

Trade Days was a large communal yard sale. It happened two times a year and in theory it was supposed to be regular local people selling their shit to other regular local people. In practice, it was a bunch of career “yard salers” selling old bottles of shampoo and aspirin they bought in auctions. When I was a kid, it had been much more interesting and filled with people selling illegal exotic animals like some degenerate hillbilly bazaar. Irresponsible people could have gotten themselves a freakin tiger. Then the law decided to stop ignoring them (or the new sheriff didn't want a tiger) and that all disappeared.

Now, it was just crappy stuff no one wanted with the occasional local trying to sell their old coffee cups and ceramics. And my mother was determined to buy some of those coffee cups. She already had 45,000 coffee cups as far as I could tell, but she wanted more.

I had allowed myself to be dragged along. Partly because it was easier than arguing and also partly because I just needed to get out of the house. After I'd been laid off of my job and dumped in quick succession, I'd started to live a vampire life style. And not the cool vampire lifestyle where you wear shades indoors and leather pants, but more the kind where you're living with your parents and your hobby is crying and waking up covered in little snack cake wrappers.

“Isn't this adorable?” my mother shoved a Precious Moments figurine in my face. It was of a little girl hugging a cat. She and the cat looked like they were genetically part potato.

“That's nice mom…”

“Wouldn't it be cute in a little girls room? Eh?”

Lately, my mother had started to not so subtly nag me about not having any spawn of my own. I was never going to have children. I'm not dating anyone but even if I was I didn't want to have kids. Ever. I think at 30 I knew my own mind by now. That didn't deter her.

“So you're going through with that plan to adopt a pregnant teenager?”

My mother scowled and I felt zero guilt. It’s not my fault she couldn't have any more kids. If she wants to play with a baby, she could be a foster mom or something. “No thanks. What do you think of this?”

It was Jesus dying on the cross for our sins.

As a lamp.

“For the house I don't have?”

“Hey, cheer up. It can't be that bad right?” She picked up a plastic plate with an American flag printed on it and turned it over. “It wasn't your fault you were laid off. You'll get another job. It's only been a few months. I don't care if you live with me forever.”

“I care.”

“It'll work out.” Mom wandered away to another table of nick-knacks.

I shrugged and poked through a box of crap. I remember going here used to be fun. Was it always lame and I'm just now seeing it?

“Hey…” I felt my mother poke me in the side with a one-armed lawn gnome. She had now had an arm full of three coffee cups, a lawn gnome, a commemorative plate, a precious moments figurine, and what looked like a small picture of a native American riding a giant eagle holding an American flag. “You hungry?”

“I'm always hungry.”

My mom squinted at me in the bright sun and then reached into her pocket and held out a ten dollar bill. “Get yourself a funnel cake on me.”

I scowled. “I have my own money.”

Not a lot of it mind you, but enough for a funnel cake.

“Don't worry about it. My treat.” She reached over and shoved the ten dollar bill in my pocket.

“Hey!” I reached in my pocket to hand the bill back to her. I'm nearly 30. I can pay for my own snacks. I can't save up for my own place, or keep a long term relationship, or even notice the signs that I'm about to be dumped from a long term relationship, but I can buy my own goddamned funnel cake.

“Don't make a scene.” My mother turned around and was looking at some Bible scripture coffee cup with one hand while carrying her bag of random crap with the other.

I stared at her back and felt the money practically burning in my hand. An elderly woman had begun to openly stare at me so I put the money back in my pocket and began to walk over to the funnel cake truck. I know my mother means well, but she can really make me feel so small sometimes.

Ten minutes later, I was covered in a fine sheen of powdered sugar and carrying half a funnel cake. My mother had wandered off... somewhere. The fairgrounds weren't that large. She'd find me eventually.

After wandering aimlessly through an area full of clothes, several towers of dusty diaper boxes, and another with random rusty tools, I'd found a semi-interesting area where a man was selling antique furniture. Maybe I should look for items for a house/apartment I don't have yet. It's like the power of positive thinking or whatever.

A lot of it was obvious junk. There was a hideous green camouflage couch. A pink lamp shaped like a giant tulip. A few wobbly tables. Some of it was quite nice though. There was an art deco table that, even if it was a knock-off, could look great if someone polished the legs and cleaned the glass top. There was an tarnished brash hand mirror with initials carved on the back. There were a few end tables that felt quite solid. He had a lot of old wooden trunks that weren't my style, but were nice in a rustic way. However, the most interesting piece by far was the full length swivel mirror.

The frame was solid bronze with intricate birds carved along the side. The birds looked a bit like peacocks, but... spikier? Phoenixes maybe? Every feather was intricately carved and spread out like the birds were ready to leap into flight. Filigree around the birds made them look like they were on fire. The frame was chipped in several places, but it was still beautiful. The only thing marring it was the black glass. It didn't look like someone had painted it or anything, it was just black. Maybe it was crazy dirty. Weird... It was still an amazing badass phoenix mirror that I'm sure I could never afford.

It can't hurt to ask though.

I walked up to the man sitting behind the fold out table. He was in his late forties, with a long grizzled beard streaked with gray. He smelled faintly of bourbon, but his button down shirt was nicer and better well-kept than many of the sellers here.

“Hi.”

He looked up and seemed a bit startled to see me. Had he been sleeping with his eyes open or something?

“Um, I was just wondering how much the mirror was?” I pointed towards it. “I didn't see a price tag.”

The mans gray eyes widened. “You can see it then?”

See it?

“Well I can't see into it, the glass needs cleaned.”

That caused the man to break out into a weezy wet laugh.

“Has it already been sold?” It seemed like the sort of thing that would be snapped up quick.

“Sold? Ha! No it hasn't been sold.” His laughter was dying down, but he was still looking at me with a strange wild-eyed fascination. “How much do you want to pay?”

That's a weird way to say it. “Well I only have $40 in my purse... I'm sure its more than that. Sorry, I was mostly curious?”

“Sold!”

I blinked. “Seriously?”

The man grinned and I noticed he had one gold tooth. “Yes. Here's a rag to wipe off the glass!” He tossed me a piece of cloth and then leaned forward eagerly.

I stared at him for several moments until I realized he was waiting for me to clean the mirror. I walked back to the mirror. On closer inspection, the black glass didn't look like dirt it just looked... black. And also there was this odd sound coming from the glass. Whispering voices? Must be a radio in the distance or something. I hesitated with my hand poised above the glass and turned.

“I don't think the rag will--”

The man was standing a foot from me grinning maliciously.

“What the hel--”

He then shoved me hard.

I fell back THROUGH the glass and plummeted into darkness.

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Next part will be posted Monday or Tuesday.

 

[ashez2ashes]

You're right. I should post more since nothing happens yet in the prologue. I'll try to post every couple of hours today until she gets to Hogwarts.

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CHAPTER ONE:
THE VAULT​

I landed hard on something unforgiving and metal, knocking the breath out of me. It took several minutes for me to catch my breath and for my body to stop radiating pain. I tentatively tried to sit up and felt relief flood me that nothing felt broken. I'd be bruised up to all hell, but no permanent damage. Miraculously, my purse was at my side and my glasses were still on my face.

Wherever this was, it was pitch black. The air was cool and stale. I think I'm inside something? A shipping container? A cave?

I stood up and almost lost my balance as the ground shifted underneath me.

Light flared up all around me.

I was in a treasure vault.

A GIGANTIC treasure vault.

Torches embedded onto the rock walls lit up the room and made it glitter dazzlingly. It was the size of a high school gymnasium and filled with gold coins. There wasn't a section of the floor that was bare and several mounds rose far above my head. Fist-sized jewels were scattered about. I saw several honest to god pirate treasure trunks painted with faded skull and cross bones. In a far corner, I think I glimpsed what looked like a gold throne. There was a standing weapons rack precariously leaning against a wall with all manner of swords, shields, and various other medieval weapons.

Finally, standing a few feet from me was the mirror from the yard sale.

And most importantly... there wasn't a door.

Panic warred with the elation that I was finally (FINALLY!) going to have an adventure that I had always wanted since I was a small child. That spark of hope hadn't been fully crushed by reality, heartache, and even the mundanity of adulthood. It had stubbornly sat dormant in my heart and it was finally allowed to flare. I felt my eyes water.

Then the thought that I might die in a locked treasure room before my adventure had ever even started clashed with that small spark, so that I ended up so wracked with indecision that I just stared dumbly at the glittering room for what must have been about five minutes straight. I probably drooled a little.

Eventually, adventure finally won over my heart (adventure!) and I decided to take stock of the room.

I glanced over at the mirror… I should probably see if I was trapped here forever.

I reached down and picked up my bag and walked over to the mirror. Carefully, I poked it with my finger.

It was solid.

Okay, so I'm trapped here in this dimension, never to see my family again. Assuming I am in another dimension and not still in my regular old Earth. I feel like if you fall through a mirror you're not just in some underground gold vault. It’s a dimension thing right? God, I have to remake my entire life. That is if I don't die from dehydration in about three days in a locked treasure vault... no... NO. None of that brain. Keeping thinking about adventure!

“Hello there! Hello?” I heard a voice call from somewhere behind the biggest pile of coins in the right corner.

“Hello?” I trotted over to where I heard the voice and found a life-sized painting.

A talking life-sized painting.

“Ah, there you are.” The painted woman exclaimed. She was dressed in a navy blue Victorian dress with a high collar and silver embellishments. She was probably in her fifties and a bit thick in a shot putter kind of way. She was squinting at me and tapping a small stick to her temples. "I supposed I shall have a new skeleton to gaze upon now!"

I stared. The painting is talking. The painting is magical. It's a magical talking painting.

“You're not daft are you child? Hellooo? Hellooo? Centuries without anyone to talk to and it's a mute.” She sniffed melodramatically.

“...hi?” I managed to squeak out. It's magic! REAL MAGIC! Well okay the mirror was probably magical too but this is even more amazing. Adventure ahoy!

“Pleasure to meet you soon to be dead child. My name is Alice Viatorium. I do hope you haunt the room. It’s been centuries since I had anyone else to talk to. Charlie doesn't talk much these days.” She dabbed her eyes with a lacy handkerchief even though I couldn't see any tears.

“Charlie?”

“You're nearly stepping on him.” She gestured to my feet.

There was a human skeleton sticking out of the gold pile. It had bits of moth eaten cloth still clinging to its bones.

...adventure ahoy?

I carefully stepped around the skeleton.

Alice shifted impatiently. “Are you going to introduce yourself or not?”

Oh! Skeletons are distracting. “I'm sorry. My name is Kasey Thompson.”

“I would shake your hand dear, but I don't really exist.” Alice laughed. “Are you a muggleborn then? It would explain the rudeness and the strange clothing. Do muggleborn women dress like men now?”

Wait. Muggleborn. Muggle.

HOLY SHIT.

“I'm in the Harry Potter world…” I reached down and picked up one of the gold coins. One side featured a dragon and when I turned it over the other had a bearded wizard with the words ‘Gringotts Bank’ stamped upon it.

“Harry who?” Alice glanced at the skeleton. “Charlie, I think she might be a bit mad. Poor dear.”

I half expected the skeleton to reply, but it thankfully did not.

“I'm in a Gringotts vault aren't I?” The coin was solid and surprisingly heavy.

“That would explain the piles of gold. Your powers of deductive reasoning are beyond the pale.”

“Thanks... Do you know how I got in here?” Well other than via the mirror. God, just watching the painting move was so amazing! I want to poke it.

“Well let's see... If you take into account the phase of the moon and the magical properties of the number 23 and the alchemic process that is used to create the Gringotts coins... I would have to deduce…” She seemed to pause for dramatic effect.

I leaned forward.

“That I'm a painting leaning against a wall for the last century or so and you are a dull-whited lubberwort if you thought I would know!” Alice began laugh uproariously. “A strange little girl ghost in trousers... yes yes, it shall liven up the place!”

“I'm not a little girl!” Can paintings be near sighted? Or for that matter crazy?

“Feel all grown up do you? I bet you haven't even been to Hogwarts yet.” Alice paused and seemed to be listening. “Good idea Charlie! Kasey dear, you should call for help.”

“Would anyone hear me?”

“Oh I bet the goblins would…” That grin was definitely not kind.

“So I can be a ghost even faster eh? No thank you. I can see why whoever owns this vault wanted you locked away in here forever.” I paused. “Who does own this vault?”

“Why should I tell you?” She sniffled.

“Alright, ignoring you now.” There has to be a way out. You don't just get thrown into another dimension to die in some random vault.

Probably.

“Oh I shall have ever so much fun once you are a ghost!”

“I'm not becoming a ghost!” I turned around and starting walking away from the painting and the skeleton.

There has to be some way in and out of this place. The gold was shoved in here from somewhere. The owner had to have a way to access the gold. Maybe the door doesn't appear unless summoned by magic? Or doors never appear from the inside? I remember the goblins had keys in the books. Unless the goblins apparated here? Ugh, so many ways I can be screwed here.

I walked the perimeter of the vault holding my hand along the rough-hewn walls trying to find a hint of a door outline. It took me ten minutes to walk all the way back around to the painting. I hadn't felt anything resembling a door. It was possible that the door was hidden underneath the mounds of gold. I hadn't seen even a hint of floor on my trek around. There was no way of knowing how big the room actually was. I picked up a jeweled short sword and poked at the treasure chests as I passed. None of them sprouted teeth or legs.

It was my tenth go around that I really started to feel concerned.

There was no way I had missed the doorway. It just wasn't there. No hint of hinges. There was no shoot in the ceiling. It wasn't a vault so much as a goddamned treasure tomb.

In desperation, I went to get an axe from the weapon stand to open up one of the chests. I'd have preferred to try to pick it but there wasn't anything shaped like a lock pick. The ax was way heavier than I anticipated. I didn't strike the lock so much as drop the ax down and try to not cleave my toes off. I hacked at it until my arms went numb, rested, and then hacked at it again. Just at the point I was about to give up, the lock fell off and clunked against the coins.

I sat down and opened the box.

It was full of skeletons. Dozens of them. More than it should have been able to hold.

What. the. fuck.

I stomped back over to the painting. “Why the hell is there a truck full of skeletons in here?!”

Alice looked up. She was fanning herself with a lace fan I hadn't seen before. “Hello Miss Kasey. Still alive?”

“Why is there a trunk full of skeletons?!”

Alice raised an eyebrow. “What do you have against skeletons?”

“Oh forget it.” I walked over to the throne and sat down. I was starting to get thirsty. I'll take just a short break and try opening a few more of the trunks.

Seven more trunks of skeletons later, I was starting to get VERY thirsty. And tired. And hungry. I'm sure the urge to pee is going to come soon too. My aching arms can't hold up the axe anymore. The other boxes were probably just full of skeletons anyways.

An idea occurred to me and I squatted down and started shoving galleons into my purse. Luckily, my purse was a gigantic 'old lady sneak snacks into the movie theater' kind of purse. After the purse was filled, I also filled all of my pants pockets. Then I took off my jacket, laid it on the ground, piled gold upon it, and tied it up in a makeshift hobo sack. Adventure was going to cost money I'm sure. I don't think it counts as stealing if you're taking from some super evil skeleton collecting witch or wizard who is (hopefully) long dead.

I WASN'T going to die. Someone who is about to die doesn't prep. I could be randomly zapped out of here or even back home. Who knows?

I just have to search some more. It has to be here somewhere.

Hours later, I was pretty sure the door wasn't anywhere.

I lay on top of the gold pile staring at the black void that was my own inevitable mortality like all brave adventurers facing their first crisis (i.e., I was freaking out).

I'm exhausted. A break might clear my head.

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I fell asleep without even realizing it. And woke up to what felt like a ... breeze? That was definitely a breeze on my hand. I crawled on my hands and knees and peered down. There was a slight breeze coming from the edge of the wall. The coins had settled so that there was a small hole that reached down a dozen feet. There must be a way out somewhere down below! There must be some way to dig--

My foot started to sink.

I tried to pull it away just as the other foot began to sink. Instinctively, I tried to yank my foot.

I heard a woosh and a clatter as my entire body slipped through the hole.

I panicked, desperately thrashing about as the gold pile rushed to fill the hole, tightening around my body, squeezing my ribs. Pain wracked my entire body as if a giant held me in his hand and was squeezing tighter... and tighter...

I couldn't breathe.

I don't want to die!

The weight had settled so that I couldn't even struggle anymore. My lungs were burning.

I don't want to die!

I felt like my ribs were about to crack. My vision grayed.

I saw my mother pushing me on a swing. My dad sitting with me on the couch eating saltines with peanut butter. I saw my childhood dog Fuzzy catching snowballs in the snow. I saw myself too afraid to climb my neighbors swing set. I saw my elementary school best friend jumping off her roof into her pool. God she'd been crazy and brave. I saw the junior high bully taunting me to hit him. I buried my dog. I was marching in high school band in the heat. I was skipping school with my best friends. I was graduating college.

I was filing papers at my first job staring at the off white walls. I was filing papers again at my second job, staring at the off white walls. I was at my third job, filling out paper work and staring at the off white walls.

I was sitting on my ex's couch as he broke my heart.

God, I've wasted my life.

I don't want to die here!

I WON'T DIE HERE!

Something shifted inside of me. Like a cork popping out of a bottle or a shaken soda exploding and expanding outward. My veins felt they were filled with electricity and then I was falling and hitting a rock floor hard. I gasped as the breath was knocked out of me. A wind whipped my hair about and then suddenly died down as if it never existed.

I blinked dazedly. Spots were floating in my vision and my head was pounding like crazy. My back ached. It took me several minutes to catch my breath and feel like I could sit up and look around. Nothing felt like it was broken.

The gold was evenly separated into two piles down the middle. Somehow, beside me was my purse and jacket. The painting and mirror appeared to be buried.

Most importantly there was now a four foot hole in the side of the stone wall exposing a tunnel.

Adventure ahoy.

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Next chapter in a few hours.

 

[ashez2ashes]

Note: I’m going to use the wand and house I got on Pottermore (seemed the fairest way to pick them). Also, from here on out 1 galleon = 100 U.S. Dollars or about 75 British pounds (to simply the messed up currency for the sake of my own sanity).

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CHAPTER TWO:
ACTING CASUAL IN DIAGON ALLEY

The tunnel was narrow but wide enough that I could crouch and drag my purse and hobo bag beside me. Gringotts is supposed to be miles underneath London and it’s really starting to feel like it. My back is killing me. This tunnel had to have been made for a goblin or an elf.

I was shuffling as quickly as I could just in case I met a goblin on the way, but so far the tunnel hasn't branched off. It was also pretty roughly shewn in general. I bet it’s not official. Who knows if the creator of the tunnel was stealing from the vault or stashing it the gold there to begin with?

I'm definitely stealing though. It's probably best if I avoid goblins if I can help it.

Images of horrible goblin torture flashed through my mind and I tried to pick up my pace.

And what the hell had happened in the vault? One minute my dumbass was being buried alive and the next there were two separate piles of gold as if by magic. Could it have been me? I'm afraid to hope. If it’s not true, I'm not sure I could handle having the possibility of magic dangled in front of me only for it to be snatched away again. Maybe the vault itself had some 'anti-dumbass' charms? Maybe Gringotts itself has some squib protection charms?

I'd been walking for about an hour in between bouts of rest (and laying down on the tunnel to stretch my back) when I finally saw the end of the tunnel and a circle of light from above. After a lot of clumsy maneuvering, I managed to get myself and my bags pulled up out of the hole.

After I pulled myself out of the circular hole, I realized I was in an honest to god wooden outhouse. It looked just like Grandma Thompson's when I was little; white washed walls and all.

I opened the rickety door and stepped out and immediately gagged. It smelled like a thousand pounds of rotten poo outside the outhouse. Ugh. The stench lingers in your mouth!

There was a wooden sign nailed to the front that read “Out of Order: Too Full”.

Well, that's one way to hide your secret entrance.

I looked around. I was in the outskirts of a slummy neighborhood. The edge of a brick wall was behind the outhouse and for about a block in the distance was some rundown buildings. Am I in Knockturn Alley? Harry never explored it much. The buildings look abandoned. Luckily, it was early morning. The sun was just rising and I didn't see anyone around.

One thing is certain, I need to get my ass out of Knockturn Alley before I get wizard shivved and robbed.

I walked quickly, trying to keep to the shadows and look casual. No muggles with sacks of gold here. Nosirreee...

Knockturn Alley was quite bigger than I had thought. I'd also come to a few crossroads that turned into a Vertical Alley and a Horizontal Alley. Vertical Alley looked like office buildings.

By the time I saw the sign for Diagon Alley, my mouth was as dry as sand paper and my bladder was telling me how much it hated me. The Leaky Cauldron had to be around here somewhere. Surely they have a public bathroom err I mean loo.

Gotta try to use the British vocabulary so I don't stand out too much. My accent will be glaring enough. Hopefully, random words picked up from Doctor Who and reruns of Keeping up Appearances will see me through.

I was starting to see a few early risers walking the streets. The witches and wizards buzzing about their early morning errands didn't pay me much mind. I kept my head forward and walked with confidence like I knew where I was going. I managed not to shirk away, stare, or scream in terror when a goblin walked by me. I thought for a mad moment he might be able to literally smell the stolen gold I was carting around, but he passed by me without even glancing up.

As soon as I'm done in the Leaky Cauldron, I have to get an extendable bag to put all of this gold in so I'm less conspicuous. I shouldn't have done the hobo bag thing.

When I saw the entrance to the Leaky Cauldron, I nearly wept. As casually as I could, I stepped inside. A bell on the door tinkled as I walked in. The bartender/inn keeper was an ancient old man bent over polishing a glass. He and the counter seemed really tall. I walked up to him.

“Hello sir. May I use your loo?”

“Sure. Second door to the right.” He pointed down the hallway.

“Thanks. I promise I'll buy a pumpkin juice when I come back. Too early for a drink ya know?” I laughed nervously.

He gave me an odd look. Damn my nervous rambling.

I turned around and kept walking to the bathroom before he changed his mind. The bathroom looked normal thank god. There was no three wizarding three sea shells to figure out. After relieving myself (I will never take bathrooms for granted ever again), I went to wash my hands... and paused.

There was a young girl staring back at me in the mirror.

Specifically ME as a young girl.

I was somewhere between 10 and twelve. I had the same hairstyle and clothes I had as an adult. I didn't have the awful floofy bangs I'd had when I was originally a kid. But I was definitely. For Sure. A. godammned. kid.

My brain shut down and all I could do was just... stare.

I don't know how long I stared frozen at the mirror. Seconds? Minutes?

The mirror winked.

I jumped back.

“Kid you look bad, but not THAT bad. Run a Sleekeazy soap brush through your hair and you'll look a lot better. There's one in the cabinet behind you.” My mirror self rolled her eyes.

I numbly opened up the cabinet, picked up a white comb I found there, and ran it through my hair. My hair looked like I had just washed it after I was done. I shakily put the comb back down and sat down on the toilet seat.

This wasn't a dream. It wasn't a quick adventure. I couldn't go back because I wasn't me anymore. I could have died back at the Trade Days and the mirror shoved my soul here. Or my body back home could be in a coma. Or I was literally de-aged. Whatever had happened, this was a complete rebirth of myself.

No turning back.

I was a what? 10? 11? Year old kid with no parents, homeless, and only a sack of stolen money between me and starving to death.

I had the sudden urge to crumble to the bathroom floor and cry.

"Hey cheer up. It can't be that bad right?" My mirror self was patting the glass from the inside in an awkward comforting gesture.

I have to get it together. I'm in a world with MAGIC! Adventure like I always wanted! No more cubicles. No more student loans (find me now Salle Mae!). I'm as far as I could possibly get from my ex. I don't know for sure if I can never go home. A world with magic was full of possibilities.

Remember self how you used to scoff when a movie character wanted to leave an awesome fantasy world to go back home? Don't be a Dorothy pining for her dirt farm. Don't be that superhero who just wants 'a normal life' instead of awesome super powers.

Also, probably don't refer to yourself in third person. That's a little crazy.

I shook myself. One thing at a time. I just have to focus on the immediate things I needed to do. Try pumpkin juice. Then get a bag with an extendable charm to hold the money. Maybe two bags. Wander around looking at all the cool shit. Then... icecream?

After a few more moments, I felt like I had gotten my shit together and walked out of the bathroom. The bartender looked up as I placed a galleon on his counter.

“One pumpkin juice please.”

The bartender raised an eyebrow and handed me the change and a bright orange bottle. The bottle’s cap was shaped like a little pumpkin.

“Where's your parents kid?”

“Oh mum had to do a bit of shopping.” I used the bottle opener on the side of the counter to open up the bottle. “We're going to meet up later.”

I guess this is the first step into my new future as a pathological liar.

“Stay out of trouble then.” The bartender was waving his wand at some dishes. I could see spots disappearing.

I took a swig of pumpkin juice.

Hmm... It’s... kind of like every liquid pumpkin pie spice thing I've ever had before. So it's vile and shouldn't exist. I took a few more swigs and downed the whole bottle. Pie shouldn't come in liquid form. But at least I'm not thirsty anymore.

I left the pub and went down the opposite direction I had come. There has to be some kind of extendable bag store. A ladies handbag store maybe?

I walked in front of an apothecary and stopped to look in the window. Jars of small eyeballs that still blinked and followed your movements were on display alongside various jars of bugs and brightly colored goop. One of the jars was neon yellow and glowing. Another looked like pickled bird feet.

The next shop was Quality Quidditch Supplies. A nimbus 2001 was on display. The broom had bronze feet grips and touted ‘The Best Cushioning Charms in the World!’. Quidditch makes your private parts sore I guess. I always thought Quidditch was one of the more boring parts of the books. Maybe it’s because I'm rather afraid of heights. Hurtling yourself around far above the ground with nothing between you and falling to your death but a tiny stick is not my idea of fun. I'd be up for watching a few games, though.

The next shop was actually the headquarters of the Daily Prophet. There was a newspaper dispenser in the front. I could see several witches and wizards typing away at decrepit looking type writers through the glass window. Memo paper airplanes floated around the room.

I glanced down at the headlines. The Holly Head Harpies had just won the semi-finals. Good for them I guess. There was a sale on self scrubbing dish sponges. Some band called ‘Charmed 4U’ was playing a concert in London next week. A woman was in trouble at the Ministry for trying to illegally cross-breed pegasuses and unicorns. Well, that woman was just doing God's work as far as I'm concerned.

And then I noticed the date.

July 1st 1991.

Well... huh. I don't know why I assumed it was still the same date as when I left. After crossing dimensions and being de-aged twenty years, why not add a little time travel to the mix?

Why did it have to be the Wizarding World in the 90s? It couldn't have been the nice Minster for Magic Hermione era with peace and no death eaters and increasing rights for magical peoples? No, it had to be scary death eater pre-internet times. And here I am holding the knowledge to save countless lives.

I stepped away from the newspaper dispenser and walked away feeling shaky and uncertain.

A bag. I needed to get a bag.

I passed the pet shop, Madam Maulkins, and a cafe before I came to somewhere promising: ‘Bodica's Brilliant Boutique: Handbags, Hair Accessories, and More’. The outside awning was pink and white striped and the front door was painted pearly white. It reminded me a bit of a Victoria's Secret. Well, there's no reason my extendable money bag couldn't be fabulous.

I walked in.

The bell over the door didn't jingle so much as play a snippet of actual flute music.

The shop smelled like lavender and was much bigger then it appeared from the outside. At least a 100 different bags lined the right corner. The rest of the store was taken up by brightly colored scarves and various jeweled hair accessories. I walked over and perused the shelves.

All of the bags looked handmade. There was a bag that was bright red and warm to the touch. A furry one where the clasp looked like teeth chattered ominously as I put my hand near it. Another one was green and covered in iridescent scales.

“Hello Miss.” A woman in her early twenties walked in carrying a box. Her brown hair was piled on top of her hair in a messy bun. “Can I help you?” She glanced curiously at my jacket/hobo bag but seemed too British to ask me what the hell it was.

“Yes, I'm looking for a new purse and at least one coin purse. Do you have anything with extendable charms?”

The woman frowned. “Extendable charmed items can be very expensive. Are you sure you wouldn't be interested in something from our Little Witch collection?” The woman pointed to a row of sparkly pink purses. One had a pulsating rainbow and another was covered with multicolored butterflies that opened and closed their wings.

“Um, no. I've been saving up all year. My mum said if I didn't have enough I could run back to her and she would help me with the rest.” That rainbow one did look fabulous though.

“Oh well then.” The woman smiled. “We have several bags in various extendable sizes. They're rated based upon the dimensions inside.”

“What’s your biggest?” I want to make sure I have plenty of room for all this money. I'm just a walking robbery waiting to happen at this point. Oh, that gives me a thought. “Do you also have any with some anti-theft spells on them?”

Again the woman hesitated. “Dear I don't know if you can...” She trailed off but I could guess the implied word ‘afford’. She pointed to a row of bags at the top. “This is our Esteemed Collection. It boasts the maximum Ministry approved Extendable charms, several charms that will allow me to key the bag to open only for you, and you get a free hair accessory with each purchase.”

I looked them over. There was a pink and white striped one with a white fluffy kitten embroidered on the front that I felt like Umbridge probably owned or would own. Another green scaled one that reminded me of the movie version of Rita Skeeter. There were also some more normal looking black and brown leather bags. There's a brown leather bag that had some silver embroidery that looks pretty acceptable.

“How much is that one?”

“3 galleons.”

Oh I had that in my pocket.

“Now if you want something economical--”

“I'll take it.” I reached into my pocket and handed the woman 3 galleons. “I'll also take three of those matching leather coin purses. They're also extendable correct?”

The woman blinked. “Yes, that will be two more galleons are you--”

I plunked two more galleons into her hand.

Yeah I'm as conspicuous as fuck. I don't think I'm going to be able to come back here ever again.

“Oh! Well err you also get three hair accessories?” She was still staring at the money in surprise.

I shrugged and picked out three hair pins and sat them on the counter.

“Well thank you Miss.” She put the bag and coin purses into a shopping bag and wrapped the accessories with pink tissue paper. “What do your parents do exactly? Did you just move here?”

Yes, what do my new fake parents do? My real parents were a waitress and a golf course landscaper. No one would believe they had to move across the world for their jobs.

“They program computers.” I blurted out. Muggle computer programmers could be wealthy and have a reason to move. Also, wizards don't know anything about computers and in 1991 neither did most muggles.

“Computers?”

“They're muggles.”

“Oohhh.” She smiled and handed me the bag now uninterested. It was like someone had flipped a switch on her curiosity. “Lets get these keyed to you and you can be on your way Miss.”

Yep, computer programmer was a good choice.

The sales woman waved her wand and then instructed me to put my palm on the main bag. I felt a tingle in my arm. We repeated the same motions for the coin purses too.

“We’re done! When you need an item simply think about it when you put your hand inside and it will always be on top. The bag and coin purses will now only open for you. They cannot be set on fire, frozen solid, or cut with any conventional tools or spells. Don't let any of your little friends open it or they'll get a nasty surprise! Please, do not put any perishable items including family pets in the bag. Boudica's is not responsible for any pets harmed or killed if this warning is not heeded.” She took a breath. “Have a nice day! Come again.”

I wonder what happens when you put food in it?

I left the boutique and made my way back to the cafe I'd passed on the way there. I didn't even have to ask to use the restrooms here. The public bathrooms were very obviously marked. After getting into the stall, I slowly and carefully put the coins from my rolled up jacket in one coin purse. They easily fit. I then started to put all the coins I had in my purse into the same bag. It was also easily emptied. I guess buying three was overkill. I put my old purse into the new bag and emptied out my pockets except for sickels and knuts. If I kept paying for everything in galleons, people were going to seriously start to notice me.

It was still fairly early. I want to look at everything all at once. I wish I had more eyeballs. But I better eat something first. I can't wait to roam around, pet a kneazle, go to the bookstore (Hogwarts a History!), buy some wizard sweets, and just generally poke and prode every cool random bobble I can find.

Ok so not poke EVERY bobble. I will look before I poke. Peer cautiously even.

The cafe was a bit limited in its selection. They had normal muggle ham and tuna sandwiches and such. There was no hippogryph or thestral meat. Not that I was wanting to start my wizarding journey by consuming majestic magical animals. But I wouldn’t say no to eating non-sentient magical animals either. I wonder if the thestral meat would still be invisible?

Ah well. The ham sandwich was good.

Now, icecream!

Florean Forestcue's Ice cream Parlour looked newer than the ancient buildings around it. It was painted in bright green and white stripes. There was a giant vanilla icecream cone rotating in mid air above the front entrance. I could see comfy booths and chairs and a white and black checkered floor through the large bay windows.

I walked in and the place smelled like hot fudge, melted marshmallows, and peanut butter. It was empty at the moment. An ice cream cone shaped clock read that it was half past ten. A little early for ice cream for most people I suppose.

The menu was intriguing to say the least: Strawberry Peanut Butter, Earl-Grey and Lavender, Clotted Cream, Blood Pudding (for vampires?), Chocolate, Vanilla, Strawberry, Marmalade, Elderberry, Bangers and Mash (What the fuck? Isn't that sausage?), Dirigible Plum, Green Tea, Chocolate Chip, Banana, Blueberry, Mint, Butterbeer, Oyster Icecream (oh god what?), Pistachio, Cherry, and a ‘flavor of the day’.

A door behind the counter opened and an older man in an apron walked out. He had wild white hair and a fantastic corkscrew curly mustache. Hipsters of the future would weep with joy at the sight of it.

“Welcome! I was still setting up. What would you like?”

Well not oyster because I'm not a demonic creature of darkness. “How about a scoop of strawberry and peanut butter?”

Mr. Fortescue handed me a generous scoop of ice cream in a green and white striped bowl. I handed him the money (in small bills this time) and sat down to eat at the counter.

The ice cream was like heaven in a bowl. It was sweet but not too sweet, creamy, and it seemed to maintain a perfect temperature. I was taking my time to savor it and it wasn't starting to melt at all.

I ate the rest of my ice cream while people watching out of the window. There were a lot of wizard robes but also a decent amount of Victorian dresses and a spattering of muggle clothing. Occasionally, someone would pop in and out of existence. Apparating didn't look it did in the movies with the black inky trail. You blinked, there was a pop sound, and someone was there that wasn't before. I wonder how they avoided being in the exact same place as someone else? Hopefully, the spell nudged someone aside instead of people getting horribly smooshed together.

I heard a rustling of feathers and looked to my left. A white post owl came in from the open window and was hopping down the counter. He had a little leather pouch tied to his leg and a letter in his talons.

“Hello there. Just a little bit of mail today?” He held out a knut but the owl hopped away from him and flew across the counter to land in front of me. The owl dropped a letter in front of me and held out its leg. I hastily grabbed a coin from my pocket (I have no idea which one), placed it in its pouch, and it flew away.

The letter was addressed:

Kasey Thompson

Diagon Alley

London, England

With shaking hands I opened it and read...

‘Dear, Miss Thompson,

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Witchery—’

This time, I really did cry.

Florean Fortescue walked over. “Miss, are you okay?”

“I didn't think I would… I didn't want to hope…” I choked up again.

Florean Fortescue smiled kindly. “I was worried I was a squib too until I got my letter. Some kids just don't show that much magic when they're younger. Congratulations.”

I could go to Hogwarts.

I could learn magic.

I HAD MAGIC.

I just... can't believe it. Magic. REAL MAGIC!

It took a bit longer than I care to admit to get myself together. I'm not a pretty crier. There was gross snot and blowing my nose involved. I eventually managed to get it together though.

“Sorry, I got a little overwhelmed there for a moment.” I batted my eyes with my paper napkin.

Mr. Fortescue smiled again and went back to work.

I stared at the letter half expecting it to dissolve in my hands. Or this would be the time I would finally wake up after the most elaborate dream of my entire life. How did I get so lucky? I actually have a place to stay too now. No more homeless future for me (except during the summer?). I must have just made the cut off date to have my name written in the Hogwarts entrance book. Hell, my name was probably written in there the night before McGonagall sent out the letters.

Considering the address is listed as Diagon Alley, McGonagall must have thought I was a half-blood or something and didn't bother to do a parent meet and greet. So I don't have to explain away my non-existent parents.

I need to go buy school supplies. And books! I can't wait to read the school books. I'm going to read them all cover to cover before I go to school. I've got plenty of time to read them all. Oh, I should get extra books too!

Shit. It’s only July 1st. What am I going to do until September 1st when school starts?

I've got the money to rent a room, but no one's going to rent a room to an eleven year old. Just trying to sounds like a good way to get noticed by the aurors or wizard child protection services. Are there wizard child protection services? I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't. Well regardless, I can't rent a room in the muggle or wizard world.

I'm going to have to hide out in the skeleton vault...

I'll have to get some supplies. I'll get all of my school supplies and buy a wizard tent. I got the impression from Goblet of Fire that they were like little houses with indoor plumbing. If not, I'm going to have to find another source of water and several buckets.

Please, please PLEASE let them have indoor plumbing.

For food, I suppose I'll have to go buy a bunch of muggle canned food? I know Gamp's law says wizards can't conjure or transfigure food so there won't be any handy magic food creating devices. There's plenty of canned foods I won't have to cook. I think I can buy a shopping cart full of canned foods without someone calling the muggle police on me.

I will however, have to get some wizard money exchanged for British muggle money. Which means I'll have to be near some goblins. It might not even be stealing from a vault if its owner is dead right? It's just finding at that point. And it might not be an official vault anyways. So it’ll be fine.

Probably.

Well I was going to need more muggle clothing anyways. I can't wear the same underwear every day. Well I suppose I can, but I really don’t want to. Possibly being tortured to death by goblins or wearing the same pair of underwear every day? My life has gotten really strange.

I stood up and waved goodbye to Mr. Fortescue as I left.

He's such a nice guy. I hope I can keep him from needlessly being murdered.

No pressure.

The first place to go is obviously Olivander’s.

Okay so maybe not obviously. The logical thing would be to first obtain food and water, but gosh darn it. Wands are awesome and I want one!

The alley was much busier now. Witches and wizards of all ages were bustling about carrying packages. Some of the packages were floating beside their owners. A few well dressed witches and wizards had what must have been a house elf next to them laden down with packages. I saw a goblin looking down at a pocket watch and muttering to himself. One woman had a toddler riding on top of several floating hat boxes. It looked rather dangerous. Maybe wizard babies bounce?

After a few moments, I came across a shabby narrow looking shop. In peeling gold letters the sign read: Olivander's Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C. In the display, there was a solitary wand lying on a faded purple cushion. The window looked very dusty. In fact, the whole place looked quite run down. It was so easy for wizards to clean, Olivander must really be focused on his work. Or maybe he's just naturally a slob?

I walked in.

The shop was actually rather tiny. There was a wooden counter and a single spindly chair in the corner. Thousands of narrow wooden boxes lined the walls and were piled up all the way to the ceiling. Everything was very dusty. I didn't see anyone about. There was a dingy red curtain blocking the view of what must have been a back room. I walked up to the counter. There was a tarnished silver bell lying on the counter.

I shrugged, picked it up, and rang it.

I heard a crash from the back and some muttered cursing.

After a few moments, a haggard and wild-eyed Mr. Olivander stumbled into the front. He had bits of red feathers sticking out from his hair and his face was covered in scratches.

I stepped cautiously back from the counter as he loomed over me. He looked rather unhinged.

“Have you ever tried to give a phoenix a bath?!”

“Uh n-no?”

“So you have no idea the sheer difficulty, the insurmountable perseverance it takes to get a prima-donna peacock of a phoenix to get into a bath of warm water?! No idea that it doesn't matter that you've had to do this once a week since you were a boy, you're still no better at it? That after centuries of your family making the filth covered creature take a bath that it still wants to drag you down into the bowls of hell every time a drop of water dares touch its dust crusted feathers?”

“...no?”

“Oh it couldn't have been a phoenix like Dumbledore's. Now THERE is a phoenix! Majestic! Tranquil! Trills music like a heavenly choir! Does THAT bird give any feathers for wands? No only two! TWO! I'm stuck with the beast with the body of phoenix and the soul of a pig!”

“...sorry?”

“And THEN just as I got the beast into the water some child DARES to ring my bell! I thought I was safe because letters only went out this morning but NOOOO... How long have you had your letter? How long?!”

“... ten minutes?”

“TEN. MINUTES.” Olivander looked like he was about to have a stroke.

“I can come back later?”

“SIT!” He pointed to the chair in the corner.

“Or I'm going to go over and sit on that little stool over there and be quiet and not move until you're done.” I scrambled over and plopped down.

There was a loud crash from the back.

Olivander spared me one more wild eyed look and ran off behind the curtain.

I could hear a man's war cry from the back and what I could only describe as the sounds of an angry duck crossed with a piano falling down a flight of stairs.

I almost got up and walked off several times, but I kept thinking that he would be done soon. The angry cursing and occasional musical squawking would reach a crescendo and then taper off only to rise slowly again. It was like a symphony of pain.

I think I must have waited for about an hour. Finally, Olivander emerged from the back covered in scabbed over cuts that looked faintly greasy. He must have treated them. I guess his phoenix didn't regret its actions enough to cry over them.

I jumped to my feet.

“You really waited?” Olivander shrugged. He seemed exhausted. “Wands are eight galleons.”

I handed him the money.

“Let's see you then.” He threw a tape measure into the air and it started zipping about me. “You’re a first year then?”

“Yes, I got my Hogwarts letter this morning.” The tape measure slapped my arm and I raised it.

“Unusual. Not going to Ilvermorny then?”

“No, my parents moved here last year.” This lying thing is getting easier and easier… shit I’m going to end up in Slytherin aren’t I?

“Your wand arm is your right?”

“Yes.”

The tape measure slithered on the floor like a snake and then wound back up Olivander's body to puddle into his hand. “Hmm. It’s sensible to buy your wand here regardless. Jonker wands are no better than kindling.”

“Who?”

Olivander ignored my question and shoved a wand into my hand. “Spurce with dragon heartstring. Give it a wave.”

I tentatively waved it and the resulting sonic boom knocked me on my ass.

“Definitely not that one.” Olivander yanked it from my hand. “Hmm need to go the opposite route. Yes...”

My ears were still ringing.

“Here. Sycamore with unicorn hair.”

I flicked it and a rainbow spread in the air in front of me.

“Hmm curious.”

He shoved another wand into my hand and then yanked it back before I could even wave it. Then came a quick succession of wands that I held for barely a moment before he yanked them from my hand.

“Ah, try this one! Beech with dragon heart string!”

I flicked it. A single yellow spark came out but I still didn't feel any special connection.

“No! Give me that...” Olivander grabbed the wand back and walked to a ladder. Once at the top of the ladder, he grabbed three boxes from the stack. Olivander hopped down from the ladder (he was surprisingly spry for his age) and handed me a light brown wand. “Beech with unicorn hair; good for those who are wise beyond their years.”

That's uncomfortably close to the truth.

I waved the wand.

It felt... different but not that magically 'this is mine' feeling described in the books?

Olivander squinted at me. “No but close... so very close....” He handed me another.

I waved it and it also felt... okay?

“Ah! You are maddening girl! Here! Maple with dragon heartstring!”

...also okay?

“Silver lime 10 and a half inches with unicorn hair!”

...okay?

“Willow, dragon heart string slightly springy!”

...okay I'm starting to get a little worried here.

Olivander was tugging on his hair. “Hmm? Maybe? She’s a bit young but for one, but everything is leading to that..." Olivander stopped tugging his hair and turned his penetrating gaze toward me and I had the wild thought that he might know legilimency.

I hastily looked away.

Olivander turned away from me, went to a row in the back, and pulled a box from the very bottom of a pile like he was making a very bad move in Jenga. The tower of boxes neatly settled down and didn't waver at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if that hadn’t been magically stuck together at all.

“Alder. 11 inches, phoenix feather core.” He handed me the box and then noticeably stepped back and to the side and then watched me with obvious trepidation.

I waved it and something just... clicked. Warmth spread from my fingers all the way down to my toes. The entire shop was bathed in a soft white light.

“An... interesting match for one so young.” He seemed generally surprised. “Alder is usually a wood given only to the most advanced adult witches and wizards. Best suited for non-verbal spell work. And paired with a phoenix core... Well you'll have a very difficult time at first, but I'm sure it'll work out.”

He turned around and muttered, “Probably.”

Probably?

Suddenly, there was a whoosh and the most beautiful bird I had ever seen emerged from the back room. Its feathers were like living fire and appeared to be softer than silk. It trilled a musical note that reminded me of a harp and settled atop one of the stacks of wands.

Olivander looked up and glared. “Swin, don't you dare—”

The phoenix looked down at him disdainfully.

And then flopped on its back and proceeded to roll around in the dust like a dog in a muddy yard.

“STOP IT! COME DOWN THIS INSTANT!”

The phoenix flopped back over, slowly raised his dust and cobwebbed caked wings and flapped once, decisively.

Another layer of dust settled over the entire shop.

“THAT'S IT! YOU ARE BANNED FROM THE FRONT OF THE SHOP YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR A FEATHER DUSTER!”

It seemed like a good a time as any to leave.

---

I sent the owl reply back to Hogwarts pretending to be my fake parents. It had no return address. Hopefully, that’s okay…

The apocathacary was a breeze compared to Olivander's. I got the standard first year potion's kit. I made sure to get a mail order catalogue before I left. Right now everything is just random bits of bugs and goo to me so there's no point in getting extra in anything until I actually know what it does.

I bought the standard astronomy supplies as well. Honestly, if I was going to buy anything extra for this subject it would be some muggle books. Muggles just seem so much more advanced when it comes to this subject. I'm sure there's some magic lore I need to know about the phases of the moon or whatever, but have wizards been to the moon? Or to space? I guess I need to keep a more open mind on this subject, but I can't help but feel like most of the golden trio's homework in astronomy could have been made trivial with a some good muggle charts. And in ten years from now, it'll be one quick internet search away.

Madam Malkins was an eye opener are far as wizard underwear was concerned. I definitely will have to get to a muggle department store tomorrow. I feel like I'm going to have to wear some clothes under my wizard robes. Could I get away with a t-shirt with jeans underneath the school robes? I hope so.

There was a nice feature in the Hogwarts winter weather gift set I bought. It would automatically convert to your house colors once you were sorted.

I got a standard ink and quill set plus some parchment. I may have to do my homework with the quill, but I'm getting some decent ball point pens and muggle notebooks to write notes. Quills look like a pain in the ass no matter how pretty they are. I also grabbed a small desk clock (no batteries necessary) and a calendar.

I knew I wasn't going to get a pet, but I couldn't help going in anyways. There was so many adorable little balls of fluff in there. They even had some baby owls. They weren't for sale yet, but they had a clear glass display where you could see them pattering around. They were like walking cotton balls with faces. SO cute. After petting everything that would let me pet it (and a few things that didn't particularly want me to… you WILL except my love adorable blue winged bunnies), I wandered back outside.

The school trunk and camping store were the same place it turns out.

The front of the store was painted forest green and the inside was decorated with the heads of animals I couldn't identity. Most of them had horns or antlers. There was something that resembled a purple boar with tusks as wide as hubcaps, a bear with a vaguely human face, and a rabbit with antlers. In one corner, there was a massive tank of blue and yellow electric eels. They occasionally would bump into each other and exchange sparks.

The whole place reminded me of a magical Cabellas.

It was pretty big inside and it took me awhile to find the school trunks. There was only one standard footlocker option for the trunks although they came in all of the house colors. They all had wheels on the bottom at least. I selected one with just the Hogwarts school crest and wheeled it behind me as I looked for the tents.

I took a corner too sharp and bumped into a magazine corner. I grabbed the edge before it fell over. It was full of issues of 'Worldy Wizard Magazine.' The current cover had a handsome man with blonde wavy hair wearing flannel holding a three headed fish. I almost walked away but happened to catch the headline out of the corner of my eye.

‘Gilderoy Lockhart catches the legendary Monster of Lake Tota! Fishing Tips from the adventurer himself inside!’

I stared.

I guess the lavender colored flannel should have tipped me off.

He really is quite handsome. I guess it also confirms that I'm not in the movie universe. That's definitely not Kenneth Braugh. He's more of a Liam Hemsworth really. I can see why so many girls at Hogwarts had crushes on him. It's too bad he's such an incurable asshole.

The cover winked at me.

It took me another five minutes before I came across the tent displays. Many of them were quite extravagant. There was one that looked like a stone castle, another that looked like a log cabin, one that looked like an Arabian King's tent (if you looked into a fake window you saw harem girls), one that looked like a palace if viewed from the side, and several that looked like muggle tents from the outside. None of them had prices or information on what was actually inside.

A middle-aged man emerged from the tent. He was wearing green flannel robes and had a long brown beard and bushy eyebrows. “Good afternoon! How may I help you?”

“Yes, I want to purchase this school trunk and I was also going to buy a tent?”

“Are your mother and father also here?”

I couldn't help but scowl. This being a kid again thing was already getting old. “I have money.”

“I'm sure you do kid.” He smiled condescendingly. “Why don't you come back again when your parents are with you?”

“Why don't you just tell me how much the tents are and I can judge for myself if I have enough?”

The man's bushy eyebrows frowned together into one giant caterpillar. “Listen you little—”

I reached into my bag and came back up with a fist full of galleons. “My parents gave me the money. Dad said I could pick the tent out. I was the one who wanted to go camping after all. But if our money isn't good enough...” I slowly put the money back into the bag making sure they coins fell from my hand individually into the bag. It looked like I'd managed to grab at least thirty.

“Oh!” The man laughed nervously. “Excuse me Miss. I can be a little testy before I've had lunch!”

It was well past three p.m. at this point.

“Of course.” I plastered a fake smile on my face. “I need a tent that looks like a muggle tent from the outside. It must have running water, a loo, a bed, a working shower or a tub, and preferably some kind of table and chairs? The plumbing must all be automatic. I won't be able to use spells outside of school for quite a while... I don't want to have to wake up dad if I need to use the loo in the middle of the night.”

Well, I already contradicted my parental lie. I had to infer I was a halfblood though. I don't think he'd sell a muggleborn first year a wizard tent.

"Ah, so you'll be wanting the deluxe model. I own this one myself. Took it to the 1990 Quidditch World Cup in Australia! Stays cool in the summer and warm in the winter.”

“Do all the features work without a wand? Can it be set up without a wand?”

“Yes, there's a button on the side. It will unfold and fold itself for you automatically. It folds down into the size of an umbrella. Very inconspicuous.”

“How much?” Not that it matters. I need this damn thing to survive until September.

“Well it's very pricey.” I could practically see the dollar signs in his eyes. “How much did you say you had Miss?”

I must look like a particular stupid child.

“I'm sure I have enough. What is your price?”

A muscle at the corner of the man's right eye twitched. “Twenty five galleons. It's the best on the market!”

I just know I'm getting ripped off, but what choice to I have? “Okay, but you have to give me the school trunk for free.”

“Sold.” He hadn't even hesitated. Yeah I was getting ripped off.

I handed him twenty five galleons. It was almost physically painful. I hate getting a bad deal.

I stuffed the folded up tent and my other purchases into the trunk. I tried to hold my head up high and look nonchalant as I walked out of the store, but I still felt like the idiot who sold her family cow for magic beans. At least, I had it and wasn't going to wallow in my own filth and sleep on the ground for two months. I could sneak back into the vault and hide out for two months after I got some canned food and clothing.

After the book store of course. Priorities and all.

----

Flourish and Blotts was AMAZING.

The place was a maze of books. There were books about every magical category imaginable. Charms, potions, history, obscure languages, culture, music, and hobbies. You could spell your own cheeses or knit a jumper that gave you hugs. They had hand baskets with charms to make the carrying weight lighter, or I would have been doubled over with my purchases pretty quickly.

I bought all of the books from the school list, paid for them, and then stuffed them in my trunk. I then went back and bought the whole seven years worth of books in the Stand Book of Spells Series and the corresponding series in Potions. There wasn't any numbered series in any of the other books, though. I got a weird look when they rung me up but eh, whatever. They all fit into my trunk. I should probably have found out the capacity of the school trunk before buying it.

I wandered the shelves and found a few more interesting books I threw in my cart; Hogwarts a History, Wizarding Culture in America, Arithmancy for Beginners, Ancient Runes Primer 1, 100 and 1 Beautifying Charms, I am Newt: An Autobiography, Crafting Magical Items and Objects for Beginners, and You Can Never be Too Paranoid: Protective Charms for your shoelaces and More!, but no book on Occlumency. I also picked up two blank diaries, a calendar, and a mail order catalogue.

I stopped below a ladder where a clerk was seemingly shelving something invisible (or practicing being a mime). “Excuse me, can you help me find something?”

The young man glanced downward, set something (or somethings?) down, and climbed down the ladder. “What ya need Miss?”

“I was looking for a book on Occlumency or how to become an Animagus?”

“Eh? Let me see.” He jumped back onto the ladder and it whisked him away abruptly like it was on rails. I looked around awkwardly, not sure if I was supposed to follow him or what, but he showed up again about thirty seconds later. “Sorry Miss. They're in the age restricted section. Can't sell it ta ya.”

“Age restricted section?” Occulmency didn't seem dangerous in of itself.

The clerk pointed down the hallway where an area was separated with a cloth doorway. “Ya know... adult books and such.”

He blushed a little and avoided my eyes.

“What kind of books are adult books?” I couldn't help asking and schooled my face into an innocent expression.

“Just... adult things! You pay it no mind. Down aisle twelve are the Hogwarts school books.” He pointed down the way I had come.

“So they're books on taxes? Balancing a check book?”

“No! Just... don't worry about it kid. You can't get them any how.”

“How to fix a leaky sink?”

“Why would that be restricted? No just... go away.” He was started to sweat.

“Playing the stock market and managing long term investments?”

“Huh? No! They're only for adults about grown-up stuff now stop asking!”

“Okay. Never mind." I hid a smile and decided to stop teasing him. I don’t want the poor guy’s head exploding over Wizarding porn books. “Thank you for your help.”

“You’re welcome." He turned around to go back to his work and then did a double take. He frantically touched random spots on the shelf beside him and then hung his head. “Oh god I've lost them again!”

I snuck away.

Not being able to get an Occlumency book sucks. Maybe the Room of Requirement can help me get what I need? Not sure what other way I can get it. I guess I'm just going to have to be vigilant to not look Dumbledore in the eye. Or Snape. Or Quirrel.

I'm going to have to find an Occlumency book somehow.

----

Time had gotten away from me and it had already begun to get dark. It was damn near twilight and the run down buildings had begun to cast long shadows.

Something really important occurred to me as I shuffled between a building in Knockturn Alley dragging a brand new trunk full of new school supplies, extra books, and several sacks full of money after spending a large amount of coin while by myself as an eleven year old.

I was a gigantic moron.

A young girl with two bags full of money wandering around dark alleys in the bad part of town at night… It's the kind of thing you see in the newspaper and go 'Oh no wonder they only ever found her head in the dumpster!'

I'm trying to creep around to the best of my ability. The buildings are close together and create a lot of shadows at least. But the wizarding world doesn't appear to have dumpsters (do they vanish everything?) and my stupid school trunk is squeaking like crazy. It didn't seem that loud before, but now it might as well be screaming 'Sqeeeak! Come murder me! Sqeeeak!'

I looked around, but so far there was nothing. Just me and the growing darkness.

I paused and listened carefully. Was that footsteps?

I thought I heard the faintest shuffling and tapping against the cobblestones. Or it's my imagination and I'm going crazy?

There it was again!

I ducked behind a building.

Something came down the alley and sniffed?

I tried to keep my breathing even and quiet.

The footsteps and shuffling stopped. The something sniffed again. I pressed myself and my trunk as close to the back of the building as I could.

“I can smell youuuuu,” the something said in a creaky ancient voice like nails scraping on metal. “Where are youuuu?”

My hand went into my jacket pocket where I'd kept my wand. What the hell do I do? I don't even know any spells yet! I took my hand out of my pocket. I'd be better off trying to run or kick the thing.

The something sniffed again. It was getting closer. “I know you're there little girly. You smell soo divine. Come out so Auntie Cordelia can seee youuuu.”

I glanced around the back of the building. There was a route farther out of here but I would be exposed for a moment in the place between the buildings. Should I try for it? God I need to do something before my heart explodes inside my chest.

“Just a little nibble. Maybe just the tip of a finger? You've got 10 of those. No reason to be stingy deary.” The thing let out a raspy and strangely girlish giggle.

Suddenly, there was another set of louder, heavier sounding footsteps.

“What are you doing Cordelia?” It was a man's voice.

“What are YOU doing?” the something (Cordelia?) asked. I decided to chance a peek around the corner.

A man wrapped in a black cloak was arguing with… an old woman? No, it was more like the facsimile of an old woman. She had a long hooked nose, gaping large watery eyes, pointed ears, and her entire face was covered in warts. It was like a Halloween witch mask had permanently molded to her skin and become her flesh.

“I'm... taking a leisurely stroll. At night, as it my prerogative.”

“Oh and what is in the sack? Hmmm? It seems... interesting.”

"Well who were YOU talking to? Someone... interesting?"

“No... no one interesting. Quite uninteresting in fact.”

“Well I was also carrying something uninteresting.”

“Ah well... jolly good.”

“Jolly good to you too.”

I like to think I didn't run away, but bravely power walked away from the situation.


----

Next chapter in a couple of hours if anyone's interested.

 

[ashez2ashes]

CHAPTER THREE:
ADVENTURE TRAIN: CHOO! CHOO!​

Today, I discovered that the disgustingness of cold spam is directly correlated to how hungry you are. Day one you feel like you can just eat the canned vegetables. Day two it’s suddenly looking a lot less inedible. Almost like food. Day three it kind of tastes like bologna? And by day four even the jelly at the bottom of the can is like sweet ambrosia.

The muggle grocery store clerk didn’t even bat an eye when an eleven year old yank came in, bought two carts full of canned food, filled a foot locker full, and walked off into the street. I thought I would at least get some raised eyebrows, but nope. I guess they don’t get paid enough to give a shit.

It was strangely the easiest thing I’ve done so far in this world. I was also able to buy a bunch of muggle clothing without anyone wondering what the hell the kid was doing by herself. Do muggles in this world really not notice things as much? Or is it a British thing? Or a big city thing? I feel like if an eleven year old packed a trunk full of canned meat back home some busy body would have asked what the hell I was doing and also, ‘Where are your parents?’

I really wish the painting hadn’t been buried under the piles of gold. It’s been nearly a month since I’ve been stuck in this vault waiting for summer to end. I need someone to talk to, even a crazy old painting lady. But there’s no way in hell I’m going to mess with that pile of gold, let alone get on top of it. I already bolt upright in the middle of the night any time I hear the pile settle. The first night, I had a nightmare that both gold piles caved in over my tent and buried me alive.

The only thing keeping me sane at this point is my school books. I’ve almost read them all cover to cover. I took notes as I read so I should have a great start before getting to school. If I was going to do this witch thing, I might as well do it right. And hell, eventually there might be a war where I’ll have a giant target on my back for being a muggle born so I need to be good at magic.

Unlike muggle school, this didn’t feel like work. I’ve already filled in so many gaps in my magical knowledge! I’m so glad I went crazy at the bookstore. I’m going to get through the first year school books in another week or two. After that, I’ll start on the second year books and Hogwarts: A History. I’ll at least have a great head-start on the book learning. It’s too bad I can’t practice the practical stuff yet. I’m just itching to start casting spells!

I suppose there’s a chance the trace wouldn’t work on me. It really depends on if it reads your body or your soul. It’s definitely not worth the risk right now. Maybe Hogwarts will have some books on how the trace works?

I’ve also been doing other planning. There was going to be a war happening soon and good people were going to die. I can’t sit by and do nothing. But I also know I’m not special. I’m going to try as hard as I damn well can to make up for what I lack, but I’m still a regular person. At least, I have some foreknowledge, maturity beyond my age, and an adult work ethic.

God, I hope it’s enough.

It goes without saying that I’ll have to study my brains out and do extracurricular practice in Defense Against the Dark Arts. I’m going to attempt to learn Occlumency. I don’t know how effective practicing on my own will be without a Legitimance to practice with, but it can’t hurt to try. I have a brain full of Voldemort’s most well kept secrets just waiting to be mind read.

I know a lot of ‘redo’ fanfiction has Harry training his body as well as his mind. I definitively think some kind of dodging practice would be worthwhile. I’m going to be walking everywhere so I don’t think I need to be jogging every morning or anything. And as far as learning martial arts?

Funny thing is I actually already know martial arts.

I’ve been practicing in and out of various dojos since I was 14. I had six years of karate, four years of aikdo, and a year of jujitsu. And as the years went by, and I accumulated more and more knowledge; I finally realized one undeniable truth.

I kind of suck at it.

You’d think after a decade of being into some form of martial arts I would feel like I could defend myself if I was attacked, but no. All it really did was teach me how easily the human body can be broken (and what a jacked up knee feels like). And hell, how much being outweighed and having reach matters in a fight. I think I’m still better off having studied, but I’m under no impression that it’s going to turn me into a badass witch.

Although, if Bellatrix Lestrange ever tries to hold me down and write mudblood on my arm, that crazy bitch is going to be very very surprised. That’s a pretty rare example though of being attacked by someone with similar height/weight (assuming Bellatrix isn't built like a tank and Rowling forgot to mention it). Hell, maybe I could teach Hermione a few tricks? Although, I don’t know how ‘Hey you wanna wrestle?’ wont’ sound insane and weird.

Another thing they always do in ‘redo’ fiction is try to become an animagus. But the person always turns into something useful. What if I dedicate years to learning wandless self transfiguration and I turn into a freakin goldfish or sheep (fear me forces of darkness baaaa)? So I’m going to have to find out if there’s a way to find out what you’ll become ahead of time.

I’d like to make some helpful magical defense items, but no idea how hard that might even be. Like a ring that slows your descent if you’re falling or closes up bleeding wounds. Maybe some shoe laces that automatically wake you up if you’re stunned? A ring that replenishes your blood? Shirts that can repel knives?

I’m sure there’s other magic that I don’t even know about that might be useful. I can’t wait to get to the Hogwarts library.

Well the most important thing is that I have a head full of future knowledge. So what do I do with it? I have to do SOMETHING. I can’t let people get hurt if I can do something about it. The more I meddle the less the foreknowledge will be accurate, but I also feel like just being there will create ripples and change things. I can’t live my life worrying that my every action will go all butterfly effect on the wizarding world.

I'm not going to tell Dumbledore. Not right away anyways. I think Dumbledore is at his core a good person. He’s not an evil puppet master. He’s more morally gray. However, if it came down to erasing the unshielded mind of a nobody eleven year old versus letting Voldemort know you're onto his most guarded secrets, I'd be sorting candy wrappers with Alice Longbottom in a blink of an eye.

I don't even think it would be the wrong move in the grand scheme of things. I'm a walking security risk right now. So at least until I can learn Occlumency and make a case for not blasting my brain, I'm keeping everything to myself.

I don't really want to give up my autonomy to him either to be honest. I feel like I'd be under someone's authority as an under-aged witch if Dumbledore caught wind of my situation. I've got no desire to put up with someone trying to parent me. Having to defer to teachers and other adults all the time like a regular kid is already going to chafe enough.

I think there's a lot I can do in the earlier years by myself before the shit hits the fan. Heck, maybe the shit won't have to hit the fan as bad as it did in canon. There is also some things, especially in first year, that I feel need to happen. I'm not terribly gung-ho about letting three kids face a troll, but I don't think they'd have become friends with Hermione otherwise. And if they don't become friends with Hermione, Ron and Harry would probably have died at some point. And if Harry bites it, then Britain (and maybe the world?) is doomed.

Trying to get the philosopher’s stone should probably happen too. I know it sounds harsh, but I feel like the trio needed the ‘baby adventures’ to get used to dealing with high stress situations. What if they don't have to deal with any of that and when someone inevitably tries to kill Harry who didn't try in canon (or tried another way) and Harry freezes up?

Second year though, I'm going to be the meddling queen. There's no way I'm going to be in a castle with an insta-death snake who is out to kill muggleborns and only doesn't because of a ridiculously lucky series of coincidences. If I'm lucky, I can intercept the diary as soon as Ginny gets it. ‘Excuse me red headed family, I seem to have dropped my totally not evil diary during the confusion. Did it become mixed in with your things? Oh it did? Thank you for returning my book that definitely doesn't have the soul of your greatest enemy imbued in the pages. Good day to you.’

Not that I will be sitting on my hands in my first year. No, first year I'm going to try to free Sirius Black.

I just need to force Pettigrew to transform in a crowded public place where the teachers are present, and there are no obvious escape routes. Even better if I can stun the rat THEN force him to transform. I know there's a spell that forces the transformation (Lupin or Sirius used it in the third book). There's a spell that reveals a human's presence too. Once I can perform both (and a good stunning spell), I just need to figure out a reason to randomly cast them on Ron's rat. Or get someone else to cast it. Hopefully, a plan will come to me after I'm settled into the Hogwarts routine. If I'm good at one thing, it's making up random bullshit.

After that, who knows? If I succeed at clearing Sirius's name, Lupin might not even become Harry's teacher. No idea about fourth year either. How long was Dumbledore planning the Triwizard Tournament?

At some point (next summer?) I should try to look into Umbridge's past. I know she has a squib brother and a muggle mother. Being a half blood, she might have even went to a muggle elementary school. Maybe there's some pictures of her as a muggle elementary school kid? The best way to defeat her is to hurt her credibility in the eyes of the other pure bloods.

I should be able to gather a lot of the horcruxes myself (can I pick up the ring with tongs and not get cursed?). Voldemort, Harry, Nagini (and probably the cup) will still be on someone else though. I have no idea how to destroy horcruxes though. All the ways in the book would be out. No basilisk fang if I stop the basilisk, no sword of Gryffindor if I don't end up there, and no way am I messing with fiendfyre. There must be some other way though. Dropping them in a volcano? Could you cast avada kadavra on it? Maybe that's the point where I would go to Dumbledore...

I put down my copy of “You Can Never Be too Paranoid” by Mayoral Stood. It was probably the best book I had purchased. Once I was finally at school and can do magic, no one was stealing my shoes unless they wanted said shoes to kick them in the face. My shoelaces would then spell out the name of the thief when I spoke the code word. There was a potion to create a poison revealing spoon coating. I could charm my bed to scream if someone snuck up on me in my sleep (probably won't use that at school). Falling from a dangerous height? What if you and bounce instead because of your bouncy underpants?

Thank god that most of my books were interesting. Doing nothing but reading, eating, and sleeping was really starting to get to me. If I wasn't learning about venomous roses and how to brew anti boil potions, I'd have lost my mind already.

Well I suppose there was one other thing I could do.

I sighed, picked up one of my money pouches and went outside the tent. My other hobby, if it can be called that, was shoveling gold into this money pouch. And shoveling. And shoveling. And shoveling some more until my arms couldn't move anymore. The money pouch still wasn't showing any signs of being full and I've barely made a dent in the piles of gold. After some time perusing the mail order catalogs I've received from Diagon Alley, I'd come to the conclusion that this was a ridiculous amount of money. Like, not just the Potter or Malfoy fortunes. This was more like 'single handedly cause inflation' type of money. Who the hell put it here?

I sat down and started another hour of shoving gold into my coin pouch.

----

The day had finally come. I spent that morning singing Wizard rock songs from my home dimension (Gotta get myself to Hogwarrrts. Gotta get myself to schooool! Where everything is magic cooool) and obsessively packing. My tent was at the bottom of my trunk covered in books and other various things. None of my roommates should see my tent when I opened my trunk. I made sure my robes were at the top so I could put them on before arriving. I kept my purse out with one of the money bags inside it. If I lost my trunk, I wouldn't lose everything. You can never be too paranoid (I've learned so much from Mayoral Stood).

I hesitated in front of the cans of food. I would probably not be waylaid and starve to death on my way there but two months ago I wouldn't think I'd be in another dimension heading off to Platform 9 3/4's either...

I put two cans of potted meat into my purse.

I had awoken at 5am so I still had plenty of time, but the thought of fresh air and finally getting adventure started was overwhelming me. So at 7am I was dragging myself out of the outhouse, through Knockturn Alley, into Diagon Alley, through the Leaky Cauldron, and was hailing the Knight Bus.

With a loud CRACK it appeared before me in its bright purple multi-deck glory. I jumped back instinctively. The thing nearly took half my arm off. Maybe I won't stick my hand out so far next time.

The door of the bus opened and an ancient man with coke bottle glasses peered up at me. “Where you headed to?”

“King's Cross Station please. Gotta get myself to Hogwarts.” I dropped the coins in a metal tin near the driver’s seat.

“All by yourself?” He squinted at me.

I dragged my trunk up the steps, thankful for the anti-weight charms. “Yes, my parents had to work.”

“You came all the way from America?”

Would I have to have this conversation a thousand times? Was there a spell to change my accent?

“No. My parents moved here last year. I got an acceptance letter.” I dragged my trunk a few rows down and sat down. There was an old woman in a fluffy pink nightgown in the back row. I could see the edge of her bunny slippers peaking out of the row. There was a younger man in a crisp gray business suit two rows in front of her who was reading a newspaper and sipping tea.

I kept a good grip of the handle. I think I can keep this from coming back and hitting me in the face. This wasn't the movie universe though so surely it wouldn't be nearly as crazy. No one was planning on making this a ride in a Florida amusement park.

The driver shrugged. “Keep your hands, feet, and body inside the moving vehicle at all times!”

Body?

I was flung from my seat into the side of the bus.

None of the chairs were actually bolted down. My trunk and chair slid around in a demented version of bumper cars.

The old bunny slipper woman clapped happily and looked like she was having the time of her life.

The younger man in a business suit kept calmly reading his newspaper and sipping his tea. He hadn't spilled a drop.

I could not in fact, keep my trunk from hitting me in the face. The trunk slid back and forth and occasionally smacked into me like an errant boulder. It never seemed to hit anyone else.

The world outside the windows was a stream of colors as if we were in the Millennium Falcon and had went into hyper-drive.

“Do a loop for me Ernie! It's my birthday!” The old woman had her hands up like she was on a rollercoaster.

If I could have stood up, I would have kicked her.

The engine revved up and I added getting slammed from the roof to the floor to my pain repertoire.

I caught a glimpse upside down of the business guy. His tea STILL didn't spill.

“Whooo!” The old bag cheered. And then I swear a smaller ‘whooo!’ came from one of her bunny slippers.

After awhile I just tried to accept the bruises and hoped that those tiny little crystal vials I had to buy for potions class weren't shattered.

The chaos suddenly halted.

“Ministry of Magic, Entrance B12!” called the conductor.

The business man gracefully stood up, waved his wand and vanished his tea and newspaper, walked smoothly from the bus, and into an abandoned book store.

I stood up and desperately looked for something to hold on to. The old woman's chair slid next to me. She was in a bright green cushy recliner.

“You should try wearing your seat belt. It's a lot more fun that way!” The old lady cackled and her green chair slid away of its own accord. She then pulled a lever on the armrest and the chair started to spin.

I glanced about. None of the chairs had seat belts! What the hell was she--

I was flung to the back of the bus.

---

I looked rather worse for wear when I finally made it to King's Cross. My hair stood up in odd directions and my clothes looked like I'd slept in them. The corner of my trunk was a little dinged. With shaky legs, I dragged my trunk from the bus. I didn't bother to look back as it jolted away as soon as my trunk and cleared the door. None of the muggles milling about seem to have noticed the purple blur.

King's Cross had two gigantic arches below equally big bay windows and a clock tower jutting from the middle. It reminded me of a Roman aqueduct. I walked in and no one paid me any mind. I didn't bother with a cart. I was much too early to catch any glimpses of Harry Potter or the Weasleys so I counted out the platforms until I found the 9th and 10th.

The entryway looked like an ordinary pillar. How did muggles not accidental lean on it?

I shuffled closely and tried to nonchalantly look around. No one was looking this way. I poked a finger near the barrier. It went through. I closed my eyes and walked forward.

When I opened my eyes, I was on another platform. Behind me was a large iron archway. The Hogwarts Express lay before me, gleaming in the morning sun. The platform was already crowded. Parents were hugging their children, pets squawked and croaked and meowed, and children of all ages were running about. Good thing I had started so early. The Knight Bus had really taken the scenic route.

I could see a line forming at one of the loading platforms. I might as well get on the train. I'd like to loiter about and see if I can find anyone from Rowling's books, but I suppose the sorting will show me some of them soon enough. I could see the top of what might be Hermione Granger's curly brown hair a dozen feet away but I really wasn't sure--

I bumped into another trunk. A cat screeched.

“Hey!” A girl with straight brown hair and blue eyes turned and glared at me and then turned back to her trunk and gasped. The cage on top of her trunk was empty. “Oh no! Mittens?! Mittens where are you?!”

The girl ran off before I could say anything. I went to follow her, but I'd already lost her in the crowd.

“Just move her stuff out of the way she'll come back for it later.” A tall boy in Ravenclaw robes came up behind me and pointed to her trunk. He had a prefect badge on.

“What's the hold up?” a girl cried from somewhere further down the line.

I pushed her stuff off to the side. I'd have to tell the girl sorry later if I could find her. I walked up to the platform and into the train.

The train was paneled with wood and the carpet was grey with a simple geometric pattern. I took a right and walked down the aisle feeling unsure. Do I find an empty compartment or try to sit with someone? Does my decision set who I'm friends with maybe even my very house for the next seven years? Or do I vastly over think things?

I picked an empty compartment and shoved my trunk in the overhead compartment. I bet the thing weighs a ton without the weightless charm. I sat down. The compartment benches were a rich brown leather and very comfy.

My stomach growled. In the excitement, I had forgotten to stop at the Leaky Cauldron for a quick breakfast. And there was no way I was going to pull out my tin of spam in a crowd. First impressions were important and there was no way I was going to be that 'weird muggle potted meat girl' for seven years.

My stomach growled again.

The compartment opened, a group of older boys looked at me and then closed it again. Then a group of older boys and girls looked at me and then closed it again. This happened a couple times until I decided to just keep the thing open. I get that no one wants to sit with a random firstie, but it still feels kind of rude.

Finally, a boy opened the compartment who looked to be my age. He had sandy brown hair and was a bit chubby. “Can I sit here? I don't know very many people yet.”

“Sure!” I hopped up and helped him stow away his trunk. He sat a cage next to himself. I heard a loud croak.

“Hi um... my name's Neville Longbottom.” He held out his hand and I reached over and shook it. I tried not to stare. Wow, another book character! It’s really weird meeting someone you know a lot about who knows nothing about you.

“My name's Kasey Thompson.”

“Oh are you a yank? Wait, is yank a rude term? Never met a yank before...” Neville cleared his throat. “I mean, where are you from?”

“I'm from America originally but my parents moved to London last year. I have no idea if yank is supposed to be rude or not but I don't mind.” I shrugged.

The compartment opened again. “Oh thank goodness! I've been run out of three compartments already by upper years.” A girl walked with short blonde hair dragging her trunk. A ginger cat was perched on her shoulders. “You guys ARE also in first year right?”

I nodded as the girl shoved her trunk in the upper compartment.

“Good. My name is Mandy by the way.” She flopped down next to Neville. Her cat hopped off her shoulder and jumped down to her lap. The cat eyed Neville's covered cage with interest. “And this is Mr. Gingerkins. I named him that because he's ginger ya know.”

I could have guessed.

“I'm Kasey. This is Neville.”

Neville smiled at her awkwardly.

“Neville, I think we've met before. Neville Longbottom right? Your grandmother is always wearing hats with dead birds on them? My gran dragged me to one of your gran's horrid tea parties once. A bunch of old bitties going on and on about so and so who you've not met since you were a toddler.” Mandy rolled her eyes. “I don't envy you. Did you get stuck at those all the time?”

“Sometimes.” Neville's wince expression clearly said 'ALL THE TIME'.

The compartment opened again. A girl with wild bushy brown hair, brown eyes, and buck teeth stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips. There was no way that wasn't Hermione Granger.

“Can I sit here? I asked the conductor if there were any assigned seats, but he waved me away.” The girl walked in without waiting for an answer. “The compartments are filling up pretty quickly. There's really not a lot of students though when you take into account the overall population of Britain.” The girl shoved her trunk into the compartment. The overhead was almost full.

“Hi, I'm Kasey.” I held out my hand.

Mandy turned toward me. “Are you American? Do Americans go to Hogwarts too? I thought there was a school in America?” Mandy peered at me like my Americanness should be apparent on my body somehow.

“It's obvious isn't it?” Hermione (there's no way she's not Hermione) rolled her eyes. “She must have moved here. You're thinking of Illvemorny by the way. Hogwarts a History lists some of the other top wizarding schools in its preface.”

I still had my hand out awkwardly.

“Terribly rude of me.” Hermione grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously. “My name is Hermione Granger. Pleasure to meet you.”

Knew it.

The compartment opened again.

A boy with dark black hair peered in. He was wearing a green and yellow Quidditch jersey. “You lot have room for one more?”

Hermione nodded. “I think the room capacity is six. It says so on the safety plaques in the hallway you know.”

I can see why she has problems making friends.

“Huh...” The boy looked like he was thinking about moving on and then shrugged and walked in. His trunk barely fit in the overhead. “My name's Wayne Hopkins.”

We went around making introductions. Wayne sat down next to Neville and immediately started to grill him and the rest of the room on our favorite Quidditch team. Hermione and I received identical looks of horror from Wayne when we both commented we didn't know much about the game.

“How can you not know about Quidditch?” His brain seemed like it was having a hard time processing this shoking info. “It's just the most amazing game in the history of the world.”

I shrugged. “I'm sure it's very fun to play.”

Wayne squinted at me. “You're one of THOSE aren't you?”

“Huh? Those what?” Am I about to get discriminated against?

“One of those Quadpot fans! I've heard that's all the rage in the states. It's just an excuse to watch someone get blown up is what my da always says. No strategy at all at least not compared to Quidditch. And my second cousin Eustice said a finger flew into his popcorn at a game when he visited the states on holiday.”

“It’s not a game unless someone explodes.” I ventured and then laughed. “I'm just not really into sports much at all sorry.”

Wayne looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

"If you ask me." Hermione tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Quidditch is down-right barbaric. Flying around trying to hit someone with a ball to knock them out of the sky. Someone could get hurt!”

Wayne's eyes widened. He looked at Hermione as if she'd just shed her skin and proclaimed herself Lord Voldemort in disguise. I think she may have inadvertently made an enemy for life.

Neville, bless him, seemed to read the room and turned to Wayne and tried to change the subject. “So ah, how do you think the Ballycastle Bats are going to do against the Falmouth Falcons in the playoffs?”

That seemed to distract Wayne and the two kept on a mostly one sided conversation about the current Quidditch playoffs.

Mandy turned towards me. “What house do you think you'll be in? My dad was in Slytherin but my mom was in Ravenclaw. Slytherin would be okay I suppose. Lots of influential people are in Slytherin, but I think I'd rather have access to the private Ravenclaw library.”

“I don't know.” I honestly had thought about it so much I'd exhausted the topic in my head. “I think I'd like to be in Gryffindor, but Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff would be okay too.”

“Not Slytherin?”

“No... I'm muggleborn so...” I trailed off not sure what else to say, but Mandy seemed to get it.

“You probably won't end up in Slytherin then. I'm not sure if there's ever been a muggleborn in Slytherin. Or not many at least.”

Hermione leaned towards us. “Why not?”

Mandy looked embarrassed. “That's because um...”

“Slytherin was prejudiced against muggleborns so he taught the Sorting Hat to not put muggleborns in his house.” I replied trying my best to be diplomatic. “There are people in Slytherin who also think that way so it'd be hard to be a muggleborn there.”

Hermione shrugged. “People still believe that? I remember reading that in Hogwarts: A History, but that was over a thousand years ago. I was hoping for Gryffindor or Ravenclaw anyways. So you're muggleborn too? It was really a relief for my parents to finally find out why I could do all the stuff I could do!”

“Mine too.” Best to not get into too many specifics I'll have to remember especially with Ms. Walking Encyclopedia here.

“It was quite the culture shock! But in retrospect it makes sense how I was able to—” Hermione was interrupted as Mr. Gingerkins began to hiss loudly. The cloth had slipped off of Neville's toads cage. The toad was frantically scrambling around. There was death in Mr. Gingerkins eyes.

Neville peered into the cage. “Trevor! Calm down! It's okay he can't get--”

The front of the cage popped open.

Mr. Gingerkins proceeded to rain destruction and pain upon our carriage.

Mandy tried to hold the flailing ball of ginger fur back as Trevor jumped from the cage and bounced around the room terrified. I tried to help Mandy hold back the cat and got scratched up all to hell. Wayne jumped to grab Trevor and missed, somehow knocking the compartment door open. Someone yelled. The frog scrambled out the door.

Neville yelled, “Trrevvoooorrrr!” and ran out of the compartment.

Mandy shoved her cat into a carrying case as Hermione ran after Neville. Mr. Gingerkins hissed and yowled as if he was the one done a great wrong.

I bled onto the seat a little bit. “Ow...”

Wayne stood up and rubbed his elbow. “Your cat is a bit of a git Mandy.”

Mandy hugged the carrying case protectively. “He's just doing what comes natural to cats. Who brings a toad to Hogwarts these days anyway?”

“...Ow?” I tried again, but no sympathy seemed to be forthcoming.

----

Hermione and Neville eventually made it back with Neville's toad which was quickly stuffed into his carrying case. Mr. Gingerkins's carrying case had been unceremoniously stuffed underneath Mandy's seat. He would occasionally hiss from below the seats, but seemed to have reigned in his cat bloodlust to regular cat bloodlust levels.

Neville's toad seemed fine. It just croaked and stared blankly no worse for wear.

Toads are kind of lame pets. I wonder if he actually wanted Trevor or if his Grandma wouldn't let him have anything cooler?

I watched out the window as the background conversation began to die down. The sky outside the window was streaked with pink and a rich dark purple. The area was slowly morphing from farmland to hills covered in dense forests. Honestly, it reminded me a bit of home. I think Appalachia was largely settled by Irish and Scottish settlers. They came across the sea and just kept going until they found something that felt like home. I guess this is kind of like the reverse.

I hope it can feel like home someday...

I stared out the window for awhile, watching the hills roll by until the sky had completely darkened. The conductor announced we would be arriving soon so we took turns changing into our robes. I put my bag into my trunk. My stomach was starting to twist and turn.

The odds of the sorting hat outing me as a fraud and/or dimension time traveler and former muggle were pretty low right? Does it have to keep what it learns from us a secret? Even if it didn't why would anyone bother to ask about me?

But what else can I do but risk it? I've got no one and nowhere to go. And god damn do I want to learn magic...

The train started to come to a slow screeching stop...

----


I'll post one one more before the end of the day. If anyone requests it I'll post two more.

 

[ashez2ashes]

Note: I'm going to try my best not to rehash dialogue or plot in this story. However, for canon consistency I will have to do so a little bit here. I promise this chapter will be the most I will use.

---

CHAPTER FOUR
WHERE YOU OUGHT TO BE​

Once I had exited the train, Hagrid gathered up all of the first years and marched us down a steep narrow path. Dense trees lined each side shadowing our way and only the moonlight illuminated our way. I was the very last in line. Hagrid was much too far ahead for his lantern to be of any use to me. Something rustled in the dark woods beside me and I quicken my pace, trying to keep as close to the group as possible.

After a few minutes, the line abruptly stopped and I almost stumbled. I heard a chorus of gasps and looked up.

Hogwarts was beautiful.

It was massive, much more massive than I had thought. Dozens of turrets rose into the sky topped with multi-colored banners. There were battlements and catwalks. The cliffs the castle was sitting upon were hundreds of feet tall. Candles in the windows flickered in the night like fireflies. In front of it all, was a massive lake that clearly reflected the bright silvery moon.

“No more'n four to a boat!” I heard Hagrid call. I climbed into one of the boats that were left. The redheaded girl climbed after me followed by a small Asian boy with large dark eyes. As soon as we were settled, our boat started to drift on its own and follow the others.

I glanced down at the lake. Underneath the surface, I could see a massive purple squid blinking back at me. On impulse I waved to it.

I was delighted to see it wave back.

The redheaded girl next to me laughed and we exchanged a smile.

Our boat entered a small grotto and I ducked under a curtain of ivy. Torches lit the inside of the cavern creating dancing patterns on the rock. Our boat drifted over next to the others and stopped on a pebbled shore. We were the last to arrive.

I carefully stepped out of the boat and followed the line of first years up a set of wide stone steps. Finally, we all arrived in front of two massive wooden doors. I could barely see over everyone's heads.

Hagrid exchanged a few words with a tall black haired witch in green (McGonagall?) and then he walked off to the side. The large wooden doors opened of their own accord and we stepped inside.

I about gave myself whiplash trying to take it all in.

I had to crane my neck all the way back to see the top of the ceilings which were decorated with a complicated leaf and vine pattern. Four wide marble staircases led off into the landing, three up and one down. The stairs were wide enough for at least twenty people to walk abreast. Off to the right I could hear a dull roar of human activity. We walked across the flagstone floors and were then led into a small empty chamber off of the hall.

McGonagall stopped, cleared her throat, and proceeded to give us all the Hogwarts gist speech. I bet she's got the thing memorized and says the same thing every year. Behind her, a suit of armor shifted his sword to his other hand. This place was crazy distracting. Why spell a statute of armor to feel like its arms are getting tired?

I turned back to Professor McGonagall. “Each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours. The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting.”

McGonagall left us and I looked around at my fellow first years. The group's nervousness was nearly tangible. Kids were adjusting their uniforms obsessively. The girl next to me was nervously chewing on the end of a red braid. Someone in the front was muttering spells to themselves. To be honest, I wasn't feeling much better.

I heard several people in the front gasp. About twenty ghosts streamed out from the back of the room. The tail end of one silvery woman’s robes went through the top of my head and I felt like someone suddenly dunked my head in ice water.

“Pardon.” The silvery woman called and drifted off towards her fellows at the front of the room. The ghost group chatted with some kids at the front and then drifted through the opposite wall. I still felt cold.

Professor McGonagall returned. “Move along now. The Sorting Ceremony's about to start. Now form a line and follow me.”

We scrambled to form a line and McGonagall walked out of the room without a backward glance. We walked out of the chamber, back across the hall, and through a pair of double doors into the Great Hall.

The Great Hall was breathtaking. You'd think after being in 100% awe all day my awe-o-meter would be full by now, but nope. The floating candles, the glittering gold silverware, the house banners that moved, and the ceiling that looked EXACTLY like the night sky was still taking my breath away. The ceiling it wasn't like a high definition television screen where you could still tell it wasn't real. It was indistinguishable from the real thing.

We were led up to the front of the room and lined up in front of a raised dais where the teachers sat. I looked through the sea of faces, most of which looked only mildly interested. I suppose they'd seen several sortings before. McGonagall silently placed a stool in front of our line. On top of the stool, she placed the sorting hat. It was really dirty and frayed. I wonder why no one cleaned it. Were they afraid cleaning spells would make it fall apart?

The brim of the hat twitched and then formed a mouth and began to sing its yearly sorting song. It was quite good at carrying a tune. It had a very clear precise singing voice. I suppose it had a lot of years to practice.

The whole hall burst into applause as the hat finished its song. The hat bowed its pointy top at all of the tables.

“When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted.” McGonagall had quite a set of pipes on her. Her voice carried very well. Maybe it was a spell? “Abbot, Hannah!”

There was a pause and then the hat yelled out, “HUFFLEPUFF!”

And so it begins.

“Bones, Susan!” The redheaded girl I had shared a boat with scuttled up and was sorted into Hufflepuff.

Terry Boot strode up confidently next and was sorted into Ravenclaw.

“Bracklehurst, Mandy!” Mandy from the train carriage went up next. She still had scratches all over her hands. It didn't take long at all to sort her into Ravenclaw. I guess she picked the library after all.

The sorting continued with nervous kid after nervous kid jumping up and having the next seven years decided for them. Sometimes it was instant, sometimes it took a bit longer.

“Jones, Megan!” I saw the girl whose trunk I'd accidentally slammed into back at the train station walk up to be sorted. The hat was on for several minutes before it yelled “RAVENCLAW!”

“Longbottom, Neville!” Poor Neville about tripped on the way there. It took a really long time with Neville. This anticipation is killing me. Why did my last name have to start with T?

Then another Ravenclaw was sorted in ten seconds. Malfoy came up and the hat barely touched his head before it shouted “Slytherin!”

“Perks, Sally Anne!” They were getting close to Harry now. A sandy haired girl walked up and after about thirty seconds the hat yelled, “Slytherin!”

“Potter, Harry!” the crowd hushed as everyone turned to stare at the poor kid. And I guess I stared too. This was my first real look at Harry Potter. He seemed quite small for his age and rather skinny too. His black hair stuck out in weird places and his large coke bottles glasses seemed too big for his face. Poor kid, the Dursley's really did not feed him properly. He was all knobby knees and elbows.

It was strange knowing exactly what the sorting hat was saying to the kid. He scrunched up his eyebrows and I was pretty sure that was the moment he was telling the hat not to put him in Slytherin. I know so much about this kid; his hopes, dreams, secrets that he'd never want any one to know, and even his future… and he's never even met me.

Not yet anyway.

“GRYFINNDOR!” the hat called out and the Gryffindor table erupted in mad applause and jumping up and down like they'd just been called up to the stage on a game show or as if they were in a southern Baptist revival. I wouldn't be surprised if someone jumped up and screamed ‘Harry Potter Hallelujah!’

He's just another kid guys. Calm the fuck down.

Sophie Roper was sorted into Gryffindor before a much more muted applause. A boy named Oliver went to Ravenclaw. Pricilla Runcorn was sorted into Slytherin. When Sally Smith was called, I knew my turn had to be soon. I steeled myself and straightened my robes.

“Thompson, Kasey!”

Despite myself, I started at the sound of my name and tried not to rush forward too quickly toward the stool. I sank down and the hat was dropped upon my head. All I could see was black. It smelled rather musty.

‘Well if you were a thousand years old you'd smell a bit ripe too!’

I started. The hat's voice reverberated inside my head. It was like hearing an echo in a cave.

‘Hello?’ I called out in my head.

‘Well what do we have... huh. Curiouser and curioser.’

I gulped and felt a lead weight settle into my stomach. ‘I would appreciate if you didn't scream 'imposter’!’

‘Why would I do that? You're very much a witch my dear. There's no doubt about that.’

‘Oh well good.’ I felt a last lingering doubt within me blow away. ‘Do you have to keep everything you find in my head confidential?’

‘Why would you care if everyone knew?’

‘Why would I care if everyone knew I was an inter-dimensional time traveler with the mind of a thirty year old woman muggle woman in the body of an eleven year old? Are your seams coming lose?’

‘It would be quite interesting!’

I balked. Interesting he says. The hat was mad. ‘You didn't answer my question…’

‘No I didn't. Hmmm... where to put you? You have a great love of knowledge but a life long hatred of riddles... Hmmm... Ah what ambition!’

‘Not Slytherin. Also please answer the question.’

‘No.’ It sounded smug.

‘No?’

‘You're very persistent. Not Slytherin eh?’

‘No!’ This conversation is starting to make my head hurt.

‘Why?’

‘I'm muggleborn they'd eat me alive. Also, a lot of them seem mean.’ I blushed under the hat. I didn't mean to blurt out that last part. I meant it, but jeez. It made me sound intimidated by a bunch of kids.

‘Not to each other generally. No matter. I wasn't going to sort you there regardless.’

‘Then why did you ask?’ I shook my head. ‘No, never mind all that. Just please put me in Gryffindor.’

‘Why do you want to be in Gryffindor?’

‘I can help everyone much more easily if I'm in Gryffindor. A lot of bad things are going to happen. I might be able to prevent some of them if I try.’

‘Why?’

‘What do you mean why?’

‘Why try to change things? There's so much you could do with your foreknowledge after all.’

‘Because it's the right thing to do. What a weird ass question.’

‘Indeed!’ I heard chuckling in my head. ‘Hmm... Do you think you're brave?'

Do I think I'm brave? The question felt like a knife stabbed me in the gut. I knew the answer, but I didn't really want to admit it out loud even to a hat. And did it matter if I was brave as long as I made myself do what needed to be done anyways? That had to be enough.

I replied in a soft whisper, ashamed. ‘I want to be.’

‘Why?’

‘So I can make a difference in the world.’ I meant it, as cheesy as it sounds.

‘I think you'll find there are a lot of ways to make a difference in the world. I've decided.’

‘Wait please--’

“HUFFLEPUFF!” the hat yelled out loud.

I blinked confusedly then put the hat down and walked numbly to the table below the bright yellow and black banners. I tried to plaster a bland smile on my face as everyone clapped politely. The rest of the first year's sorting was a bit of a blur as a feeling of numbness set upon me.

I'd messed up. I'd messed up big and I wasn't even sure how. What did I say wrong? I thought the sorting hat would take into account your choices?! Was I just too much of a coward for Gryffindor? How was I going to help Harry all the way in Hufflepuff?

He didn't even remember most Hufflepuff's names!


----


Will post the last part for tonight in about two hours.

 

[ashez2ashes]

----
CHAPTER FIVE:
CHARMED 4U

The house elves were really great cooks. I'm prone to eating my feelings anyways so stuffing my face was a welcome distraction. I was sitting at the end near a group of third year girls who were pretending I didn't exist (I'd forgotten how a couple of years really mattered when you were young) so I had plenty of time to get my wits about me. After I stuffed myself to bursting, the food disappeared and the students began standing up.

“First years, over here!”

I turned toward the voice and saw a tall boy with a mop of curly blonde hair and a gleaming prefect badge. “First years! Come this way!”

I stood up and walked over to the group gathering in front of the prefect. There were nine of us.

“Alright you lot. I'm Prefect Gabriel Truman. Follow me and we'll get you settled in. This way.” He walked out of the room and we followed closely behind. He took us to the large marble staircase heading down. In front of us, I could see a Slytherin Prefect leading his group down the stairs as well. When we reached the bottom the Slytherins broke off and went left and our group went right.

We walked for about five minutes, passing extremely distracting tapestries, and paintings. We passed by a large painting of a bowl of fruit. I think that's the entrance to the kitchens where you have to tickle a pear to get in. Finally, we stopped next to a large stack of barrels. Each barrel was as tall as a full grown adult.

Gabriel made a show of looking left and then right. We were alone in the corridor. He held up a finger to his lips and then he tapped one of the barrels near the bottom toward the middle with his wand. Tap-Tap... Tap Tap Tap... The barrel swung open. He climbed inside and motioned us to follow. I was at the end of the line again and the lid closed behind me silently.

We followed Gabriel down an earthen corridor that sloped downwards slightly. The walls and floor were rough-hewn and worn as smooth as glass from centuries of hands and feet. Bright yellow jewels encased in the rock floor glowed faintly lighting our way.

The corridor opened into a wide, circular, and cheerful room. The furniture and tapestries were a pale yellow. The ceilings were low and cosy. Circular windows showed a scene “outdoors” of a field of rippling grass and flowers. Sunlight streamed through these windows. Even though I knew we were underground and the sun had set hours ago, the illusion was indistinguishable from reality. I wonder if the fake weather changes with the seasons?

There was a large hearth crackling with a fire. The chairs and couches strewn about the room were upholstered in yellow and black and looked ridiculously plushy. There were also quite a few plants in the room in burnished copper pots. I looked up and saw a few vines trawling from pots hanging from the ceiling. A few of the plants were dancing, and a germanium next to me sniffed me curiously.

So... Hufflepuffs are apparently hobbits.

“Welcome to the comfiest room in the castle!” Gabriel spread his arms wide and smiled. “I'm delighted to welcome you to Hufflepuff. Our chairs are plusher than any other dorm and are spelled to cool or warm depending on the weather. You'll be happy to know there's a bowl or plate of snacks in the center common room table at all times if you need a pick me up. I highly recommend the custard tarts! It's always warm and cosy in here no matter the weather. We don't get the cold drafts like the tower dorms nor the damp like the Slytherin dungeons.”

Damn me. The snack thing DID make me happy.

“The head of our house is Professor Sprout. She's the Herbology teacher. She's very nice and laid back so don't hesitate to approach her if you need to.”

Gabriel cleared his throat and took on a solemn expression. “Now, there's a few things you should know about Hufflepuff house. There's a myth that we're the least clever house.” He scowled.

“It's a lie of course. Our emblem is the badger, an animal that is often underestimated. It lives quietly minding its own business until attacked and then it pounces!” Gabriel made a clawing motion with his hands.

“Unlike many other houses we don't boast about our accomplishments. We've had plenty of famous witches and wizards including scholars, and ministers. We know we're loyal, honest, trust-worthy, and awesome. We don’t have to brag about it. We don't pick fights. But we also protect our own. If anyone attacks one of us, they attack all of us. If one of you is in trouble, don't hesitate to ask any other Hufflepuff for help. And I expect the same from all of you. We look after each other. Always.”

The other Hufflepuffs looked just as solemn and seemed to take this to heart. Us derps stay together I guess.

Gabriel made a point to look at each of us in turn. I tried to wipe the skeptical expression off my face when he came to me.

“Just a few more things then I'll let you get some sleep. To get into the dorms, tap the barrel two from the bottom middle of the second row in the rhythm, 'Helga Hufflepuff'. Do it wrong and you'll get doused with vinegar. In a thousand years, no outsider has ever seen the Hufflepuff dorms.”

Or no one has snuck in and then blabbed about it...

“The dorms are numbered 1 to 7. Once you enter the first year dorms there will be two passage ways. One for the girls and one for the boys. Boys and girls, don't try sneaking into each others dorms’! You'll get a nasty surprise.”

Wayne Hopkins raised his hand. “What kind of surprise?”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise.”

“Oooh…” Wayne put his hand down.

“The wakeup bell chimes at 7am. Breakfast is from 7am to 8:30am. Classes start at 9am. Dorm curfew is at 9pm. It's up to you when to go to sleep. Make too much noise at your own peril. Last year, Danny and Higgs got stuck to the ceiling until morning for playing Exploding Snap at midnight.” Gabriel handed us each a paper. “Here are your schedules. Until third year when you get electives, you change classes with your house. Any questions?”

We looked at each other. No one said anything.

“Alright. Goodnight then.” Gabriel walked off into the circular door labeled 6.

We split up and walked into our dorms. The dorm was circular as well. It had dark aged wood floors, two circular windows, four poster beds, and two additional doors. Every poster bed had a patchwork quilt.

I walked up to the doors and opened them. They were two identical bathrooms in white and yellow each had a fake skylight showing a beautiful blue sky. There was a large claw foot bathtub, a black and white tiled shower stall, and a two sink vanity. These bathrooms were NICE. What the hell Harry, how did you never mention how swanky these are?

Or are only the Hufflepuff bathrooms this nice?

I picked the bed closer to the window and flopped down. The bed was... ridiculously comfy. My bed quilt squares were made up of embroidered scenes of baby badgers doing cute things. The other three girls sat down and we all looked awkwardly at each other.

“Hi, I'm Kasey Thompson” I waved.

“I'm Susan Bones.” Susan was a short girl with red pigtails and freckles on her face.

“Hannah Abbot.” Hannah had long straight blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

"E-Eloise Midgen." Eloise stammered out and gave another little awkward wave. Eloise was overweight and had a wild nest of black curls all around her face. She already had quite bad acne. “Are you an American?”

“Yeah, my parents moved here last year.” I'm already tired of this question. Someday, I need to just spell my robes into an American flag and go around calling everyone 'ya-all' for shits and giggles.

“I didn't know Americans went to Hogwarts too.” Eloise looked unsure.

“They don't usually,” Hanna replied. “But if you’ve been living in Britain it makes sense you got a Hogwarts letter.”

Eloise looked embarrassed. “Sorry, my parents are muggles. I'm still trying to learn all of this witch business... We have a sheep farm in Cumbria.”

“It's okay. My parents are muggles too. They work in a computer company.” And please don't ask me about any other intimate details.

Susan looked confused. “What's a computer?”

Uh... “They're muggle machines. They uh help them do math and such.” I'm not entirely sure what computers would be doing in 1991. Probably banking stuff at least?

“Oh.” Susan hopped off her bed and started to unpack her trunk. “My mum is a muggle but my father is a wizard. My grandparents are all dead though so I don't know much about muggle stuff. Mum doesn't have very many muggle things. She says she much prefers that the dishes wash themselves.”

Hannah hopped off her bed and followed suit. “I'm half too. My father is the muggle in the family. He's a tailor. He's made me dresses before. He's really talented.”

I got up off the bed and opened my trunk to grab a few things I needed to get ready to go to sleep. The other girls were doing the same. The stress and excitement of the day was starting to wear at me.

We took turns using the bathrooms. It wasn't really bad with two bathrooms between the four of us. When I came back out after brushing my teeth and changing into my pajamas, I saw Hannah putting up a poster on the wall next to our bed.

I walked around the room once again looking at everything carefully. I paused to look out the fake window. You could even see birds in the distance. There were also these weird flat copper pans hanging from the wall. They had long cloth covered handles.

“Are those bedpans?” I picked one off the wall. It was quite heavy.

Susan looked up from where she was arranging some things on her nightstand. “I think they're bed warmers.”

“Huh, how do they work?” I carefully put the heavy bed warmer back on the wall.

Hannah paused in taping her poster. “You put them in the fireplace and then in a compartment under your bed. Don't muggles have bed warmers?”

”Can't you just spell the thing warm?”

Susan shook her head. “You're not supposed to do spells on clothing and bedding.”

Well that was a dumb rule that was going to be immediately violated come winter.

Hannah taped the last corner of her poster and sat back to admire it.

Eloise walked over to get a closer look. “Whose that?”

Hannah looked shocked. “Only the most brilliant band in the world!”

The poster read in large pink sparkly letters CHARMED4U. Five teenaged boys were posing dramatically and in various stages of angst. Sometimes one would stop posing and break into dance.

Hannah pointed. “This one is Lance. He's the bad boy.” Lance slicked back his hair and winked at her. “And this one is Danny. He's my favorite.” Danny had the boy next door look. “This one's Nigel. He's smart.” Nigel procured a complicated looking Arthimancy book from behind his back and started flipping through the pages. “Kyle is going to be a famous Quidditch player someday.” Kyle didn't have a shirt on and was doing one-handed push-ups. “Billy is okay I guess.” Billy was overweight and eating a sandwich for some reason. “I think his dad is their manager or something.”

I stared in horrified awe.

Susan clapped her hands. “I've heard them on the Wireless! Have you heard their new single, 'Baby you've jinxed my heart'?""

Oh god what?

“Yeah! I think I like 'Brooms, Babes, and Bouquets' and 'Love is a dark art' better though.” Hannah sighed longingly.

Hannah clambered on top of her bed and pressed a red circle in the corner of her poster. “Watch this!”

“OUR LOOOOOVE IS A DARK ART! Cuuuurrrsssed from the verrrry starrrt!” the poster belted out loudly. The boys from Charmed 4U started to dance in sync.

Eloise covered her ears. “Turn it off! I don't want to hang upside down all night!”

Hannah scrambled to hit the button again.

The poster muted and the boys stopped dancing and looked a little put out.

We all froze and looked around nervously, but no angry upperclassman materialized to glue us to the ceiling.

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. “I'm going to go to bed before we end up getting turned into the new common room chandeliers.” I climbed into bed and pulled my bed curtains shut and I could hear the rest of the girls doing the same.

Magic really did have a dark side.

----

Last chapter for the night. I'll upload a new one every couple days until I run out (I'm almost done with chapter thirteen). I appreciate any feedback anyone wants to give.

 

[ashez2ashes]

CHAPTER SIX
DESK PIGS​

Morning was a harried affair as four girls tried to navigate an unfamiliar bathroom (at one point Hannah nearly filled one of the bathrooms with pink bubbles). Breakfast was delicious. I'm really going to have to be careful that I don't get fat. There was sausage, eggs, bacon, fruit, toast, and beans. The beans I found kind of odd. I know beans and toast is a British thing, but I'm not sure why people want to start their day off loading the fart cannon.

At one point, a hundred owls burst into the Great Hall and nearly made me choke on a piece of bacon. I never thought about this before, but the Great Hall must have some kind of charm on it to keep owls from pooping all over the place. That many birds indoors back in my home world would have carpet bombed the place white.

After I finished eating, I followed the rest of my classmates to our first class, Transfiguration. At least, I don't have Snape until the end of the day. I'm going to need some time to psyche myself up for that.

We only got lost once. After a painting of a young woman fighting trolls armed with only a frying pan gave us some helpful directions, we were on the right path again.

Finally, we reached the classroom. McGonagall's classroom was pretty sparse. She had a green blackboard up front and a few posters with complicated diagrams written on them. The only things on her desk were parchment and a nice quill set. The lack of photos seems kind of lonely? But maybe I'm wrong, and she just likes a clean working surface. Harry would have hardly known if McGonagall had a thriving social life.

On top of the desk, sat a black cat with white spectacle marks that I'm pretty sure was McGonagall in animagus form.

I sat next to Eloise. I glanced over and saw she had an honest to god Lisa Frank trapper keeper. She shifted and I knew for sure she had a Lisa Frank trapper keeper because damn it, I had the exact same rainbow unicorn one as a kid. Eloise noticed I was looking at it and moved to hide it with her book.

“I never realized I would be the only one using regular notebooks here.” She blushed. “I won't bring it tomorrow.”

I frowned. “If you like it, who cares? I used to have the same one. I'm sure it will be okay.”

I heard a giggle and could see out of the corner of my eye two Slytherin girls (Millicent and Daphne maybe?) were pointing at Eloise and giggling behind their hands. Eloise slumped in her seat and tried to hide her trapper keeper.

Before I could say anything else, Professor McGonagall jumped off the desk and transformed into a person. The room gasped. It was damn impressive. When she transformed it wasn't like muscle and sinew shifting into place, it was more like a swirl of colors.

McGonagall was wearing a black robe this time trimmed in red. Her black hair was streaked with gray and her posture was ram rod straight. She was really hitting that stereotypical British schoolmarm look hard.

McGonagall stopped in front of her desk.

“Hello, my name is Professor McGonagall. Transfiguration is one of the most difficult schools of magic and I expect only the best from each and every one of you. Misbehavior will be dealt with harshly, and I expect all homework to be turned in on time with no exception.”

McGonagall silently regarded each of us for a moment before continuing. “Now before we begin let me clear up any possible misconceptions you may have about the nature of magic. Despite what many of you may have heard, no one is 'more magical' than any other. Magic permeates our very being and isn't centered in any one place in the body. Magic cannot be stolen or given. Either you have magic or you do not. Competency is achieved through hard work and discipline. You are all starting on equal footing and I will not tolerant any nonsense to the contrary.”

I already knew people in this world didn't know any way to give a muggle magic, but it's pretty daunting to hear from an expert that you're a living breathing impossibility.

“Now that we have cleared up any possible misconceptions let’s get started.” She waved her wand and turned her desk into a pig.

The pig looked indistinguishable from a regular pig. It even smelled like a pig.

“Transfiguration is capable of changing any object or creature in the world. Although the more complex the object or creature, the more difficult transfiguration becomes. It differs from charms in that charms add or take away aspects of an object while transfiguration seeks to change the very essence of that object.”

The pig looked back and forth at us looking vaguely confused. Does it have piggy thoughts or does it think like a desk?

I raised my hand.

“Yes, Miss...?”

“Miss Thompson ma'am. Is the pig edible?”

McGonagall blinked and someone in the back of the classroom laughed. She narrowed her eyes and I rushed to explain myself before she thought I was cracking jokes.

“I ask because the first rule of Gamp's Law of Transfiguration states that food cannot be transfigured from something that isn't food. But if we killed the pig and then made sausage out of the pig would the sausage be edible?”

The pig trotted over to the front row and snuffled at a Slytherin boy's feet. The boy tried to move his feet out of the way of the pig’s snout.

“Ah.” McGonagall seemed to think this over. “There have been some debate among academic circles if Gamp's first law is truly a law at all or merely a result of being extremely difficult. Most items once transfigured will still have some aspect of their previous configuration. If a needle transformed from a piece of straw still smells like straw does it matter much? However, food will have to satisfy all of the senses. It must be nourishing, it must look like the food, it must have the correct taste and smell, and it must feel like the food. There have been wizards who have dedicated themselves to the transfiguration of a single food item. One could dedicate years to turning a quill into a carrot but would be no better at creating any other vegetables. So in essence, it remains impractical. Does that answer your question?”

I nodded. “Yes, thank you professor.”

“Five points to Hufflepuff for a thoughtful question. Now if there are no other questions?” She paused but no one raised their hands. “Turn to page ten of your textbook and we shall begin today's lecture on basic wand forms.”

So basically, you could eat desk pig but he'd taste like a desk. And maybe give you horrific stomach splinters. Good to know.

---

After class, the two giggling Slytherin girls from earlier rounded on Eloise in the hallway.

“Is that what muggles think unicorns look like?” Millicent Bullstrode snorted. “It goes to show how little muggleborns know. I've bet you've never even seen a unicorn.”

Another Slytherin girl beside her giggled.

Eloise was looking hard at the ground. “Well no but…”

A third Slytherin girl joined the group and the three giggled like some evil hive mind entity.

“Millicent, you can't expect her to know any better.” The third girl, I think it was Pansy, flipped her long dark hair over her shoulder. “She practically lived like a savage.” She grinned evilly. “It looks like you had plenty to eat though.”

I walked up to them. I wasn't going to stand for any bullying let alone disrespecting Lisa Frank.

McGonagall got there before me.

“Is something keeping you from walking to your next class?” She looked imperiously over her spectacles at the group of girls.

The Slytherin girls put on fake crocodile smiles.

“No Professor!” Pansy smiled sweetly and then walked off. Her minions followed behind.

I walked up to Eloise. She looked on the verge of tears.

McGonagall turned towards Eloise. “Is there something you would like to tell me?”

“No professor. We were just talking.” Eloise looked at the ground. “They didn't do anything.”

I snorted. “Other than be mean little bitches.” I clamped my hand over my mouth. I didn't mean to say that out loud!

I thought I saw the corner of McGonagall's mouth twitch, but I may have imagined it. “Ten points from Hufflepuff for inappropriate language Miss Thompson. I don't want to hear the like from you again, or I will assign you a detention. Is that clear?”

“Yes professor!” I exclaimed and tried to look contrite instead of just annoyed. Ugh. This kid approved language thing is going to be hard to adjust to.

McGonagall turned her back on us and Eloise and I scurried away to catch up to the rest of the Hufflepuff group.

There goes those points I earned...

---

Herbology was next. The green houses looked very similar to their muggle counterparts, but larger and grander. The ceilings were twenty feet high and the walls were all made of crystal clear glass. Plants floated along the glass walls. I could see at the top there was a little balcony area with more plant specimens and I thought I saw a small office area.

Professor Sprout was waiting for us in the center of the room. She was a portly woman with wild springy brown hair wearing a green stained smock. She beamed at all of us as we filed in.

“I'm Professor Sprout and welcome to Herbology! I'm not one for lengthy speeches, so let's get to it! You'll find that magical plants benefit from many of the same techniques as non-magical plants. For the first week, we will be practicing basic pruning, potting, and fertilizing soils.”

Professor Sprout waved her wand and nine potted roses appeared. The roses in the pots glowed a brilliant cerulean blue.

“Night roses are a true blue rose and were specially bred by wizards to glow in the dark. They're great for beginners. You simply have to prune the dead buds and re-pot them.” She demonstrated. “Make sure to start at the bottom. Watch out for the thorns! Find a partner and let me know if you have any questions.”

Everyone partnered up. I partnered with Hannah, mostly because she was standing right beside me. I would have liked to partner with Harry. We didn't have a lot of classes with the Gryffindors. Ron and Harry seemed glued to the hip though and had been whispering back and forth since they got here.

After a few moments, everyone but Hermione was paired up. There was an odd number of students in class and Hermione was the odd one out. Many of the Gryffindor’s were avoiding eye contact with her.

“Over here Hermione!” I waved. “You can partner with us.”

Hermione smiled shyly and walked up to us. Surely, she won't try to boss us around that badly.

Five minutes later, I realized I was very wrong.

“You should really start pruning at the very bottom.” Hermione pointed at my plant.

I squinted at my plant. “I am at the bottom.”

“That's more like second to the bottom. This one is definitely the start of the bottom.”

There was a bud farther down I missed. I snipped it. “Thanks…”

We snipped a few more.

“You have to make your cuts at a forty-five degree angle. That's not quite it. Like this.” Hermione made a few snips on her rose bush.

Hannah rolled her eyes behind Hermione's back.

We pruned dutifully for a few minutes.

“You're missing two dead buds here and here.” Hermione pointed at my plant.

I wasn't even done...

“You know, we should really be sealing the ends to prevent cane borers.” Hermione suggested.

Sprout hadn't told us to do that...

We began re-potting the night roses.

“You aren't packing in your plant quite snugly enough.” Hermione demonstrated. Again.

Hannah's left eye was twitching.

I'd had my own vegetable garden off and on for years longer than Hermione had been alive. “Actually you shouldn't pack it in too tightly. The soil needs to stay aerated so the plant doesn't have to struggle too much to grow.”

Hermione's eye widened. She didn't seem put off by the correction at all though to her credit. “Ah, I didn't realize that.”

“My grandparents had a vegetable garden. I had my own small plot of tomatoes when I was younger.” All true, for once.

She backed off after that, and we all made small talk about our lives back home and what classes we were looking forward to. I mostly listened and kept my fake backstory to a minimum. Herbology seemed like it was going to be pretty relaxing once Hermione cools her jets a bit and stops pestering us to death.

----

After Herbology was over, the rest of the Hufflepuff girls and I walked together to the Great Hall for lunch or “dinner” as my roommates confusedly called it.

“Let's never do that again.” Hannah shifted her book bag on her shoulder and rolled her eyes.

“Do what?” I asked absently. I think we're going the right way? That painting looked familiar?

“Work with Hermione Granger! What else? I wanted to find some Devil's Snare and choke myself to death.” Hannah mimed getting hung by a noose.

“Was she really that bad?” Susan frowned.

“It's our first day! She doesn't know that much more than us AND she was mug--” She cut off and glanced at me and Eloise. “Anyways, she was such a busy body. I thought class would never end.”

“I don't think she realizes how she's coming off.” I feel kind of sorry for her even if she was annoying me too. “Maybe she feels like she has to prove herself. I know I feel like I've got a lot to catch up on, too.”

Hannah's expression softened. “You'll catch up! You're not that behind really. Pureblood kids aren't allowed wands until they're eleven just like the rest of us.” Hannah turned toward Susan. “You got to work next to Harry Potter! What was he like?”

Susan shrugged. “He seemed pretty normal to me.”

Eloise looked confused. “Harry Potter who?”

“The dark haired boy working next to us. The one with the scar?” Susan pointed to her forehead.

Hannah gasped. “You saw his scar?”

“It looked like a lightning bolt.” Susan shrugged again.

Eloise looked even more confused. “What's so special about Harry Potter?”

Hannah raised her eyebrows. “He defeated You Know Who as a baby!”

“Actually, I don't know who.” Eloise looked annoyed. “And how does someone defeat anyone as a baby? Was it some sort of accident?”

Eloise definitely thought everyone was having her on.

Hannah looked around and then leaned forward. “You Know Who was a dark wizard about eleven years ago who killed a lot of people. He might even rule Britain right now if Harry hadn't stopped him.”

“How does a baby defeat a dark wizard? Did he float around in his crib waving a wand in his chubby little baby fist?” I asked.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the mental image. I knew the answer of course, but everyone believing the idea IS pretty absurd.

Hannah opened her mouth to retort, but Susan answered instead. “I always wondered that myself. I've got a baby brother and all he does is cry and need his nappies changed. Harry must have some special power?”

“No one knows how he survived, but he did. Whatever he did also vanquished the Dark Lord! He's famous. Everyone in the wizarding world knows his name. He is the only one who has ever survived the killing curse in all of history. He's a real hero.”

Eloise's eyes widened. “Wow, someone like that is our classmate?”

“I wonder if his autograph is worth anything?” I joked.

Hannah made a face like she was taking my joke seriously. “Do you think he'd sign anything if we asked?”

“Uh no, let's not do that.” I smirked. “If you kept staring at him he probably thought you liked him Susan.”

Susan frowned. “I wasn't staring that much!”

Hannah looked wistful. “Mrs. Potter has such a nice ring to it.”

Susan glared. “I don't have a crush on Harry!”

Eloise patted Susan's shoulder. “You weren't staring all that much.”

“Maybe Ron thought you fancied him instead?” I couldn't help adding.

Susan didn't look too happy about that either. Eloise and Hannah giggled. A moment later, we arrived at the Great Hall and Susan was saved from further embarrassment.

----

Our last class of the day was Potions which I was rather dreading. It's not that I'm particularly afraid of Snape or anything. Knowing that under all his assholeness he's just a sad, pathetic, broken man curbs a lot of his bite. I also don't expect to learn much in class. If I'm going to become at all competent in potions, I'm going to have to set aside some time to do some outside reading and brewing.

No, I'm more worried about keeping my mouth shut if he's picking on any of my roommates or makes some kid cry. Hopefully, he saves his best vitriol for Harry's class. The Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff potion's class is probably his down time; like his hate is just at a low simmer or something.

The potion room was divided into two sections. One side had a blackboard and desks and the other had raised platforms for brewing potions. There was also a series of sinks along the far wall. We found our seats quickly. Snape wasn't here yet, but there wasn't much time to spare.

The classroom door banged against the wall as Snape swooped in. His long quick strides got him to the front of the classroom in seconds. He turned on his heel abruptly and glared at the class.

I was startled at how young the guy was. Definitely younger than Alan Rickman. I suppose before my de-aging we would have been the same age. The guy was much less attractive than Alan Rickman too. His hook nose was quite pronounced and his greasy hair was badly in need of a trim. There were dark circles underneath his eyes. He looked like he just came off a bender, honestly.

“I doubt any of you will appreciate the subtle art of potion making. Transforming a simple pile of ingredients into a powerful concoction takes patience, an attention to detail, and talent. You could learn how to bottle fame, manufacture luck, and even defy death itself. If you're not as hopelessly incompetent as most students I'm forced to teach. Which I highly doubt.”

I could see many of the Ravenclaw’s faces go mutinous at that last bit. Way to piss off half the class in a few sentences Snape.

Snape picked up the first year potion book and flipped it towards the back.

What the hell? The potions in that book were arranged in order of increasing difficulty.

“Turn to page 302.” He waved his wand on the board and instructions appeared. “Attempt to brew me a Carpatheon Stinging Nettle Antidote and I shall see how disappointed you make me. You have an hour and a half. Do not pair up.” He shut the book with a snap.

No additional instructions or demonstrations on how to prepare the ingredients? Half the time the book says 'refer to your Professor' for more detailed preparation instructions! Ugh. I don't even know why I'm getting upset. I knew this kind of shit was going to happen.

I really hope I don't blow myself up...

Half an hour later, I hadn't blow myself up. My potion was orange, but it wasn't the correct shade of orange. The book specified a more reddish-orange. Mine was more safety vest orange. Others had done better and worse. Eloise's was an ominous bubbling purple mass that I was rather nervous being next too.

Most of the Ravenclaws still looked furious. One of the Hufflepuff boy's (Kevin?) potion looked exactly correct, but he didn't look happy about it for some reason.

Snape sat up from his desk and loomed over each of us in turn. He then banished our potions after giving each of us some “feedback.”

“Too many salamander spleens!”

“Did you even read the directions?”

The Ravenclaw he just berated clinched his hand tightly on his scalpel and I thought for a wild second that he was going to stab Snape with it.

Snape moved to his next victim.

“Why did you add blue scales instead of red? Do you not know basic colors?”

He loomed over me. “You cut the goldfish heart diagonally instead of horizontally!”

I frowned. That hadn't been in any of the directions.

He moved on to Eloise. “You're lucky you didn't kill us all with the toxic flames!”

Eloise looked like she was about to cry.

He moved on.

“You stirred half a turn too much!”

“Not enough mouse blood!”

“You let it simmer too long!”

“I don't even know what this is. Were you even on the right page?”

Snape paused in front of Kevin. “I see someone bothered to do the reading before hand. 1 point to Hufflepuff.”

Kevin looked even angrier and was noticeably biting his lip.

Snape finished berating the rest of the class before finally making his way to the front of the class room.

“I see that I was right to not expect much from any of you. I want six inches detailing the proper preparations of every ingredient in the potion you brewed today due next class. You are dismissed.”

I gathered up my things as quickly as possible and caught up to Kevin in the hallway.

“Congratulations on doing well on your potion.”

Kevin paused and looked up at me. He was quite small for his age and looked startled at having been addressed. “Oh thank you, but it's not something to be proud of. My dad is an apothecary. I've been helping him prepare ingredients since I was small.” He scowled. “There were instructions missing! Of course, everyone else had problems.”

“Oh. That makes me feel a little better. I couldn't figure out where I'd went wrong.”

“Father had heard that potions class had become subpar since the last professor had retired, but he thought it was just children's gossip. When I owl him tonight I'm going to let him know what's really going on.” Kevin sighed. “Father is going to assign me some extra work to keep up with his standards I'm sure of it.”

“I guess if I have any potions questions you'll be the guy to ask eh?”

Kevin's eyes widened. “S-sure if you want. I don’t mind.”

“Awesome! Thanks! And if I turn out to be good at something you can ask me for help too. Us Hufflepuffs look out for each other right?”

Kevin smiled. “Yeah.”

“I'm going to head off and so some homework. I'll see you later in the common room.”

“Homework? It's the first day.”

“Yeah so?”

Kevin shook his head. “See you later.”

----

After all of the preemptive studying I'd forced upon myself this summer, I was able to knock out my essays pretty quickly. I also had an English degree so I can bullshit an essay with the best of them, but unlike the ones I did in college these actually had factual information in them. I was so ridiculously lazy when I was younger. Had I been sorted then, I definitely wouldn't have made it into the 'hard working' house.

I stretched out on my bed and took a few minutes to just relax. I had about 15 minutes before I needed to head to dinner. I really needed this time to just deconstruct. I glanced around the room. There was a stuffed black and white dog on Eloise's bed. She'd put a muggle photograph on her nightstand of herself with I assume her dad and four older brothers. Her brothers were big corn-fed hulks of men. They all looked like six foot tall body builders. In the background, you could see sheep grazing. Did her brothers power lift sheep all day or what?

Susan's area was still pretty bare.

Hannah still appeared to be in the midst of decorating. She'd come in earlier and unpacked some neon pink throw pillows for her bed. They clashed badly with the rest of the room. Above her bed, the CHARMED4U boys were having a picnic lunch on their poster. They had a red and white checkered blanket and picnic basket and everything. As I watched Lance turned towards me, made eye contact and mouthed--

I blinked. There's no way he just said that.

Lanced sneered silently and mouthed again, 'Mudblood'.

What the hell?! I jumped up and walked over to the poster, but the poster boy had already went back to eating a sandwich.

I know I didn't imagine that.

----

At lunch, I made sure to sit next to Hannah.

“So that poster you have is very unusual.” I wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Are CHARMED4U horrible racists? Do you like a muggleborn hating boy band?

Hannah swallowed a mouthful of chips. “I know! Did you see them eating? They're supposed to go on holiday sometimes too. The newsletter said they can go water skiing in the summer!”

“Are any of them muggleborn?” I took a bite of a lemon tart.

“No. I think their parents are all witches and witches. Why do you ask?”

So yeah she has no idea.

“No, reason. I was just wanted to learn more about them. They're just so uh, dreamy.”

Dreamy? Am I cast member of Grease now?

Hannah's eyes lit up. “Oh I'm an official member of their fanclub! I know all about them! I was thinking of starting a local Hogwarts chapter. You should join! We only need four members for an official chapter. You get an official pin and hair clip and subscribed to their newsletter and--”

Hannah kept going for longer than I thought possible. I ate my lemon tart slowly reminding myself I was in a amazing magical place full of wonder.

“--And Danny's favorite color is baby blue because it matches his eyes. Billy's favorite sandwich is pastrami but Nigel's favorite is tuna. Last month, when they went on tour they accidently ate each other’s sandwiches! It was so funny! But it was okay cause they made up because they're such good friends.”

“Uh huh.”

I'm in a place full of arcane knowledge that I can learn and mysteries of the universe I can unlock...

“--Kyle can do 300 sit-ups! Can you believe it? His dad is a professional Quadpot player, but Kyle's real love is--”

“Uh huh.”

And the Room of Requirement is here too. That's cool right? I have to check it out soon.

“--And that's how they solved the mystery of Black Bird Cove. I'll give you the application when we get back to our room!”

“Uh uh.”

“I can't wait for our first Charmed4U meeting!”

Wait what?

“Uh…”

“We can all wear our matching t-shirts on the weekend!”

NO.

Hannah shook me and squealed. “Oh this will be so much fun!”

no...

--

That night with a heavy heart, I signed the application to be a member of the Charmed4U fanclub. The sparkly pink paper and heart covered envelope mocked me. The other three girls were easily convinced to sign theirs and our dark pact was sealed. The fools. They know not what they do.

I went to sleep that night with glitter on my hands.

Before I shut my eyes, I swore I saw poster Danny mouth one word.

'Mudblood'.

 

[ashez2ashes]

----

CHAPTER SEVEN
RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS​

I kept my eye on the racist boy band poster while getting ready this morning but the little bastards were sly. They didn't mouth a single insult while we were all in the room. Breakfast passed in a blur and soon we were all filing into the Charms classroom.

I liked the classroom immediately. It was located in one of the castles turrets and had wide bay windows on each side in which bright morning sunlight streamed in. There were motivational posters with delightful puns all about the room. Stacks of teetering books were strewn all around. Professor Flitwick's desk was in front of our desks on a raised dais. Stacks of books underneath the desk and chair propped it up even further.

Flitwick wasn't wearing wizarding robes today. Instead he wore a purple suit with shirt tails. His bright white hair was slicked neatly. He had his hands on his hips and was smiling broadly at us while we filed into the room. As soon as we were all seated, he cleared his throat and began.

“Welcome to the wonderful world—“ He snapped his fingers and a dozen rainbows appeared in the air above us. “OF CHARMS!”

We oooohed and ahhhed.

“You'll find that charms is the most versatile magical discipline of them all! With charms you can cheer up a friend, stop a deadly spell, forge a ring of great power, and make a cheese toasty in five seconds flat!”

Sir, you had me at rainbows.

“We could go over theory today but that's what homework is for! Let's do some magic instead! Everyone pair up and I'll show you your first charm, Repente!”

I looked beside me at Susan. We made eye contact, shrugged, and stayed put. Some of the other kids shuffled around. After we had settled, Flitwick climbed up a large stack of books. The stack didn't teeter at all like it was super glued together.

“Repente is a very simple beginning charm that makes objects ‘bounce’! It doesn’t have much practical application, but it has one of the simplest wand movements and very little consequences if done incorrectly. I’ve found that it’s a great learning tool. The wand movement is only one small circle!” Flitwick demonstrated. “Give it a try!”

He demonstrated several more times, giving us all a chance to repeat the movements after him.

“Here are your feathers.” He gestured with his wand and feathers flew out of a box next to his desk and landed in front of each of us. “Do your best! We’ll be going over this again in a few weeks, so don’t be too hard on yourselves if it’s tricky. Just try your best everyone!”

I stared at my feather. Crap... this is the first time I've actually intentionally tried to do magic isn't it? How did I not try before bed last night? What if nothing happens? I've only done magic technically once in my entire life and that was on accident.

I took a deep breathe.

No, don't panic. You can do this. The sorting hat said you were a witch.

I focused on the feather, did the wand movement, and aimed all the will I could muster onto the feather.

“Repente!”

There was a sudden woosh and I felt my hair blow back. I opened my eyes and my feather was... gone.

“What the he--err heck?”

Susan tapped me on the shoulder and pointed upwards.

I looked up and saw that my feather was embedded firmly into the stone ceiling. That... wasn't what I had been intending to do at all.

“Excellent!” Flitwick was staring at the ceiling as well.

I blinked. “Excellent?”

“Now, try one more time with much less 'oommph'! Perhaps, only ten percent 'ooomph'?” Flitwick chuckled.

I tried again, but also tried not to put much effort into it. It was weirdly difficult.

The feather bounced five feet in the air and then floated back down.

I did it! I'm not a fraud!

“Excellent Miss Thompson! Ten points for Hufflepuff for being the first one to get it right!”

I saw over my shoulder that behind Flitwick, Hermione Granger was bouncing her feather up and down perfectly. She looked over at me annoyed.

---

I yawned. History of Magic made my brain hurt.

The class was even more boring than the book made it seem and history had always been one of my favorite subjects. I've already read the book for this year and taken notes during the summer so I guess I'll just review those come test time. I could supplement with whatever outside reading I found interesting. History of Magic was now my unofficial study hall session.

Defense Against the Dark Arts had been strangely uneventful. Professor Quirrel was a very lackluster teacher. He just lectured directly from the book. I already read the book so it was pretty boring. I wasn't about to slack off there like in History of Magic though. I wanted to blend in with the crowd and bring no attention to myself. Logically, I know there's no reason for Quirrel/Voldemort to read some random Hufflepuff's mind, but I think I'll play this safe. I won't be raising my hand to answer a single question this semester or asking any questions.

At least class was finally over for the day, and I have free time to visit the library. And the place did not disappoint.

Oh the books. They're glorious. Wall to wall books. Book shelves so high you needed to climb a ladder to reach the top shelf. A place just bursting with history and magical knowledge.

If only seven years was enough time to read them all.

I wandered the aisles for a half hour just gazing at spines. Apparently, you were only allowed to check out five books at once (a tragically small number). I suppose I could be doing my homework first, but eh there's plenty of time for that after supper. Speaking of which, I better actually get some books to check out so I don't miss supper.

Hmm, does Hogwarts have a card catalogue? I suppose they might not and just randomly sort their books. I wouldn’t be surprised.

I walked up to Ms. Pince and cleared my throat.

“Excuse me. Do you know where the card catalogue is?”

Ms. Pince looked up from the book she had been reading at the front desk. Her thin bird like face twisted into a scowl. “It’s over there by the section of magical creatures.” She pointed a long finger nail to the left. Her nails had been sharpened into points. “I am very busy. Do not interrupt me again.”

She went back to her book.

Worst librarian ever.

I walked over to the card catalogue. Or what I thought was the card catalogue. It looked like a blank wall with numbers on it. I couldn’t see any seams for the drawers. The wall was smooth wood stained dark with age and reached twenty feet to the ceiling.

I stared at the wall. There were no buttons, levers, or handles. I took a few steps back, but I couldn’t see anything at the top either. I walked back up and tapped it with my wand. Nothing.

Did Ms. Pince just lie to me to get me to go away?

A Hufflepuff upper classmen in a nearby table looked up from her book and looked directly at me. “You just need to speak to it.”

“Oh thank you.”

“You're welcome.” The upperclassman went back to her book.

Huh, the older Hufflepuff’s really will help you if you need it.

I leaned forward toward the card catalog and whispered. “I would like books on animagi, shield charms and Occlumency please.”

Several drawers of the card catalogue opened on their own accord and a handful of cards floated down to me. I reached out and plucked them from the air.

Ten of the white cards were about shield charms and two were about animagi. The Occlumency card and one of the animagi cards were black with silver writing.

“Bad luck that.” The upperclassmen was watching me again. “Black cards mean they are in the restricted section. You won't be able to get them without a teachers note, and they hardly ever give restricted section passes to first years.”

“Oh. Well that’s disappointing. Thanks.” I held out the two black cards to the card catalogue. “Here you can have these back.” I wasn't sure if that would work, but the card catalogue seemed to understand me and the black card drifted up and went back into a drawer near the top.

Thwarted again. This was getting ridiculous. I understand a Legilmency book being in the restricted section but how could Occlumency be dangerous? Are they trying to protect the kiddies from meditating too hard? I WILL get a book on Occlumency somehow!

At least, there was an animagi book that I could check out. The black card animagi book looked to be an actual instruction manual so its obvious why that’s restricted. The other book seemed to be more about history and general knowledge. Hopefully, it’ll have the information I need.

I picked out four shield charm books that seemed promising, and gave the other cards back to the catalog.

It took me a bit to find the Transfiguration section. The books were definitely organized in some sort of system, but it didn't remind me of the Dewey Decimal system at all. After nearly ten minutes of wandering around, I finally found it. I reached out to pull the book from the shelf and it... resisted?

I pulled harder.

“Excuse me. I was here first.”

I looked up and saw that Hermione also had her hand on the same book. I didn't let go.

“I think we were here at the same time, but I really need this book.” I pulled again but she didn't let go.

“Need? What for? Don't be absurd. You were wanting it for the same reason I was.”

Saving a man unjustly accused and sent to Azkaban? I highly doubt it kid.

“And what reason was that?” I asked incredulously.

“You were interested in animagi after seeing Professor McGonagall transform.” She tugged again. “Obviously.”

“You can have it after I'm done. Let go! I'll even let you know when I bring it back!” I tugged again.

“You let go, I was here first!”

“No! You let go!”

“You let go!”

“QUIET IN THE LIBRARY!" Madam Pince yelled from the front. “OR YOU BOTH WILL BE BANNED!”

Hermione and I both dropped the book in shock over the horror of being banned from the library. I recovered first though, grabbed the book, and dashed out of the Transfiguration section.

I took a few random turns and looked back but she didn't seem to be pursuing me.

Well that was freakin ridiculous. I almost got banned from a magical library on my second day of magic school because I was fighting with an eleven year old. Is this eleven year old body making me dumber?

I picked out two basic books on shield charms that looked promising (Shield Charms For Beginners and Shield Charms for Every Occasion). I started to make my way back to the front desk. On the way, I passed by Hermione again. She was reading “Preparing Potion Ingredients: A Step by Step Guide”. She gave me a death glare over the massive tome and then slunk back again behind it.

Jeez-la-wheeze kid. You'll get the book back in a few days.

Hmm, actually, there’s something else I really need to check. I walked back to the other end of the library and stopped in front of the card catalogue. It was a longshot but it couldn’t hurt to check.

I walked up and whispered, “Show me any books you have about Alice Viatorium.”

To my surprise, the very top drawer opened and two black cards and one white card floated down to me. I caught them. One black card was entitled, “Speculorum Theory and the Transference of Animarum Energy.”

And the white card was... huh…

A ten year old issue of the Quibbler.

---

I looked up Flitwick's rainbow creation spell that night (Creo Iris). It was in the second year Charms textbook, but it wasn't too complicated and only took a few tries to get right. After learning, I reclined on my bed for a half an hour just creating rainbows above my bed over and over. Using magic was just sheer JOY. There's nothing like creating beauty from nothingness.

Hannah came in after I had just about filled the area of my bed with tiny rainbows and begged to learn the charm too. The spell was pretty simple to show to her as well, and we then spent the next fifteen minutes rainbow-fying everything in our dorm.

Susan walked in and gasped. “What have you done?”

“Creo Iris!” I called out. A rainbow sprung from my wand and floated above one of the bathtubs. I'll have the most relaxing bubble bath ever tonight! “It wears off in a couple of days.”

Turning a charm into a permanent enchantment was a bit too complicated for me right now.

“Isn't it beautiful? Creo Iris!” Hannah finished creating a rainbow chain around the canopy of her bed.

Susan looked nonplussed. “Haven't you created enough rainbows yet?”

“I don't understand the words that you speak.” I added a little rainbow above my school trunk. “What is 'too many rainbows'?”

Hannah cast Arco Iris above her nightstand. “You can never have too many rainbows.”

Susan sat down on her bed and rolled her eyes. “Well now we have the tackiest dorm room in the entire school.”

“What does this word ‘tacky’ mean?” I cast Arco Iris and tried to see if I could tie the rainbow in a bow. “Is it British slang for awesome?”

“Yes.” Hannah answered and kept looking for a rainbow-less spot to cast again.

Eloise walked in, stood transfixed for a moment, and then burst out laughing. “It's beautiful!”

Susan groaned.

----

Before I knew it Friday had come and with it, our first flying lessons.

I've not been looking forward to flying lessons. I've never been fond of heights. When I was a teenager the first time around, I could make myself get on rollercoasters and such. However, as I got older the anti-heights thing got worse. I did not look forward to the only thing protecting me from splattering on the ground being a thin wooden stick. And worse, my control over said thin wooden stick. Hell, I don't even like going up stairs that have empty gaps between the steps.

Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were gathered in a big clearing outside of the castle. The sky was gray and overcast but it was still pretty warm.

Madam Hooch strode into the clearing and I was startled by how freakin OLD she was. She was WAY older than the movie version of Madam Hooch. She was Dumbledore's age or older. Her wrinkles had wrinkles and her hair was the traditional short haired curly gray grandma mop. She seemed spry though as walked towards us.

“Hello my name is Madam Hooch. For many of you this will be your first flying lesson. I will NOT tolerate any acting out or tomfoolery. I have already had one injury this year and I will not have another one. You will get on your brooms when I tell you, you will get off your brooms when I tell you, and if for any reason I have to leave for a moment and one of you dares to get on your brooms I will have you in detention for the rest of the year! Is that clear?”

Unless we're good fliers, then we get to be on a Quidditch team.

Madam Hooch scowled. “IS THAT CLEAR?" Madam Hooch's yellow eyes narrowed at us.

“Yes!” we all chorused loudly.

I wonder where she gets the yellow eyes from? Is it some kind of rare magical ability? Failed animagus transformation?

“Good. Now flying can be wonderful and exhilarating, but it is also very dangerous. We shall start slowly.” She waved her wand and a shed further down the field burst open and brooms came shooting out. One broom landed directly in front of each of us. “Now first thing is to command your broom to your hand. Hold your hand over the broom and say Up.”

I held my hand over the broom. “Up.”

It… wiggled slightly? Maybe?

I tried again. “Up.”

It half halfheartedly rolled over.

“Up!” It rolled back the other way.

Oh come on. I could see half of the class had gotten their brooms in their hands. Susan was sitting along astride hers beside me.

"Uuuuup! Up!" My broom raised a half inch and then fell back again.

Fine! MAXIMUM EFFORT! “UP!”

The broom raised up and smacked me in the head. Hard.

My ears were ringing and I was seeing stars.

“Thompson!” Madam Hooch strolled over and grabbed my head and turned it to the side then waved her wand. The ringing and stars faded. “Just a little concussion. You're fine now.” She moved on to another student.

I eyed my broom balefully. “Up?” My broom wobbled a bit.

Ten minutes later, I finally got my broom in my hand. I was the last to get it up. The rest of the class had long finished and I had the pleasure of struggling while they impatiently waited on me.

Madam Hooch demonstrated the proper broom mounting technique and form. I tried my best to copy her, but I felt really awkward and vulnerable to gravity.

“Now raise about five feet and then lower again on my whistle. Go up!” She blew her whistle.

I raised about five feet in the air. The front of my broom handle wobbled up and down as I struggled to get control over it.

“Lower!" Madam Hooch blew her whistle again.

I made my wobbly way down and when I was about two feet from the ground my broom rolled over until my back was on the ground. I tried to roll back around, couldn't get it to go, and just gave up and fell to the ground. Some of the class giggled.

“You're fine Thompson! Get on up and let's do it again.”

I brushed the grass from my knees. I AM getting up you old yellow eyed bitch.

“Repeat the drill again at your own pace until I tell you to stop!” Madam Hooch blew her whistle and we repeated the drill several more times. I didn't fall off my broom again, but I was far from graceful.

“Your grip is wrong.” Susan floated next to me. “You've got such a tight grip it's thinking you want to make constant sharp turns. Try to loosen it up a bit.”

I very reluctantly loosened my grip. I started to fly a little bit smoother but it took my constant concentration not to have a death grip on my broom. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Susan glided gracefully up and down. A few times she didn't even use her hands. “You'll catch up. A lot of us grew up with toy brooms. Even if they're spelled not to go very high they still work the same way.”

“Thanks.” I doubt I'm ever going to be a good flier unless I learn how to sprout wings. Hell, I was by far the worse kid in the class. I bet I'm even worse than Neville.

“Alright you're getting it. Now on my whistle, raise about twenty feet.” Madam Hooch blew her whistle.

Higher?! Ugh. I took a deep breath and raised what felt like twenty feet. I kept my eyes on the handle of my broom. My knuckles were turning white. I tried to relax my grip again.

“All the way Thompson!” Madam Hooch sighed. “There's no reason to be afraid of flying.”

I'm not afraid of flying I'm afraid of falling and dying!

I looked over and saw that everyone else was about twice as high as me. I reluctantly raised up until I was even with Susan. Susan gave me an encouraging smile. I tried to focus on a distant tree behind her instead of the ground, but then I realized it was the TOP OF THE TREE and it didn't help.

“Now, while there are nuances in every broom, steering left or right is simple. You simply have to lean in and...” Madam Hooch kept going and going... God, is she going to lecture while we're up here?

“...And when I was a lass we didn't have cushioning charms and…” Madam Hooch droned on.

Yes... yes she is.

After the longest lecture in the history of all time and space, the class finally floated back down and class was over.

I wiped a bead of sweat from my forehead. “Thanks for the advice Susan. I guess I don't have a future as a professional Quidditch player.” I chuckled darkly. I'll just apparate everywhere. Or buy a freakin car. “I bet you've got to practice a lot at home.”

Susan shrugged. “I had a toy broom growing up. My parents won't let me have a real broom though. They say it’s too dangerous.”

“Oh sorry.”

“They say that about a lot of things.” Susan sighed.

My mother, my REAL mother, had been very overprotective too. I wasn't even allowed to have a hammer and nails as a kid to try to build a clubhouse because I would “break my thumb” or whatever. Every time I tried to learn to cook I could potentially “burn the house down” according to my father. It took months of begging to get karate lessons. It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't that I was incompetent at everything, it was that my parents were afraid.

That doesn't really fit my fake hands-off computer programming parents though, so I kept the thought to myself.

“Well if you want to do something, do it any way. Your parents aren't here right?”

“That's true.” Susan looked thoughtful. “And we are allowed to borrow the school brooms after flying lessons are over...”

“Well I thought you were a good flyer. You enjoy it right?”

Susan looked wistful. “It's the best.”

“Are you thinking about joining the Quidditch team?”

Susan laughed. “My parents would splinch themselves if I did!”

“That's not a no.”

“They don't even let first years try out.”

“Huh, that's funny. I heard Harry Potter is the new seeker for the Gryffindor team.”

“What?! That's not fair!”

“Yeah definitely favoritism--Wait where are you going?”

Susan was already stomping off back to Madam Hooch. “If Gryffindor first years get to be on the team,” Susan yelled over her shoulder back to me, “Then we should at least get to try out!”

I watched for a moment as Susan and Madam Hooch seemed to get into a spirited discussion. When it became apparent they were going to be chatting for a while, I walked off back to the Hufflepuff common room. Was Susan on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team in the books? I honestly have no idea.

--

The common room really did have soft chairs. I found a nice out of the way nook to read that had a plump footstool and small table beside it. I'd even discovered there were beverage taps embedded into the wall near the fireplace that dispensed water, milk, and butterbeer. So I was super comfy, I had a snack (the snacks on the snack table refilled themselves!) and some warm butterbeer. The Hufflepuff common room is wonderfully ridiculous.

We may be a bunch of derps, but by god are we comfy.

The old issue of the Quibbler I’d gotten at the library was faded with age and several of the pages were disturbingly sticky. The entire issue was dedicated to ‘History's Greatest Mysterious Mysteries’. There was an article about the Curse of the Siren's Song (a pirate ship that can think for itself), The Deathly Hallows, Excalibur, Ynaka the Undying, The Mirror of the Morai, and the fortune of Alice Vivatorium.

The articles were half the basic legends and half way-out there conjecture. I was ready to completely disregard the conjecture until coming to the Deathly Hallows article. The author, Pandora Lovegoood (Luna's mother?), was dead on about her theory that Grindelwald was once the wielder of the elder wand. Other theories in the issue were less plausible. I'm pretty sure Queen Elizabeth doesn't use Excalibur to butter her scones every morning.

Alice Viatorium, I learned was a famous arthimancer from the mid 19th century. She invented several formulas they still use today and her work on dimensional expansion charms was revolutionary. She was also at one time the richest person in the wizarding world. She made her fortune from currency trading between various wizarding currencies and muggle currencies. She was reported to have had a literal mountain of gold that she hoarded in a castle in the Alps.

The currency trading pissed off the goblins enough that they apparently started one of their rebellions solely on being salty about the whole incident. At the time of the article, the goblins still had a multi-million bounty out for her capture despite the fact that she should be long dead...

After that, things get kind of strange. Alice and her young son become recluses. Then there is a rash of muggle children disappearing from neighboring villages. Wizards ignore it for years until older people begin disappearing as well and there are signs the perpetrator must be magical… Finally, clues lead aurors to Alice Viatorium’s unplottable mansion.

When authorities eventually go to investigate they find... nothing. Alice, her young son, and her vault of gold had also vanished without a trace. The strangest thing of all though is that the house had been aged as if no one had lived there in decades.

Well I know one part of the mystery. Considering how much the goblins hated her guts, hiding all of her money within their own vault is damn ballsy.

The article raises more questions then it answers though.

I was just getting to the speculation part of the article where Pandora Lovegood speculated that the missing people’s souls were being used to power a secret world destroying weather machine when Eloise walked into the common room covered in purple and blue spots.

I ran over. She'd obviously been crying. “Holy shit, what happened?”

“I-It's nothing I just had a run in with those Slytherin girls.” Eloise was blinking rapidly trying not to cry. At a loss at what to do, I awkwardly patted her shoulder. I then noticed the book she was carrying was mangled badly. The cover said, “The Care and Keeping of Unicorns,” by Almathea Smindrick.

“Oh, no. They got your library book too?”

“It’s mine. My father got it for me when we bought my wand.” She sniffed.

That's even worse! “Hey, I bet a repairo charm will fix the book right up.” I don't know how to do one yet, but I'll try. “What's their problem any way?”

“They said that I couldn't be a unicorn keeper... and it's true that I'd never seen a unicorn... and that I wasn't the...” She angrily wiped her tears from her face. “That I wasn't the right sort...and that they were expensive...”

“That's bullshit!”

An upperclassmen looked up at my curse word and I sheepishly ducked my head and lowered my voice. “It's bullshit, all right? They're just stupid magical racists. If you want to be a unicorn keeper than you can be one.”

“You think so?”

“I know so! Come on, we'll repair your book.” I have no idea how hard repairo is to cast but I’m sure I can figure it out. “And then this weekend we'll go see some unicorns!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, people learn about them in Care of Magical Creatures. It'll be easy.”

I have no idea how we're going to find unicorns.

They live in the forest don't they? I bet the gamekeeper, Hagrid knows how to find them. There's also the current Care of Magical Creatures professor… ah... Professor Kettleburn? I think? I'll find a way.

It took me fifty tries, but I eventually repaired the book.

----



Next chapter will be posted in two days.

 

[ashez2ashes]

---

CHAPTER EIGHT
WIZARDS IN SPAAACE​

I really wish we had Astronomy with the Gryffindors. I feel like Hermione would have at least shared my indignation. I went through my astronomy book carefully just to make sure and now I'm rather convinced. Wizards are VASTLY behind muggles in the study of the stars. They've never even thought of going to the moon. Worse, all of the information we were being taught to figure out (phases of the moon and alignment of the planets) is information that could be easily gathered in an almanac. Hell, there probably is a muggle astronomy almanac with this in it (note to self look for one next summer). Not to mention when I'm an adult this stuff is going to be a google search away.

I could even buy Astronomy being mandatory for first years and then an elective later on, but it's mandatory until fifth year!

I tried to shove my aggravation down as I trudged up the steps for my first Astronomy Class. The class was held 8pm to 10pm and luckily was only one night a week. It was at the highest tower in the castle right next to the Owlerly and you had to trudge up ten flights of steps to get there.

You also get to be outside no matter the weather. Apparently, wizard telescopes can see through clouds and rain (one thing they have over the muggles I guess). Joy.

The classroom was open to the stars and there was only an ancient stone parapet protecting us from falling to our deaths in the treacherous windy night. There were standup desks strewn about the area. There was another door going back down the tower (other than the one we came up) that was probably Sinistra's office. The sky was cloudy and the area was illuminated only by a few stand up torches.

Sinistra was a tall witch with dark hair, eyes, and skin. She stood in the middle of the room with her arms folded. A half crescent moon pendant on her olive colored hat glowed in the dark. Her posture was rim-rod straight and her robes looked starched. She was hitting the traditional British school-marm look even harder than McGonnagall.

“Set up your telescopes and we will begin!” Sinistra called and then clapped impatiently.

I fumbled with getting my telescope and school book out. I probably should have practiced putting this thing together beforehand. It’s more complicated then 'insert part A into part B' than I had thought. Luckily, most of my classmates were fumbling with theirs as well (even the Ravenclaws).

“Class will begin in two minutes!” Sinistra snapped her fingers.

I shoved the last two parts of my telescope together. It seemed okay if a bit wobbly.

Sinistra set us on learning how to properly focus on objects with our telescope and then set out having us find really common elements in the night sky like the moon, north star, etc. I guess it was kind of neat, looking at the moon, but it seemed like a thrill that was going to get old fast.

It also fills me with a weird sense of longing. I wish I could go to it and SEE it instead of looking at it from afar. With magic that's not really an impossible dream right? Were there spells to create oxygen? Could a shield charm protect you from radiation? Did magic even work in space?

I raised my hand during a lull while everyone was trying to find Ursa Minor. “Professor, have wizards ever been to the moon?”

Professor Sinistra laughed a tad mockingly. “Of course not.”

A few other students laughed along with her.

“Has a witch or wizard ever tried to go to space?”

Professor Sinistra frowned at me. “Don't be absurd. No one can fly that high.”

I probably should have left it at that, but I couldn't help myself. “Muggles have been to the moon.”

Sinistra's frown turned into a full blown scowl at that. Was NASA a sore point for wizard astronomers?

“Yes, and they found a bleak dead rock. What is your point?”

“No witches or wizards have ever wanted to go?”

“What for?” Sinistra folded her arms across her chest.

“What for? To see what's out there!”

“Miss Thompson, I don't appreciate the interruption. Now please go back to—”

“Why haven't wizards wanted to go?” A Ravenclaw boy with tanned skin and dark eyes piped up from behind her. “Muggles have been to the moon multiple times. We even sent a probe to the outer reaches of space.”

Sinistra was looking murderous now. “It could be a potential breach of the statute of secrecy if we tried to launch ourselves to the moon!”

“I bet we could get around that,” I countered. We can be invisible or untrackable or something.

“And if you’re wrong you put the whole wizarding world in danger! You don't—”

The Ravenclaw Boy interrupted again. “We could easily solve some of the problems muggles have with long distances.”

“I bet wizards could go to the moon easily!” I could see it then, me heading towards the moon in wizard robes in a magical ship that created no heat and needed no fuel...

“Children this is the end of—”

“I bet wizards could go to Mars.” The boy interrupted again.

“I bet we could live on Mars!” I added.

“Wizards could start a magic based society!” The boy's eyes were shining with excitement.

“STOP BEING RIDICULOUS AND GO BACK TO WORK! OR YOU BOTH WILL BE IN DETENTION!” Sinistra yelled and then seemed startled at her own lack of composure. She recovered quickly and absently straightened her hat. “As I said, go back to your work this instant. This conversation is over.”

Sinistra strode away to the other side of the tower adjusting student's telescopes along the way.

“Hey I'm Oliver.” The boy held his hand out for me to shake. I shook it and he grinned. “Are you muggle born too?”

“Yeah. I'm Kasey. Nice to meet you.”

“Bloody crazy they haven't been to space right? You'd think wizards would be living in space by now with all the magic we've got. Unless wizards are already descended from aliens...” Oliver looked thoughtful. Note to self; make sure Luna meets Oliver next year. “Have you ever seen Star Trek? Me and my father used to watch it on the telly. He promised he'd record the ones I missed this year.”

“Oh yeah, Star Trek is pretty good.” Kid I've watched Star Trek that doesn't even exist yet.

“My dad's a microbiologist. It took a lot to convince him that magic was real despite all the weird stuff that happened around me growing up.”

“My parents are computer programmers. They were pretty surprised too.” My real dad would have thought it was awesome... Mom might have thought I was possessed.

“So, there has to be a spell to create oxygen right?” Oliver scooted his telescope closer so we could continue talking.

“Yeah there has to be. It could even be made permanent with an enchantment. And whatever spells they use on brooms to make them move forward could be used on a spaceship.”

Oliver nodded. “Not sure about the radiation shielding though.”

I shrugged. “Me neither, I'd be surprised if anyone has researched it. You can invent your own spells though. Ah, I think Arithmancy is used for that?” At his blank look I added, “It's like magical math.”

“There's magical math?!” Oliver's eyes were wide.

“I'm not very good at math, myself.” I wish I was though. I've always struggled no matter how much I study. I'd get everything new right on the problem then miss something easy like basic addition.

“I love math. It's weird that Hogwarts doesn't have it as a mandatory class... Oh hey I think that's Charles Duke's family photo. The magnification and clarity on this thing is ridiculous.”

“If you ever go to the moon take me with you alright?” I laughed.

“It's a promise!” Oliver grinned and I got the impression he wasn't going to forget.

----

The weekend was finally here and with it, the end of my first week of classes at Hogwarts. Everything had already started to feel natural, like I was where I should be. I also finally had some time to myself to read and do some exploring on my own. I'd forgotten how young girls want to do EVERYTHING together. It is nice having friends I can see all of the time again, but on the other hand I can't always ignore the age gap.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm babysitting. For instance, there was DRAMA this morning in the dorm because Susan used Hannah's hair tie without asking. Their friendship was over “forevah and evah”... for like an hour.

So I'd managed to slip away for awhile after breakfast. I'm going to try to meet Hagrid first and solve this unicorn dilemma. Then, maybe I can FINALLY check out the Room of Requirement.

It was a cloudy morning (does Britain ever see the sun?), and the dew on the grass was making the bottom of my jeans wet. The ground was slightly squishy too as I made my way across the Hogwarts lawn. I'm not entirely sure where Hagrid's hut is. I've got a vague idea that its somewhere near the forest line so I was making my way there.

I paused in front of the Quidditch stadium. The stands were on massive stilts and there were gaps between the steps and bleachers... yeah I'm not going to be going to many Quidditch games. I guess I'll have to go to some of the Hufflepuff ones, but if I remember correctly Harry ends the Gryffindor game really quick because Hufflepuff's team sucks. And will probably continue to suck for my entire time here...

Gryffindor's team was currently practicing. I picked out the Weasley twins hitting a bludger back and forth near the goal and a speck in the air I think was probably Harry Potter.

I shrugged and kept walking.

I walked for another five minutes before I came to the edge of the forest. And it was ominous as FUCK.

The trees were so thick and old they were knotted together in many places blocking out the sun. It was darker than any regular forest I'd ever seen... There was creepy twittering and rattling in the thick underbrush. About twenty feet away, there was a spider web as tall as me. I thought there were flecks of pink (blood?) on the silver webbing. As I stared into the gloom, I heard two wolves howl.

I shadow fell upon me. “What are you doing out here?”

SHIT. I jumped and whirled around.

Hagrid stood in front of me nearly eight feet tall and almost as wide. He was carrying a handful of dead chickens. “Students aren't allowed in the forest!”

“I-I wasn't going in.” I put a hand to my chest as my pounding heart slowly went back to normal. “I was just looking in. I thought I saw something... Anyways I was looking for you.”

Hagrid looked surprised. “Fer me?”

“Hi, my name is Kasey Thompson. It's nice to meet you Mr. Hagrid.” I held out my hand and shook his. Or more accurately, I shook like three of his fingers because that's all my hand covered.

“Uh, well hello there.” Hagrid still looked a bit confused. I guess students don't go around randomly introducing themselves to him often.

“I was hoping to ask a favor of you. Which I know is weird from someone you just met but um...”

Hagrid looked at me expectedly. I might as well just spit it out.

“Anyways, I'm muggleborn and my friend is muggleborn. She really loves unicorns but she's never seen one. A group of mean Slytherin girls were making fun of her for wanting to grow up and be a Unicorn Keeper without having never seen a unicorn. They said that only purebloods could do a good job of it and all that nonsense so I was hoping I could find a way to let her see some? I thought you could maybe help us? Sorry for asking out of the blue like this...” I trailed off. I was starting to ramble.

“Bah, anyone could be a good Unicorn keeper if they're willing to work at it and keep a gentle hand. I'll help yeh. Come on, I was on my way to see Professor Kettleburn any way.”

I walked with Hagrid passed the Quidditch pitch, through a pumpkin patch, and into a clearing full of small buildings and fenced in areas.

“Wotcher Silvanus!” Hagrid called out

A man with three wooden limbs, a horrifyingly burned face, and one glass eye lumbered over to us. His gait was stilted like a marionette on strings. He was carrying a small purple creature with two heads that looked like a cross between a platypus and a lizard.

“Good morning Hagrid!” The man exclaimed back happily. The scarred face twisted into a smile straining against the nest of scars.

“Professor, this is Kasey Thompson. She was wanting to know if she and her friend could come see the unicorns next weekend when we put out the salt blocks?”

The creature burped a small fireball and caught Professor Kettleburn's wooden hand on fire. “Of course you can see the unicorns! Just come next Saturday around 6am. I'll write you a note so you can be out an hour earlier—”

“You're on fire!” I pointed frantically at his hand.

“Oh?” Professor Kettleburn looked nonchalantly at his hand. “Why indeed I am!” He waved his on-fire wooden hand. “The best part about wooden limbs is they don't hurt when they burn!”

Hagrid cleared his throat. Kettleburn shrugged, handed the creature to Hagrid, and then waved his wand. The fire disappeared. The clearing stank of burnt wood.

“Wait there one moment young lady and I will get you two teacher notes so you can be over there next Saturday before official curfew.” Kettleburn hobbled away into one of the little huts. I then heard a series of bangs, clangs, and loud squawks. After a few moments, Kettleburn emerged from the hut and handed me two signed permission slips.

“Thank you Professor. We'll be there.”

Professor Kettleburn waved goodbye and started to walk away. “Come Hagrid, it's time milk the acid from the liquetiebats! I brought my extra metal hand in my pocket!”

Hagrid chuckled and followed. “They're so adorable during this time of the year.” I watched them walk away.

That sounds horrifying. I'm glad they didn't ask me to help. Now that's out of the way I can FINALLY try accessing the Room of Requirement.

I made my way back across the grounds and into the school. I think the Room of Requirement is on the seventh or eighth floor and by a painting of a wizard trying to teach some trolls to dance?

My legs were leaden by the time I dragged myself up the stairs and I had to stop a moment to catch my breath. Okay so the painting is called Barney the Barmey or something like that? I walked down the aisle. Suit of armor... mirror... painting of dragon torching a village... painting of a random politician... ah ha!

I stopped. There was a painting of a spindly man dressed as a ballet dancer next to some angry looking trolls in tutus. That had to be it. I paced three times and thought, ‘I need a place to hide something. I need a place to hide something. I need a place to hide something...’

A large wooden door appeared.

I looked around, making sure no one else was in the corridor. The coast was clear so I opened the door and closed it behind me.

Holy Moley!

This place is HUUUUUUGE! Fifty foot high ceilings with piles and piles of just random SHIT. It was a hoarder’s wet dream. Chairs were stacked impossibly all the way to the ceiling. Piles and piles of book were strewn about. There were potions that looked brand new and others dried up and ancient. Cricket bats, clothes, broken desks, a skeleton bird in a cage (that's rather sad actually), walls made of trunks, broken statues and busts, ripped inert paintings, random clothes, a glittery hat, and just so so much more. I just know there's some books in here of some awesome forgotten powerful magic.

My shoulders slumped.

And I can't look through any of it until I know how to check for curses.

Well, that just got bumped up on my list of things to learn. All the awesome shit in here isn't getting burned up if I have anything to say about it! I wonder if there's an Occlumency book in here? Hmm... Well time to test and see what this place can do.

I walked out of the room and the door vanished behind me.

I walked back and forth.

‘I want a room that has a book on Occlumency. I want a room that has a book on Occlumency. I want a room that has a book on Occlumency…’

A door appeared.

I walked through the door and into an empty classroom. On a table in the center sat a single booked entitled 'Occlumency'. I bounded up and grabbed the book. I did it! I flipped open to the first page--

“HELP I AM BEING STOLEN FROM THE RESTRICTED SECTION!” Madam Pince's shrill voice screamed from the book. “THIEF! DETENTION! EXPULSION!”

I slammed the book shut hurriedly. I hadn't specified that the room be sound proof or anything.

Sheesh! Well I know that it can take items from within the castle now. I could work with this. A Dicti-quill and a silencing spell and I could get the book copied and take my copy back for myself.

I opened the book again, hoping to get a glimpse of the page of contents.

“THIEF! RUFFIAN! YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!”

I slammed the book shut again. The pages were blank!

Damn evil bitch librarian! I have no idea what spell is on this now. I'll have to do some research. The counter spell better not be in the restricted section!

Well time to test this a few more times…

After playing around with the room for awhile, I discovered that you could procure anything considered “Hogwarts” property in the castle, but asking for anything that was a specific person's property brought up nothing.

Asking for living things had its limits as well. I could procure a few plants from the greenhouses and have the stone turn into grass, but I couldn't get any animals. Food didn't work at first until I specified “food from the kitchens”. A gigantic pot with potatoes still boiling inside appeared in the room and I had to reset the room fast. A house elf would surely notice if the food they were cooking kept disappearing. Had they been trying to get food from nothing in Deathly Hallows instead of swiping it from the kitchen? Hmm or maybe they were afraid the Carrows would start poisoning it if they did?

The room could also transfigure itself by a pretty large margin. The biggest room could fit a Quidditch Stadium inside. Likewise, it could do a wide range of transfigurations, but only if they were roughly based on something already in the castle. I could get desks, beds, tables, and bookshelves to exact specifications and even a swimming pool that was probably an enlarged version of the prefects’ bath.

There were limits though. Anything “muggle-ish” stumped the room. My attempts at a room with a helicopter, ferris-wheel, and muggle department store turned up an empty room.

I also tried out a lot of the more crazy theories I’d seen fans speculate about. The room didn't have the power to go back or forward in time. It also couldn't have time stand still while you were in there. It didn't summon anyone from the afterlife. It couldn't invent anything new that didn't currently exist. It was able to do some fun things with spatial relations though. I was able to have a door from within open up to an empty classroom on the third floor. I got another door to open up to the Hogshead cellar. I couldn’t get a door any farther than somewhere that I knew was physically connected to Hogwarts in some way.

I reluctantly shut the door a final time.

I had to read that animagi book.

----

Another week passed in a blur of school work and everything started to fall into a routine. Magic was still amazing and I was addicted to learning new spells, but it started to feel normal. It's too bad a lot of these early spells were a bit useless. An itching hex isn't going to do much more than annoy someone and the Lucidumus charm just made things shiny. In my spare time, I tried to jump ahead a bit. I managed to teach myself Petrificus Totalus early and I started on a basic shield charm.

By Friday, I had finished the animagus book. A lot of it was historical accounts, but there was some useful bits. It even gave a very basic idea of how to become an animagus. You followed an annoying time consuming ritual which involved keeping a leaf in your mouth and making a complicated potion. It didn't give you the ingredients of the potion so you couldn't use the book to actually perform the ritual, but it was still pretty informative.

There is a spell to force someone out of the animagi transformation. I'm sure McGonnagall would scoff at letting a first year practice on her.

Besides, how would I justify that I wanted to learn it? There was also a spell that could reveal animagi while in their animals forms. 'Homenum Revelio' magically detected humans and would cause them to look like they were glowing for the caster even in their animagi form. It was a bit advanced, but I could practice just by looking in a mirror so I think I could get it down after a bit of practice.

What excuse could I even use to cast it around Pettigrew? How could I get near Pettigrew? I don't think Ron even knew my name. Furthermore, I bet Pettigrew will bolt as soon as he realizes it’s been cast near him... So I have to find an excuse to have Scabbers near, a reason to use an obscure spell, and pre-prepared traps to keep him from getting away... or find a reason to cast it with several of the more badass teachers nearby.

If only I had access to the Marauder's Map... stealing the Mauraders Map from the Weasley twins seemed a rather... daunting endeavor.

If push comes to shove, maybe I could just... tell them of my suspicion if I could think of a good reason for it. They could look at the map and see that their brother sleeps with a guy named Pettigrew every night. That was putting a lot of factors out of my hand though... If Pettigrew goes to ground then its all for naught.

There was also the option of trying to create my own map but that seemed very advanced. I think I could eventually work it out given a year or so but I don't want Sirius to languish for that much longer.

So I guess I'm going to focus on learning Homenum Revelio this weekend and hope something comes to me.

I sighed and dragged myself out of bed. Ineffectual scheming could come later, it was time to meet some unicorns!

My alarm clock spell had woken me up at 5am, but Eloise was still sleeping soundly. I plodded over and shook her awake.

No response.

I shook her again.

A heard a vague snore.

I shook her again. Hard.

Eloise grumbled, rolled over, and became an Eloise shaped blanket burrito.

“I will totally roll you out of this bed if you don't get up.” I pushed the blanket burrito to the edge of her bed.

“Whachyusay?” Eloise's wild curly hair peeked out from the blankets.

“Do you want to go see unicorns or what?” I asked and took a second to marvel at the sentence. If only, I could tell my younger self one day we'd say that and mean it.

“Oh!” Eloise sat up abruptly and fell out of bed.

The CHARMED4U poster made a rude gesture to me across the room. I made a rude gesture back at them then returned my attention back to Eloise.

“Hurry up we're going to be late.”

I grabbed my stuff and went to the bathroom as Eloise struggled with her blankets.

----

The sun was just starting to rise as we walked across the grounds. The sky was streaked pink and orange and the grass sparkled with dew. It was a beautiful morning and I practically felt like skipping. I was about to have one of my greatest impossible childhood dreams come true. I was about to see a UNICORN! Maybe I'll even get to pet a unicorn?!

I couldn't stop grinning. I looked over at Eloise and she had the same happy goofy smile on her face. “Race you there?”

I took off without her reply reveling in how easy it was to run without a jacked-up knee. When you get old you forget the freedom of suddenly breaking out into a run just because you can.

“Wait for me!” Eloise called out running after me.

We ran across the Hogwarts grounds.

Well we ran for a little while anyway. I may be 11 but I'm still not in the best of shape.

Eloise got there before me.

“Let... you... win...” I double over trying to catch my breath.

“Sure.” Eloise giggled.

“There you are!” Hagrid came out of a nearby hut carrying 6 large salt blocks in his beefy hands. Kettleburn followed behind him using magic to levitate five more.

There were several thick wooden stakes poking out of the ground at the edge of the forest. With a flick of his wand, Kettleburn floated his and Hagrid's bundle of white salt blocks and magically affixed them to the stakes.

“We like to do this once in awhile. The herd is still wild enough that they can get along without us, but it’s fun to treat them occasionally.” Kettleburn walked back a few paces and gestured for us to follow him. “Give them a bit of space so you don't accidently get trampled. They get a bit excited when we put the blocks out.”

Kettleburn picked up a whistle that was hanging around his neck and blew it.

I heard hooves thundering in the distance and out from the forest came... My heart dropped down into my feet and jumped back into my chest.

They were breathtaking.

I guess I was picturing a horse with a horn stuck to its head but these creatures were so lithe and graceful it seemed like their hooves didn't fully meet the ground at each step. Their coats were so white they seemed to sparkle. And their horns shown with... well it was pure magic wasn't it? I could tell in that part deep inside me that hadn't existed before I came here. I felt a bit foolish now having wanted to pet them.

“You want to pet them? Come on!” Hagrid lumbered over there, gesturing with his large hands for us to follow.

I stared incredulously at this back. “Is that okay?”

“Oh they love pets! Don't youuu Whose a good whittle horsie?” Hagrid was already over there, slapping his big ole meaty hands all over the head of the nearest unicorn. For its part, it was nuzzling him back like a big cat.

I walked hesitantly forward toward one of the unicorns. The one nearest to me looked up and didn't move as I approached. I softly put my hand on its flank and pet it.

It was like kitten fur x's 1000. Easily the softest thing I had ever felt.

The unicorn let me pet it for a few minutes seemingly happy. I felt my eyes water a bit as my emotions started to get the better of me.

It's a unicorn!!!

“Majestic creatures aren't they?” Kettleburn held out an apple in his hand and the unicorn I had been petting glided over to him. “Did you know they—”

Kettleburn caught off abruptly gasped in shock.

A unicorn limped into the clearing covered in its own silvery blood. The gaping wound on its side was still slowly pulsing with blood.

Well...shit.

Eloise gasped in shock too. “Oh no, he's hurt!”

I'd forgotten about Quirrelmort chomping down on unicorns.

Hagrid bounded over to the unicorn. “Hurry Silvanus! Come on girl, we're just here to help.” Hagrid made soothing sounds trying to calm the creature.

Kettleburn trotted over quickly. He waved his wand and some of the blood disappeared, but now it was clear that the wound was quite deep. “Whatever could have done this?”

Hagrid ran to the shed.

Kettleburn whipped around to us. “Girls, please run and get Madam Pompfrey right now! You'll get there much faster then me. Tell her to bring blood replenishing potions and some rose petals! Hurry!”

Eloise and I turned and ran across the Hogwarts grounds and into the castle.

----

The mood was dark as Eloise and I walked back into our dorm room. I was tired and covered in dirt and specks of unicorn blood. Professor Kettleburn had let us stay to help fetch supplies. Kettleburn and Hagrid had worked on the unicorn all morning trying to save it. We all had done our best.

But it had all been for naught.

We'd watched a beautiful, pure, innocent creature die a slow and painful death. It had looked so afraid...

Definitely not the self esteem-lifting happy moment I'd hoped it would be.

I plopped down on the edge of my bed. I was too tired to clean up just yet. Eloise sat at the edge of her bed across from me in silence. Eloise's face was stained with tears. Hell, Hagrid and Kettleburn had been crying too. I felt like I should have cried as well but I just felt numb.

Finally, Eloise's soft voice broke through the silence. “We have to save them.”

I looked up. “Save them? What are you talking about?”

Eloise looked up. She'd stopped crying. “We have to save the unicorns. Something is hurting them. Regular forest creatures won't hurt a unicorn. This was something dark and magical. We have to find out what it is and stop it.”

Hufflepuff Eloise had been exchanged with her Gryffindor doppelganger on the way over here apparently.

“What can a couple of first years do? It's dangerous in the forest. Leave this to Professor Kettleburn and Hagrid.”

Eloise frowned. “I-I can't sit by without doing something!”

Even if she managed to avoid everything else, Voldemort would kill her without a second though. “Promise me you won't go into the forest all on your own. You could get seriously hurt or killed.”

“You're okay with what happened today?” Eloise scowled at me.

“Of course not! It was horrible!” I sighed at Eloise's stubborn expression. “Ask Professor Kettleburn and Hagrid if there's something you can do to help. But don't go off by yourself okay? When Professor Dumbledore said the forest was dangerous he wasn't kidding.”

Eloise's shoulder's slumped. “I supposed your right. We're still just first years. I'll ask this afternoon after supper. Will you come with me?”

I nodded and let out a sigh of relief. “Sure...”

Phew. One near death experience potentially avoided...

---

That afternoon we went back to Hagrid's cabin and offered our help.

It didn't go as I had hoped.

“Aw, sure you can help! I'm going into the forest tomorrow night to look around. You lot can come with me!”

HAGRID WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Eloise smiled ear to ear. “We can?! Oh thank you!” And then she actually hugged the big oaf. Hugged him for sending her to her death.

Eloise turns toward me. “You'll come too right?”

Oh hell, I can't let Eloise wander around there by herself with a half dead dark lord ghoul skulking about chomping down on unicorns. Although, I don't know what the hell I'll actually do if we come across him. Cast a rainbow at his face?

“O-Of course...”

This is madness.

The crazy bastard Hagrid smiled. “Right nice of ya. Most kids have to get detention before they'll help the ole Gamekeeper.”

You can't take two children into the forbidden forest just because they asked!

Eloise beamed and Hagrid laughed like it was going to be just a fun little jaunt.

We're going to die...


----

Next chapter in three days so I don't catch up too fast.

 

[ashez2ashes]

----

CHAPTER NINE
FROLICKING IN THE FORBIDDEN FOREST

Susan and Hannah were similarly aghast at Eloise's plan for us to go gallivanting around a treacherous forest at night. At least, some witches weren't out of their damn minds.

“You can't! The forest is full of dangerous creatures!” Hannah had been happily sitting on her bed sifting through the newly arrived CHARMED4U fan club kit, but was now looking like she was about to have an anxiety attack.

“It can't be that bad if Hagrid is letting us go with him.” Eloise replied and pinned her new glow in the dark Charmed4U badge to her chest.

Yes it can!

“Hagrid's not... like you and me. I heard he's a half giant,” Hannah whispered.

“That's not a nice rumor to spread if you're not sure.” Susan handed out the rest of the buttons. Mine was a compass that ‘always pointed to your heart’. Ugh.

“What's wrong with being a half giant?” Eloise scowled.

I glanced at the photograph beside Eloise’s bed. Her brothers were practically half giants themselves.

“I never said there was anything wrong with him...” Hannah looked uncomfortable. “Giants aren't the most rational sorts... he might not have the best judgement.”

That's probably true, but I'm not too happy to jump on the 'vaguely racist' train. “I think it’s more because he's such a big guy that stuff that would hurt us he can just forcibly cuddle.”

Eloise turned her scowl to me. “You don't have to go if you're scared. It's okay.”

The Sorting Hat's voice echoed in my mind, asking me if I was brave…

“I'm going,” I said firmly and shoved a stupid CHARMED4U tiara on my head.

Susan shrugged. Hannah looked even more unsure but dropped the subject. We then began the first ever meeting of the Hogwarts chapter of the CHARMED4U fan club.

“As my first order of business...” Hannah handed each of us a bright pink paper. “We will each take a quiz to find out which boy we're most compatible with!”

The squeals of my house mates did nothing to drown out my sense of impending doom.

----

Sunday night came fast. I tried to learn Expelliarmus in the precious little time I had, but it was just an exercise in frustration. I didn't have time to learn anything. Trying to learn something to save us from Quirrel was probably futile anyways. So it was with a heavy heart that I followed Eloise down through the grounds after supper on Sunday night.

It was an appropriately creepy night. There was no sign of the moon behind the dark clouds. Only the tips of our wands illuminated our path.

We found Hagrid standing at the edge of the Forbidden Forest holding an old oil lamp. His dog Fang was at his side. He waved at our approach.

“Hello girls! Right nice of you to show up.”

I looked around. “Hagrid, where is Professor Kettleburn?”

“Another of Kettleburn's limbs caught fire this afternoon so he won't be able to join us. We should manage just fine on our own. Remember, keep an eye out for silver blood. It glows in the dark at night. Oh and don't be rude to the centaurs. Or the spiders. Or to the wolves. Or anything bigger than you really. It’s good advice for life!” Hagrid laughed.

Eloise and I nodded fearfully.

Hagrid pointed to the left. “I'll take the left path and you take the right.”

“Wait. We're separating?!” I grimaced.

Hagrid chuckled. “Ah it'll be fine. I won't be that far away. No need to worry. Just shoot out some sparks if you see anything. I'll meet back up with you in an hour.”

Hagrid walked off as I stared at his back incredulously. He's going to let two little first year girls wander around the forest by ourselves...

I turned and looked into the thick undergrowth. Shadows cast insidious shapes that may or may not be murderous beasts. In the distance, there was a large spider web. Something hooted and something else screeched. A wolf howled. I thought I saw eyes from... something in a nearby tree watching us.

“Well I guess we ah... go in then.” Eloise hesitated.

Maybe it'll be fine? Unicorn blood has to last for awhile surely? He can't need it every day. And maybe we’ll manage to avoid all of the murderous creatures in here. It'll be fine. Probably.

I clinched my fist and took a step forward.

“Hey wait up!”

I spun around and barely kept myself from hexing Hannah and Susan as they ran up to us. Susan was carrying a small leather bag. They reached us after a moment.

“Wait up... sorry we're late.” Hannah doubled over, breathing hard.

Susan wasn't breathing hard at all. “We came to help you.”

Hannah leaned back up again. “I kept worrying and thinking about you two not knowing much about the wizarding world yet and not realizing how dangerous the forest actually is and then I started to get nauseous from the worry...”

Susan shrugged. “I thought it'd be okay if the Gamekeeper was with you, but I can't believe he walked off and left you alone. He's clearly mad.”

Eloise frowned. “He's a nice bloke.”

“I didn't say he wasn't.” Susan said offhandedly while rummaging through her bag.

Hannah seemed to finally catch her breath. “You don't have to do this. Let's go back to the common room and not get horribly maimed.”

Eloise stood firm. “It's all right. You don't have to come. We'll be okay on our own.”

We will? That's news to me.

Hannah grimaced. “I can't let you go by yourselves! Did you know the forest is teaming with werewolves?!”

Susan pulled a canister from her bag. “It's not a full moon. Why would werewolves be hanging out in their human forms in the forest?”

Hannah glared at Susan. “Thank you for your support.”

“I brought bear spray." Susan held up a spray can. The can had a picture of a bear with a big X across the front.

“Bear spray?”

“For bears.”

Thanks Susan, I got that much.

Susan pulled some more canisters from her bag. “I also brought poison ivy spray. And mosquito spray. And burn cream. My parents sent tons of safety related items with me when I went to Hogwarts. I also have a blood replenishing potion, but I'm sure we won't need that.”

Hannah whimpered.

I can't believe this... Now I've got three girls I have to watch out for. “If we see anything we immediately signal Hagrid okay? We don't try to attack it or anything. And if something comes after us we RUN.”

Susan nodded. “Oh good. I'm the fastest runner here.”

Everyone glared at her.

Susan looked confused. “What?”

I rubbed my temples. I'm too young to have a stroke. “Remember to signal Hagrid if we see any blood or run if something comes after us. Oh and if we meet centaurs don't be rude.”

Everyone nodded.

“Alright.” I squared my shoulders and tried to appear more confident then I felt. “Let's go.”

Goddamn you Hagrid.

-----

I feel like a really irresponsible Girl Scout Troop leader.

I made sure I was in the front of our little troop shining my lighted wand back and forth, keeping a cautious pace. So far we'd encountered nothing of note.

I feel like someone should be playing the Scooby Doo theme song.

“Is that a clue?” Susan pointed to a broken twig.

Eloise peered at it. “Maybe? Or just another animal passing through?”

Susan perked up and held her spray can up. “Like a bear?”

Eloise rolled her eyes. “I don't think there are any bears in Scotland any more.”

Susan narrowed her eyes. “No MUGGLE bears.”

“Are there magical bears?” I asked, imagining a grizzly bear with wings swooping down on all us.

“Probably.” Susan replied.

Eloise rolled her eyes again. Aw, look who's becoming a teenager early. “Probably isn't much of an answer.”

Susan rolled her eyes right back. “I'm not a bearologist.”

Scooby Scooby Doooo where are youuu…

Hannah gasped and pointed to a nearby bush. “I found some unicorn hair! Wait this is just an owl pellet... ew I touched it gross!”

Eloise jumped away from Hannah. “Don't wipe your hand off on me!”

CRACK!

Shit what was that?

My heart skipped a beat and I held up my wand for a few tense seconds… But only a bunny jumped out of the bush.

“Heh, I'm really jumpy as—” No one was beside me. I turned around. Everyone had jumped behind me.

I could really use a Scooby snack right about now.

We walked in silence for awhile after that, nervously looking from side to side. Clouds were beginning to drift over the moon, making the forest even darker and ominous.

“Look!” Eloise called from a few feet to my right. I pointed my wand in her direction. On a nearby bush, there were silvery glowing drops of unicorn blood. Nearby was a human footprint in the blood.

Hannah bent down next to her. “A person killed the unicorn? Why? You don't need to kill unicorns for their horns. They grow back.”

Eloise gulped. “I’ve read about this. It's really dark magic. If a person kills a unicorn and drinks its blood, it will save them from the brink of death. But... you only gain a cursed life. Your body is still going, but you feel like a living corpse. Eventually the effects wear off completely and they need more and more... each time losing more of themselves.”

I shuddered. “Okay, we better signal Hagrid now.” I looked at the others, but they were looking at me expectedly. Huh, so sparks… just put your wand in the air and will sparks into existence or something right?

I held my wand up to the sky and thought 'Sparks!’

... and nothing happened.

“Uh, Sparkio? Sparkicus? Fireworkus?” I tried randomly. The others were staring at me. “Is there...” I felt myself blush. “Is there a spark spell or something?”

Eloise frowned. “I thought you knew it.” She looked toward Hannah and Susan.

Susan shrugged. “No idea. I thought Hagrid had shown you how.”

Hannah looked panicked. “Are you telling me we're lost in the forest? With some mad man on the loose?”

“...yes?” The girls got noticeably pale. “But hey I'm sure we can navigate out. The uh, sun sets in the west and rises in the east right?” I think? Or is it the other way around? “And that's the North Star over there!” Maybe?

Good god. Do I need mother fucking astronomy knowledge right now?!

We stared aimlessly about looking a bit lost... when I heard footsteps.

Someone was coming.

“Hide!” I grabbed Susan and Hannah and dragged them into the bushes. Eloise jumped after us. I of course, had found a bush with a bunch of nettles. Ouch.

“What if it's Hagrid?” Hannah whispered, laying close to the ground.

“Do you want to risk it?” I whispered back and tried to flatten myself to the ground. Everyone fell silent.

Footsteps approached. We waited staying as still as we could. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, a pair of feet came into view. They were much too small to be Hagrid's.

I froze in fear and could hear the blood pumping loudly in my ears.

The feet paused directly in front of our bush. The figure muttered an incantation softly and pointed his wand towards the ground. The muddy footstep along with the blood on the ground vanished. Agonizingly slowly, the footsteps walked away. We lay on the ground frozen in fear for several more minutes, but the figure did not return.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and slowly got out of the bush. The other girls followed after me. I had scratches all over my arms.

“I nearly fainted...” Hannah muttered with a hand over her heart.

“Size 12.” Susan declared.

“Size 12 what?” I looked around distracted and only half listening. Maybe one of us could climb a tree?

“His shoe size was size 12. It said so on the bottom of his sole. I saw it as he was walking away.”

Eloise hugged Susan. “Brilliant! Our first clue to the killer's identity!”

Does Eloise think we're in a magical Nancy Drew Mystery?

... well I guess we kind of are now that I think about it.

Time to rally the troops so to speak.

“We've got to get out of here just in case he comes back. I don't think we should use the spark spell now anyways. We have to—”

And then the world turned upside down. The other girls were screaming. Something had me suspended ten feet in the air. I frantically flailed and spun around. A spider as big as a horse with long hairy legs stared hungrily at me. My wand my still in my hand. I tried to send a spell out at the spider, but my mouth and my hands weren't coordinating and I kept spinning around and around faster and faster.

“Incendio!” someone yelled and a flash of heat engulfed my head. The spider screeched and I felt whatever was holding me snap and I fell to the ground hard, knocking the wind out of me.

“Hurry!” Susan yelled and Eloise and Hannah pulled me up from the ground. Susan started running and the other two girls dragged me along. My face felt raw and my right eye was watering for some reason.

I looked back and saw over a dozen spiders following after us.

My wand was still in my hand.

Something inside my head clicked back together and I started running along with the others, no long being dragged.

“Petrificus Totalus!” My spell hit a spider square in the chest and it fell. Another took its place. “Petrificus Totalus!” Another went down. “Petrificus Totalus!” And another.

Susan shot off a spell and one of the spiders on the left side stopped running and started doing a tap dance. Eloise missed, and then sent another spell that caused a spider on the right to trip and fall. Hannah's incendio set another on fire.

It wasn't enough. They were still gaining.

“Faster!” Susan yelled from a dozen feet in front of the rest of us.

“Petrificus Totalus!” I missed. I can't aim if my stupid eye won't stop watering! It was hard to follow the path in the dark, too. It was only a matter of time before one of us tripped. And why does my face hurt?! “Petrificus Totalus!”

They got closer. The spiders smelled like sulphur.

“Incendio!” Hannah yelled and set three of the spiders on fire at once.

They were so close now I could see the slime dripping down their mandibles.

“Locomotor Wibbly!” Eloise’s spell hit a spider moments before he grabbed her leg.

Closer and closer...

Susan stopped abruptly and the rest of us ran smack dab into her. We fell in a heap on the ground. I cringed, expecting acid fangs to bit down into me at any moment. But when I looked up all I saw was Hagrid leaning over us.

“Hagrid!” I wheezed. “The spiders! They—”

Hagrid smiled unconcerned. “I see them.” He waved. “What good little babies you are leading them back to me!”

Huh?

I turned around. The spiders had stopped and didn't look murderous anymore. I got the weird impression the horrific monstrosities were trying to look cute.

Hagrid walked over and was scratched one of the horrible creatures on its head. “Whose a good wittle spider? You arrrre!”

“Ke ke ke!” the spider called out and one of its femurs wiggled in pleasure. Multi-faceted bug eyes trying to give someone a puppy dog stare was a weird effect.

Hagrid walked back over to us and turned around. The spider's demeanor immediately became murderous again. One of them rubbed his front femurs together menacingly.

“Well did you lot find anything?” Hagrid was completely oblivious to the death stares behind his back.

“Other than a hoard of acromantulas trying to kill and eat us you mean?” Hannah asked incredulously.

“Aw, that lot was just playing with ya. They're just a bunch of puppy dogs. Big hairy puppy dogs… Hmm, where’d the other two of you come from?”

Hannah just sputtered at a loss for words.

“We found some bloody footprints.” Eloise pipped up, looking fearfully over Hagrid's shoulder. “A man came by and performed a spell that erased the footprints while we hid in the bushes.”

Hagrid's bushy eyebrows shot up. “Are you sure?”

“He had size 12 shoes.” Susan added.

“Bloody hell... Well I better get you lot back to the castle. I've got to talk to Dumbledore right away!” Hagrid turned back to the acromantulas and the spiders adopted an innocent pose again. “Bye babies! Tell yur mummie I love her!”

Hagrid led us out of the forest, and I could feel all of their multifaceted eyes boring into our backs as we walked out of the forest.

----

When we got back to the dorm room, I found out why my face was so sore.

“I'm sure it will grow back.” Eloise looked at me with sympathy as I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. My eyebrows were completely gone and my face looked badly sunburned. One of my eyes are super red and irritated.

“I'm sorry! I wasn't sure what to do.” Hannah stood behind me and wrung her hands.

“It's okay. You saved my life.” I was worried about watching out for them and here I was the one that needed to be saved. Talk about demoralizing... I have to get serious about training in Defense.

Also I look like an alien now. It’s mesmerizing how horrible I look. I can’t turn my eyes away from the mirror.

Susan walked into the bathroom as well and handed me a small corked bottle. “Here, apply this potion on your face before going to sleep and in a few days the burn will be gone.”

“Is there a spell or a potion to grow hair?” I asked hopefully.

Hannah looked alarmed. “Whatever you do, don't put any hair grow potion on your face! My auntie Agnus did that as a teen and she gets a five o'clock shadow every day! She can grow a better beard than my father!”

Oh joy.

“I'm sure no one will notice.” Eloise patted my shoulder assuredly.

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Decided to post this chapter after reading some feedback you guys sent. Thank you. I appreciate all of it even when you're annoyed at me. lol