X-COM: SG1 A Stargate/X-COM: EU fusion. 1. Jack O'Neill, Colonel of X-COM. 1st of March, 2016 . Escorting civilians is never good. It’s even worse when you are escorting them to an alien planet via a stable wormhole device from ancient Egypt. For that extra special ‘we are all going to die horribly’ feeling that civilian can melt your brain with purple glowy magic powers from a hundred feet away. I absolutely refuse to call them psionics. I know it makes science folks like Carter sleep at night if we don’t call it magic but at the end of the day it’s magic. And when (formerly) crackpot archaeologists are running around with it on a mission to the unknown where we are not meant to shoot the aliens it irked me to have an untrained civilian with an extra deadly weapon tagging along. It wasn’t that I hated Psionics as such - I was always glad to have Captain Carter melt some aliens brain from across the room with her magic power but at least she had the decency to still shoot an alien in the face with an alloy cannon occasionally. Jackson just used Psionics to get guest spots on talkshows. Still at least the Commander let us take real guns with us. When I had first heard about Operation: Pharaoh I had feared we’d have to take small and less intimidating guns with us. But the Commander was just as skeptical about ‘peaceful first contact’ as the rest of us and he’d authorised us to use whatever gear we wanted. That meant enough plasma rifles, alloy cannons and power armour to invade a third world country. That and a single friendly robot. Homer was our S.H.I.V. and he had a very crude drawing of Homer Simpson his side. Still it was always nice to have a robot with a handy death ray around. By the time I’d finished my rather lengthy internal monologue we’d finished gearing up. SG-1, or Strike-3 as we’d formerly been known was one of XCOM’s many strike teams and the first to become attached to the Stargate Program and getting to be the ‘one’ team had me jumping for joy. Kawalsky was fiddling with the controls of his ghost armour, as he did before every mission. I’m not sure what he did to it but it seemed to work. My own preference was for titan armour, though that was due to the fact that my team was usually the ones clearing and recovering tech from crashed UFOs. Those things were just tight corridor after tight corridor and the extra protection the titan suit gave was worth it’s weight in gold. The suit itself was actually also worth that much, so I tried not to damage it too badly or else the Commander would get... angry. I’d only seen the normally unflappable man get angry twice, and that was enough to convince me that the Commander deserved to be on the same ‘do not piss off under any circumstances’ list as the Incredible Hulk. Many deride the plasma rifle. Most of these people are adrenaline jockeys who worship the alloy cannon like it was some kind of god and believe that all other weapons are inferior and should bow down before the glorious master gun. While I admit that the alloy cannon is an extremely devastating weapon sometimes all you want a little finesse. Or just to not reduce anything in the immediate vicinity of your target to extremely small chunks of it’s former self. Still we had a mission to complete, strange new worlds to explore all that jazz. I walked slowly along the base corridors, not stopping at our usual elevator. Strike-3’s faithful sky ranger had been replaced by a circle made from some unknown alien metal, six point seven metres in diametre. It was an almost solemn occasion as we walked towards an elevator guarded by two power armoured soldiers, one German the other British. The elevator ride down was also rather quiet, till Ramirez made a Simpsons reference. Rameriz was a good kid, our new heavy after our old one had died at the hands of an angry chryssalid. “Well it looks like we will once more head into certain death at the hands of angry aliens, so I’d just like to clear something up. If I don’t make it none of you get my collection of Simpsons DVDs. They’re going to Walter.” If I hadn't lightened the mood I’d at least made them pretend to smile. But when even Kawalsky laughs at my jokes I think I’ve succeeded. We walked out of that elevator feeling a hell of a lot better about this mission than before. I think they were just sick of seeing endless Simpsons re-runs and had been hoping that they weren't in line to inherit all 612 episodes. We arrived at the gate room with a few minutes to spare, the concrete walls and blast doors looking menacingly uninviting. I suppose the numerous weapon emplacements scattered around the room might have something to do with the menacing atmosphere but I maintained that it was mainly decor’s fault. I saw Jackson first. He was standing uncomfortably in psi-armour with only a pistol and an enormous backpack, no doubt full of books. While I may not like the fact that an untrained civilian would be accompanying me into the alien infested unknown I didn't really hate Jackson. He had figured out how to work the Stargate and he came across as a really nice guy the few times I’d seen him on TV. We’d already been briefed and all that remained for us to do was depart through the Stargate. Commander Hammond stood near it with most of the senior XCOM staff, including the leader of Strike-1, a certain Colonel Makepeace. Smug bastard. Still it was touching of the Commander to see us off. The Stargate began to spin and we all heard it. “Chevron one encoded” “Chevron two encoded” “Chevron three encoded” “Chevron four encoded” “Chevron five encoded” “Chevron six encoded” This was the point when all the sensible people among SG-1 (everyone not Carter) looked appropriately frightened and awed. Carter just had that look in her eye. Her ‘new alien tech’ look - like a kid on christmas morning surveying his presents. He might know what they are but they’re never quite real til he opens the wrapping paper. “Chevron seven is locked!” With a roar the unstable vortex lashed out and faded back to the rippling pool that was an activated Stargate. We walked up the ramp that led to the Stargate, the picture of confidence and. I think we all stopped for a second at the mouth of the wormhole, just putting our arms in and out of it. Then I gave Carter a firm push as she started babbling in her scientist language and we all stepped through the Stargate. And then landed flat on our faces in a dimly lit temple. __________________________  - Really an American General, but the Council insisted that we only referred to him as Commander.  - No one ever said the people who name operations were all that creative  - Team leaders get to name S.H.I.V.s  - An offshot of XCOM at the time of it’s inception late in the First Invasion of Earth the Stargate Program was to become XCOM’s main post war focus.  - Of course XCOM has more than one Skyranger. Who would equip the planets first and last line of defence against the alien threat with only one transport? - The Simpsons was still going strong in 2016 This is set post game for XCOM: EU and around the time of the movie for SG-1. While most of the Stargate galaxy is the one from the show some changes have been made.